'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘It’s a messier situation than I first realised,’ Eddie said. ‘She must think I’m a right bully, telling her she has to get rid of it or else.’

  Jon spoke up. ‘Don’t you think Roy has a right to know?’

  ‘I don’t know what to think, son. Give me a couple of days. I told her I’ll call her Wednesday morning, see what she’s decided. Don’t expect she’ll change her mind now, do you?’

  Sean shook his head. ‘If she decides to get rid then there’s no need for Roy to know. If not, then he’ll have to be told. She can’t be expected to shoulder the responsibility on her own.’

  ‘Okay,’ Eddie agreed, glad he’d shared the problem.

  ‘Dad, did you know Let's Love a While Longer is being released next Monday?’ Jon changed the subject.

  ‘I had a call from Spencer Philips last week,’ Eddie replied. ‘What with the memorial service and everything, it slipped my mind. Perry’s Dream’s supporting Spandau Ballet on tour next month and the song should get plenty of airplay. It’d be nice to have a number one again. It’s been over a year since that happened, although we’ve had a few top-tenners this last twelve months, so I’m not complaining.’

  ‘When Tim and Pat come home, have you firm plans to re-form The Raiders?’ asked Sean.

  ‘Yeah, definitely. Roy needs something to occupy him and I’m ready for performing live again.’

  Sean grinned broadly. ‘Well, that’s some good news for a nice change. Do you fancy lunch, Ed?’

  ‘Don’t mind if I do, seeing as I’m in town anyway.’

  ‘Right, I’ll take an early lunch, Jon. We can go now. The pubs will be just about opening and I could murder a pint.’

  ‘After this morning, so could I. See you later, Jon.’

  ‘Bye, Dad. Remind Mum that I’m going for something to eat with Helen and I’ll be home about nine-thirty to sit with Jess. By the way, I’m calling Aunt Sally this afternoon.’

  ‘Are you? Well - it’s up to you.’

  Sean glanced at Eddie as they left the shop. ‘Are you okay, Ed? Don’t you like the idea of him getting in touch?’

  Eddie shook his head. ‘No, I don’t. They’ve hardly bothered with him, apart from sending cards and money for his birthdays and Christmas. They wanted him at Angie’s dad’s funeral, but with the accident it slipped our minds.’

  ‘Well surely it won’t do any harm. It’s not as if they’re fighting for custody. They’d have done that when he was a nipper.’

  Eddie smiled wryly. ‘Over my dead body. But you’re right of course. What harm can it do?’ Eddie knew Sean would be shocked if he knew the real reason behind his concerns.

  ***

  ‘Thanks, Molly.’ Jane accepted the mug of coffee Sammy’s mum handed her. ‘I’m really in need of this.’

  It was their first full day back at work since the accident and there was a backlog of paperwork to do. Supervisor Ruby had taken control during the last couple of weeks, with Jane and Molly popping in whenever they could.

  Halfway through the morning, Jane called her mother. Eddie had announced at breakfast that he had some business to attend to after the school run. Her mum had volunteered to help Jess with showering and dressing. The plaster cast was due to come off Jess’s wrist on Thursday, so at least she would have one injured limb free.

  ‘Hello, Jane love,’ her mother answered after a few rings. ‘Yes - Jess is fine. She’s gone out for a little walk with your dad and Lennon. - No, she’s not on her crutches. It’s too much of a struggle. I don’t know why on earth they gave her crutches in the first place. What on earth were they thinking of with a broken wrist? Your dad’s put her in that wheelchair we borrowed. - No, she didn’t object. She wanted to go, Jane, she asked. Stop fussing, love; she’ll get there. I’ll see you later.’

  Jane hung up. Mum was right. She was fussing too much. Jess was usually so independent, but with limbs in plaster she’d no choice but to be looked after.

  Molly walked through with a pile of invoices. ‘Are you okay, love?’ she asked dumping them in Jane’s tray.

  Jane smiled. ‘Yeah. Mum just told me to stop fussing over Jess. Dad’s taken her out in a wheelchair. Can you believe it, Jess going out willingly in a wheelchair?’

  Molly sighed. ‘It must be very hard for her. She and Nick were devoted. It’s going to take her a long time to get over this. When my Samuel was killed, I didn’t want to go on living, I just wanted to die and be with him. But I had to think about my girls and carry on for their sakes. It was very hard, but they pulled me through and then I met Tom and fell in love again.

