by Willa Okati
Luke shrugged. “We talked. I know you heard me. And then they said I didn’t have a job anymore.”
“I heard them trying to coax you to bring me up there with you.”
“You know I couldn’t do that. This is your home, your community. This is where you belong.”
“And it’s not yours?” Brandon unfolded a little. “You say you’re not going there, but are you staying here?”
“Am I—babe, where else would I go?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Brandon rubbed his fingers across his forehead. “You’re staying with me, then. Willingly.”
“You know I am.” Luke raised up from his seat and reached for Brandon, but Brandon was too quick and moved out of range.
“I’m going to bed,” he said simply, looking down at Luke from his height of six feet and two inches. “Join me if you’d like, but I don’t think I’m up to anything more than sleep just now.”
Luke felt about three centimeters tall, and knew he had a lot of apologizing to do in his future. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. I just have to make a couple more phone calls.”
“You’re talented with those these days.” Brandon brushed by Luke, evading his attempt at taking Brandon’s hand. “Good night.”
And just like that, he was gone, out the door and into the hallway that led to their bedroom. Luke watched him go, then heaved a tremendous sigh and stood back up again. He headed in the opposite direction, toward the kitchen, where he picked up the phone and began to dial a series of numbers.
Twenty minutes later he had Tonja’s cohort, LaSaundra, on the line. “You realize you won’t get a refund on this,” the airline employee warned him. “All tickets canceled within a twenty-four hour period are—”
“I know,” Luke broke her off in the middle to say. “I know. But I can’t make my flight.”
“We’ll cancel that flight for you then.” Long nails went clickety-clack. “Do you want to make a reservation for a date in the future?”
“No. Not right now.” Luke’s mouth felt dry. The last of his savings was wasted and his credit card had been maxed out, every cent to his name gone dwindling down the drain. All the same, now that he knew what he had to do, and understood the full truth about Brandon, he had no choice. None at all. He knew what he wanted, too. “Do you need anything else?”
“That’ll be it for now, sir. Thank you for choosing New York—”
“Thanks, but that’s just it. I haven’t.” Luke hung up the phone and breathed again. Then he picked it back up and dialed his sister’s number, hoping she would still be awake.
Marianne answered with a sleepy “Hmm?”
“Hey, Mary-girl. God, you two in bed already?”
“It’s all the sex,” Marianne replied dryly as a sleepy person could. “Tends to wear you out.”
“Those are details I don’t wanna hear, especially when my sister is involved. Speaking of which, is Zillah there?”
“Where are you calling from, New York?”
“No. I’m still down the road.”
“You should be on your way to catch a flight. What’s going on?”
“Can I talk to my sister? Then you can let her explain it to you.”
Marianne made confused noises. Luke heard the rustle of sheets and a comforter, and the sound of her talking in a low voice to someone else. She came back on the line long enough to say, “All right, Zillah’s awake. But I want to hear the whole story, understand?”
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. But then again…given all we’ve seen and done around here…maybe you might.
“Little brother, this had better be good,” Zillah warned him, her crisp voice razor-sharp. She woke up quickly and was alert seconds after she opened her eyes. Sounded like tonight was no exception. “Two rounds of comfort sex wiped me out, plus I was havin’ a good dream.”
“Please, no details. Listen to me, okay? This is important, Zillah. Now sit tight. I have a story to tell you, and I’m beggin’ you to please believe me…”
When Luke had finished telling his sister the whole thing, from finding the letters through reading the last one, he fell silent and waited for her to respond. She’d had plenty of questions along the way, but now she was quiet as well. Too quiet, for too long.
“Zillah? You still there?”
“I’m still here.” She sounded absent, though. “Baby brother, I don’t know what to say except that I believe you got yourself a sign tonight, and I’m talkin’ about five-foot letters in glowing neon. I never did think you were meant to go to New York, and now I’m sure of it. Whatever brought those letters to you meant to get that message across, though damned if I know when, how or why.”
“So you think I did the right thing.”
“I know you did. Leavin’ Brandon would have been the biggest mistake of your young life. That man loves you with all his heart and soul, and anyone with eyes in their head could have told you it was killin’ him to see you all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, talkin’ about your bright future up North.”
Luke lowered his head into his hands.
Looking back, he could see it all now. How quiet Brandon had gotten over these past few weeks. How he’d drawn back in little ways, until all that was left was their final goodbye. The small things had gone so gradually he hadn’t even missed them. Sleepy good-morning kisses, laughter in the kitchen as they cooked, Brandon coming out to his workshop after he got home from town himself and just sitting to talk. Holding hands. Lying out in the backyard hammock, whiling away lazy weekend afternoons.
How had he been such a damn fool?
“Luke? I know you’re still there, so you listen to me,” Zillah said. “I have some words of wisdom for you, things I’ve learned through hard experience. If something is meant to be, then it will be. And when you find something good, something true, you hold onto it with both hands and you don’t let go.”
