Flame Tree Hill

by Mandy Magro

  Harry had told her he would understand if she couldn’t make it to the funeral, but she would never forgive herself if she didn’t go. Not that Aden had understood her determination to be there. Or if he had, he hadn’t damn well shown it. She’d found herself fighting tooth and nail with him this morning about attending. She’d been told by her doctors to rest, and he was hell-bent on making her stay home in bed. The tension between them had remained all morning, the strain of the hurtful words they had spoken showing in their cautious body language. She felt guilty for her outburst, but she was still undeniably mad at him. She was tired of him acting like he had to be her knight in shining armour all the time, like he knew better. She was a grown woman, for goodness sake, and could make her own bloody decisions. Yes, she had cancer, but that didn’t render her completely incapable, she’d heatedly reminded him. And he’d walked away from her without a word, the hurt evident in his deep brown eyes.

  Since her revelation in her father’s arms five days ago, Kirsty knew she owed Aden more than an explanation, but there hadn’t been time. It wasn’t going to be easy to explain that she couldn’t be with him any more. To explain that it was too selfish to expect him to waste his love on her when she was most probably going to die anyway. That he would be better off going back to Tammy, a woman who had her whole life ahead of her. Maybe he and Tammy could rekindle the flame, make a go of things again. She knew Tammy was keen; the woman was still calling him regularly.

  But it was going to be even harder to talk to him about the accident.

  ‘Righto, love, us lot better make a move before the skies open and leave us all looking like drowned rats. I just had my hair done, too,’ said Ron a little too cheerfully as he patted his hair. ‘That’s the place to be.’ He pointed to a large group of mourners huddled beneath a portable marquee.

  Nodding, Kirsty passed the smaller of the umbrellas to Jo just as big droplets of rain began to fall. She quickly opened her oversized umbrella and Lynette and Kulsoom squeezed in beside her while Robbie, Ron and Aden made a dash for the marquee without umbrellas. Jo smiled across at Kirsty as they made their way through the rain, and her compassionate glance spoke a thousand words. Kirsty felt arms go around her waist as Lynette snuggled closer, and not for the first time Kirsty realised how lucky she was to have such support from her mum, Kulsoom and Jo.

  The hearse arrived and came to a stop only metres from where the crowd was standing. Harry pulled his car in closely behind, his face full of anguish as he stepped from the driver’s seat and joined a solemn group of men waiting to carry the coffin. Kirsty watched with a heavy heart as the men lifted the coffin, the rain steadily falling. They began the short walk to the marquee. At the centre of the marquee was Mary’s intended final resting place. The darkness of the earth was shocking against the green of the surrounding grass, and Kirsty couldn’t help but recoil from the sight of it. The men placed the coffin carefully on the pulley stand above the grave, and then a couple of them helped Harry to a seat before the priest began the service.

  Fifteen minutes later the coffin was being lowered into the earth to the tune of ‘Amazing Grace’, the mounds of brightly coloured flowers on top slowly vanishing from sight, Mary’s body finally laid to rest as Harry sobbed uncontrollably from his seat. The past surged in Kirsty’s mind and before she knew it she was by Bec’s grave, watching Aden and his family weeping . . .

  The bloodcurdling screams from the night of the accident came back to her yet again, and she had a sudden sensation that it was her body in the coffin instead of Mary’s. She reached for Jo’s hand, squeezing it tightly, just as her knees buckled beneath her and everything went black.

  Kirsty woke in an unfamiliar bed, feeling woozy and disorientated. The stiff sheets over her and the pungent smell of disinfectant immediately told her she was in hospital. She had spent so much time in hospitals lately that she could smell them a mile away. She glanced down under the sheets, a little shaken to see a blue hospital gown in place of the long black dress she had worn to the funeral. How long had she been here? She registered the drip in her arm as she glanced around the room. Her body ached more than it ever had before and she struggled to take a decent breath, feeling her lungs wheezing. Low whispers caught her attention and she saw Lynette, Ron and Robbie talking with a doctor in the corner of the room.

  ‘Mum, Dad.’ Her voice was hoarse and her mouth felt drier than a desert.

  Lynette pulled her gaze away from the doctor and hurried over to the side of the bed. She began to gently stroke Kirsty’s forehead. ‘Hi, love. How do you feel?’

