by Rosie Clarke
The ceremony was soon over. We followed Mum and her new husband from the church to the sound of pealing bells. People were outside waiting to throw confetti and taking photographs.
Jon took several with his own camera, including some of me holding James, who had slept throughout the service. Everyone was laughing and talking excitedly. It was a happy occasion and I could see the love in my mother’s eyes as she looked at her new husband. I felt so glad that at last she had found something to make her life worthwhile.
The reception was being held at a nearby hotel. Mum and Bert went in a car with flowers and ribbons all over it, but it was a nice day, warm and sunny, so most of the guests walked across the road and round the corner.
‘We’ve only invited a few friends,’ I told Jon. ‘And there isn’t going to be an evening party. Just a sit-down meal for twenty of us.’
‘Which means we’ll be soon be alone.’
The smile he gave me made my heart jerk. Jon was obviously intending to ask me to marry him again and I didn’t know what answer to give him.
I watched as he moved amongst the other guests at the reception, meeting our friends, all of whom were strangers to him. He had an easy, friendly manner. People laughed when he made a joke. It was obvious that he lived in another world from most of them, yet they weren’t uncomfortable with him.
Jon was truly a gentleman, much more so than Paul. He was kind and generous, and I couldn’t imagine him ever raising his hand to anyone in anger, especially a woman. He had an air of authority about him, and I thought he would scarcely need even to raise his voice to make himself heard. He was the kind of man others looked to with respect.
He turned at me as the toasts were drunk, and smiled. ‘To Greta and Bert,’ he whispered. ‘And to us, Emma.’
I nodded and sipped my drink. ‘To happiness,’ I said, ‘for all of us.’
It was past six o’clock when we returned to the shop together. Jon had driven my mother and Bert to the station, then returned to the hotel to fetch me after I’d seen all our guests on their way. Mary had taken James home with her earlier and had promised to give him his bottle.
‘I’ll bring him round later,’ she’d told me. ‘After you and Jon have had a little time together.’ She cuddled James to her, kissing the top of his head. ‘Perhaps I’ll keep him. He’s such a little love, Emma.’
I smiled, thinking that Mary was getting broody. It wouldn’t be long before she wanted a baby of her own.
‘Yes, he is. I’m very lucky.’
It was odd, but after all the pain and grief of the past months I was beginning to feel very different. I loved my son and life seemed sweet, full of promise for the future.
Jon was no longer using his uncle’s old car, but a smart Rover.
‘I thought I’d treat myself,’ he told me when I mentioned it that evening. ‘I’ve got some money put by, Emma. And things may be difficult soon. I doubt if there will be many new cars available soon, or the petrol to run them. We all ought to make the most of the next few months.’
A shiver went through me. Caught up in my own problems, I hadn’t given much thought to the threat of war, which had been looming for a while now.
‘Is it really coming then? You don’t think it will all go away if we cross our fingers and wish very hard?’
Jon laughed, then his expression became serious. ‘No, Emma. I don’t think we can wish it away, however hard we try.’
I nodded, swallowing hard as I led the way upstairs. I was frightened, by the thought of war and also by what Jon was about to say to me.
‘I’ll just put the kettle on. I don’t know why, but hotels never make a really good cup of tea.’
Jon nodded but followed me, watching as I filled the kettle and put it on the stove.
‘I know it’s too soon,’ he said. ‘You’ve been through so much. I can’t expect you to give me an answer yet. But do you think you might feel like marrying me one day?’
I took a deep breath, then turned to face him. ‘It is too soon, Jon. I wasn’t in love with Richard. There were times when I came close to hating him, but I did marry him. And I believed I was in love with Paul when we were together. I’m not quite ready to marry again just yet.’
‘You do care for me?’
I smiled and moved towards him. ‘You are the nicest man I’ve ever met, Jon. I care for you very much. Forgive me if I can’t give you my promise now. I need time to catch my breath and think about things, what I want to do with my life. I’ve been hurt …’
‘I know that,’ he said swiftly. ‘Of course I do, Emma. I’m willing to wait, for as long as it takes.’
