by J. P. Grider
"I'm sorry I can't do anything," my brother tells me. "I mean, I can float them a few bucks, but I don't have enough to get their apartment back. Maybe for a month or two, but..."
I look up at Nate. "No. We need to get them back in there for good."
"That's going to take quite a bit of money. Even with what I make now, to get back on their feet is going to take them a year at least. Don't you think?"
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing the answer to that. I have no fucking concept of money, because I was handed everything I'd ever wanted.
"I can leave work after the New Year maybe. Tell Dad I want to travel before school starts. But that's still nearly two months away. It's going to take her a while to save up..."
Nate continues talking, but I don't hear him. An idea suddenly hits me and I'm giving all my attention to the thoughts in my head.
"Listen, Nate. I gotta go. But I'll figure out something. I'll call you tomorrow."
67
Cali
"Why can't you just sleep here tonight, Cal?" Tabitha asks me. We're reclined on her couch watching Frozen. A real cool thing for two twenty-year olds to be doing on a Friday night. Well, almost twenty-year old in my case. In less than two months I'll be twenty. "I can drive you to work, and you won't have to take the bus."
I'm twitching my foot back and forth on the recliner. I'd love to stay here tonight. Sleep on a regular bed in a warm cozy house. And I'd love to not have to take the bus. My car dying was the last thing I needed this month. "I can't leave my mother there alone."
"She can stay too."
Snapping my head in her direction, I say, "You know she'd never go for that." I mindlessly grab a handful of popcorn from the huge bowl sitting between us on the couch.
"Why does your mother have to be so stubborn?" Tabitha stuffs a handful of popcorn in her mouth too.
"I think a lifetime of being hurt by people and being judged by them." I shrug, unable to truly explain why my mother is the way she is.
"I guess that had to be tough," Tabitha admits.
"Yeah. But you’d think I'd mean more to her than her god-damned pride. We could be staying here, you know? Or better, she could have asked me to quit school to help her make enough money."
"Well, maybe that's not pride so much," Tabitha suggests, "as wanting you to have a good education."
"Yeah." Tabitha's right. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge my mother's actions. Maybe she has always done what was best for me. It just sucks that her best couldn't keep us out of a homeless shelter.
"Anyway, Cal. You're really not going to text Griffin back?"
I still my hand in the popcorn bowl and decide I'm not hungry anymore. "What am I going to say? I miss you too, but I'm busy right now living amongst the homeless? I can't tell him that. It's too embarrassing."
Tabitha pulls the inside of her cheek into her mouth.
"You didn't?" I ask in horror.
"I'm sorry, Cali, really I am. He just sounded so worried."
"Oh my God, Tab. I didn't want him to know. Damn it." I squeeze my temples together with my fingers. "Does he know where I am?"
Shaking her head, she says, "No. After I told him, the line went dead."
"Wait. When did you tell him?"
"Last night. About sevenish. Wait. It's on my phone." She scrolls through her phone. "Six thirty-four."
"Then he texted me right after that. He texted me at," I look at my phone, "Six thirty-eight." I sigh. "Damn it. I wish he didn't know."
"He loves you though, Cal. He should know. You really need to talk to him."
"I can't," I say, rereading Griffin's text. "I don't belong with him. He pities me, that's all."
"Cal. I don't think he does. I think it's just love... and concern."
"Wait. Aren’t you the one that said to be careful? That I haven’t known him long enough to know if I love him. What? Did you have a change of heart all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. But I do know that he cares about you an awful lot.”
“I don't belong with him anyway. Not with his friends either. You should have seen us in New York. I stuck out like a sore thumb. The more I think about it, the more I realize, it'll always be like that. I don't belong in his world, and he shouldn't settle for mine."
"I think you're wrong, Cal," Tabitha says in a chastising voice. "When two people love each other, their worlds can blend. It's no longer his world and her world... it's their world. You find a place where you fit... together. I think you're being just as snooty as the people you're so afraid to socialize with. And I'm sorry if I'm offending you," she says, sitting forward. "But you're being just as stubborn and proud as your mother."
