'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘Except he didn’t tell her he’d finished with her,’ Roy said, grinning. ‘And then he wondered why she wouldn't leave him alone.’

  ‘I did tell her,’ Eddie protested, ‘eventually.’

  ‘Well you must have got back with her because you married her and you had Jon. How did that happen and what went wrong with Mum?’

  ‘She dumped me,’ her dad admitted.

  ‘Why? I thought she’d always loved you? This bit you’ve never told us is what puzzles Jon and me.’

  ‘I’m embarrassed by what happened,’ her dad replied.

  Roy carried on for him. ‘He was dating Jane for a few months, but he saw Angie one night with Richard and was jealous. The following week he walked Angie home and afterwards Angie threatened to tell your mum he’d slept with her.’

  ‘I told her instead,’ her dad continued. ‘She was upset and walked out on me, but we got talking a couple of months later and she agreed to see me again.’

  ‘I can’t imagine you two-timing Mum. You and Roy are tarred with the same brush,’ Jess teased.

  Her dad grimaced and continued. ‘We had a couple of dates the same week and then she came to our gig that weekend. Afterwards we went back to my mum’s. We made love for the first time and I told her I loved her and asked her to marry me. She was only sixteen, but she said she would marry me when she was eighteen,’ Eddie sighed, remembering the night as though it were yesterday.

  ‘So what happened, Dad, how come you ended up married to Angie?’ Jess frowned.

  Eddie wondered if he should go on. He’d opened the can of worms now, but Jess wasn’t out to judge him. She just wanted to know the truth, well - as much of the truth as he was prepared to impart.

  ‘We were lying around talking and Angie walked in on us.’

  ‘You’re joking!’ Jess’s hand flew to her mouth.

  ‘There’s worse to come,’ he said, cringing inwardly. ‘She went mad, told us she was pregnant and I was the father.’

  ‘Shit! Poor Mum, she must have been devastated.’

  ‘She was. I don’t know how she managed to forgive me. But she never stopped loving me, or I her. I married Angie in July, as you know. Jon was born in December. The marriage lasted less than three years. I got back with your mum in February 1964, Angie started seeing Richard Price again and soon after that they were killed in a car crash. I took custody of Jon and your mum moved into the flat with us. We married in November that same year and you were born the following June. You don’t need to work it out, Jess; you were already on the way. You’ve always known that anyway, the strange thing is, we hadn’t a clue! What I’m trying to tell you is that we didn’t rush into the marriage because of you, it was because we loved one another. You were the icing on the cake.’

  Jess looked at her dad and took his hand. ‘Thanks, Dad. It took some guts to tell me that. I know you don’t like to talk about your time with Angie, but Jon’s very curious. He thinks that because you won’t discuss his mum with him, something must have been really awful about her. Now is that it? You’ve told me the whole story?’

  He nodded. ‘That’s it, Jess.’

  ‘Well, can we tell Jon? It’ll put his mind at rest. He’s got it into his head that his mum was a real ogre. But she was just a teenager who made a mistake like thousands of others. Poor Angie, and poor Mum.’

  ‘You can tell Jon if you like,’ her dad said. ‘He can come and ask me questions if he wants to. But one thing I have to add, Jess, is that from the minute Jon was born, I never regretted having him. I love him and I’m very proud of him. I always have been. Make sure you tell him that. I’d hate for him to think otherwise.’

  ‘I will. Take me over to Gran’s now please.’

  ‘Don’t mention this to your Gran, Jess. She’s been told an edited version and that’s enough.’

  ‘Your secret’s safe with me,’ Jess said, giving him a kiss. She hugged Roy, said goodbye and Eddie gave her a piggyback over to Enid’s house.

  ***

  Jon went straight up to Jess’s bedroom when he arrived home from work. She looked up and smiled as he walked in.

  ‘You’re home early again. Not seeing Helen tonight?’

  He shook his head. ‘Nope, it’s over.’

  ‘Why? I thought you really liked her?’

  ‘She was getting too demanding of my time,’ he replied with a dismissive shrug.

  ‘You mean she was fed up of you being with me and not her, I suppose?’

  He flopped down on the bed beside her. ‘Something like that! Don’t worry about it. We weren’t really right for one another anyway. So, what sort of a day have you had then?’

