by Nora Roberts
“Good for you.” She started to wrench open her door. He laid a hand on her arm.
“Emma, by not knowing, not dealing with it or acting on it, I’m hurting her. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You should’ve asked her directly.”
“She wouldn’t tell me. You know she wouldn’t, not unless I have a way to push her into a corner over it. Now I do. Damn it, I hurt her yesterday by offering to pay for a bunch of groceries, because I just didn’t get it. It’s not about Linda, though I’d already intended to deal with her, and will. It’s about me and Laurel.”
“You’ve got that part right.” She heaved out a sigh. “But you’ve put me in a hell of a spot, Del.”
“I’m sorry, and I’m going to keep you there by asking you not to say anything to her about this. Not until I can talk to her. If she doesn’t believe, all the way, in what we have, it’s never going to work. It’s never going to fit. And if I’m responsible for that, even part of the way, I have to make it right. So I’m asking for you to give me a chance to make it right.”
“God, you’re good. How am I supposed to say no to that?”
“I mean it. She and I need to strip away some of the armor, and some of the cushion, and see what’s under it. I want you to give me a chance to do that.”
“I love you both, and I want both of you happy. So, believe me, Del, you’d better figure it out. Screw it up, or let her screw it up, and I’m blaming you.”
“That’s fair. Are you going to stay mad at me?”
“I’ll let you know after you talk to her.”
“Emma.” He leaned over, kissed her cheek.
“Oh.” This time she heaved out a breath. “Let’s go buy some plants.”
He struggled to be patient as the scanning, scouting, selection took endless amounts of time. Plus whenever he so much as thought about nudging her along, Emma simply shot him a steely stare.
In the end, they loaded what they could in the car and arranged for the rest—and there was plenty of rest-to be delivered.
“Take her down to the beach,” Emma said on the drive back.
“Away from the rest of us. Don’t try to talk to her about this in or around the house. Too many possibilities of interruption. If you’re interrupted, she’ll have a chance to regroup or evade.”
“That’s a good point. Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. I may not be doing it for you. I may be doing it only for her.”
“Either way.”
“A long walk, and believe me, if she comes back from it upset, I’m kicking your ass. Or I’ll have Jack do it.”
“I’m not sure he could kick my ass. But you could.”
“Keep that in mind, and don’t screw this up.” She paused a moment. “Do you love her?”
“Of course I do.”
She turned to him. “That’s a stupid answer. A stupid thing to say. I really ought to kick your ass.”
“Why—?”
“No.” She shook her head and stared straight ahead. “No more pointers. You have to deal with this yourself or it’s not real. I’m going to stay out of the way. I’m going to start right in on these plants, so I’ll be out of the way. That’s the best thing I can do for both of you.” She bit her lip. “But don’t say ‘of course,’ you idiot.”
“Okay.”
When he pulled up at the house, Emma was true to her word. She unloaded the tools they’d bought and dug, literally, right in.
But plans to lure Laurel off for that long walk had to be postponed.
“Laurel went off with Parker. Shopping,” Jack told him. “Parker wanted some stuff for the house. She had a list. And there was talk about earrings. Mac’s in the pool, Carter’s down at the beach with one of his books, Mal’s somewhere. I’m about to head down there.”
“Did they say when they’d be back? Laurel and Parker?”
“Dude, they went shopping. It could be an hour or three or four days.”
“Right.”
“Problem?”
“No. No. Just wondering.”
Jack slid on his sunglasses. “Beach?”
“Yeah. I’ll come down in a bit.”
“I guess I have to see if Emma wants some help before I go down—thanks a lot for that.”
“Wait until the rest of it gets here. We didn’t have room for most of it.”
“Great.”
When they didn’t come back in an hour, he fought off the first prickles of irritation. He paced the deck, going over various possible scenarios in his head, as he would before going into court.
He heard Emma’s voice, Jack‘s, Carter’s, Mac’s, Mal’s—come and go. He spotted them on the beach, in the water, on the walkway. When he heard the group of them come in—probably digging up lunch—he went out for a solitary swim and more thinking.
As the afternoon wore on, he considered calling Laurel’s cell. He nearly gave in and did so when he finally saw Parker’s car turn in the drive.
He headed down while the two of them unloaded a mountain of shopping bags and giggled like a couple of kids with both hands in the cookie jar.
He had no excuse for it, but it annoyed the hell out of him.
“Oh, Emma, that looks fabulous!” Parker called out.
“It absolutely does, and I’m not nearly done.”
“Take a break. Come see what we got. We had the best time. Hey.” Laurel stopped to shoot a grin at Del. “Just in time to help haul all this stuff. And God, it’s way past time to start up the blender, because shopping’s made us thirsty for beach margaritas.”
“I was starting to get worried.” He heard the tone of his own voice, nearly winced.
“Oh, don’t fuss, Daddy. Haul.” She pushed bags at him. “Em, we found the most amazing gift shop. We have to go back!”
“You mean they have something left?” Mal wandered over to take some bags.
“I think we hit every shop within fifty miles, but we left a few things behind. Don’t look so put out.” Laurel laughed at Del. “I bought you something.”