‘Oh, Jon,’ I sighed. ‘Please kiss me.’
‘Emma …’
He drew me into his arms, his kiss gentle at first, then more demanding. I felt the pleasure intensify into desire and I smiled as I gazed up at him.
‘I want to spend the next two weeks with you,’ I said. ‘I want us to be together, to get to know each other. We don’t have to rush things, do we? It would be easy to throw myself into your arms, Jon. But this time I want to do it right.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ he said. ‘I love you, Emma. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, if it’s what you want, too. But most of all, I want to make you happy.’
‘Thank you. You really are the dearest man.’
‘Where would you like to go for our holiday?’
‘To the sea, but not to Yarmouth. Somewhere I’ve never been.’ I laughed, pushing back my hair from my face. ‘Which gives you plenty of scope. I’ve never been anywhere much.’
‘I’ve always loved Cornwall.’
‘That sounds wonderful. Yes, let’s go there, Jon.’
He kissed me again, then the kettle began to whistle behind us and he let me go, laughing ruefully.
‘I think I should leave now, for the sake of your reputation, and my sanity. Sleep well, my darling. I’ll pick you up at seven in the morning. It will give us a good start.’
‘I’ll see you out then.’
Downstairs in the shop, we kissed again, parting reluctantly. It would have been so easy to let Jon take me to bed, but we both wanted to do this properly.
I locked the door after he had gone. Mary would ring the bell when she brought James back. I was going to ask her if she would look after him for me while I went away with Jon, and I knew what her answer would be.
As I turned to go upstairs, I saw a letter lying on the counter. Someone must have picked it up earlier, probably Ben when he came in to do the morning papers. I bent down to retrieve it. The postmark was London, and I tore open the flap as I went back upstairs. I read the contents as I made tea.
‘Dear Mrs Gillows,’ Solomon Gould had written. ‘I read of your husband’s death in the papers. It must have been very distressing for you. However, I have some news that may be a comfort to you …’
His next words took my breath away. He had been offered three thousand and two hundred pounds for the coins.
‘If you wish, I shall sell on your behalf,’ he went on. ‘Again, if you wish, I can invest all or part of the money for you. I am myself about to open a new factory, making uniforms for the Armed Forces. In view of the uncertain times that face us, I feel these will be in ever greater demand. I have secured various contracts, which I should be happy to show you, should you be interested in becoming my partner in this venture.
I folded his letter, returning it to its envelope. It was a surprising offer and one that did interest me. I should have no immediate need of my legacy, for I was beginning to accumulate money from my share of Mrs Henty’s business. And I would soon have rent from Father’s shop, which was, of course, now mine.
And I intended to find myself work in London, but not just yet. For the moment I had other things on my mind.
We drove down to Cornwall in easy stages, stopping to eat lunch, then tea, planning to spend the night at a little bed and breakfast place in Exeter. I telephoned Mary and
was told James was well. She held the phone to his ear to let me talk to him, and I could hear his gurgle of pleasure.
‘You should have brought him with you,’ Jon said that evening as we went out to dinner. ‘I wouldn’t have minded.’
‘I thought we should have a few days alone,’ I said. ‘We might collect him and go up to London towards the end of your leave, Jon, if that suits you?’
‘Anything you want, Emma.’ He smiled at me. ‘I shall enjoy getting to know your son.’
‘And I’m enjoying being with you, having a holiday,’ I said, smiling at him. ‘This is an adventure for me, Jon. I want to go everywhere and see everything.’
‘We will,’ he said, laughing at my pleasure. ‘I’ll show you all the places I know and love, Emma.’
We continued the next morning, reaching the hotel Jon had booked after stopping for lunch on the way. I had never dreamed life could be so easy, so relaxed. Nor had I ever enjoyed myself this much.
Jon had booked two rooms, just as he had the previous night. It was a modest hotel, right on the sea front at Torquay. My room was comfortable, and the view out over the bay was magnificent. I could see the sea boiling and crashing around a spur of rock below, hear the cry of the gulls as they circled overhead. Wonderful! I felt as free as those birds circling over the sea. I unpacked, then went to meet Jon in the lounge for a cup of tea.