  ‘Jess needs something to keep her going. I know they didn’t have kids but The Zoo was Nick and Jess’s baby. They lived for that band as well as each other.’ Molly wiped a tear from her eye and continued. ‘Jason popped in to see us the other night with Jules. He said the group will probably never play again. Tom and I think that’s sad, because they’re all so talented. Eddie and Roy shouldn’t let it go to waste. It would give Jess a focus and while I’m still angry with Roy about the affair, managing the group again will give him an extra focus, too.’

  Jane smiled. ‘You could be right, Molly. It might help, but I don’t know how Jess will cope without Nick beside her. They did all the vocals and harmonies and it would be like Eddie without Roy, they’d be lost. We’ll have to see, but it’s worth thinking about.’

  ‘Hello, hello, hello, shirking instead of working, Mrs Mellor.’ Sammy popped her head around the door, closely followed by Roy.

  ‘Hello, you two,’ Jane said. ‘What are you doing here? I thought you were taking this week off, Sam?’

  Sammy gave a wan smile. ‘I’m fed up at home. I can’t settle to anything. Roy’s going over to see Ed, so he brought me here. He’s going to wait at your place for me and I’ll go home with you, Jane, if that’s alright.’

  ‘That’s fine, so long as you feel up to being here. You can eat with us tonight. We’ll send out for something.’

  ‘That would be lovely. Jason’s going to Jules’s for tea, so we don’t need to worry about him.’ Sammy turned to Roy who was standing silently behind her looking uncomfortable. ‘You go now, Roy, I’ll see you later.’

  Roy made a move to kiss her on the lips, but she turned her head away and he brushed her cheek. Sammy’s frown and Roy’s injured expression didn’t go unnoticed by Jane and Molly, but neither commented.

  As Roy left, Molly slipped back into her own office, closing the door behind her.

  ‘So, how are you?’ Jane asked, taking in Sammy’s pale face and the dark circles beneath her eyes.

  ‘So, so,’ she replied. ‘How’s Jess?’

  Jane shrugged. ‘Up and down, you know how it is. How are things with you and Roy?’

  Sammy blinked back tears. ‘I hate him. I can’t even stand to be in the same room. He’s fussing round, trying to make amends and all I can think about is him shagging the bimbo! It’s eating away at me.’

  ‘Oh, Sammy.’ Jane stood up and put her arms around her. ‘What the hell are you going to do?’

  ‘I’m not sure yet. I’ve decided to go and see her. Try and lay a ghost. I haven’t a clue what I’ll say or even when I’ll go, but it’ll be very soon. Keep it to yourself, Jane. I don’t want Roy to find out. I can’t move on or even begin to build bridges with him until I’ve confronted her.’

  Jane nodded. ‘I won’t tell a soul, but are you sure you’re doing the right thing? Wouldn’t it be better to let sleeping dogs lie?’

  ‘No,’ Sammy said with feeling. ‘It’s something I have to do.’

  ***

  Eddie and Sean walked companionably down the street towards Flanagan and Grey’s, each with their own thoughts on the Livvy situation. They’d chatted comfortably over lunch and a couple of pints, and as they were parting company near the shop, Sean pointed at two young lads further down on the opposite side of the road.

  ‘Isn’t that young Jason and his mate, whatsisname?’

  ‘Jul
es?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s it, Jules,’ Sean nodded. ‘I’m sure it was those two.’

  ‘Jason’s supposed to be back at college today,’ Eddie frowned. ‘Maybe it wasn’t them.’

  ‘I hope it wasn’t.’ Sean raised an eyebrow. ‘That pub they’ve disappeared into is a well known haunt for gays.’

  ‘Is it? It won’t have been Jason then, not going into a gay pub. Lads all look the same these days with their poncy hairstyles. Our Jon takes longer than Jess does in the bathroom and her hair’s almost down to her backside.’

  Sean laughed. ‘Anyway, Ed, you and Jane must come over and have a meal with me and Tina one night, if you can find the time.’

  ‘Thanks, Sean, we’ll make time. We’ll do it before The Raiders re-form and while we can still call time our own. Get the girls to fix it up. See you soon, mate.’

