by Jessica Wood
B. Parker
Acting Vice President
Parker, Inc.
“Seriously! It’s been five minutes!” I screamed at my computer. “You self-important, entitled motherfucker!”
“What now?” Josh asked tentatively.
“Who do you think? Okay, dude. I really gotta get to work.”
“Okay, just one more question!”
“Make it quick.”
“What was the craziest thing you guys did last night?”
“She put on a ball gag around her mouth and commanded me to whip on her ass and pussy until she came.”
“Holy fuck! That sounds intense!” Then Josh looked at me with a confused expression. “Uh, what exactly is a ball gag?”
I stared at him in disbelief. “Oh, dear God. You seriously need to get out of whatever fucking sad rock you’ve been hiding under. Go google it, man—and not here on the office computers. The firm tracks that shit. Now get the fuck out. I have less than two hours to do two day’s worth of work.”
After Josh left my office, I immediately sent Mr. B. Parker a curt response.
To: B. Parker
From: Ben Chase
Re: Parker, Inc. - Acquisition & Escrow Draft Contracts
B. Parker:
In response to your emails from both eight minutes ago and three minutes ago, this is to confirm that I will make every effort to circulate the three draft contracts by 10:00 a.m.
Apologies for not responding as quickly as you had hoped. I must have accidentally eaten a rotten egg in my omelet this morning because I was in the bathroom taking a shit. I can tell you place a great importance on timeliness and efficiency. I do as well. So going forward, I will make sure to bring my firm smartphone into the bathroom with me so that I may respond to you in a timely fashion.
Thank you in advance for understanding.
Regards,
D. Chase, Esq.
Associate
William & Sutter LLP.
“That will shut you up, B. Fucking Parker.” I knew I probably had gone too far, especially with such a huge client for the firm. But from experience, sometimes you had to push back when dealing with unreasonable clients like these. Otherwise, they would continue to demand unreasonable expectations.
To my surprise, less than a minute later, my computer beeped again. It was another email from B. Parker. Fuck, this guy just doesn’t want to quit, does he?
To: Ben Chase
From: B. Parker
Re: Parker, Inc. - Acquisition & Escrow Draft Contracts
Mr. Chase:
Thank you for your effort to become more dedicated to the needs of your clients. While I do not condone the use of electronic devices while sitting over a public toilet “taking a shit”, as you have so nicely put it, I do appreciate receiving responses to my emails in a timely matter. As you are aware at this point, I thought that timeliness was somewhat lacking this morning.
Also, I am torn between feeling sorry for you and your ill-fated illness and feeling sorry for the egg, which had rotted and wasted away before it could have been appreciated in some manner. I say that to say: I sympathize with both of your misfortunes equally. But hey, look on the bright side: at least you survived.
I look forward to reviewing these contracts shortly.
B. Parker
Acting Vice President
Parker, Inc.
I stared at his email in shock. First, I hadn’t expected any sort of response. I thought with my email, I’d get the last word. Second, I hadn’t expected a response like this.
“How do you even fucking respond to this condescending email?” I asked out loud.
You don’t. I answered my own question.
Instead of replying back, I spent the next two hours frantically putting together the contracts. I wasn’t sure how I had managed, but at exactly 10:03 a.m., they were sent off to B. Parker.
I let out a sigh of relief and sat back against my chair as the weight of the stress from the last two hours lifted from my shoulders. “Fuck, I seriously could use a double shot of whiskey and a blow job right about now.”
Just as I was about to get up to get a cup of coffee from the break room, my computer beeped again.
“You’ve got to be shitting me!” I didn’t have to look to read who the email was from. When I pulled up my inbox, I confirmed my suspicions. It was B. motherfucking Parker.
To: Ben Chase
From: B. Parker
Re: Parker, Inc. - Acquisition & Escrow Draft Contracts
Mr. Chase:
I am in receipt of the draft contracts you’ve just circulated. I will review these now in preparation for our meeting tomorrow morning.
Also, it has not escaped my attention that the timeliness issue continues to be subpar. I hope you did not have another incident with the rotten egg. May he rest in peace.
I look forward to meeting you at 9:00 a.m. Be careful with those eggs.
B. Parker
Acting Vice President
Parker, Inc.
***
It wasn’t until half past eight that I left the office. I was still in a foul mood from the morning emails with the client.
I decided to stop by the grocery store on my way home to pick up some necessities: beer and my weekly supply of condoms—Trojan Magnums, to be specific.
I thought about the long day I had, and how irritating this B. Parker was. As an associate, a.k.a. a work slave, at a major international law firm, I’d dealt with my fair share of difficult and unreasonable clients. At a billable rate of $400 an hour, I could understand why they’d be so demanding when just my one day’s work alone would cost them close to $5,000. A client should expect pure excellence if their case will cost them upwards of a million.
But there was something different with Mr. Parker. He wasn’t just demanding the unreasonable and didn’t just expect pure excellence. Something about his responses really pissed me off, leaving me off-kilter all day.
“Who the fuck does this Parker guy think he is?”
