by Nicety
Before I could blink, I lunged over on top of the desk reaching and scratching for the gun as he pulled me feverishly by the waist to get me away from it. He could pull my clothes. He could pull my shoes. But his strength was about to get a heavy dose of my determination. I was a few inches, maybe even centimeters from the gun needing only to reach out and cuff it.
FUCK!
My head began beating in unison with my heart. It was like my heart was right by my ear and I could hear everything it did, right down to the blood gushing through it. Yolo had hit me in the back of my head one good time, with what I don’t know but it was enough to send my brain into dizzy mode. Everything I saw was a fucking blur as a liquid substance I could identify as blood oozed out of my nose. I touched my head hoping to shake off the feeling but it seemed futile. My hands felt around getting a glimpse of my surroundings since it was the only one of my senses acting right.
My thighs were bare but as I moved my feet I realized my pants were only down around my ankles. I could see this shadowy figure hovering over me like an eclipse, I knew it was him. All I could hear was his breathing. It was like a raging bull ready to charge at the sight of a red cloth. The sight of my blood was egging him on. He was like a vampire in heat or hunger for my shit. Distress filled my brain as I was unable to function and couldn’t bare the thought of me losing my life to a bitch ass nigga like Yolo. The sound of his deep voice echoed throughout the room but it took every bit of strength I could muster to figure out what he was saying.
“How do you feel about yourself now?” He muttered deeply. “You almost had me and you might’ve won too. But there’s one thing you don’t know about me.”
“Yeah.” I replied groggily, bobbing my head from left to right. “The fuck is that?”
“For me, pain is a state of mind. I only feel what I allow myself to feel. Bitches wouldn’t know shit about that.” Yolo said before bursting out into the most sinister laugh I had ever heard before.
“Fuck you! You ugly ass muthafucka!” I spat feeling nausea come over me.
“Naw. But I’m gon’ fuck you though. Fuck you good and clean too until that little pussy gives out.” He gurgled. “Yep, fuck you ‘til you dead. Cold. Would you like that shit bitch?”
“I’ll kill you muthafucka! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!” It was all I could think to say through the pounding in my head.
“And if I’m not mistaken, that pussy’s a virgin tunnel. Ain’t it? Ha!” Yolo’s laugh became even louder and more sinister. “I’m gon’ steam roll that shit so bad I’m sure your dead ass momma is gonna feel this one.”
“Go to hell you son of a bitch!”
“We going there together in fucking style. Oh I’m gon’ have fun with this little pussy here.” He said as I felt his colossal sized hands wrap around my waist. “Come here bitch.”
Chapter 13— Cesar
The only word I could equate with the feeling that was rushing through my veins was anger. I clenched my dark brown knuckled fist as an angry scowl filled my face. The problem was I was doing too much damn talking. This time I was going to take those words and turn them into actions. All of my senses were on high alert. It took everything in me not to lunge cross the floor and wrap my fingers around her neck, squeezing tightly until her cheeks turned blue. In my mind it sounded like a bomb exploding, a big ass asteroid entering Earth’s atmosphere and landing causing mass destruction, fingernails screeching across a blackboard. I swear my face was as red as lava with steam coming out of my ears.
“Mink, are you fucking insane or something? What the hell were you thinking?” Momma Pearl screamed in pure unadulterated agony as she kneeled down to the floor slowly.
“I…I didn’t. I…” Mink’s stuttering ass shook her head as if she could not believe it herself.
I thought my heart would break in two and bleed all across the floor leaving me alive enough to still feel the insufferable pain shooting through my body. That bitch would pay with her life, her fucking worthless ass life. As much as I wanted to focus on her it was damn near impossible. My feet would not move and my knees felt weak only wanting to drop to the floor and lay my head down.
“It’s okay baby. Grandma’s here. Grandma’s here. Just breathe baby. Breathe.” Momma Pearl said reaching frantically for her cell phone. “Yes, please come quick! I need an ambulance and the police to…”
Silence filled my ears. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. All I could do was hope for someone or something to come in the room and slap me across the face, waking me up from this whack ass dream. My breathing sped up just about as fast as my heart pumped as I kneeled down beside my son. CJ wasn’t even the least bit scared of the big long knife sticking out of his chest. He was trying to remain calm and not panic but his face looked so innocent, so peaceful. It was the first time in a long time that I was scared shitless.
“Just hang in there kiddo. You’re gonna be just fine.” I said smiling down at him as he smiled back. “Save your energy.”
“Don’t worry baby. Help is on the way.” Momma Pearl said kissing his forehead trying not to panic herself. “Just don’t move.”
We were both focusing on keeping CJ as still and comfortable as possible. But sitting there watching him fight for his life with a huge knife stuck in his body made me feel as helpless as an injured baby bird. I could do nothing or say nothing to make it better. I could not switch places with him in order to take his pain away or go through this for him. He was a kid, just a kid who didn’t need to be going through any of this bullshit. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. It should not have been him trying to fight for his life it should have been her.
