by Shyla Colt
“No.”
“What?”
He refused to let the curt tone put him off. “After all of that there’s no way I’m going to step back and pretend it never happened.”
“Why? It’d work for me,” she mumbled.
“Because you have to talk about this.”
“I really don’t.” She shook her head.
“Vannah, have you ever thought your refusal to deal with this head-on might be affecting Clark?”
“What are you talking about?”Her eyes flashed with anger.
“You know what keeps a spirit earthbound? Unfinished business.”
“I’m not going to sit here and listen to this.” She removed her gloves with loud snaps and spun around, ready to leave. He placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her retreat.
“Yes, you will. He knows you aren’t the same. Do you think it doesn’t affect him?”
“That’s his choice.” The words were unconvincing.
“Bullshit.”
She sighed. “What do you want me to do, Carey?”
“I want you to stop acting like a damn robot, and feel,” he growled, frustrated by her lack of empathy.
“You have no clue what I’m like outside of work.” Her lips curled upward in a sneer.
“No, but I bet Clark does.”
“He told you about last night, didn’t he?” She glanced up, releasing a deep breath that tossled the wayward tufts of hair framing her face.
They never kept secrets from one another. Why should now be any different?
“He mentioned it, yeah. What were you thinking, leading him on like that?”
“Leading him on? I was honest about my feelings. I felt he deserved to know.” She placed her hands on her knees and leaned forward.
“Why? Nothing could come of it.”
“He’s not the only one who’s suffered from the need for closure all this time, Carey!” She rocked back, stretched to her full seated height, and glared.
“Aha! So you admit it.” He pointed to her, pleased that he’d gotten her to respond.
“Son of a bitch!” She threw her hands up in the air and rose from the stool. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you? Sneaky bastard!” The narrowed stare she pinned him with made him antsy.
“I don’t think Mom would appreciate that.”
“This isn’t a game.”
He sobered. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten the moment. This whole situation is so heavy. I feel like I’m caught up in a rockslide on a daily basis. You have to let go, Vannah. Turning your life into some sort of living shrine to Clark isn’t good for either of you.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head vehemently.
“Aren’t you? When’s the last time you went on a date, held a steady relationship?”
“What’s wrong with putting your career first?” Arms crossed over her chest, she leaned her weight back onto one leg.
“Nothing, but for you it’s all that exists.”
“I do other things,” she mumbled.
“Name three for me.” He arched his eyebrow.
She paused. “Travel.”
“Is it for work?”
“Not always.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. Two more.” He held up two fingers.
“Read.”
“Uh huh.” His voice dripped with disbelief as he gestured for her to follow with a wave of his hand. “Next.”
“I do things with my best friend Amy.”
“And that fulfills you?”
“Not everyone wants a husband and kids, Carey.”
“No, but you always did.”
She placed her tongue in her cheek and breathed through her nostrils, tilting her head back. “After what happened I saw life differently. Around every corner there was pain, evil, and devastation. I wanted to be a light, someone who answered the questions that kept people up at night and combated the wrongdoings. The ideal of bringing a new life into a world full of so much bad terrifies me. Let alone giving my heart to someone else. That kind of commitment opens you up to a hurt that cuts you to the core. Leave scars that change you indefinitely. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“You’re missing out on so much because you’re afraid of what-ifs.”
“Maybe.” She pierced him with her determined gaze. “But it’s my choice.”
“Even if it keeps Clark here?”
Her shoulders slumped. “You really think that’s why they sent him back?”
“I think it’s a huge part of it. Coupled with the way he died.”
She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “What do I do?”
“You have to show him the old you is still inside there somewhere, and you’re happy.”
“Happy’s relative.” Her quick retort rang false.
“Not to Clark… not to me.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?” In full detective mode she studied him, like Sherlock Holmes on a case.
“Now that I finally have you here in Dale, I’m doing what I should’ve done a long time ago.” He might be doing this for Clark, but he meant what he said. His brother just gave him a nudge in the right direction to get the ball rolling.