  ‘Very interesting, actually.’ Jess told him how she’d been upset over Nick and about her conversation with their dad and Roy.

  When she’d finished, Jon lay back with his hands behind his head and sighed.

  ‘So, she didn’t have two heads then, this mother of mine?’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ Jess grinned. ‘I don’t understand why he hasn’t told us before really. Why it’s all had to be kept so secret.’

  ‘Maybe to protect Mum’s feelings,’ Jon said. ‘He’d already hurt her enough without him keep dragging it up.’

  Jess nodded. ‘You’re right, of course. I never thought of that.’

  ‘Shall we go downstairs and get something to eat? The kids are in the kitchen talking Dad’s socks off, well Katie is, and Dom’s hard pushed to get a word in. Mum’s just home from work. Come on you, up you get.’ Jon lifted her easily and Jess slung her un-plastered arm around his neck and held on tightly. He smiled, Jess felt good in his arms, so right in fact and better than Helen had ever done. He felt a twitch and his cheeks warmed.

  ‘Don’t drop me!’

  ‘As if,’ he said, carrying her downstairs and sitting her at the kitchen table.

  ‘I’ll take these two up for a bath,’ Jane said, looking at Jon and Jess’s faces.

  ‘I’ll read you a story later,’ Jon called out to the kids as Jane hurried them upstairs. ‘Dad,’ he turned to Eddie, ‘thanks for telling Jess about Angie.’

  ‘I should have told you ages ago, Jon. Truth is I was a bit embarrassed. What must you both think of me?’

  ‘Dad, you were a kid,’ Jess re-assured him.

  ‘Yeah, a stupid kid who thought he was God’s gift.’

  ‘Well, it’s in the past now and at least I know a bit more about my real mum,’ Jon said. ‘I called Aunt Sally yesterday. She wasn’t in but I spoke to Angie’s mum, my grandma. I’m invited for dinner tomorrow. I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘You’ve a right to know your mum’s family, Jon. How was the old erm, your Grandma?’

  Jon grinned. ‘I presume you and she didn’t get on?’

  ‘That’s the understatement of the century. Lydia Turner and I hated one another. She called me a tearaway and threatened to have me castrated on many an occasion.’

  ‘Oh dear, I’ll try and keep your name out of the conversation then.’

  ‘You’d be very wise to,’ his dad grinned, patting him on the shoulder.

  ***

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Sammy couldn’t believe she had slept soundly for at least eight hours. Jason had stayed over at Jules’s and she’d had a quiet night on her own. Roy, sounding doleful and drunk, rang to let her know where he was in case she needed him, and she’d called Jane for a chat.

  A long soak in the Jacuzzi, a bottle of chilled white wine and she’d retired to bed refreshed and relaxed. She’d shed a few tears on Roy’s pillow, breathing in the lingering scent of his aftershave. She’d thought of Nick and the vibrant young man he’d been, and she’d recalled Jason’s earnest face the night he’d confided he might be gay. What on earth had she done to deserve all this in one fell swoop? Surely nothing else could go wrong now?

  ***

  Driving to Livvy’s, Sammy rehearsed what she would say. She swung onto the car park, wondering if Livvy was looking out of the window
. The girl certainly wouldn’t let her in if she rang the intercom. She’d have to hang around and wait for someone to go in or come out of the building. As she pondered she spotted a postman making his way across the car park. She leapt from her car and followed him. As both she and the postman arrived at the door, a young woman, pulling a toddler by the hand, emerged. She held the door for the postman and Sammy nipped in behind.

  A brass plaque on the wall by the stairs proclaimed that flats five to eight were on the next floor. She ran up the stairs and across the landing to the red door.

  She knocked and waited. The door opened a few inches and Livvy, wrapped in a pink bath towel, peeped out. Her jaw dropped when she saw Sammy.

  ‘Roy isn’t here,’ she began as Sammy pushed past her and walked into the flat without waiting to be asked.

  ‘I know he isn’t. But you and I have a few things to discuss.’ She marched into the lounge as Livvy followed.

  ‘Please sit down.’ Livvy gestured to the sofa. ‘I’ll put some clothes on.’

  Sammy nodded as Livvy disappeared.