  ***

  Eddie carried on his way down the street, glancing into the pub doorway as he passed. The door was propped open and standing by the bar, sideways on, drink in hand, was the unmistakable figure of Jason. Standing by his side, his hand resting on Jason’s shoulder was Jules. The pair were talking animatedly, completely oblivious that they were being observed.

  Eddie hurried on his way before either boy spotted him. Sean was obviously wrong about the pub he thought; it wasn’t just a hang out for gays. Oh well whatever, Jason and Jules must have decided to skip college and have a pint instead. The only crime the lads were committing was under-age drinking and they’d all been guilty of that in their time.

  ***

  Jess and Roy were sitting at the table drinking coffee when Eddie arrived home.

  ‘Where have you been, Dad?’ Jess smiled. ‘You look kind of mellow.’

  ‘I had lunch with Sean. The mellowness is probably due to a couple of pints of lager.’

  ‘Lucky you,’ Roy sighed. ‘You should have given me a call. I’d have gone with you. I need to get out of the house. Being cooped up with Sammy all day’s driving me crazy. She’s blaming me for the accident now.’

  Jess’s eyes opened wide. ‘Roy, it wasn’t your fault, for God’s sake. Why on earth is Sammy blaming you?’

  ‘She thinks Nick wasn’t concentrating on his driving. She said his mind was probably on our problems.’

  ‘No, that’s just not true. Nick was concentrating. It was the stupid driver who swerved in front of us that caused the accident. Nick braked hard to avoid crashing into the back of him and for some reason the car spun out of control. I remember everything quite clearly. Nick cried out “Hold on tight, Jess.” Those were the last words he ever said to me, just like in the dreams I used to have.’ She placed her hand over Roy’s, blinking back tears. ‘Roy, don’t torture yourself. If anything, Nick’s mind was on the gig we were due to play at the college. We were discussing the play-list before we crashed, honestly, and he was definitely concentrating.

  ‘If we hadn’t been on a blind bend, if that twat behind had waited a few seconds, if that lorry hadn’t been coming towards us. See, Roy, it’s all ifs; we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. No matter what went on between you, Livvy and Sammy, the accident would still have happened because of where we were.’ Jess took a deep breath and continued. ‘If only the party we should have been going to hadn’t been cancelled or we had arranged to pick up Mum and Sammy earlier or later. See what I mean, Roy?’

  Roy nodded, his face crumpling. Tears coursed down his cheeks and he put his arms around Jess.

  Eddie spooned coffee into three mugs and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He thought about Livvy, sitting on the chair this morning, looking so small and lost. He also thought about the baby she was carrying. Poor kid, she must be thinking he was heartless. He’d made up his mind that when he called her on Wednesday morning, if she really wanted to go ahead and have the baby, then he would tell Roy immediately.

  He handed Roy and Jess fresh mugs of coffee and joined them at the table. ‘What do you want to do this afternoon?’ he asked Roy.

  ‘The body shop called this morning. My car’s ready to collect. Would you run me over to pick it up and I’ll take it home and garage it. Then we could come back here. Sammy’s coming home with Jane.’

  ‘No problem,’ Eddie replied. ‘By the way, Let’s Love a While Longer goes on release next week.’

  ‘Oh, that’s good. Well let’s hope it takes off,’ Roy said.

  ‘James Perry from Perry’s Dream is really good looking. With him fronting the band it should go straight to number one, and of course they’re singing a song written by two of this country’s best song-writers, who’s names slip my mind for the moment,’ Jess teased.

  ‘Cheeky Madam.’ Eddie was pleased to see her smiling again. It would be short lived. There would be tears again before the night was through.

  ***

  Leaving the now immaculate Lamborghini safely garaged at Jasmine House, Roy and Eddie set off for Hanover’s Lodge. As Eddie pulled out onto the main road Roy spotted Jason and Jules getting off a bus. He asked Eddie to pull over and opened the car window.

  ‘Why aren’t you at college, Jason?’ Roy called as the boys walked across the road.

  ‘Err, we’ve got a free afternoon Dad,’ Jason said, looking sheepish, as did Jules.

  ‘You’ve only just returned. Surely you’ve a lot of catching up to do?’

  ‘Well yes, I have, but that’s in my own time.’

  ‘Have you been drinking? Don’t deny it, son, you’re slurring your words.’

  ‘I had half a pint at lunchtime, that’s all,’ Jason said, swaying slightly.