“Which is what?” Her face twisted into a bitter sneer. “Hold my hand while I cry? Tell me it’s going to be all right, and I should move on?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m going to drag you back to life, kicking and screaming if I have to.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
“Is that a challenge?” He tilted his head to the side.
“That’s a fuck you, Carey Carr.”
“I expected as much. Doesn’t change my position.”
“I’m not a case to be solved.”
“I didn’t say that.” He paused. “Do you trust me?”
“Obviously. We’re working together.”
“Then please allow me to help you let go.”
“And you made your peace?”
“Yes. I’ll always miss Clark. The hole he left will never be filled. Every year when his disappearance rolls around I’ll get a little wasted. I was lost for a long while. Eventually I realized life had to keep moving forward. He would’ve wanted me to be happy.”
“Are you?”
“I think so. I mean… there are things I don’t have and I’d like to, but isn’t that the story of everyone’s life?”
“How’d you do it?” Her face softened. Emotion bled through her voice.
“It just came with time. I was here in town living with the stares and the whispers. Packaging it up in the back of my mind in a neat little compartment wasn’t an option. So I worked through the volatile emotions, self-loathing, guilt, pity. You know all the usual suspects in a situation like this.”
“For the record, I have no issues with the way I am. I’m happy. But I refuse to be the reason Clark is stuck with one foot in Heaven and the other on earth.”
“Thank you.” Mentally he breathed a sigh of relief.
“I need to go and call this in to the Bureau.”
“You think they’ll come in with guns blazing?”
“This crime was committed in Dale. So it’s a local issue. Unless we get proof of more victims in other places, they don’t really have a reason to.”
“Good.” He held up a hand. “No offense.”
She snorted.“None taken.”
“Are you ready to get back to work, or do you want to leave the room for a bit?”
“No, I’m good now. Thank you.”
Carey nodded. She walked back over to the examination table, placing on a new pair of gloves. He moved over to stand at her side. “Do you think you’ll find something?”
“Chances are they’re trying to bait me. Make me aware of their presence.”
In the end nothing she could see yielded any clues. She was forced to admit defeat and pass the bear on to the lab.
“Come on, Vannah. Let’s go get lunch somewhere.”
“I’m not feeling social.”
“We’ll eat at my place. You need to get out of here for awhile. Shake it off, get some fuel in your belly, and come back fresh.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“I am.” He walked over to her chair and held out his hand. She grabbed it, and a shock of awareness ran through him. “Come on.” She allowed him to pull her up. Her graceful hand fit his like a glove. The realization stunned.
He scanned the area. Was Clark nearby? The rumor about twins sharing thoughts, and emotions was true. Even after Clark passed, he could sense him. At first he thought he’d been headed for the psych ward. Then he’d done some research and found it wasn’t uncommon.
She dropped his hand and they walked through the door. Maybe lunch at my place wasn’t the best idea. The mood was subdued and they didn’t say much as they left the station.
“I’ll drive,” he offered.
“Okay.”
Her lackluster response made him frown. “We’re doing all we can, Vannah.” He unlocked the car with his key fob.
“I know, but it doesn’t seem like enough.” She opened the door and entered the car, shutting the door before he could respond. I can take a hint, no conversation. He got into the driver’s seat, turned on the radio. After starting the engine, he pulled out of the parking lot.
Ten minutes later they were inside his kitchen. She sat at the four–person, square oak table. He stood in front of the fridge.
“What are you in the mood for? I have cold cuts, steak, pasta?” He turned to look over his shoulder.
“Whatever you’re in the mood for.”
Get her minds off things. “Okay, banana pancakes it is.”
“What?” she chuckled half-heartedly.
I’ll take it. “That’s better. Steak and a salad okay?”
“It’s great, but salad?” Wrinkling her nose, she frowned.
“Hey, gotta watch my figure.”
“Really?”
He laughed. “Okay, have to make sure I’m faster than the perpetrators I’m pursuing.”
“Better, but in Dale?” Her eyes laughed at him.
“Careful, your big city snobbery is showing.”
She rolled her eyes. “Please, I know where I come from.”
“Hmph.” He pulled out the steak, opened the packaging, and began to season.