I decline my seat and stand up. "I don't need to take this, Tabitha. You don't understand."
She closes her seat, but still stays seated. "I think I do," she says quietly.
As hard as I try to fight them, tears slip out of my eyes, and I feel them slide down my face.
"Oh, honey." Tabitha stands to hug me. "I'm sorry."
Over her shoulder, I cry. "I'm mad, and I want to walk out," I say between sobs. "But I have nowhere to go. No car to get there." I feel my cries deep in my chest. "I can't go back there now. To the shelter. My mother's not there yet. She's still... working." I let go of Tabitha and sit at the edge of her couch, dropping my head into my hands. "I have nowhere, Tab..." I cry so hard, I start hiccupping.
"Oh, Cali." Tabitha cries with me. "This isn't forever. You know that, baby. You're just... it's just a shitty time for you, babe." She rubs my back, while she pulls my head onto her shoulder. "You'll get past this. I promise."
Tears drip from my nose, and I use the back of my hand to wipe them. This causes me to laugh, because it's such a childish thing to do. "Thank you," I say quietly. "You're the best."
Tabitha pulls her sleeve over her hand and continues to wipe my nose. Then we're both laughing. "What are best friends for?"
"Not for wiping the snot off my nose." I laugh again. And after a few cuddling moments, we take our seats back on her reclining couch and finish watching Frozen.
True love really does have the power to heal - even between best friends.
That night, I go back to the shelter, go to the window in the corner by my bunk, and water my plant.
68
Griffin
Once again, I'm sitting at the other side of Nate's desk, discussing the Parkers.
"Where did you get this cash?" Nate asks, with a tone that tells me he doesn't quite trust me.
"It doesn't matter. Will you do it?" I'm desperate for him to help me.
But he shakes his head disappointingly. "It's not going to work. She'll never believe it."
"But... we at least have to try, Nate. They can't keep going on living in that shelter. And Cali won't answer any of my calls or texts. Please. She'll never take it if she knows it's from me."
"And you think Ellie will?"
"No. That's why I'm asking you to do this."
"I need to know where you got the money from. $83,000 cash is a lot of money to just come into, Griffin."
"I'm not gonna tell you, so stop asking."
"I'm not putting my restaurant on the line if you're involved in something illegal."
"You're not putting your restaurant in jeopardy. I promise. I just... I'm... I'm not at liberty to say. Please, Nathan. Just help me help them. Please?"
Nathan's frowning as he flips through the pack of hundreds. "You want me to take this money," he says, holding up the bills, "and what, pay their rent and pay for Cali's education?"
"Yes," I say with a shrug.
"Explain to me, then, how I am supposed to do that without them knowing?"
I sit back into the seat, frustrated because he doesn't see it as simply as I do. "I went to the municipality and found out the name of the landlord." I slip him a piece of paper. "You can call him. Visit him. Whatever. But pay him for a year's worth of rent. Security if he needs it. Then go to Hunter H
ill University's Bursar's office and pay off her tuition. In full."
Nathan is again shaking his head. "It's not going to work."
"The landlord and the school will take your money, Nate."
"It's not them we have to worry about. It's Ellie. She'll never go for it. She's too proud. I know her."
"But there's more of a chance she'll accept it if she knows it's from you than from me. You can tell her it's the 401k program that Dad should have been giving her. The decent health insurance he should have provided her. The rest can actually go into a real 401k or annuity for them. Insurance for their future. Better yet, pay for their entire health insurance. Tell her it's provided for people in management or something. Make up anything, Nate. Just do it. Please. They've been in this shelter for way too long already."
He sighs. "What if I pay the school and their rent and they don't accept it?"
