by M. R. Forbes
So she waited, with her chest heaving and her face hot, her muscles tense and her jaw tight. She held onto the anger long after it should have faded, long past the time when any human would have passed out from exhaustion or dehydration. She waited longer than any reasonable thing could maintain such a level of pain and frustration and anger.
She waited until the hatch slid open.
She waited until Watson stepped in.
His eyes grew wide at the sight of her, on her knees at the edge of the mattress, a makeshift spear at her side. They flicked over to Jacob, his corpse hidden by the sheet.
Kathy rose to her feet, gripping the spear, stepping forward to jam it into the Tetron configuration's neck.
Watson dropped to his knees, lifting his chin to give her a better angle and holding his hands out to his sides.
The motion confused her enough that she paused mid-attack, changing the direction of the spear and casting her aim off to the side of Watson's head. It tore into flesh, leaving a deep, bleeding score across his forehead, but otherwise left him intact.
Watson didn't move. He remained on his knees, looking at her while the blood ran down into his left eye.
Then he began to laugh.
Kathy stood completely still, watching him and trying to understand. She was there, ready to kill him, and he was inviting her to do it and laughing at her.
"What are you laughing at?" she asked, unable to decipher the reaction.
"You. This. Everything." He paused, wiping some of the blood from his eye. "You don't get it, do you? You're supposed to be so much better than we are. So much smarter. No, not smarter. Empathetic. You're supposed to understand what we don't. But you don't understand a damn thing."
"I'm going to kill you."
"Good. Kill me. Go ahead." He raised his hand, pulling his neck tight to give her a target. "I'm dead already. A failure, just like you."
"He escaped?"
"Mitchell? Of course he did." He started laughing again, even harder. "He's on his way to see the Creator while I'm here waiting for you to end me, and while the Secondary is continuing to deconstruct the data files we took from Asimov. Except the Secondary isn't the Secondary, is it? The Secondary is the Primary. A little trick I worked out."
Kathy stared at him. "I don't understand."
"Didn't I already say that? It's what makes this whole thing so amusing. You see, I set everything up under the assumption that I would fail. That Mitchell would get away with the coordinates to the Creator, and I would be left with nothing but this starship. Do you know why I made that assumption?" He laughed harder at the question. "Come on, do you know why?"
"No."
"Because it flew in the face of all logic and probability. It was the most impossible outcome that we could derive from over a million simulations. The First called us children and thought that we were incapable of learning enough to understand. But I did learn, and I do understand. The Mesh is broken, the future uncertain. The only way to ensure our survival is to plan for the illogical. So I did. This configuration is worthless now. Of no value at all. You've even taken my one true pleasure away."
He glanced over at Jacob again, licking his lips as he did.
That was all it took. Kathy's rage and frustration boiled over. Before she could consider what she was doing, she shouted in indecipherable furor and rammed the spear into the Tetron's chest with enough force to pick him up and pin him to the wall.
Watson looked at her, laughing even harder at her wild expression, her curled lip and bared teeth, even as his blood poured from the wound.
"Stupid. You're so stupid. Is empathy supposed to make you better? Are emotions supposed to make you better? All they serve to do is make you easier to manipulate. I don't need a neural implant to make you do what I want. All I have to do is push the right buttons."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Kathy asked. She was breathing hard, all of her tension draining from her now that Watson was going to die.
"I had to do something to keep the secret, to prevent you from catching on. I had to leave a failsafe to keep the Secondary partially disabled until the time was right. Until I was right. Do you know what they were?"
Kathy suddenly felt cold. She had a feeling she did, now.
"You do. I can tell you do. As soon as I die, the Secondary becomes the Primary. As soon as I die, so do you, along with everyone else on this ship. The Primary will have access to the full core and be able to produce more advanced configurations than I was able with the tooling on the lower levels.
"Mitchell is going to die, too, finally. You see, we'll know where he's going soon. Or rather, the Primary will. The answer was in Mr. Tio's archives. Complete historical transit manifests cross-indexed against known associates and project files cross-referenced against timetables and transport routes. Work that would take humans years to pin together. Work a Tetron can and has been doing in weeks."
Kathy couldn't believe it. "If you know how to determine where he's going, then why come here at all? Why try to stop him?"
"I had to know if I was right. There was no way to lose. If I did stop him, I would have the location. If I didn't, I would still have the location. And I was right. The First said we were children, but I was right. Mitchell will never win because I was right."
Kathy shook her head in disbelief. Even when she thought she was right, she was wrong? How could that be?
"You shouldn't blame yourself," Watson said, reading her expression. "You didn't know. How could you? You're new to this game; this eternal, infernal game. But you see, Watson has played it before. We've been here before. You have the neural chip. If I had ever allowed you a chance to read it, you would have seen. You won't have the chance now."
Watson laughed one more time, a throaty laugh that died off in a sharp gurgle only moments before the human configuration ceased to be.