‘Is your room all right?’
‘Very nice. Comfortable, and the view is lovely.’
‘I’ve been here once or twice as a child with my parents. I thought it would suit us.’
‘Are your parents still alive, Jon?’
‘My mother is. She lives with Grandfather in Hampstead. My father died years ago. He wanted me to be a lawyer and he managed to set me up as a junior partner in a respected firm. It wasn’t really what I wanted, but I’ve always felt obliged to carry out his wishes.’
‘Yes, I think you would,’ I said and smiled at him. ‘What would you have liked to do, given the choice?’
‘I think I should like to farm. Does that surprise you?’
‘No.’ I laughed, then admitted, ‘Yes, actually it does. I can’t see you working on the land. But perhaps you’re going to be a gentleman farmer? Now, that might suit you. You could ride around your land and smile at the labourers, charm them into working for you.’
‘Is that how you see me?’ He frowned, then saw the mischief in my eyes. ‘You’re pulling my leg!’
‘Yes. Do you mind?’
‘No.’ He looked amused. ‘I think I rather like it that you want to tease me. You have hidden depths, Emma. There’s more to you than meets the eye, my girl!’
‘Yes, I think perhaps there is,’ I agreed, becoming serious for a moment. ‘You see, I don’t think I really know myself, Jon. All my life people have taken care of me, whether I wanted them to or not. I’ve been told what to do, what to think … watched over, protected, ordered to do what other people felt was the right thing for me. My father, Gran, even my mother always did what they thought best for me. Everything was for my sake. I suppose that’s why I was such a fool over Paul. If I’d been allowed a little freedom, things might have been different.’
‘Yes, I do understand.’ Jon looked thoughtful. ‘It wouldn’t be that way for us, Emma. I love you. I want to share things with you. I don’t want to make you my prisoner.’
‘I’m beginning to feel that,’ I said. ‘But I need a little time, Jon.’
‘Yes, of course you do. We’ve plenty of time, Emma.’
The next few days were as near perfect as life can ever be. The weather was kind to us as we walked on the beach, our bare feet sinking into the warm sand. Jon encouraged me into the water, but he couldn’t persuade me to swim. I splashed around and had fun, but kept both feet on the bottom.
‘Cowardy custard!’ Jon teased. ‘Just let yourself go, Emma, and you’ll float.’
I tried once and sank, coming up spluttering with indignation. ‘I thought you said I would float!’
‘Oh, my poor Emma!’
Jon rescued me, sweeping me up in his arms and carrying me up the beach to our rug. He set me down, then knelt above me, gazing into my eyes before drawing me close. His kiss was tender and sweet, making me want to swoon with love for him. I felt my resolve weakening. Why was I holding out? Jon loved me. I was happier now than I had ever been. Why didn’t I just give in to this feeling between us? All I had to do was say yes and I could be Jon’s wife. I would be secure, adored, taken care of for the rest of our lives.
And yet a little voice in my head warned me to wait. If I married Jon now, I might never come to know the real Emma.
‘Why so serious?’ Jon asked as we lay side by side on the blanket, the sun warming us after our swim. He bent over me, touching my mouth with the tips of his fingers before lowering his lips to mine. ‘Are you worried about something?’
‘I was wondering …’
‘What?’ He kissed the tip of my nose. ‘Are you missing James? Do you want to collect him and go up to London? I ought to see my mother. I could telephone her. We could stay with her for a couple of days, if you would like that?’
‘Does she know about me?’
‘She knows there is someone special, but nothing more.’
‘Don’t you think it would be best if I took James to a hotel? I’d like to meet your mother, Jon, but it might be a shock for her when she discovers who I am. I’ve been married. I have a child, and my husband’s name has been in the papers.’
Jon silenced me with a kiss. ‘She will love you, because I love you. I promise you, Emma.’
