by Beth Rinyu
I couldn’t help but chuckle over her uncertainty.
“Holy shit, Ethan. I’m going as Jonathan Reed’s date. Not Ethan Banks…Jonathan Reed. What if my dress isn’t—”
I stood up and rushed over to her, placing my lips on hers to stop her from fretting. I tilted her chin with my hand and stared into her doubtful eyes. “Jenna, I’ll always be Ethan to you, okay? I don’t ever want to change that. That’s who I really am, and that’s who I always want to be to you.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“And as far as that dress goes, the only thing you have to worry about is me being able to keep my hands off you all night because you look beyond gorgeous.”
She smiled, and her warm, soft hands covered my cheeks. “Well, thank you, but something tells me once you get dressed, I’m gonna be the one who has a hard time keeping my hands off you.”
“You know there’s an easy solution for that.” I grinned.
“Will you go and get dressed before I lose my nerve!” She giggled.
I dressed, and Jenna stepped back to look me over after she adjusted my tie. She moved closer and moved a piece of my hair.
“Perfect.” She smiled.
My stomach churned with the mere thought of facing the same people I’d been trying so hard to avoid for the past year, but with Jenna by my side, that thought was a little more bearable.
Chapter 19
Jenna
SURREAL DIDN’T EVEN BEGIN to explain how I was feeling when I stepped into the elegant ballroom on Ethan’s arm. My face heated when all eyes seemed to be focused on us, followed by the blinding camera flashes. Ethan pulled me closer, seemingly picking up on my insecurity.
“Jonathan.”
“Mr. Reed.”
“When can we expect your next book?”
Ethan ignored the countless inquiries from the reporters and kept his focus straight ahead, guiding me through the crowd and the droves of people vying for his attention.
“Ethan! You showed,” an attractive gray-haired man shouted as he approached us with an equally attractive woman following behind him. He gave Ethan a hearty handshake and pulled him into a hug. “So good to see you out and about.”
“Ethan, darling! How are you?” The woman greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m well. Thank you. Edward, Gail, this is Jenna Delaney.”
The woman’s eyes widened before assessing me from head to toe. Her smile broadened, and I was wondering if that meant she approved of what she saw. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Delaney,” she finally spoke.
“Oh, just Jenna is fine.”
“Well, Jenna, I’m happy to see you got this guy out. I’m Edward Bailey, Ethan’s agent, and this is my wife, Gail.”
I forced an uneasy smile, feeling like these people were a little out of my league. Ethan squeezed my hand, seeming to pick up on my self-doubt once again.
“Can I get you both something to drink?” Edward asked.
“I’ll get it,” Ethan replied. “Jenna, what do you want?”
As much as I needed that glass of wine to loosen up a bit, the thought of being left alone in conversation with these people frightened me a bit.
“Oh, umm, I’ll just have a glass of Zinfandel.”
I’ll be right back, Ethan mouthed to me as if he were reading my thoughts once again.
“So, Jenna, how do you know Ethan?” Edward asked once Ethan had walked away.
“We, umm…” Do I tell him the truth? We’d only met a few weeks ago. He thought I was his dead wife. I thought he was a deranged head case, but we had this intense connection that neither one of us could resist. “We actually met at the bed-and-breakfast we were staying at. I inherited the house next door from my aunt and was having some work done…and Ethan, well, he—”
“Jenna Delaney. I thought that was you.”
I was thankful for the distraction, but that gratitude was short-lived when I turned my head to find the senior vice president of my former company standing beside me. The last thing I wanted to do was answer questions about my relationship with Ethan to him.
“Mr. Melton, hey, how are you?”
“I’m doing pretty good, and please call me Troy.”
Edward and Gail were standing at attention, awaiting an introduction.
Just my luck. “Oh, Mr. Melton…I mean Troy, this is Edward and Gail Bailey.”
“Edward and Gail, this is Troy Melton, the senior vice president at Willow House.”
Edward shook his hand and looked at me in confusion. “Are you a writer too, Jenna?”
“Oh, no. I used to work for Willow House as an editor.”
Edward raised an eyebrow and nodded.
“What are you doing here? Did another company scoop you up already? I knew it was just a matter of time. You’re a damn good—” Troy stopped himself mid-sentence when Ethan returned with the drinks. His face lit up with a huge smile, clearly starstruck with Ethan. “Well, I must say this is quite an honor. I finally get to meet my favorite author of all time.”
I took the glass of wine from Ethan to free up his hand, so he could return Troy’s handshake.
“I’m Troy Melton, senior VP for Willow House.”
“Jenna’s old boss?” Ethan asked.
I nodded and took a sip of my wine, wishing I could just disappear as Troy gazed at me questioningly, more than likely with a million questions racing through his mind.
“Jenna, I had no idea you knew Mr. Reed,” Troy commented.
Why was this man acting like my BFF or something? Even if I’d known Ethan when I worked for Willow House, it’s not like I’d go reporting it to him. He was a fair man, but he was all business, never involving himself in the employees’ personal lives—as it should be. “Yeah. I-I—”
“Jenna’s a good friend of my sister’s,” Ethan interrupted, saving me from any explanations.