“Oh my God. What have I done?” Mink whispered as she rose to her feet.
“You done fucked up! That’s what you’ve done. You’re so fucking evil and vindictive and now look where it’s gotten you. Look where it’s gotten your son!” I screamed trying not to exert my angry energy onto CJ.
“I didn’t mean for this shit to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be him. It was supposed to be you!” Mink screamed back at me. “You did this. If you hadn’t been so selfish trying to take him away from me, none of this would have happened.”
“No bitch. You threw the knife and now you’re gonna take responsibility for this shit one way or the other.” I snapped as CJ grabbed my hand, his strength waning.
I could tell that he did not want me arguing with her at a time like this. He wanted me there by his side. He was right. It was not about her, it was about him. She did not deserve to have the spotlight on her right now especially when he needed me the most. It took everything in me not to leave his side and drop kick that bitch in her face. But CJ knew that the best thing to kill her ass was to ignore her ass. She wanted the attention on her everyday all day. She was done getting her way, she was done getting anything from me anymore.
“It’s gon’ be alright son. You hang in there kiddo. You hang in there.” I said leaning into his face kissing his forehead thinking of what I could say to take his mind off this shit. “You know what? I left your room empty and blank at our new house. You wanna know why? Cause I wanted you to go in there and decorate it and color it however you liked. If you wanted to paint with crayons all over that muthafucka that’s what you do. Ya understand? It’s your room.”
It was the only thing I could think to talk to him about to make him happy. He loved the fact that he was about to get a huge glorious room all to himself and be able to fit a ton of shit in there. Whatever he wanted, I was willing to give to him. Small tears began to fall from his eyes and roll down the side of his face towards his ears. I saw him trying to fix his lips to apologize. He was trying to respect my teachings and one of those was that men never cried. But he was not just some man in my eyes. He was my son and I had obviously neglected to teach him that fact.
“You listen to me, son. It’s okay for family to cry for each other, you hear me? I’m sorry I was so hard on you.” I said softly as he shook his he
ad in disagreement. “No son. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“CJ, CJ, I didn’t mean for this to happen to you. I wasn’t trying to do this to you. Do you hear me?” Mink said dancing back in forth in a panic. “Do you hear me, boy?”
CJ did not even look in her direction. Who could blame him for not being in the mood or condition to even entertain her bullshit? Instead he focused his eyes on mine. As long as he was locked on to me, I would be locked on to him. Nothing, not even death, could force me to break the bond we were having right now. I wanted to be optimistic and believe that he was going to be okay. But the fucking ambulance was taking so long and his health was fading so fast right in front of me that my hope was beginning to fade too. Seeing him in pain and crying almost made me cry too. But I knew if I wasn’t strong for him he could not be strong for his self.
“He won’t even talk to me. On his death bed and he won’t even talk to me.” Mink said folding her arms as she looked down on him.
“What the fuck do you want him to say to you, Mink?” Momma Pearl raised her face up from CJ’s forehead, face drenched in tears. “This boy owes you nothing. NOTHING!”
“I didn’t say he did.” Mink snarled.
“Then how come you haven’t even apologized to him? Out of everything you’ve said out of your diseased infested mouth and not one of those words remotely came close to saying you were sorry.” Momma Pearl countered.
“What do you want me to do?” Mink asked shrugging her shoulders. “I said I didn’t mean to do this. It wasn’t my fault—“
“There you go again not taking responsibility for your actions. Tell your got damn son that you’re sorry for almost ruining his life. You’re sorry for being the worst mother on the face of the fucking planet. You’re sorry for being this ruthless conniving bitch that only thought about herself; How about any one of those?” Momma Pearl was fed up and it read all in her voice.
“I’m not either one of those. You never liked me momma. You never wanted me as your child and I get that now. But I will not sit here and allow you to keep downing me like I’m not shit. I’ve tried to be a good daughter to you but you didn’t give a shit about anything I did for you.” Mink cried with no tears in sight.
“Did for me? When was the last time you did anything for me, Mink? When was the last time I asked? You keep holding over my head that you didn’t have the picture perfect life but that’s only because you decided you didn’t want to listen anymore. You rebelled. You spread your legs. You ran away. None of that is my fault. Now that you’re grown you want to have a relationship?” Momma Pearl lowered her head. “I loved you until you stopped showing love for yourself and then I had to let you go. No one is going to allow someone to keep bringing them down. You’re toxic venom, Mink. Can’t you see that?”
Momma Pearl pointed down to her ailing grandson to show Mink an example of her fucked up ways. I looked up into her face as CJ closed his eyes just to see if anything was registering with her at that moment. I was curious to see if anything she had just told her resonated through her brain. Mink’s expression was solemn and cold. I could not read it and I was tired of trying. I focused back on CJ who was trying to drift off to sleep but I kissed his eyes every time he tried to make sure he opened them with a smile.