I reached up and kissed him on the lips. ‘I’ve loved being here with you, Jon, but I think I’ve left James for long enough. I need to fetch him and to take care of a few things at home. Why don’t you drop me off, go to visit your mother, and I’ll come up to London for the last few days of your leave?’
‘If it’s what you want,’ he said. ‘We’ll go tomorrow.’
I sensed his disappointment. The peace and tranquility of our time by the sea would be broken as soon as we returned to our own lives, but I knew it was too dangerous to go on as we were. Jon had behaved impeccably, but it wasn’t fair to expect such restraint. If we stayed here much longer we would become lovers. In town there would be more distractions. Besides, I was beginning to feel guilty about leaving my son, and I was missing him.
‘We’ll have the last few days together, Jon,’ I said. ‘And there will be other leaves, other times when we can be together.’
‘Yes, of course.’
I sensed I had hurt him. He couldn’t really understand my reasons for holding back, even though he accepted them. But why should he, when I hardly understood myself? I felt guilty because I knew how much he loved me, and also angry that I was being so foolish. I touched his cheek.
‘Don’t be angry, Jon. I do love you. You know that.’
‘Yes, I know, and I’m not angry.’
He kissed me again, but I knew that he was holding back. He was hurt because I wasn’t prepared to throw my hat over the windmill and marry him.
‘I told you I would wait, Emma, and I will.’
‘You needn’t have come back for another week,’ Mary said. She handed James over reluctantly. ‘He was no trouble, I promise you. I loved having him.’
‘I’m very grateful,’ I said and kissed my son as he gazed innocently up at me. ‘It was lovely having a few days on our own, but I missed James. And I’ve got to pack some bits and pieces Mum wants from the house and my own things, too. Most of the furniture will stay for the benefit of whoever takes the shop over, but Mum will store my things.’
‘Are you really going to London for good?’ Mary looked upset. ‘I’ll miss you, and little James.’
‘I’ll come back to visit,’ I said. ‘I’ll still be buying stock for Madge Henty. I dare say we’ll see each other almost as much as we ever did.’
‘Well, that’s all right then.’ She looked at me curi
ously. ‘Are you going to marry that nice Mr Reece?’
‘He has asked me,’ I admitted. ‘I’m not sure yet, Mary.’
‘I would if I were you. You’d be mad to throw away a chance like that, Emma.’
I laughed and shook my head at her, but Sheila said much the same when she called at the shop the next day.
‘I saw you in here,’ she said. ‘Ben told me the shop would be closed after he left last Saturday.’
‘It is, really,’ I replied, ‘but I’m listing the stock for Mr Smythe and I thought I might as well leave the door unlocked. I’m going to London the day after tomorrow. The shop will be closed then until we find a tenant. I’ve decided to let it, but I don’t know what kind of a shop it will be.’
‘I wanted to ask you …’ She looked uncertain. ‘Eric has a bit of money put by, and you know I’ve always fancied working here. Do you think we stand a chance of taking it over?’
I was too surprised to answer for a moment, then I nodded. The idea of Sheila running my father’s shop would make him turn in his grave, but I thought it was marvellous.
‘I think the stock is going to be valued at between three and four hundred pounds, Sheila. And the rent is two pounds ten shillings a week, that’s for the upstairs as well. If Eric thinks he can manage that, I’d like you to have the place.’
Her cheeks went pink with excitement. ‘I’m sure he will,’ she said. ‘I’ll talk to him this evening and let you know. And while I’m here, I’d like some of those toffee pieces, please.’
‘You’ll have to watch you don’t eat all the profits,’ I said and laughed. ‘Don’t pay, Sheila. I was going to put the jar out anyway. I’m only listing the full ones.’
I went back to my task as she left, pedalling off on her bike at a terrific pace. I wondered what people would say if Sheila took over the shop. Father would have been horrified, of course, but he couldn’t stop me now. I could do whatever I liked.
‘I’ve decided I would like to sell the coins,’ I told Solomon Gould when we met for lunch three days later. I had invited him to lunch at a modest restaurant, nothing as grand as the Savoy but well recommended. ‘And I would like to invest all but two hundred pounds of the money with you – if that’s all right?’