“I had no idea.” He shook his head. “Well, I should be on my way. I left my wife sitting over there by herself. Jenna, if you need a reference, please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“It was good seeing you again and very nice meeting you.” He patted Ethan on the shoulder and headed on his way.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Ethan.
He flashed me a reassuring smile and moved his arm around my waist.
“Jenna, so are you still in the publishing business?” Edward wasted no time pouncing on me, dropping his gaze to Ethan’s hand as he pulled me closer.
“Oh, no.” I shook my head. “I got laid off, and now I’ve chosen a whole new career path.”
“Interesting.” He nodded as if he wasn’t convinced.
I creased my eyebrows at him, wondering what exactly he was trying to insinuate with his tone. He caught Ethan’s glare and snapped out of it.
“So, you two will be sitting with us for dinner. Our table is right over there. Do you care to sit down?”
“In a minute,” Ethan replied.
“Very well. I’ll see you over there.” Edward smiled, but when his eyes met mine there was still a haze of doubt.
“I don’t like him, Ethan. Is he trying to say I’m only with you tonight to advance my career?”
“Jenna, calm down. I’ll have a talk with him.”
“I just don’t want people thinking—”
He lifted my chin and moved his head closer to mine. “Who cares what people think? We both know the truth and that’s all that matters.”
I knew he was right, but it still bothered me that anyone would think I had a hidden agenda when it came to Ethan. If anything, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. He took my hand in his and led me to our table, but not before getting stopped a few times by people feeling the need to acknowledge him. I took a seat at the table, thankful that Ethan was providing a barrier by sitting between Edward and me. There was just something about that man that didn’t sit well with me.
I managed to make it throu
gh dinner without any more innuendos from Edward as he slammed down the gin and tonics like they were water.
“That should be you up there getting that award,” Edward remarked to Ethan when the Author of the Year Award was presented.
Ethan rolled his eyes and looked away.
“Next year, you’ll reclaim the title.”
I gave Ethan’s hand a tight squeeze under the table, sensing his unease over the topic of conversation. He was truly here tonight out of obligation and nothing else. Sadly, he’d seemed to put his writing career on the backburner and had no desire to reclaim it.
After all the awards were given and the boring speeches done, I excused myself to use the ladies’ room, catching the stares of a few women as I passed by them, trying to be discrete when I met their gazes head-on. I hated feeling like I was on display to be picked apart by everyone, but that came with the territory in coming to an event like this with Jonathan Reed.
I looked over at the bar as I exited the ladies’ room, turning my head after getting a quick glance of Edward, putting away another drink.
“Jenna!” he called.
I cringed, contemplating if I should pretend as if I didn’t hear him. Instead, I headed over to where he was standing. “What’s up?” I forced a smile.
“Can I get you another glass of wine?” he asked.
“Oh, no. I’m good, thank you.”
“What’s your deal?” he shouted as I started to walk away.
“Excuse me?” I snapped, turning around to face him.
“Well, it just all seems like a strange coincidence that you happen to meet Ethan at the bed-and-breakfast you’re both staying at. He’s a famous writer and you’re an out-of-work editor.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Hmm...I suppose that’s a coincidence, but considering that I have no intention of ever going back into the publishing business, and Ethan seems to have lost his interest in writing, maybe we have a little more in common than you think.”
“Ethan has only lost his interest in writing because he’s trying to get over a horrible tragedy in his life.” He studied my reaction, no doubt trying to gauge how much I knew about Ethan’s past.
“Well, I hope that’s true. He’s a brilliant writer and it would be such a great loss to his readers if he didn’t continue to pursue his passion, but I can assure you, Mr. Bailey, the reason you are thinking is not why I sought a friendship with Ethan.”
“Well, that’s good to hear. You have to understand where I’m coming from. My job as his agent is to protect him from anyone trying to take advantage of him.”
I stood there, wanting so badly to smack away the smugness from his face.
“But I will say, just by the way he’s been unable to keep his hands off you tonight and the strong resemblance you bear to his dead wife, your relationship goes a little bit deeper than friendship.”
My eyes widened. “That’s none of your business!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. But it’s a win-win all around. You feed his sexual appetite, which in turn will fuel his writing. Keep him happy in the bedroom and there’s no doubt he’ll be at the top of his game once again.”
“And your pockets will be lined once again,” I replied.
“Business is business, my dear.”
“Well, seeing how I’m not in this relationship for business or any financial gain, that motto doesn’t apply to me, Mr. Bailey.” I wanted to say so much more but chose to hold back my tongue for Ethan’s sake.
“There you are.” Ethan came over, sparing me from any more words with his slimy agent. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. I was just getting to know this new lady in your life a little better.” Edward smiled and took another sip of his drink.
I glared at him with pure disgust.
“Jenna, are you okay?” Ethan asked, clearly not buying into Edward’s phony reassurance.
“Yeah, it’s fine. Did you want to dance?” I forced a smile, trying to think of a way to remove ourselves from the presence of the vile man standing beside us.
“I don’t dance.”
“Well, maybe it’s time you start.” I was hoping he’d get the hint that I was using it as a diversion tactic.