“That’s not my fault.” Mink shook her head. “I refuse to pay for something that wasn’t on me. That shit was on him over there and you know it. If you wanna be mad at somebody be mad at his ass. Told you that wasn’t ya fucking kid anyway!”
“You’re such an evil bitch. I don’t know how I could birth something so vile, so evil.” Momma Pearl shook her head as tears continued to stream.
“I am my mother’s daughter.” Mink replied sarcastically.
In the distance we could hear the faint sound of sirens approaching. It was about fucking time. They were taking forever it seemed and yet when I looked up at the clock on the cable box on top of the living room TV it showed that it had only been about ten minutes. But that was ten minutes too long in the eyes of my son. I kneeled my head down to my son’s hand praying to God that he saved my son. I could think of nothing else more detrimental to me than losing the one thing I cared about the most. Not even my own life mattered at this point. I would gladly give up my life if it meant saving his.
I could hear Mink’s feet begin to dance in panic all over again. She was itching trying to think of her next move. I knew she would undoubtedly run. It’s all she knew how to do. Her presence was no longer felt in the room but I could hear rustling in the background. She was in the room gathering up some shit she needed to go on the run and never come back. I didn’t even care anymore because at the end of the day, miserable people led miserable lives and that’s exactly what she was.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Momma Pearl looked up in confusion.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting the hell out of here before the police get here.” Mink said placing a backpack on the couch as she continued to stuff it so she could zip it.
“Oh no you’re not. That’s the reason why I told them to send the damn police so they could come and get your ass. You ain’t running away from this shit you’ve done.” Momma Pearl responded.
“Look, I know you want to do the right thing and be Miss Goody Two Shoes but now is not the time to want to act like you give a shit about people when we all know you really only give a damn about yourself.” Mink rambled quickly.
“What?”
“I mean c’mon let’s face it; If he died right now you would probably be glad that you don’t have to burden yourself with taking care of yet another problem. So, in hindsight I did you a fucking favor.” Mink went on as our mouths dropped to the floor.
“I can’t believe you just fixed your mouth to say some shit like that. How could you be so fucking insensitive?” I said shaking my head in disbelief.
“When you’ve walked a day in my shoes, you all can judge me. Until then y’all can just go to hell cause I’m out this muthafucka.” Mink said as she grabbed the backpack strap and slung it around on her arm.
“Mink, you’d better not walk out that door. I can’t let you.” Momma Pearl stated calmly.
“Ha! Oh really? What you gon’ do about it?” Mink egged putting her hands on her hips, as the sirens grew louder outside.
“You little bitch!”
Those were the last words I heard before Momma Pearl rose from the floor and charged at Mink sending her flying back across the floor. She wrapped her fingers around Mink’s neck but Mink overpowered her arms as Momma Pearl continued to reach it. She was giving up and was obviously at her wits end with Mink. The two of them rustled around on the floor slapping each other in the head, Momma Pearl having the better advantage since she sat right on top of Mink’s torso. She was determined not to let her walk out the door and get away with the attempted murder of her own flesh and blood.
Even though it was fucked up, I was proud that Momma Pearl was not about to stand for any of Mink’s bullshit. She had been weaseling her way out of shit for years but this was definitely something she needed to pay for. CJ was slowly losing consciousness right before my eyes and as I looked at him all I could feel was elevated hatred for her for doing this to him. My son, an innocent life, was affected forever and that bitch couldn’t care less.
“You stupid bitch! I should’ve gotten an abortion the minute I found out I was pregnant with you!” Momma Pearl said grabbing Mink by the hair then banging her head against the floor like she was trying to nail it down there.
“Get the fuck off me! Get off!” Mink kicked and screamed.
“No. You wanna go to hell? Then I’m gon’ send your ass there myself!” The rage in Momma Pearl’s face was immeasurable.
“You gon’ go with me then bitch!” Mink retorted as she reached up knocking Momma Pearl into the wall next to them.
Momma Pearl bumped her head something ugly. She clenched a part of her hair in her hand then lowered it. I knew she
was a bit dazed from the blow. Mink saw her chance and took it. She grabbed her bag and jetted through the kitchen and out the back door like a thief in the night. It was definitely a good try but Momma Pearl should’ve knocked her ass unconscious if she wanted to keep her here with no problems. I knew Mink was a beast and she would do just about anything to get her way. The room was riddled with the echoes of rambunctious knocking at the door. Gently, I released CJ’s hand to open the door and let the two paramedics in.
Immediately inside they noticed CJ and went to work on him cringing every few seconds at the large knife impaled in his small chest. They worked as quickly as they could, hooking him up to the IV and moving him onto their gurney. The entire time CJ smiled and kept his drowsy eyes open as best as he could. He was a little fighter and I admired that about him. He refused to give up so neither could I. The paramedics were afraid to remove the knife fearing that it would cause further bleeding and ultimately end his life before he could make it to the hospital. The male paramedic walked over to tend to Momma Pearl who was finally getting her head together after the blow Mink delivered.