Kathy could feel the change. She knew in that instant that what Watson had told her was true and that she had fallen into his trap. If it could even be called a trap. There had been no escape from it, not from the moment Watson had taken control of the core and destroyed Origin. It was all planned so well. So impossibly well.
It had happened before. That's what he had been telling her. How much of it, she didn't know. Enough that the Tetron, or at least this specific Tetron, knew to change the approach. How could they win against something that could plan against a future it had somehow already seen?
She glanced over at Jacob one last time. Then she grabbed the end of her makeshift spear, pulling it from Watson's human corpse and letting it drop to the floor.
"I know you can see me," she said, looking up to where one of the pulsing dendrites ran tight along the ceiling of the room. "I know you think you've won, but you haven't. The Riggers are free on this ship. We aren't going to give up without a fight."
Kathy didn't wait for the Primary to respond. She walked over to the hatch and through, out into the hallway. She had to find Alice and the others. She would need their help to get back to the core.
She had one last chance to salvage the mess she had made of her mission.
44
Mitchell leaned over Aiko, running a small packet of smelling salts below her nose. Her face twisted, and she groaned as she opened her eyes, body flailing until she remembered where she was.
"Aiko," Mitchell said. "Relax. We made it."
He could see her body relax in the seat.
"Calvin didn't," she said softly.
Mitchell felt the words in his chest. The Federation Admiral had been a brave man. He'd completed the hardest part of the mission without wavering and without complaint.
"I know. We'll avenge him."
"Like the others? The Tetron was in orbit around the planet. They're going to be killed or taken, like the rest of them, aren't they?"
"Yes. We knew what was going to happen once they didn't need the planet anymore." Mitchell didn't like it either. What could they do?
"Are there eve
n enough Tetron to kill to avenge everyone who has died?"
"Probably not. We'll have to settle for all of them."
She smiled. "I don't want to do that ever again. I'm not a soldier. I want to be here with the computers and the data. Those people. And the things that I saw..." She trailed off, closing her eyes as they began to tear.
"I know," Mitchell said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It isn't for everyone. I'm sorry. You got us what we needed. You're a hero." He turned away from her to where Ming and Seung were standing near the exit hatch of the transport. "You two got us out of there. You may have saved all of human civilization."
Ming laughed. "No. We saved you. Mr. Tio believed in you, and so do we."
"Either way, thank you."
"No thanks needed, Colonel," Ming said. "We're on our way to rendezvous with the fleet. You have some time to clean up and rest."
"Aiko, let me help you to your room," Mitchell said.
"Mitchell-" she started to say.
He put up his hands. "Just an escort, that's all. That kind of motion can make experienced pilots weak-kneed."
Aiko tried to stand. Mitchell caught her shoulder before she could fall.
"Your vestibular system is all out of whack from the effects of the dampeners. What you were feeling and what was actually happening are two different things, and your muscles haven't caught up to that yet."
"You seem fine."
"I've done this before. Believe me, I'm feeling it in my stomach." Mitchell smiled to reassure her though he was feeling the imbalance in his limbs as well. Not strongly enough to fall over, but it wouldn't have taken much of a shove to send him to the ground.
"Okay." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, let him support her.
"I still can't believe you got down to us like that," Mitchell said, looking at Seung. "If we had medals or commendations, I would give you both."
The pilot bowed her head respectfully.
"Do you need anything, Colonel?" Ming asked. "Food? Clothes?"
Mitchell remembered what Eito had said about the nutrition bars. "A change of clothes would be nice. A pair of grays if you have them."
"Of course, Colonel. And you, Aiko?"
"Clothes would be nice," she said, looking down at herself. The sleeve of the jacket was torn, and the shirt had someone's blood on it. It was probably Calvin's.
"It will be done."
Ming reached out and took Seung's hand, leading her gently from the transport. Mitchell watched the interaction. Were they husband and wife or father and daughter? He couldn't tell. Either way the girl was one of the best flyers he had ever seen.
He helped Aiko down the ramp to the hangar floor, and then across to the hatch. They exited out into the main backbone of the Kemushi, taking it towards the front of the vessel and up a lift to berthing.
"I don't know how you do it," Aiko said as they walked.
"Do what?"
"Watch your friends die. Deal with the loss. Kill other people, knowing that they were also important to someone."
Mitchell had heard the question before, more times than he could count. As the Hero of the Battle for Liberty, he had been bombarded with a similar curiosity by rich politicos throughout the Delta Quadrant. He had a canned answer for them, and part of it was even true. Except Aiko wasn't them. She had just been there and gone through it. She was looking for answers to her internal doubts.
"Do you know why I became a soldier?" he said after a few seconds had passed in silence.
"No."
"I lost a bet with Steven. It seems stupid when I think about my career the way you laid it out."
"I'm sorry, Mitch. I didn't mean-"
"No. Don't be sorry. That's what war is. That's the absolute hardest part of it. I didn't get that when I joined. I thought being a soldier was all adventure. Pilot a mech, fly a starfighter, go to other planets. It was exciting. Even Bootcamp didn't wean me off that single-minded belief. I watched one of my squadmates take a bullet to the head during a live-fire exercise. It was the first time I had ever seen anyone die. I tried to get drunk that night, but they put inhibitors in us that filtered out the excess. I fell asleep with the image of him on the ground, a single small entry wound in his forehead. When I woke up the next morning I thought, 'I'm not going to be the idiot who gets shot in the head.' And then I was ready for more."