As I walked aimlessly down the grocery store, my mind still on the client, I found myself in the middle of the produce section. As I searched the stands for some limes, a figure caught my attention from the corner of my eyes.
She was standing about ten feet from me, picking out some produce. She had her back turned to me, but from what I could see, she was right up my alley. The red backless strappy top, tight skinny jeans, and those fuck-me five-inch stilettos with the red soles—everything on her body seemed to hug her curves in all the right areas, and my eyes drank every inch of her in.
She looked like she was in a position of power, which I found hot. My cock twitched in agreement and in anticipation for what was sure to be a memorable conquest.
Just then my gaze landed on a tattoo on her inner wrist. It was an infinity symbol.
Why did that seem familiar? Have I fucked her before?
I watched her move away from me toward another fruit section. I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I felt a compulsion to follow her—as if my feet had a mind of their own.
Then she turned toward my direction and walked over to the peach stand, and it was then that I saw her for the first time.
For a second, I felt as if my breath had been knocked out of me, and I had to remind myself to breathe. She was fucking gorgeous—no, stunning. I knew that I’d never met her or fucked her before, because if I had, I definitely wouldn’t have forgotten.
I swallowed hard as I watched her bite her lips. That was my weakness—my kryptonite. This wasn’t the fake lip-biting some girls did when they flirted with me to get my attention—I hated those lip-bites. No, this was the real deal. This girl had no idea that she was doing it. I immediately wondered how those lips would taste in my mouth, and how they’d feel sliding up and down my cock. I felt myself harden at just the thought.
I walked toward her and stood across the stand of peaches from her. She finally looked up at me when I was no more than fi
ve feet from her.
“Hi.” She gave me a quick smile before grabbing a few of the peaches for her basket.
“I’m sure yours taste a lot juicier than those peaches.” I flashed her a smile and leaned toward her.
“Excuse me?” She looked back at me, but this time she didn’t smile.
I snickered. “You heard me.” I reached for a peach and took a slow, deliberate bite from it. “And these are quite juicy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, they sure do look juicy. Let me get out of your way so you can have some alone time with that peach.” She turned to walk away.
“Wait!” I called after her. “Stay.”
What the fuck did I just say? This was not how I normally operated. I never begged!
Well, until now. I wanted to take back my words, to not let her have the last say. But I knew it was too late. The words were said and couldn’t be taken back.
But to my surprise, she stopped and turned back to look at me. The moment our eyes met, I felt a flutter against my chest that I hadn’t felt before.
“Why? Why should I stay?”
“Maybe we got off on the wrong foot.” I tried to think of something to say that would get things back on track, because I needed to make her mine tonight.
“If you say so.” She looked at me with a look that I couldn’t place.
“So my name is Ben. It’s nice to meet you.” I reached out my hand to her. The nice-guy approach never fails, I thought as I prepared to lay on the charm.
“Hi.” She looked at my outstretched hand for a second before finally reaching out her hand.
The moment we touched, I felt a rush flow through my body. My cock throbbed against my slacks and I knew I needed to have her—to claim her. I needed to feel more of whatever this was that I’d just felt.
“I’d like to see you again.” My statement was laced with promises of a fun time. I took a step closer to her and seductively moved a loose strand of her chestnut hair behind her ear.
“I’m sure you do.” She sounded amused. And interested.
Her words weren’t what I had expected, but I kept my composure and smiled at her.
“Grab a drink with me.”
She met my eyes and studied me. “Are you asking me out?”
I smirked. “No.”
There was a flash of confusion in her eyes, and I knew I was breaking through her wall. “No?” She raised an eyebrow.
“I wasn’t asking. I was telling you what’s going to happen,” I challenged.
Then the last thing I’d expected happened.
She laughed. Not a girly giggle, but a hearty laugh.
“You sure are one cocky guy.” She looked me up and down, taking me in.
I flashed her a crooked smile. “I have a lot to be cocky about.” With only inches of air separating us, I felt the bulge inside my pants grow the longer I stood in front of her. It’d taken all my self-control to not pull down those skinny jeans and fuck her here and now until she was screaming out my name in pleasure.
She gingerly licked her lips and leaned an inch closer to me before whispering, “I’m going to put this as bluntly as possible so there is no confusion here. I’m. Not. Interested.”
Her words felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “Why the fuck not?”
To my surprise, a grin spread across her face. “Because you can’t handle me.”
I heard the flirtation and challenge in her voice, and I knew there was still a chance. She was just playing hard to get.
Before she could react, I grabbed her waist and pulled her toward me, closing out the few inches that separated us. “You wanna bet?” I pressed myself against her jeans so she could feel how hard I was for her.
She inhaled sharply as her eyes widened in surprise. “I’m not the betting type.” Her voice was firm and committed, but I knew she was cracking under my control.
“I was just being nice. It’s not really a bet when I know I can handle you.”
Her breath caught and her body arched against me as I lowered my mouth against her neck and slowly traced my tongue from her collarbone to her earlobes. When I reached her ear and inhaled her scent, I was near my breaking point and was about to lose control. “Fuck the drink, you’re going home with me, and I’m going to show you just how I’m going to handle you. All fucking night long.” My words came out hoarse as my breathing became ragged with each passing second.