“Fine,” he relented.
“Excuse us, Mr. Bailey.” I raised an eyebrow at him in triumph, taking Ethan’s hand and leading him to the dance floor.
“Jenna, I hate dancing,” Ethan protested.
I looped my arms around his neck. He pulled me close, and we began to sway back and forth.
“Why? You’re actually pretty good at it.” I laughed.
“Okay, since you lured me out here, can you tell me what’s bothering you?”
I knew nothing about Ethan’s relationship with Edward, and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing to offend him if it went beyond business. As much as I hated to admit it, I was still the outsider looking in on this relationship. There was still so much I had yet to learn about Ethan.
“Nothing. He’s just had a little too much to drink and probably doesn’t even realize what he’s saying.”
“What did he say to you?” Ethan stopped moving and stared down at me.
“Nothing I can’t handle. It’s not a big deal.”
“Jenna!” he demanded.
“He thought how we met was a little contrived, and...”
“And what?” He pressed on, placing his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him when I looked away.
“Just that I should make it a point to keep you happy in certain ways to increase your writing productivity.”
“You’re fuckin’ kidding me, right?” He raised his voice in anger.
“Ethan, it’s fine. Really.” I reassured him when he glared over at the bar where Edward still remained. “I took care of the situation.” I whispered in his ear, “I told him I have every intention of keeping you happy and it has nothing to do with your writing.”
His anger was now replaced with a wide grin. I was taken off guard when his lips clashed with mine and he slipped his tongue into my mouth in the middle of the dance floor with all the prying eyes I was certain were upon us.
“Do you want to get out of here?”
My body was crying out for him when his lips grazed my neck.
“I thought you’d never ask,” I replied.
***
Ethan called out my name with one final thrust before coming undone inside of me. He rolled over trying to catch his breath while I reveled in the pleasure he’d placed on my body for the last two hours.
“Is there anything you’re bad at?” I laughed as I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“That was fuckin’ great.” He pulled me into him and kissed the top of my head.
I rubbed his back, and he played with my hair until we both gave in to our sleepiness.
“Nolan, it’s okay! I’m here!” Ethan’s cries jarred me from my sleep. He was struggling to breathe as he tossed and turned. “Don’t go! Please, Nolan.”
“Ethan.” I gently nudged him, wanting to wake him from the nightmare he was obviously having. He turned on his side and didn’t say a word. Even in the darkness, I could sense the strong gaze he had upon me. “Ethan, it’s okay,” I whispered.
“Why?” he demanded as he hovered over me.
“Ethan,” I coaxed, trying to awaken him.
“Why did you do it?” he shouted once again. This was the same question he’d asked me each time he’d mistaken me for his dead wife.
“Ethan, I didn’t do anything.” I gasped when he grabbed my wrists, pinning them to the mattress then rammed himself into me over and over like he had something to prove to himself. “Ethan, it’s me, Jenna,” I whispered, trying my best to wake him. He squeezed my wrists tighter and continued moving in and out of me as I struggled to break free. “Ouch, Ethan, you’re hurting me!” I shouted, causing him to finally snap out of it. He looked down at me and studied my face. “Please stop, you’re hurting me,” I re
quested, my tone much softer this time.
He released the grip he had on my wrists. “Jenna, I’m-I’m sorry,” he whispered, rolling over on his back and staring up. “I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked with emotion.
I turned on my side and placed a soft kiss on his chest. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. It’s not.” He turned on his side with his back toward me.
I remained silent, giving him some time to pull it together. I saw how he reacted the day Brad had gotten physical with me, so he was more than likely beating himself up for what had just happened. I knew he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t conscious, still lost in the nightmare he was having. Who the hell was Nolan and what did he want to know from his wife that he kept asking her “why”? He was like a jigsaw puzzle, and I only had a few pieces in place with so many more to go.
“Ethan,” I whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder. I lifted my head to find him sound asleep. My biggest fear going into tonight was going out in public with bestselling author Jonathan Reed for the first time. I’d faced that fear and come out unscathed. It was this other person hidden deep inside of Ethan who I wanted to know more about, but at the same time he scared me half to death.
Chapter 20
Ethan
MY EYES PEELED OPEN AT 5 a.m. and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fall back asleep. My anger at myself built as I watched Jenna sleep. After everything she’d been through with her fiancé, she didn’t need me behaving that way toward her as well. But in my dream, it wasn’t her. It was Darrah, and I was taking all that anger I had for her on Jenna. I was foolish to think the past few weeks with Jenna could chase away the nightmares that were sure to plague me for the rest of my life. But when I was with her, something inside of me would awaken, and maybe I still did have purpose for living. She gave me hope that maybe someday I could have some semblance of happiness in my life again, and just like everything in my life I had to screw it up because I was so fucked up in the head.
She was so beautiful even when she slept, and that beauty went far beyond just her physical aspects. She was truly beautiful inside as well. Her long, dark hair was spread across the stark white pillowcase—such a strong contrast, just like us. She was open, caring, and loving—and I was none of those things. She deserved so much more than I could ever give her, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she figured that out.