With no choice, he carried bags upstairs. And had to stand back while the women tore into them to show off their scores.
“Why don’t we take a walk on the beach?” he asked Laurel.
“Are you kidding? I’ve walked a half a million miles. Must have margarita. Who’s in charge of the blender?” she called out.
“Got that covered.” Mal headed off to the kitchen.
Del shot Emma a look, hopeful for a little help. She merely shrugged and went back to admiring the take.
Payback, he thought.
“Here.” Laurel offered him a box. “A memento.”
Since he couldn’t beat them, Del settled down.
“A sun catcher,” she told him when he opened it. “Recycled beach glass.” She reached out to finger one of the smooth, colored shards. “I thought you might like to hang it in your place—to bring back good times.”
“It’s great.” He tapped a piece so several danced and clicked together. “It really is. Thanks.”
“I got a smaller one for my sitting room. Couldn’t resist.”
They drank margaritas, talked about dinner. He couldn’t budge her.
Patience, he reminded himself.
He managed to take his own advice until nearly sunset.
“Walk. Beach. You and me.” He grabbed her hand, pulled her toward the door.
“But we’re going to—”
“Later.”
“Pushy,” she said, but linked her fingers with his. “And God, it does feel great out here. Look at the sky. I guess I owe the beach a visit since I spent most of the day shopping.” She flicked a finger at her newest earrings. “But now I have such pretty things to remind me of these two weeks. When we’re socked in next winter, I’ll be able to look around and say, summer’s coming back.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“Right now, your wish, my command. I am happy.”
“I need to talk to you, to
ask you something.”
“Sure.” She turned, walking backward to look up at the house. “Emma was right about the plants, the grasses.”
“Laurel, I need you to pay attention.”
She stopped. “All right. What’s wrong?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I need you to tell me.”
“Then nothing’s wrong.”
“Laurel.” He took both her hands. “You didn’t tell me that Linda came at you about me. About you and me.” He felt her hands go rigid in his.
“I told you I dealt with Linda. Emma had no right to—”
“Not her fault. I maneuvered it out of her. She thought you’d told me the whole story. And you should have. More, Laurel, much more, you should’ve told me you felt any part of what she said might be true. If I’ve done or said anything to make you think that way—”
“You haven’t. Let’s forget it.”
“No.” He tightened his grip when she would’ve pulled her hands free. “She hurt you, and indirectly so did I. I can’t forget I had any part in hurting you.”
“Forget it, Del. Absolved. I don’t want to talk about Linda.”
“We’re not. We’re talking you and me. Damn it, Laurel, can’t you be straight with me? Can’t we be straight with each other?”
“I am. I said it’s nothing.”
“It’s not. It’s damn well not when you get so twisted up when I offer to pay for some damn groceries. Or a cake I’ve asked you to bake. It’s not about that either, but what’s under it.”
“And I said, clearly, you don’t need to pull out your wallet. I won’t have you hiring me—”
“Laurel.” His tone, utterly reasonable, stopped her. “I never intended that. Never. And you should know. You’ve said this has to be equal ground, but it can’t be if you don’t tell me what you want, what you need, what you’re feeling.”
“How can you not know?” she demanded.
“Because you don’t tell me.”
“Tell you? All this time.You can look at me, touch me, be with me, and not know?”
She whirled away, spun back. “All right, all right. I’m responsible for my own feelings, and clearly it’s stupid for me to wait and wait and hope you might see. You need me to tell you, I’ll tell you. Equal ground? It’s never going to be equal ground when you care about me and I’m so hopelessly in love with you. I’ve always been hopelessly in love with you, and you’ve never seen it.”
“Wait—”
“No, you want it straight?You’ll get it straight. You’re the one. You’ve always been the one. Nothing, nothing I’ve ever done changed it. Moving to New York, working to find my way, making myself into something I could be proud of. But it was still there. Del’s the one, and whatever I do, whatever I accomplish, I’m still missing that. Trying to feel something real and important for other men? Temporary stopgaps, or failures. Because none of them were you.”
She yanked the hair out of her face as the wind blew it into her eyes. “I couldn’t harden it out or reason it out of me, no matter how hurtful or humiliating or just plain infuriating. I dealt with it, then I changed it. I changed it, Del.”
“You’re right.” He reached out to brush the tears she rarely shed from her cheeks. “Listen—”
“I’m not finished. I changed things, but you’re still trying, you always will try, to take care of things. Of me. I don’t want to be your responsibility. Your obligation. Your pet. I won’t have it.”
“For God’s sake, I don’t think of you that way. I don’t feel that way. I love you.”
“Yes, you love me.You love all of us, and you had to step to the front of the line when your parents died. I know that, Del, I understand, and I feel for you and what you had to take on. Being with you, I understand more, and I feel more.”
“It’s not about that.”
