Rane came closer and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Mark my words, sooner or later those men will rise against us.”
Marie couldn’t suppress her shock and several men turned toward her. She put both hands over her mouth and shook her head.
“Remember what I said.” Rane gave her one last look and then, as if she had said nothing at all, she turned and went to work on one of her patients. “Help me with this one.” She kicked a wheeled stool toward Marie and motioned her to approach the bed.
Marie obeyed the command and did what was asked of her, but she didn’t know how to act around the doctor anymore. She had heard her make risky statements before, but Rane had never reached such level of profanity. The idea of asking Madame Lana to be excused from duty crossed her mind. The man under their combined care emitted a sound, part rattle, part pained moan.
“They have nobody who’s willing to defend them.” The doctor didn’t turn, but stopped Maria’s hand with hers over the man’s chest. “Their heart beats like ours.”
Maria cried in surprise. “What?”
Rane released her hold on Marie’s hand. “Your shift just ended. Go back upstairs to finally have your lunch.”
Heart beating fast, stomach upset, and sweat covering her forehead, Marie ran away from the infirmary, only to be stopped at the door, as it seemed to be the doctor’s habit.
“And next time, don’t bother lying to me again.” Rane gave her one final, cold stare. “Decide if you really want to save lives and come back only if your answer is yes.”
Back in her room, several floors between them, she thought of what the doctor said and didn’t know what to think. If training under Rane meant being exposed to her ideas, she wasn’t sure she could do it anymore. Maybe she could write Madame Carla and ask her to take her back. She could offer to work at the Institute and never leave again. She would be such a good elder for the little girls. Yes, I’ll explain to Madame Carla I can’t stay here anymore. She won’t deny my request once I tell her what’s going on at Redfarm. Then, in the middle of her furious reasoning, she remembered she had left Grant’s gift at the infirmary. And for same reason, she knew without a doubt she wouldn’t say anything about Rane and her perverted ideas. She then realized Idra hadn’t crossed her mind the whole day, again, and sadness engulfed her. Big tears swelled in her eyes and she sobbed against the pillow, trying to smother the sound of her misery. Longing for some solace, she probed under the pillow, looking for the bracelet she had hidden there, and when her fingers found the cold charms, she seized it like a lifeline. From far away, she heard the door opening and closing, but was beyond caring.
“It’s that time of the month again?” Verena approached the bed and playfully ruffled Marie’s hair.
“You’d think.” She smiled between sobs and eventually started laughing. That’s it. I’m hormonal. It’s the only explanation. At the Institute the older girls always talked about that and how they were mean to each other because hormones made them say awful things. She had never believed it, but lately she had been changing moods more times she could count.
“What did Rane make you do?” Verena stopped playing with her hair and slowly combed it in multiple small braids. “By the way, I came looking for you at lunch break.”
Of course. “The doctor wasn’t in a good mood today.” She relaxed under her friend’s therapeutic hands.
Verena’s fingers gently massaged her scalp and she purred like a contented kitten. “I heard you had the infirmary full for some virus.”
“It was no virus.” She closed her mouth four words too late. She wasn’t sure Rane wanted the truth to be paraded outside of the infirmary.
“Then what was it?” Verena stopped massaging her, Marie complained, and she resumed her controlled gestures.
“Not sure.” She took her bottom lip between her teeth.
“You don’t want to say.” Verena didn’t even sound disappointed, which made her feel worse for lying.
“Rane thinks they’re experimenting on the workers.” She was tired of not saying things.
Verena must have been surprised by Marie’s willingness to talk because her fingers hesitated for the briefest moment. “Why? And who are they?”
“That’s exactly what I asked.” She was satisfied her friend reaction was the same. “As for the who, it seems the Temple’s doctors are involved—”
“The Priestess’s Temple?” Verena couldn’t contain her surprise and stood without warning, sending Marie down on the bed.
Marie managed not to roll off the bed and started laughing, rocking her body back and forth and almost falling again. She laughed until she cried.
Verena patiently waited until she was done and then when Marie raised her eyes to her, she gave her a stern look. “I don’t see how what I said could be so funny.”
“You repeated my question, word for word.” She cleaned the tears with her sleeve. The idea that none of this was funny at all did pass her mind, but it only made her want to laugh again. “Hormones.” She breathed in and out and finally answered her friend’s question. “Yes, the Priestess’s Temple.”
“Are you sure the Temple’s doctors are involved with workers…?” Verena looked outraged.
“Rane thinks so. I don’t know.” She shrugged.
“And why?” Verena sat back on the edge of the bed, looking directly at Marie.
“As for the why, according to Rane, they’re experimenting with fertility drugs to increment—” She couldn’t bring herself to say the last words, but Verena understood and blushed.
“No!” Verena mirroring Marie’s reaction to the letter brought her hands to her mouth and stifled a cry. “That can’t be! The Temple is the holiest of places.”
“Could you work for Rane?” Marie abruptly asked. The question burned a trail from her heart to her stomach.
“Is she talking about this kind of thing all the time?” Verena inched closer to her.