"Figure out a way to make her accept it. Tell her if she's going to run the restaurant, you have to be able to count on her to be well-rested and that since you're making her quit her diner job, this was part of her raise. I'm sure you can word it to make it sound official and not out of pity... or... have her think she won a scholarship."
"A scholarship?"
"Tell Hunter Hill you want to keep the donation anonymous."
"Maybe I'll just tell her it's Dad's way of saying he's sorry."
"You think Dad will go for that?"
"He doesn't have to know," Nate says. "Ellie won't ever ask him. I'll just say it's all from Dad. I think that's our best bet."
"Good," I say, tapping my palms on the desk and standing. "Just leave my name out of it."
"I hope I don't end up in jail, Griff. I sure as hell will take you with me. Don't doubt that."
I just laugh. "Don't worry, you won't end up in jail."
And for the first time in a long time, I smile.
69
Cali
I snap a selfie of me sitting on my bed in my old apartment and send it to Tabitha.
Her text back to me: Is that your old apartment?
My text back to her: Yup!!
My phone rings immediately. "What's going on?" she asks right away when I answer the phone. "You’re back home?"
With a huge smile on my face, even though no one can see it, I say, "Yes, thank God."
"How? No. Wait. I'm coming over. Don't go anywhere."
While I wait for Tabitha to come over, I continue unpacking the boxes that the landlord had put in storage. At least he was considerate enough to hold onto our stuff.
When the doorbell rings five minutes later, I open the door to Tabitha jumping at me and screaming in my ear.
"Calm down, woman, you're gonna knock me over," I tell her.
"Wow," she says when she steps inside. "That's a lot of boxes."
"You're telling me." I shut the door behind her and lead her into the kitchen. "Want a drink?" I ask, opening up the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water.
"No, Cal. I want to know what happened. How come you're back?"
Sitting down at the table, I guzzle some water before answering her. "Nathan Jr. gave his resignation, and because of that, his father promoted my mom to manager."
"Really?" she asks, her eyebrows scrunched in disbelief. "He just... quit? And like that, you're mom was promoted? I thought her boss hated her?"
"He does. He did. I guess he had a change of heart, since, you know... Nathan Jr. found out that my mom's his mother. Mom said he talked his father into doing the right thing or something like that." I finish my water, and we go to my room. Out of one of the boxes on my bed, I pull out the framed picture of my mom and dad and me and put it back on the dresser where I'd had it before we were kicked out.
Tabitha pulls my alarm clock and my small reading lamp out of the box and places them back on my nightstand. "Cal?"
I'm looking at her through my dresser mirror. She's holding up my plant.
"Is this your dead plant?"
Turning around to look at her, I smile. "Yeah. Can you believe it?"
"How'd you bring it back to life?"
I walk over to her, take the plant out of her hand, and sit at the edge of my bed. Tabitha sits next to me. "It's odd, really." I'm looking at this plant, still in awe that it's now green. "I had this for what, almost two years? Maybe I'd watered it in the beginning, I don't remember, but for sure I hadn't watered it in over a year, and then all of a sudden," I pause, remembering that horrible day. But I tuck the pain back and finish telling her about my plant. "Griffin poured water into it," I practically whisper, "but I paid no mind to it," I say a little louder. "Then some time later, I noticed there was a green leaf growing out of the brown stem... that's when I decided, maybe I should just continue watering it to see what happens."
"Wow. So like, it just... came back to life," Tabitha muses.
I nod my head and think about it. "It's like my plant got a second chance at life... And so did we. Like," I swallow back some forming tears, "my dad dies, we're dirt poor, but all of a sudden, Mom's given this awesome opportunity. And she takes it." I pull at the skin beneath my eyes, because I'm still trying not to cry. "My mom never takes anything from anyone. But she took this from Nathan." Instead of trying to hold back those tears, I just let them go. There's this overwhelming feeling in my chest, and I can't keep my emotions in check. "And the best part, Tab." I put the plant back on the windowsill and search for my tissues. "They paid for my education." I look at her, my tears streaming down my face. "Mr. Donavon. Nathan Jr. They created a scholarship just for me... for my mom... because Nathan said she worked so many years without the benefits she'd deserved." I locate the tissues in one of my boxes and pull them out, using one of them to wipe my face. "And now that he knows they are family... he said family treats family like family." I sit back down and smile. "He's a good guy. Nate. I think my mom is really happy that it's all out there now."