“In some ways, it’s always about that. But it’s different now, with us. Or it should be. I’m okay with the way things are—or I was. Didn’t I just tell you I was happy? What I need and want? If I have to tell you, give you a damn list, then it’s not what I need and want. I’m not asking you for declarations. I’m not asking for promises. I can live in the moment, and be happy in the moment. I’m entitled to be hurt and upset when someone like Linda scrapes me raw. And I’m entitled to keep it to myself until I grow fresh skin. I don’t need you taking care of it. I don’t need or want you to make it all better. I don’t need you pushing at me about my feelings when I never push at you.”
“No,” he murmured, “you don’t. Why don’t you?”
“Maybe I don’t want to hear the answers. No, I don’t want to hear them,” she said before he could speak. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say when I’ve ripped myself open and I feel like a fool.You can’t expect me to. I need to walk this off. I need to pull myself together. You need to let me.You need to go away.”
He watched her run down the beach. He could go after her, he thought. He could catch her, and he could make her listen. And if he did, she wouldn’t hear him.
He let her go.
She needed more than words, he realized. And he wanted to give her more. She might have ripped herself open, he thought, but by doing so she’d shown him, very clearly, what was inside him.
SHE RAN IT OFF, WALKED IT OFF, SETTLED HERSELF. THE TRUTH WAS, she’d come to understand, that moment on the beach would have happened at some time, at some place. She couldn’t have coasted forever. Neither of them could or would. Better it happened sooner than later.
If it ended things with Del, she’d heal. She knew how to tend her own wounds, accept her own scars.
He’d be kind; she’d hate it. Then they’d move on. Somehow. She went up to her room by the outside stairs, hoping to avoid everyone until morning.
But her three friends waited for her.
Emma rose. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I said anything to him about Linda.”
“It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t matter.”
“It is, and it does. I’m sorry.”
“It’s my mother who set off the bomb,” Mac said. “I’m sorry.”
“He’s my brother.” Parker held out a hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, we’re a really sorry group.” Laurel sat on the bed. “Nobody’s to blame, really. It just is what it is. But I think I’ll skip the fun and games tonight. You can make an excuse, right? Headache, shopping fatigue, one too many margaritas.”
“Sure, but . . .” Mac trailed off, looked at Parker and Emma.
“What? What now?”
“Del’s gone.” Parker sat beside her.
“Gone? What do you mean gone?”
“He said he’d be back in the morning. That he had to go take care of something. He made it sound like work, but . . .”
“Nobody bought that.” Laurel put her head in her hands.
“Great. Just great. I told him to go away. Since when does he listen? Now everything’s screwed up. I should’ve gone away. For God’s sake, it’s his house.”
“He’ll be back.” Emma stepped over to rub Laurel’s back. “He probably just wanted to give you a little space. You’ll make up, honey.”
“It’s not about making up. The things I said . . . ”
“Everybody says rotten things when they’re mad or upset,” Mac told her.
“I told him I loved him, always had. That there’d never been anyone else. Basically, I ripped out my own heart and threw it at him.”
“What did he say?” Parker demanded.
“That’s about the time I told him I didn’t want to hear it, and to go away. And I stalked off. Okay, I ran off.”
“He didn’t come after you?” Emma huffed. “Idiot.”
“No, really. He knows enough to be sure I meant it. I didn’t expect him to actually leave. You can know someone all your life, and they can still surprise you. Let’s just try not to have this spoil everything. I think I’d be literally sick if it did. I just want to go to bed.”
; “We’ll stay with you,” Emma murmured.
“No, really. I’m going to bed, and you can all do me a favor by going out there and fostering the pretense that everything’s fine. Situation normal. I’d really appreciate it.”
“Okay,” Parker said before Emma could protest. “If you need company or anything else, you just have to knock on my door.”
“I know. I’ll be all right, and I’ll be better in the morning.”
“If you’re not, and you want to go home, we’ll go.” Parker pulled her in for a hug.
“Or we’ll kick the men out and stay,” Mac told her.
“Best friends ever. I’ll be fine.”
She stayed where she was when they left her, but knowing one of them would come back to check on her in an hour, she made herself get up, get ready for bed.
She’d had her summer, she reminded herself. No one could ever take that away from her. She’d had the love of her life for a season. Not everyone could say the same.
She’d survive. And because, even if they couldn’t be lovers, they would always be family, she and Del would find a way to heal the rift.
She lay in the dark and ached. Ached and ached. And she tried to comfort herself that it would get better with time. Then she turned her face into the pillow and wept a little, because she didn’t believe it.
The sea breeze whispered over her cheek like a kiss. Sweet and soft. She sighed with it, wanting to cling to sleep, to cling to the numbness that came with it.
“You need to wake up.”
She opened her eyes and stared into Del’s. “What?”
“Wake up, get up. Come with me.”
“What?” She pushed at him, struggled to think. The light was the quiet dull silver of predawn. “What are you doing? Where did you go? What are you doing back?”
“Up.”
She tried to snag the sheet when he pulled it off, but missed. “You walked out on your friends.You left when—”
“Oh, just shut up. I listened to you, now you’ll listen to me. Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Down to the beach to finish this.”
“I’m not going down to the beach with you.We had our scene, now it’s done.”
“You are a contrary woman, Laurel. You can walk or I can drag you, but we’re going to the damn beach. If you ask me why, I swear, the dragging begins.”