“Not all the time.” Marie wanted to be fair. “I thought you knew what kind of person she is.” Since everybody had known about Redfarm’s habit of sending trainees to work on men first, why not knowing about Rane’s unorthodox agenda?
“Obviously, only a few people know about that. No wonder Carnia didn’t want to leave the infirmary…” Verena moved on the bed and went to sit with her back against the wall, mirroring Maria.
“Would you work with her?” She shifted uncomfortably, averting her friend’s eyes.
“You’re asking because?”
In moments like these, Marie was reminded that Verena was older than she was and she felt silly. “Because I still want to work there.”
“Then you shouldn’t mind what Rane says.” Verena pulled her close and let Marie’s head rest on her arm, both of them with their backs to the wall.
Marie, who had gone from laughing hysterically to worried and sad in the span of a sentence, breathed in relief. “Do you think people will think I’m a… men lover?” She whispered the last part.
“People will think what they want to think.” It was Verena’s turn to shrug. “I wouldn’t judge you for it.”
Marie had thought about that. Verena was as normal as they get, but had defended Carnia’s blasphemous relationship. “But I would never, ever be one of them.”
“Sometimes, you don’t decide whom you want to be with.” Verena hugged her closer and kissed her head in that sisterly way of hers.
Marie was relieved by her words, but Verena still remained a mystery to her. She wouldn’t get caught thinking about a man, but she was the most tolerant person she knew. “Why are you like this?”
Verena distanced herself from Marie and smiled. “Like what?” But from the smirk she couldn’t hide, she knew what Marie had asked.
“So good to people, even people like Carnia.” She didn’t want to know why, but it was important to her Verena answered with the truth.
“It’s easier to be nice.” She gave Marie a smile. “Come here.” Verena pulled her bac
k to her side and they stood still, silently looking at the wall in front of them. “We should hang something there. I didn’t know it was so depressing to look at.”
They both started laughing and kept laughing for a while.
The morning after, Marie entered the infirmary with a new resolution and didn’t waste time waiting for the right moment to communicate it to Rane. “I won’t be intimidated by your talk, but I would appreciate you minding your words.” She spoke slowly, deliberately enunciating the letters.
“Are you done?” Rane, who hadn’t even had time to acknowledge her presence, looked at her from the medicinal cabinet she was restocking and then pointed at one cart topped with a big piece of meat and surgical instruments.
“Yes—” Marie was taken aback by the doctor’s reaction. She had expected to have to work it out longer.
“You’ll practice stitches on the roast beef.” Rane moved items on the shelf level to her eyes.
Marie went to look at the piece of bloody meat and wore the gloves, but didn’t know what to do next.
“Make a deep incision with the scalpel.” Rane opened a box at her feet and extracted a few books from it. “What are you waiting for?”
Marie was gingerly holding the scalpel, but she hadn’t reached for the meat and was startled by the doctor’s abruptness. She didn’t want to be told off twice though and focused on the task ahead. “Like this?” A large, deep gap now marred the meat.
Rane gave one brief look and nodded. “Now, start closing it again like you saw me doing the other day.”
Marie washed the scalpel and then came back to grab needle and thread. Forehead wrinkled in deep concentration, her fingers carefully went back and forth, threading in and out of the two ridges of separated tissue. Some time later, she gave one final stitch and raised her head to find Rane not two feet away from the cart, intently looking first at her handiwork and then at her.
“You’re a natural, of that I’m sure.” She sighed. “You could be invaluable to me.” Arms folded on her back, she paced a few steps. “I’d hate to lose you.”
Marie wanted to reply she didn’t have to, but the infirmary door opened and two guards escorted in two men: Grant and another man Grant supported through the door.
“Same stomach virus the workers had yesterday,” one of the two guards said when Rane asked what symptoms the man had.
The other guard made sure Grant was at her side as soon as he left the worker on one of the beds.
Marie had her eyes on him the whole time, hoping she could say something to him, but the guard had him to the door in no time. He was almost out when he tripped and almost fell.
He turned to face Marie, and while regaining his balance, he mouthed, “Thank you,” a second before the guard shouted how clumsy and useless he was. The door closed behind him and she heard a thump followed by a muffled cry. Breath coming in shallow bouts, she fought the urge to run after them and see if he was all right.
“He’s strong and still very useful. They wouldn’t hurt him badly.” Rane was at the worker’s bedside already administering fluids and asking questions. “I see. Another victim of the virus.” She lowered the hem of the shirt she had lifted to check his back.
Marie wasn’t sure if the first part of what she had said was directed at her. Maybe she wasn’t as discreet as she had thought in showing her emotions and Rane had seen right through her. Or maybe it was a coincidence and she had read too much in the doctor’s words. She’ll drive me crazy. I’m driving myself crazy. This wasn’t the first time she wondered about her sentiments and how people would react to them. Finally, her worries over Grant won over the rest of her rational thinking. “Young workers are treated differently than the older?” Still, she couldn’t bring herself to be direct.
“As long as they’re needed, they’re fine.” Rane shook her head and then added, “Well, fine isn’t the right word, but you get what I mean. They aren’t treated as bad as the ones that are no longer useful.” She raised one eyebrow. “You asked.”