"Yeah?" Tabitha rubs her hand up and down my back. "I think that's awesome, Cal. You guys deserve some good things happening for a change."
I shrug. "Mmm. I'm just glad he accepted her, you know? After all these years, never being able to tell him. I'm just glad he's not a dick like his father."
"Right. So then what about Griffin?"
I knew it was inevitable that she'd bring him up. "That's just... I don't know."
"What? You understand why he lied to you. I know you do. So why won't you just go get him back? I mean, you're not living in that shelter anymore. Wasn't that your excuse last time?"
Pushing myself to the head of my bed, I lean on my pillows propped up against the wall. It feels so good to be back on my own bed in my own bedroom. "Oh, Tabitha." I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling. The landlord painted while we were away. Hmmm. Good thing Mom got that money before the apartment was rented out.
"Cal. Back to earth."
"Oh. Sorry. But wouldn't like me and Griffin be like... wouldn't it be incest? I mean... aren't we step-siblings?" I cringe at the thought.
Tabitha laughs. "I don't think so. I mean you have different parents. And Griffin's dad isn't really even his biological father, right?"
"Right."
"So. I don't think you guys are really steps."
"Really?" I say, leaning forward, my elbows on my knees. "I'm just worried it's too creepy."
"I don't really think he cares. So why do you?”
My stomach is all queasy now. Of course I want Griffin back. "How do you know he doesn't care? Did he tell you that?"
"He doesn't have to tell me, Cal. He's never in school anymore, but when he does stop by, he looks terrible. When he calls, he sounds pathetic."
"He... he still calls you?"
"Not often. But when he does, it's to find out about you. He's devastated, Cal." She crosses her legs Indian-style and lays her hands on my legs. "You got to move back into your apartment. You get to go back to school..."
"Not 'til next semester," I interrupt her.
She ignores me
. "Your mother gets a better paying job. Benefits. Her son." She rubs my legs and looks me in the eyes. "What about yours and Griffin's second chance? Don't you guys deserve one?"
Though I'd like for that to happen, I say, "It's probably too late. He had plenty of girlfriends before me, I'm sure he has plenty now."
"You're crazy, Cal. I don't think so."
"Yeah, well. Let me get my life back together. I don't want to think about Griffin. I'm going to continue working full-time until I go back in January. I need to save a little more for a new car... though my mom said she can help me buy one."
"Wow. Really?"
"Yeah. A used one, but not too used, you know?"
"That's great, Cal."
"Plus, it's almost Christmas. Mom's going to be sad without Dad, and I just want to be here for her. You know?"
"I know. I get it."
"Thanks," I say, reaching forward and hugging my best friend. "For sticking with me during all this."
Tabitha pulls away from me and frowns. "Do you honestly think I wouldn't?"
"I always knew you would, but that doesn't mean I can't thank you."
She smiles and hugs me back. "I love you, Cal."
"I love you too, Tab."
Tabitha spends a few more hours with me helping to set up the rest of the apartment before she leaves. Then I turn down the living room couch to get the bed ready for Mom, and I think how much my mother has sacrificed for me. Not only has she given up her free time to work to keep things semi-normal for me, aside from the past couple months, she's also always given up having a real bedroom, so that I'd have one. With a sad smile, I remind myself to thank her when she gets home. She may have a strong sense of pride, but she's always lived her life with integrity. And though I hadn't realized it until just now, she's taught me an extremely important lesson - how to survive.
That night, I go to sleep, in my comfortable bed in my comfortable room, with a smile on my face.