  ***

  Livvy rushed into the bedroom and sank down on the bed. Her legs were shaking. Why was Sammy here? Had she found out about the baby? She took a calming breath and pulled on underwear and a big loose T-shirt, hoping it would hide her baby bump. She skirted past the lounge and went into the kitchen.

  ‘I’m making tea, would you like a cup?’ she called, popping her head around the lounge door. Sammy didn’t look angry, just pale and sad eyed.

  ‘Please, no sugar,’ Sammy replied. Livvy nodded and went back into the kitchen.

  ***

  Sammy looked around the small, but neat lounge. She pictured Roy seducing Livvy on the sofa and screwing her on the rug. Her stomach rolled and she swallowed hard. She closed her eyes to blank out the scene as Livvy carried two mugs through and placed one on the table in front of her. She sat on the opposite chair, pulling her T-shirt down.

  Sammy took a sip of tea. ‘It’s not easy for me, coming here,’ she began, wishing she hadn’t. All she wanted to do was run out of the place. ‘I need to talk to you. Roy and I have separated. It’s a temporary measure. We need some time apart.’

  ‘I see,’ Livvy said, looking at the floor.

  ‘What I’m trying to say,’ Sammy continued, ‘is that it doesn’t mean he’s available for you. If he comes to see you I want you to send him away. We’re going through an awful time, as I’m sure even you can imagine. I want to try and bury the past and start again. Roy and I can only do that if he has no further distractions from you.’

  ‘I haven’t seen him for ages now,’ Livvy said. ‘I won’t let him in if he comes round. I’m seeing someone new.’

  ‘Let’s hope he’s not married this time. That’s all I’ve come to say. I’ll go now.’

  ***

  As Sammy moved towards the door the phone rang and Livvy remembered that Eddie was supposed to be calling her this morning. She couldn’t take the call in front of Sammy, just in case it was Eddie.

  ‘Would you excuse me? I’m expecting a call from my boyfriend. I’ll take it in my bedroom.’ She ran to her room and snatched up the receiver, hoping that Sammy would see herself out.

  ‘It’s Eddie,’ the caller said.

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘Listen, I can’t talk long. Have you decided?’

  ‘Yes, I’m keeping it.’

  ‘And you’re sure it’s what you want?’

  ‘I’m absolutely positive.’

  ‘Okay then. It’s your decision and I’ll stand by you. We’ll get together this week and I’ll decide how I can best help you.’

  ‘What about your suggestion that I go back to Glasgow and not tell anyone who the father is?’

  ‘Forget I said that. I’ll call you when I can. Bye.’

  ‘Bye, Ed, and thanks for offering to pay for the termination. But more than that, thank you for standing by me.’

  ‘Think nothing of it.’

  Livvy hung up. At least she had someone on her side, other than Jon and Sean. How she wished she could confide in her best friend Sheena in Glasgow. Maybe later in the year she’d do that. She took several deep breaths as her stomach lurched. The last thing she needed was to give the game away by puking while Sammy was around.

  ***

  Sammy glanced at a pamphlet on the coffee table. She frowned as the heading You and Your Baby leapt out at her.

  She could hear Livvy talking to her boyfriend and crept down the hall. She heard Livvy say “I’m absolutely positive.” There was silence as Livvy obviously listened to what the caller was saying. Then Sammy heard her say “What about your suggestion that I go back to Glasgow and not tell anyone who the father is?” There was silence again as her stomach tied itself in knots. Livvy must be pregnant, she thought. But why would her boyfriend want her to go back to Glasgow. What Sammy heard next sent a chill down her spine. “Bye, Ed and thanks for offering to pay for the termination. But more than that, thank you for standing by me.”

  As Sammy heard Livvy replace the receiver she hurried back to the lounge. Livvy was pregnant and Eddie was the father. Oh my God. She must have started seeing him after Roy finished the affair.

  ‘Sammy, are you okay?’ Livvy asked, walking back into the room ‘Would you like another cup of tea?’

  Sammy nodded. Her hands were shaking and she knew she was incapable of driving at the moment and facing Jane after what she’d just learnt. Maybe the new boyfriend was called Ed too? That would surely be the answer. But then why would he ask Livvy to keep his identity secret and why would she have to go back to Glasgow when she had a nice little flat and job here? Something didn’t add up.