  ‘Not the best, Mum. I need a drink of water, please. What happened to me?’

  Lynette reached over to the bedside table and picked up a cup with a straw, which she placed carefully to Kirsty’s lips. ‘Well, the doctor says that you have the beginnings of the flu and your immune system is dangerously low. Because of that he needs to keep you in hospital to keep an eye on you. We can’t risk you getting pneumonia. He’s also worried with how dehydrated you are, so he’s giving you fluids intravenously.’

  ‘So I’ve caught the flu, hey? I wondered why I was feeling worse than normal. I don’t want to be stuck in a bloody hospital though, Mum. Can’t we go home so I can rest there?’

  Lynette shook her head. ‘Now, Kirsty, you don’t rest up enough at home and you can’t afford to be getting sick like this. You have to stay in here for at least a week, maybe longer if need be, to rest up properly. Doctor’s orders.’

  Kirsty found the energy to roll her eyes, but she knew better than to insist. ‘Fine. But I demand a constant supply of horse magazines, butternut biscuits and Chicos.’

  Lynette chuckled. ‘It’s a deal.’

  Ron came over and sat at the end of the bed. ‘So, love, what do you reckon about your hotel room? They bring you all your meals in bed, you can watch as much telly as you like, and, best of all, you don’t have to put up with Robbie.’

  ‘Oi! Fair go, Dad.’ Robbie gave Ron a shove while winking at Kirsty. ‘You okay, sis? You had us all worried sick. Poor Aden, he’s still as white as a ghost. I just sent him down to the canteen to grab himself a cuppa and some fresh air. He looked close to passing out himself.’

  Kirsty smiled fondly at her big brother. ‘Thanks for taking care of him, Robbie. And I’m all right – I’ve survived worse than the flu – but I’d be better if I didn’t have to stay in here. It’s like a jail sentence being told I have to stay in here for at least a week.’

  Robbie raised his arm and swept it in the direction of the windows, his eyes wide. ‘Look at these views! You can see the Cairns Esplanade from here, and the ocean. Shit, I reckon I’d like to move in here. You got room in that bed for your brother or what? Shove over.’

  Kirsty chuckled weakly at Robbie’s antics. She knew that he was trying to make her feel better about the situation, and she appreciated it. It felt good to laugh, even though it was at her own expense. ‘Rack off, Robbie, you spinner. You’d go mad being cooped up in bed all day long.’

  Robbie laughed and poked Kirsty lightly in the ribs. ‘I’m already mad. You know that better than anyone. You live with me.’

  Jo and Kulsoom poked their heads around the door, both of them smiling when they spotted Kirsty. ‘Knock, knock,’ called Kulsoom.

  ‘Come in if you’re good-looking,’ Robbie replied.

  Despite her pain, Kirsty couldn’t help but notice that Robbie’s eyes followed Jo just that moment too long. Something passed between them, something unspoken, but it was so fleeting that Kirsty wondered whether she was seeing things. She’d have to find a way to get Jo by herself and quiz her. Knowing her best mate as she did, there was no way she’d get a straight answer if she asked Jo in front of anyone else.

  Almost on cue, Lynette, Ron and Robbie announced they were going downstairs to check on Aden.

  As Kirsty’s family left the room, Kulsoom took Kirsty’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Hello there, little Miss Headstrong. How are you
feeling? A bit better now that you’re lying down and getting fluids, I’ll bet. Hmm?’

  ‘Yes, Aunty, I’m feeling slightly better than I did at the funeral.’

  Kulsoom shook her finger towards Kirsty in a playful but motherly manner. ‘Aden told me he tried to stop you going. You should have listened to him instead of pushing yourself to the limit. I hear you basically told him where he could shove his advice. We all only care about you, sweetheart. You have to understand that, and stop pushing him away.’

  Kirsty jerked her hand away from Kulsoom’s, annoyed at her sternness. If Kulsoom knew the whole story she would be on Kirsty’s side, not Aden’s. ‘I’m sick and tired of him always telling me what to do. I’m my own person and I’ll do what I want. He needs to learn that he’s not the boss of me.’

  Kulsoom gently reached out and took hold of Kirsty’s hand once again, her eyes filled with understanding. Kirsty felt ashamed of snapping at her beloved aunty. Kulsoom was only trying to help, and she knew better than anyone what Kirsty was going through. She remained silent, patiently waiting for Kulsoom to continue.