Marie nodded. She had asked knowing the answer already. Partially reassured Grant would be okay for the time being, she redoubled her efforts to get on Rane’s good side. The day at the infirmary went better than she had expected, and she finished her shift having learned how to stitch almost to perfection. Rane had her practicing the whole day by cutting the same piece of meat everywhere until there was no whole tissue left to slash.
Once out of the infirmary, instead of going to the cafeteria, she ran outside to the courtyard, the piece of marzipan retrieved from her cubicle when Rane was too busy with a patient and secured inside her dress’ front pockets. She’d been thinking about the small square the whole time and now she wanted to savor it alone. Safely hidden by the mulberry trees’ foliage, she sat inside the natural gazebo and slowly unwrapped her gift, her mouth salivating at the thought. She bit the smallest piece out of it and let it melt on her tongue, the sweetness and smoothness of the almond paste making her moan.
“I knew it was the right gift for you.” Grant stood a few feet from her hiding spot, just outside the trees’ canopy but sheltered by its shadow and the safety of the building wall.
She saw his smile and the way his eyes shone bright and made her smile back. “Love marzipan.”
“I’m glad I could get some for you.” He stepped under the canopy and went to sit by her side, his legs close to hers but not touching.
“I’m glad you stole some for me.” She couldn’t help to rectify his statement, but her tone was light and he laughed. She was happy about that. I like his smell, she caught herself thinking and almost said it out loud. “Would you like a bite?” She offered the tiny morsel on her outstretched palm.
He made to push her hand away, then shook his head without reaching for her. “It’s just for you, but thank you.”
Marie felt disappointment grow inside of her. “Have you had news from Carnia?” And there she had asked the only question she didn’t want to hear the answer to. She normally wasn’t so irrational.
Grant hesitated and then raked his hand through his hair. “No. I was hoping you’d have some…”
All of a sudden, the sweetness lingering in her mouth soured. Marie lowered the piece of marzipan on her lap, her temper rising, her eyes stinging. She was aware she started it, but it didn’t lessen the dark coil from tightening inside her stomach. “Don’t know anything about her. Already told you we weren’t friends.”
“Yes, I remember.” He scooted away, as if her mood had created a rejecting wall. “It’s not why I sent you the gift though.”
She frowned, liking the sound of what he was saying, but afraid he would crush her hope with the next word. “Why did you?”
“Because you helped me even though you don’t like Carnia or me. You didn’t rat me out and you took care of me at the infirmary. I wanted to thank you for that.” Grant slowly moved closer to her as if testing the waters. “Nothing more.”
In the span of a moment, her mood had lifted again. “You’re welcome.” She didn’t rectify him this time. She didn’t like Carnia, and she was starting to understand why. It scared her.
“Must go…” He stood up but didn’t leave, his mouth open and silent.
Marie wanted him to stay a moment longer, but noises from the farm brought her back to a reality where she was willingly having a conversation with a worker. “Go!” She watched as he disappeared behind the corner, the dark shadows safely wrapping his tall figure, and then she went back inside, uncertain steps leading her way.
7
Later, back in her room, alone—Verena had left to run an errand for some elders—Marie lay on her bed and had time to think about her day while staring at the ceiling. Grant was the ever-present thought from which every other thought derived. She had let go of any pretense of not wanting to think of him. Finally, she had to accept she liked thinking of him. Could I like him? It was a blasphemous thought and it still made her feel dirty, but there was no way around it. Otherw
ise, why would she get so riled up when Carnia was mentioned? She had been so sure of Idra’s affection. She had never felt the sting of jealousy. It was such an unpleasant, dark, diminishing feeling and she hated everything about it. ‘”What’s happening to me?”
“I don’t know. Something bothering you?” Verena was staring down at her.
“Not sure.” Marie had vaguely heard her coming this time, but hadn’t bothered silencing her voice. “How’s Darlene?”
Verena blushed and retreated to go sit on her bed. “How do you know the errand was for her?”
Marie turned on her side to look at her. “Please.” She raised one eyebrow and whirled her hand in the air. “Why are you still wasting your time with a girl like her?”
“I don’t have a choice.” Verena shrugged, sadness emanating from her in waves.
“We always have a choice.” Marie’s voice sounded harsh even to herself and one look at her friend confirmed it. She regretted her words but couldn’t take them back.
In contrast, Verena’s rebuke was soft. “Not when you’re in love with someone.”
“I think we’ve already talked about this.” Marie dismissed her before they would delve into the anguish of unrequited affects. “Changing subject, if I had any doubt the women knew there was no mysterious virus attacking healthy workers, I got proof now. Two guards came down to the infirmary escorting two men and they wore no masks or gloves to protect themselves from getting sick.”
“Experimenting on men isn’t right. I know they’re men, but—” Verena was playing with her hair, coiling and uncoiling her luscious tresses.
“They’re still human beings.” Again, Marie’s voice came out louder than the situation asked for.
A series of shots reverberated from outside. Both Marie and Verena hurried to the window. They didn’t have time to see what was happening before a second round followed and then a third and fourth in rapid succession. Finally, the alarm siren came alive and covered every other sound.
Marie's Journey (Ginecean Chronicles) Page 9