  Livvy brought more tea through and stood in front of Sammy. ‘I’m going to put on my suit and blouse for work; I won’t be a minute. I need to go soon or I’ll be late and I’ll have Sean to answer to.’

  ‘Okay,’ Sammy said and took a sip, her mind working overtime.

  Livvy reappeared five minutes later wearing a jacket that strained at the buttons across her swollen belly. Sammy’s eagle eyes raked over her and narrowed.

  ‘Who’s the father, Livvy?’

  ‘I’m sorry?’ Livvy looked at her, wide eyed.

  ‘You’re pregnant. Who’s the father? I saw the pamphlet in the kitchen and overheard your conversation with your so-called new boyfriend. How far gone are you?’

  ‘About seven weeks.’

  ‘Is that all?’ Sammy did a quick calculation. Roy hadn’t seen Livvy since early August, or so he’d told her and it was now mid October. So that just about let him off the hook. She breathed a half sigh of relief then remembered what she’d overheard.

  ‘So, who’s the father? You still haven’t told me.’

  ‘My new boyfriend,’ Livvy replied, blushing furiously.

  ‘And the new boyfriend’s called Ed, is he? Coincidence, wouldn’t you say? Seeing as Roy’s best mate is called Ed, too. Why were you thanking him for offering to pay for an abortion? Didn’t he want you to have the baby?’

  ‘Not at first,’ Livvy faltered. ‘But he does now.’

  ‘Well you didn’t waste much time, considering Roy told me you don’t sleep around.’

  The phone rang again.

  Sammy looked at her. ‘Aren’t you going to answer it?’

  Livvy remained where she was, frozen to the spot.

  Sammy marched over and snatched up the receiver. Before she had a chance to speak a softly spoken male voice informed her he could see her at lunchtime today. He’d take her for a bite to eat and they’d talk properly then. He told her not to worry and said goodbye.

  ‘Bye,’ Sammy replied quietly and hung up. She turned to Livvy who was staring at her with a terrified expression in her eyes.

  From Sammy’s horrified facial changes as she’d listened to the unknown caller, Livvy had convinced herself it was Roy. She waited for the onslaught.

  ‘Eddie will see you later,’ Sammy announced. ‘He’ll
take you for lunch and then you can talk properly. Oh, and he also said not to worry!’

  Livvy stared into space.

  ‘So, is Eddie the father?’ Sammy asked her.

  ‘Of course not, my boyfriend is,’ Livvy stammered.

  ‘And your boyfriend just happens to sound exactly like Jane’s husband on the phone. What sort of a girl are you? You obviously get a kick out of sleeping with your friends’ fathers. Are you trying to destroy our families for some reason?’

  Sammy was furious, she just wanted to batter hell out of the girl, but knew she ought to leave the flat before she did something she might regret. She picked up her bag and walked to the door.

  ‘I don’t fancy your chances when Jane finds out about this, she’ll make mince-meat of you,’ was her parting shot, before slamming the door.

  She stormed downstairs and out to her car. She headed towards the factory, rubbing her forehead with the heel of her left hand. Something was nagging at the back of her mind. Something didn’t quite add up, but she couldn’t for the life of her think what it was. She went over the phone call word for word. It had definitely been Eddie Mellor; there was no mistaking that softly spoken voice.

  She turned on the radio and pulled up at the traffic lights on the road just around the corner from the factory. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and stared out of the window. As she waited for the lights to change, it came to her in a blinding flash. Eddie had had a vasectomy shortly after Dom’s birth. The baby couldn’t possibly be his. Relief washed over her, but was quickly replaced by another rush of consternation. Why then, was he involved? Shit! The baby must be Roy’s and he’d roped Eddie in to help him sort things out.

  Sammy thought back to Livvy’s swollen belly. That was bigger than a seven week pregnancy - more like four months. ‘Oh, Roy,’ she muttered, ‘you stupid idiot.’ He’d assured her Livvy was on the pill. The girl must have either forgotten to take it, or she’d deceived him all along. Bloody hell, if it wasn’t one thing it was another.

  An impatient tooting from behind made her realise the lights had changed. She set off, head whirling. She’d have to phone Roy, get him to come to the house later. They would need to talk seriously now. As far as she was concerned, this well and truly put the tin hat on their ailing marriage.