  ‘Remember, I spoke to you about this right at the beginning of your treatment, Kirsty. I told you that the cancer can sometimes make you so bloody angry that you take it out on the people who love you the most. I know all too well. I’ve done it myself. At these moments, when the cancer tests every bit of resolve you have, when it pushes you to the point of no return, remind yourself that we love you very much, and that you are a very strong young woman with her whole life ahead of her.’

  Kirsty looked away from Kulsoom’s intense gaze, wishing her tears would dry up, but instead they rolled freely down her cheeks. ‘I know you all love me. That’s what makes this so very hard. What if I die, and you all have to cope with that? It makes me feel terrible.’

  Jo took hold of Kirsty’s other hand. ‘You’re not going to die, mate. Please, you have to stop thinking that.’

  Kirsty shook her head slowly, wishing she could tell Kulsoom and Jo everything. But she couldn’t – she owed it to Aden to speak with him first. ‘I wish I could believe you both, believe that I’m going to survive this and go on to live. But I can’t. Not when I stare in the mirror and see how sick I look. The cancer is killing me. It’s winning. Can’t you see that? That’s why I need to break up with Aden. I can’t go on pretending that we’re going to grow old together, because we’re not. He deserves better than this, than me.’

  Jo gasped. ‘Don’t you talk like that! He’s lucky to have you. And you’re completely deserving of his love. You should have seen him when you passed out at the funeral, Kirsty. He was distraught.’

  Kirsty turned to look at Jo, her heart cracking open even further when she saw the tears in Jo’s eyes. But she knew what she wanted to say. ‘My point exactly – he was distraught. He shouldn’t have to go through that. I’m going to end it today. I have to.’

  Jo went to reply but Kulsoom put up a hand. She held Kirsty’s gaze. ‘You do what you have to do to get through this, and if that means breaking up with Aden, then that’s what you have to do. He’ll still be here for you as a friend, I just know he will. Aden is too much of a good man to act any differently. You must focus on yourself, on getting better, because right now that’s all that matters. Okay?’

  Kirsty cried tears of utter relief. Just knowing that someone understood her need to leave Aden was overpowering. ‘Thank you, Aunty. Thank you for accepting how I feel and supporting me with the decision.’

  Kulsoom smiled as she kissed Kirsty on the cheek. ‘You’re more than welcome, love. Now, I’m off downstairs to have a strong black coffee. I feel like I need it. I’ll be back soon.’ Kulsoom gathered her bag and waved as she disappeared through the door.

  Kirsty sniffed, wiping her eyes with the corner of the sheet, and then turned her attention to Jo, who was blowing her nose loudly into a tissue. ‘I’m sorry you’re so upset, mate. I hope you can understand why I need to do this, too. I would hate for you to be mad. I know you thought Aden was the one for me. And maybe he is – if I survive. But I just can’t put him through this now – and I can’t put myself through it either. I spend every day wondering why he’s with me, and what will happen if I die. I just don’t have the headspace for it.’

  Jo nodded fervently. ‘Of course I understand. Kulsoom is right. You need to focus on getting better. I’ve always supported your decisions, Kirsty, you know that. How could I be mad at you for doing what you think is right, especially with what you’re going through? There’ll be plenty of time for love and romance in the future, you’ll see.’

  Kirsty clutched Jo’s hand in gratitude, and the friends shared a moment of silence, broken only by their mutual sniffling.

  Kirsty raised her eyes to Jo’s face. ‘Speaking of love and romance . . . what’s going on with you and my handsome brother?’

  Jo’s face flushed red. ‘Oh my God! Me and Robbie? Nothing’s going on with us. How ridiculous of you to even think such a thing, Kirsty!’

  Kirsty grinned weakly, her eyes still wet with tears. ‘I caught you two staring at each other like a pair of lovesick teenagers before. The cat’s out of the bag, my friend. So spill the beans.’

  Jo motioned towards the drip. ‘What drugs have they put in that thing? They must be bloody good. You seem to be hallucinating!’

  Kirsty laughed. ‘Oh come on, Jo. If you go any redder you’ll pass for a bloody beetroot. Liven up my day. Tell me you and Robbie are an item. Please, come on, tell me!’