  ‘And the rest,’ Roy said. ‘You’ll be getting into bother for under-age drinking if you’re not careful.’

  ‘Oh, and like you never drank under-age?’ Jason sneered.

  ‘That’s got nothing to do with anything. That was then, this is now. Your mother will go mad if she finds out. If you’ve deliberately skipped college she won’t be happy about that either. You’ll fail your exams and you won’t get into university.’

  ‘I don’t care about anything at the moment. Nothing’s worth bothering about anymore.’ Jason was getting upset now. ‘I really miss Nick, but no one’s taken my feelings into account. It’s all about how you and Mum feel. She’s always blaming you and you’re always shouting at her. I don’t know why you don’t just go away and leave us alone. She doesn’t want you there, not after what you’ve done. Nothing’s changed. Nick’s death hasn’t made your affair go away.’

  Roy leapt out of the car. ‘That’s enough! You’re upset; you don’t know what you’re saying. I’m sorry if you think we’ve ignored your feelings. It wasn’t intentional.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk to you, Dad. You make me sick and you make Mum sick too. I’m going home. Come on, Jules.’ He turned his back on Roy and walked away.

  Jules looked at Roy and shrugged. ‘He’s upset, Roy. He’s finding it very difficult to cope.’ He followed Jason around the corner.

  Roy got back into the car and turned to Eddie. ‘You heard all that?’

  Eddie nodded as Roy continued. ‘Sammy hates me; I just know she does. What Jason said confirms it. I can’t go on like this, Ed. I'm going to check into a hotel for a while, give us both some space. I’ll tell her tonight.’

  ‘Good idea, Roy,’ Eddie agreed and kept it to himself that he’d seen Jason drinking in town earlier.

  ***

  Lying in her bath, Livvy clasped her hands over her rounded stomach, trying to imagine what the baby would look like, blonde, like her, or dark like Roy. Was it a boy or a girl? She was still reeling from Eddie’s earlier suggestion she should have an abortion. This was her child and she wanted it. She clambered out of the bath and stood towelling herself dry in front of the mirror, checking herself from every angle. She was showing already and her breasts had filled out.

  She quite liked her newfound curves. The only thing she didn’t like were the more prominent veins on her breasts and the way her nipples, which R
oy had likened to strawberries, had darkened. Still, it was a small price to pay. When Eddie got in touch, she would tell him she definitely wanted to go ahead and have the baby. What she didn’t relish, apart from telling Roy that she was pregnant, was admitting to him that she’d forgotten her pills on a couple of occasions. He’d be thinking she’d done it on purpose. She took a deep breath. She needed to be strong to face Roy’s wrath as this baby could not be hidden for much longer.

  ***

  Jane opened a bottle of chilled white wine and poured two glasses, carrying them through to the lounge. The kids were in bed early and already asleep and Jess was having a lie down in her room. ‘Come on, Sam; relax while Ed and Roy are out getting the food.’

  Sammy kicked off her shoes and sat on the sofa opposite Jane, tucking her feet up underneath her bottom.

  ‘Now are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?’ Jane asked. Sammy had been quiet for most of the afternoon, brooding almost, Jane thought.

  ‘Nothing gets past you, Jane Mellor,’ Sammy said. ‘I’m worried about Jason, if you must know. I heard him crying in the early hours, couldn’t sleep myself and I went to sit with him.’

  ‘Is he missing Nick?’ Jane clapped her hand to her forehead. ‘What a bloody insensitive thing to say, of course he’s missing Nick.’

  ‘He’s missing him desperately. Lucky he’s got Jules to support him. That lad’s been good for Jason. Roy and I have been so wrapped up in our own grief that we’ve not really taken Jason’s pain on board.’ Sammy took a sip of wine and looked at Jane over her glass. ‘There’s a bit of a problem though. I don’t quite know how to handle this one.’

  ‘What’s that?’ Jane frowned.

  ‘Jules is gay!’

  Jane nodded. ‘I did wonder.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ Sammy said. ‘Nick was always hinting at it.’

  ‘Does it matter?’ Jane asked.

  Sammy shrugged. ‘Jason thinks that he might be gay, too,’ Sammy replied.

  ‘Oh, Jesus!’ Jane choked on her drink.

  ‘Exactly. I feel numb. Like you can throw anything at me now, anything at all, and nothing else can possibly hurt.’