A lump grew in Luke’s throat. “Thank you,” he managed to say. “I’ve got a long way to go to make up for this.”
“Yes, you do. And I suggest you start tonight. Then tomorrow, I want to see those letters. Me and Marianne are going to come over, and don’t you even think about telling us no. We’ll bring the whole group—Slate and Ash, Ian and Andy—if we have to, but I want you to know how welcome you are here. How much you belong. How glad I am and we all will be to know you’re staying.”
“Big sister.”
“Little brother. Go on, now. Get started.”
“I love you, Zillah. Don’t say it as often as I should, but I do. Swear to you that I do.”
“I know, Lucky Luke. Hang up the phone and go on. Go.”
Luke did as he was told, and then stood for a moment, bracing himself on the counter. How he was going to make a new start here, he didn’t know. But he had to try, didn’t he?
He managed to stall by taking a shower. The water felt even better than it ever had before, spraying down from the special diverter that he and Brandon had installed together, laughing at the over-complicated instructions on the tri-lingual foldout. Washing himself off with Brandon’s soap, he inhaled the scent of his lover, the smell going straight to his head. He prayed this wasn’t too much too fast, but he needed that aroma surrounding him again. Nothing like the real thing, but it helped him feel a little better.
You’re not the one who needs comforting, a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him. Brandon does.
Sluicing off, Luke stepped out of the shower and dried himself carefully with one of the oversized towels they’d splurged on, the fluffy mat springing between his toes. He shook his head. All these little comforts that he’d been prepared to just throw away. How had he ever been able to think about leaving? This was home. Where he was meant to be. Where he intended to stay.
The lights were off in the bedroom when Luke came walking in on soft cat’s feet, knowing that he wouldn’t disturb Brandon if the man were already asleep. He lay underneath the quilt, only his own side turned
down, his back turned to the doorway. Luke listened, but heard nothing except soft, rhythmic breathing.
So, they’d have to start in the morning, then. Luke tiptoed toward the bed, determined not to disturb the man he loved from a no-doubt exhausted rest.
“I heard you in the kitchen, you know,” Brandon said suddenly, startling Luke. “You called Zillah and told her. Why?”
Luke sighed, turning down his own corner of the bed and climbing in.
He hesitated but then laid one hand on Brandon’s back, creamy chocolate against smooth white vanilla.
Brandon gave a small twitch, but didn’t move away.
Progress, or so Luke hoped.
“I couldn’t not tell her. I needed some advice, too. She’s always been someone I looked to for good counsel.”
“And how did she steer you tonight?” Brandon’s tone was flat, completely unreadable. “Did she tell you that you should go to New York after all?”
“Tell me—no, babe, no.”
“Luke…”
“Now it’s my turn to tell you to stop it. That’s my name for you, babe, and even if you don’t love me anymore I’m always gonna think of you that way.” Luke began to rub his hand in small circles. “Brandon? Say something to me.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“Anything. You want to tell me I’ve been a dog, I’m ready to take my beating. Tell me off or chew me out, and I’ll accept it. I’ve been a damn fool, I know it, and if you’ll just take me back then I’ll work my hardest never to make the same mistakes again.”
“Take you back?” Brandon shifted and rolled, turning over. With his glasses off, Luke could see the tears welling up in his eyes. “You great simpleton, I never let you go. I wasn’t ever going to, even when you had taken your leave. You were and are the love of my life, Luke.”
“Babe.” Luke surrounded Brandon with his arms, holding the man tight against his chest. “But why didn’t you ever say? I might not have…”
“You had your eyes full of stars; you couldn’t see the forest for the trees.” Brandon’s voice steadied. He raised back up to look Luke in the eyes. “For me, goodbye meant nothing more than a farewell to the way of life I’d known. I had no plans to go out and find someone else to love. You don’t know how it murdered me to think that you might.”
“You know what? I never even thought about love when I was makin’ my plans. No, no, listen to me. When I was thinkin’ about all I’d do in New York, I always tacked it on there even though I knew I wouldn’t actually pick up the phone—gotta tell Brandon about this. If I’d felt I had a right to, I would have burned up the phone lines between here and there with every bit of news.” He pulled Brandon closer. “Please, trust me when I say there wouldn’t have been any bars or clubs for me, no dinners with one of my co-workers that turned into something else. I had no plans to find someone else up there. I should have known that my heart was still right here. With you.”
They held on to each other for a long, long moment, Luke just listening to the sound of his lover breathing and the thump, thump of his heart beating. The silence didn’t feel uncomfortable, though, and he was glad of that.
Finally, Brandon broke through. “Where do we go from here, then?”