  Jo threw her hands up in the air in defeat, grinning like she’d been caught snogging behind the school tuckshop. ‘I can’t get anything past you, Miss Mitchell. I admit it: Robbie and I are dating, have been for the last month. We just didn’t want to give you one more thing to contend with when you’re going through such a hard time. Of course we were going to tell you once you were better.’

  Kirsty clapped her hands in delight. ‘Oh, you silly buggers! I’m over the moon you’re together. How wonderful it is that my bro and my best buddy are lovers! You should have told me sooner! My health is not the only thing that matters, you know. Everyone has their lives to get on with . . . and get on with them you will. Juicy details, please – actually, on second thoughts, not too juicy. Robbie is my brother, after all.’

  Jo took Kirsty into her arms, resting her head on the pillow beside Kirsty’s. ‘I think we’ll leave the juicy details for another day. You’re meant to be resting, remember? But God, I love you so much, mate. Trust you to put your own problems aside to be happy for me and Robbie. Mind you, he’s going to kill me for telling you. I promised him I wouldn’t.’

  Kirsty tapped the tip of Jo’s nose with her finger. ‘Don’t you worry. I’ll deal with Robbie. But first and foremost, I’d better deal with Aden.’

  Jo nodded slowly. ‘I think that’s a good idea. I’ll go downstairs and get him for you, hey?’

  ‘Thanks, mate, I’d appreciate it.’ Kirsty gave Jo another heartfelt hug. ‘And wish me luck. I’m so nervous. You do know I love him, right? I love him with all my heart. That’s why I have to do this.’

  Jo smiled. ‘I know you love him. You’ve always loved him, since the day you first laid eyes on him.’

  Kirsty couldn’t hide her surprise as she covered her gaping mouth with her hands. ‘You knew? I didn’t think anyone knew. Was it that obvious?’

  Jo rolled her eyes playfully. ‘I’m your best buddy! Of course I knew. Blind Freddy could tell that you fancied him. You went gaga every time he was around, and you still do, for that matter. I just didn’t want to make a big deal of it when we were growing up.’

  ‘So I can’t get anything past you either,’ Kirsty said, giggling.

  ‘Nope!’ Jo replied as she got up from the bed and headed for the doorway. ‘That’s one of the many things that make us best buddies.’

  ‘So true.’ Kirsty’s gaze turned serious. ‘Jo, please tell me . . . am I doing the right thing?’

  Jo turned and leant on the doo
rframe. ‘I can’t answer that. Only you know in your heart, so trust your instincts. But what I can tell you is that Aden loves you, and you love him. So, as the saying goes, if you love something, set it free – if it returns, it was always meant to be yours.’

  And with that, Jo was gone, and Kirsty was left to her own thoughts. She was about to break her long silence and Aden’s heart – and her own. This was the moment she’d been avoiding for years, and the damage it was going to cause was terrifying. But there was no turning back.

  Chapter 22

  KIRSTY’S bottom lip quivered. The silence of the room was deafening, and the miserable look in Aden’s big brown eyes almost too much to bear. She looked away and stared out the window, wishing things could have turned out differently. This was horrible, heartbreaking, and she hadn’t even told him the worst of it. She was building up her nerve, her mind scrambling for words.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Aden. Please believe me when I say that I don’t want to do this, but I have to, and I hope you can understand. I feel like a different person right now. This cancer is devouring me, every part of me – my body and my soul. All of my energy has to go towards fighting it, and there’s just none left over for anything else, or anyone else for that matter.’ She sighed and gave a shaky grin. ‘This would all be easier if we hated each other.’

  Aden exhaled sharply, as if someone had just punched him hard in the chest. ‘I could never hate you, Kirsty. I love you too much to hate you,’ he said, his voice rasping with emotion. ‘I will always be here for you, as a mate if that’s what you want right now.’ He fought the urge to reach out and stroke the side of her face, to wipe away her tears, the desire to feel the softness of her skin beneath his fingertips one more time crushing him, breaking his heart, filling him with a deep sorrow. How was he going to refrain from acting like her boyfriend when every time he was around her all he wanted to do was hold her close to him, to save her from this horrible disease, and to tell her over and over just how much he loved her?