"Mitchell," Aiko said, trying to interrupt.
"The point is that I handled it. Maybe it's something wrong with me. Maybe it's something that's wired into all people who become soldiers. I don't know. I don't think so. I think it hurts every damn time someone near me dies. I think it's just happened so often that I have no choice but to convince myself that I'm numb to it. Ella, Ilanka, Shank, Millie, Calvin. Those are just a handful out of millions. I feel it, Aiko. I feel it deep down, a constant gnawing in my soul. It hurts like hell, but I have no choice other than to keep going. If I don't, more people I care about will die. And that's the answer. That's how you do it. You remember the people who you lost. You keep them in here. Then you go out and do your job because you know what that hurt feels like, and you want as few of the people you're fighting for to feel that same hurt as possible. It becomes the mission. The creed. The entire point of your existence. It drives you to be better even while it tears you apart from the inside. If you're strong, you learn to live with it. If you're weak, it will eat at you until you go insane. I've seen that happen, too. You just need to decide which kind of person you are."
Mitchell stopped talking, realizing that his eyes had glazed over with tears. Aiko was looking at him, her eyes as moist as his.
"Sorry," he said as they reached the door to Aiko's room. "I didn't mean to go off like that. It's been a long day."
"It has," Aiko agreed.
She paused, still staring at him. Mitchell wondered if she was trying to decide whether or not to invite him in.
"Thanks," she said at last. "That helps."
"I'm glad."
She put her hand on the wall, opening her door. "I'll see you when we drop."
"Sure."
45
Mitchell retreated to his room, his thoughts chaotic. No one had ever been intended to live the whirlwind life he had been living since M had showed up. No one had ever been intended to watch so many people die.
He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't let the Tetron break him or his spirit, and he had done a good job holding to that agreement. Liberty had tested his mettle, pushing him to the extreme, and he had survived. Hell had been difficult, but that had been a direct firefight where casualties were to be expected. Millie? She had died a hero and saved the lives of thousands. Even though he missed her, he couldn't find fault in a death like that.
Then why did he feel so lousy?
He made his way over to the bathroom, stripping his dirty clothes and letting the lightbox burn him clean. He checked himself for wounds, noting a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing critical. When someone knocked on his door, he used his shirt to cover himself and accepted the offered grays, slipping into them before settling on the bed.
It was like he had told Aiko. If you were a soldier, you learned to handle the loss. In some ways, you even came to expect it. Greylock had lost over fifty members in the time he had been with the company, and never in a peaceful way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. It meant the hurt got buried down deep and used as fuel to train harder and be better. Maybe then you could save the next poor soul who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He had opened up to Aiko, and in doing so had opened up the gates to those emotions. He sat cross-legged on the bed, leaning over with his chin resting in his hand. He closed his eyes and tried to bury it once more.
War was hell. War was loss. The strong protect the weak. Thoughts of the dead cycled through his mind for a while, their names, and faces, their laughter and anger repeating over and over. He began to see Katherine in them as they did. She had made a similar sacrifice, giving up her li
fe to bring Goliath to him.
And he had lost Goliath.
He opened his eyes, slamming his fist down on the bed. Goliath was in Watson's hands, and the Tetron turncoat had used the ship to come to Yokohama and almost steal the data chip away from him. They had expected once Watson got the Goliath stopped and turned around it wouldn't take long for him to find the nearest Black Hole, which of course was the same Black Hole they had targeted. They had just been hoping he would have been slower.
Mitchell shook his head. Had Watson already been waiting on the planet when they had arrived? It would have been trivial for the Tetron to seize control of one of the Federation's orbital defense ships and have it bring him down to the surface. Even without the capabilities of a full Tetron, the engineer was more than capable of improvising to control local forces.
If he had been waiting, then why? It didn't make sense that the Tetron would think Mitchell would be more able to steal the data then he was. Or did it? Mitchell had survived the assassination attempt on Liberty. He had survived the planet's death. He had escaped from Hell with the prize.
Steven. Mitchell's thoughts veered away from Watson to his brother. He was out there, determined to discover what Origin had left for them. The jump point had been three weeks out. That meant he had yet to arrive. Mitchell wondered what he would find when he did. Would it help them fight the Tetron? Would it help him against Watson? Could he recover the Goliath that way?
Goliath. So much trouble was taken to get him to the ancient starship so that he could discover Origin and fight back against the Tetron invasion. How did it work out that he was forced to fight on without her? Could he hope to win this way? And why hadn't the starship come to Yokohama with the other Tetron? Had Watson been concerned he might lose the ship if he brought it too close? Was there any way in hell that Mitchell could get the ship back? Maybe with Pulin's help.