Suddenly she pushed me away and her expression turned cold and distant. “My answer is no. Let’s not do anything we’d regret.”
Her response pissed me off. “I never regret fucking a girl,” I lashed back.
I thought I saw a flash of hurt in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared. “Okay, I’ll be more clear. Let’s not do anything I’d regret.”
I reached for her hand, and against her resistance, I held it against the rock-hard bulge that was pulsing against my pants. “Trust me baby, you won’t fucking regret this.”
She finally yanked her hand away and backed away from me. “You’re bad news, and I’m not in the market for that.”
I saw the visible lust on her face, and I knew she didn’t even believe herself. But before I could convince her otherwise, she turned and walked away without another word.
“Aren’t you going to at least give me your name and number?” I called after her.
She waved her hand up as she walked away, dismissing my question. I watched as she strutted away, her hips swinging from side to side. God, she has a sweet ass.
***
I left the grocery story feeling annoyed, frustrated, and dejected. I needed a stiff drink tonight.
With a quick glance at my gold Rolex, I immediately pulled out my phone and dialed a number.
“Hey. What’s up, bro? Why are you calling at this time of the night?” Damian’s voice came from the other end of the line.
“Dude, it’s only 9:15 p.m. I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink tonight. I could jump in a cab and be at your place in a couple of minutes.”
To my surprise, I heard Damian yawn. “Tonight?” I heard the hesitation in his voice. “I don’t know, man.”
“Shit, I’ve known you since we were pledges at Chi Omega and you’ve never turned down going out. What happened?”
He laughed. “Yeah, no kidding, I know. I can’t believe I’d ever say this, but I’m pretty happy staying in tonight.”
“Seriously?” I couldn’t believe that I was hearing this.
“It’s been a long day at the bar and watching Izzy while Liam is at work. Plus, Izzy has been a bit fussy lately, so we couldn’t get her to fall asleep until 8 o’clock. So we had a late dinner and just finished putting away the dishes. I’m actually ready for bed.”
“Fuuuck. Is this what happens?”
“Happens?”
“Yeah, when you get in a relationship? You become a completely different person?”
I only heard laughter on his end. “Ben, I know it’s a bit shocking. If you told me two years ago that in two years’ time, I’d meet a woman I actually wanted to spend time with, and that I’d fall in love for the first time and have a baby, I’d probably punch you in the face and say you’re fucking crazy. But here I am, and it’s just been great.”
“Oh my God.” I just could not believe that the Damian Castillo, my fraternity brother from college, the guy who was like my perfect wingman, the guy who didn’t do relationships, my brother from another mother, was telling me this.
“What?” His voice shook with mirth.
“You’re a fucking pussy now.”
“Love you too, buddy. But seriously, bro, one of these days, when you least expect it, you’re going to fall for someone hard, and the next thing you know, you’ll be making her breakfast in bed, and you’ll be loving it.”
“Are you fucking try to jinx me, here? That’s wrong, man. Just wrong.”
Damian laughed. “Anyway, I actually need to get going. Liam is about to fall asleep, and I want to ki
ss her goodnight before she does.”
“Ugh! I’m about to gag over here.”
He hadn’t seemed to hear my comment. “Hey, we should catch up soon. Liam wants to see you, too. We should meet up sometime. We’re at the Ferry Building every Sunday for the farmer’s market, and can meet you somewhere around there for brunch one coming Sunday. Just pick one and we’re there. Okay, gotta go. See yah.”
Before I could answer, the line went dead. Damian had hung up on me.
“What the fuck. Some friend. And what kind of man does brunch?” I asked aloud as I stared down at my phone in confusion. I’d always known Josh when he’d been in a relationship, so I’d accepted his pussy-whipped status. But Damian? Damian used to be more anti-relationship than I ever was. He’d told me once that he wouldn’t even go down on any girl because that’d come too close to a potential relationship. So seeing that Damian was now pussy-whipped too, that was something I wasn’t sure I was ready to accept.
Feeling more irritating and out of sorts, I needed to get my head straight. I hadn’t planned on going out and getting laid tonight. In fact, I had the 9:00 a.m. meeting with Parker, Inc. tomorrow. But for some reason, the idea of being alone tonight was too much to handle.
I pulled up my fuck buddy contacts on my phone and scrolled through my options. I texted Red Delicious to see if she was free tonight. I then texted Veronica, the blonde from last night. She’d seemed pretty eager.
And sure enough, I was right. Seconds after I shot off the text, her reply came through:
Veronica: I’m free tonight. You seriously left me hanging last night. I’m getting wet just thinking about it. Now come on over so I can suck that throbbing cock of yours until you cum all over my face.
I smiled at the text and replied: One throbbing cock coming right up.
As I jumped into a cab and headed toward Veronica’s place, I vowed that I wouldn’t change for any woman. I was never going to make the fatal mistake of getting into a relationship.