“I don’t know, babe.” Luke ran his hand down Brandon’s arm. “I know things are never gonna be the same as they were, not after what we’ve been through. But, I don’t know, maybe we can work at making them better? We’ve been through the fire. Let’s see what we look like, coming out the other side.”
“Forged and tested,” Brandon said, but with a ghost of a smile. “We can try again.”
“If you’re willing, then God knows I am.”
Brandon toyed with Luke’s hand, matching fingertip to fingertip. “I should be angry at you. I should turn my back and make you pay for what you’ve done. But I can’t seem to make myself. Just as the letter said, this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“You mean that? You’re actually happy?”
“Ecstatic, you idiot.” Brandon bumped his forehead into Luke’s. The warm hand slid down to Luke’s hip. “I’m not losing you. How could I be anything but glad?”
“It’s like Slate and Ash,” Luke said abruptly, the thought just occurring to him. “Except we didn’t have to part all the way before I came back to you again.”
“Those two.” Brandon’s smile became full-fledged. “When I think about them and the miracle we all witnessed, I have to stop and wonder at what guards our lives. There’s a force at work here in this little community of folks, and I think it means us good, not evil. I think we were meant to find those letters, and read them. It was something’s last effort at keeping us together.”
Luke kissed Brandon on the forehead. “You know, I think you’re right.” Moving down, he kissed Brandon again, this time on the lips, lingering there sweet and long. Brandon tasted as good as ever, flavored with the faint tang of tea he’d likely drunk hours ago. “You’re sweet as you can be,” Luke breathed. “Babe, can we… I mean to say…”
Brandon’s eyes closed briefly. His smile grew wider. “I think we can. No more goodbyes. This is us saying hello.”
“Better. We’re saying welcome back.” Luke took Brandon’s hip in his hand and squeezed gently as he brought their mouths together for another sweet kiss, this one flavored with growing excitement and a sense of wonder. “I’m so sorry I almost left you.”
Brandon smiled, reaching for another kiss. “Then welcome back,” he said, taking Luke fully into his arms. “I’m so glad to have you here. You’ve no idea.”
“Teach me, then.” Luke rolled until he was on his belly. “I had you earlier. I want you to take me now. Bring me back home.”
He felt Brandon’s hands stroking up and down his back, and then heard a soft, “All right. If you’re sure.”
“I’m beyond sure, babe. I need to feel you inside of me.” Luke arched his hips up. “Touch me deep.”
He heard Brandon draw in a sharp breath. “The sight of you, laid out for me…far be it from me to say no. But I do have to punish you just a little.” There was a slight whish noise, and then Luke felt the sting of a hard smack on his backside. “There. Consider your debt paid.”
“I don’t know,” Luke said, wiggling his ass. “That was more of a pleasure than a pain, if you ask me.”
“Hmm. We’ll have to experiment sometime then, won’t we?”
“Can we buy one of those floggers with the silk ribbons, like I showed you in that catalogue?”
“Anything’s a possibility.”
Luke felt Brandon turn and reach into his bedside table, then heard him rummaging around for a tube of lubricant. The kind they always used, no scent to it, just good slippery stuff that made a glide into someone’s ass feel like pure heaven. “I think I’ll always hate blackberries now,” Brandon added.
“Me too,” Luke confessed. “Why’d you choose that scent, anyway?”
“Because the bottle made me think about the last fruits of summer, and how I loved picking late blackberries off the vine. There was nothing so sweet, or bittersweet, as tasting those on my tongue when I was a boy.”
Luke jumped a little as he felt the tip of Brandon’s tongue trail a stripe down the line of his back. “Oh…damn. That’s good, babe.”
“Good to me, too. There are other things I’d far rather taste now than blackberries. Mmm, musky. And you smell like…my soap?”
“Had to have at least some part of you tonight.” Luke raised his ass again. “Do I have to beg you? Because right now, I will. I always will, if you want me to.”
“It’s not necessary.” The top of the lube container clicked open, and Luke felt the cool drizzle of it being poured on the small of his back. Brandon’s fingers were there almost immediately, smoothing the liquid down into the divide between his cheeks, a finger probing at his hole. “Take one of the throw pillows and push it under your hips,” Brandon directed. “I’m not in a mood to wait and adjust
this and that.”
“Me neither. Just want you, only you, back inside of me.” Luke sensed Brandon climbing over the top of him, and the slick sounds that said his lover was stroking his cock, getting his hardness ready for entry. He did as Brandon had ordered with the pillow, pushing it beneath him. Now that he had something to thrust against, his personal waking erection sprung into full life.
He felt gentle fingers pulling him open, and a hard, wet object poised at his entrance. “Are you ready for me?” Brandon asked, his accent stronger now, as it always had been when they were intimate…as it always would be.
“So ready,” Luke said, clutching the bed sheets.
And as Brandon slid inside him, he realized the truth of the matter. He was home, truly home, right where he belonged. Where he never should have thought of leaving.