“Are you saying I don’t?” Fire returned in her voice. Mission accomplished.
“I’m just curious. Do you even remember how to play Farkle?” They’d spent hours playing the dice game when they were younger.
“Yes, and I bet I can still mop the floor with you.”
He smirked. Got you! “In your dreams, sweetheart.”
“Once lunch is over we’ll see.”
“I guess so.”
Soon the meat was cooked, the salad was prepared and on the table.
“Wow, Carey. I’m impressed with your domestic abilities.”
“Yeah unlike Peter Pan, I eventually had to grow up.”
“I would’ve liked to see that.” The wistful tone of her voice made him reach over and place his hands over hers. “No more what-if’s,Vannah. We can’t go back and change the past.”
“You’re right.” She nodded.
“Good. I’m going to remind you of this moment the next time you’re pissed at me.”
She chuckled. “I forgot how funny you were.”
“That’s because you’ve been away too long, and I have to admit I got better with time.”
“I love your modesty.”
“It’s one of my more charming attributes.” He took his seat across from her and set their plates on the table. “Let’s eat. I’m suddenly in the mood for Farkle.”
They dug into their food. He kept the conversation light and humorous. The taut muscles in his shoulders relaxed.
“I’ll help you clean up.” She stood, cleared the table, and he followed. The banter proved easy to slip back into. He watched her from the corner of his eye as they rinsed their plates and utensils and placed them in the dishwasher.
Relaxed and bemused, she glowed. He could see the women she would have been if Clark’s murder had never happened.
“Why are your eyes boring a hole into me?”
“Just enjoying the moment.”
“Uh huh?” She closed the door to the dishwasher and stood.” Don’t try to get out of Farkle. I’m ready to crush you.”
“Jeez, you’re all heart. I’ll grab the dice. You do remember the rules, right?”
“Yes, you smarmy bastard.”
She moved back to the table as he opened a drawer beside the sink, chuckling. Vannah always gave as good as she got. They managed to trash talk their way through three games before they packed up. She’d made good on her boast, earning the high score.
“This was more fun than I thought it’d be.”
“Good?”
“Yeah.”
“So you wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again?”
“No, I wouldn’t.” The smile faded from her lip, and her expression grew serious. “But now it’s time to get back to work.”
“Yeah.”
It was interesting the way she hid behind her job. He left off the serious discussions for later. He had to go slow, or she’d balk. There was too much at stake now for him to fail. When this was all finished Clark needed to go home where he belonged. The thought hurt. The selfish part of him loved having Clark here in a physical sense, but what happened when they all died and he remained alone with no one to talk to? He’d seen enough paranormal movies to know spirits that hung on too long went south. I’ll be damned if I’ll let that happen to Clark.
Chapter Six
“Is this compete with Savannah month?” she asked, only partially joking. Last week they’d started the tradition of playing Farkle during their lunch breaks. This week he wanted to go play Putt-putt. She’d held her breath in anticipation of the touchy-feely stuff to come. Per his style.
He’d done the exact opposite of what was expected and kept things on a laidback level she could easily handle. Between worrying about her family, looking around every corner for Clark, and pulling late nights, her brain was close to mush.
“No, I just thought it’d be fun to check out all the old haunts, sort of past meets present take on things. I figured maybe it’d help us find our new normal.” He shrugged. The slight tint to his cheeks told her this was hard for him. So she bit back the smart -leck comments that rolled into her head. This is for Clark, and I’ve been bitchy enough to Carey to last a lifetime.
“When do you want to go?”
“Tonight. I mean it is a Friday and I’d rather not seem like a loser with no life.”
His words made her cringe. The days had begun to blur together. Without Amy to drag her out to do non-work related things she’d gone into workaholic mode.
“Seven okay?” he asked.
“Perfect. Are we eating there?”
“Of course, how could I pass up the best hot dogs in the county?” His face twisted into an expression of mock-offense and she laughed.
“I was always partial to the nachos myself.”
“I remember.” His voice turned solemn.
She smiled as memories flooded back. The three of them had whiled away many nights at the Hole in One growing up. It was a rite of passage being able to go there parentless. When she’d shut the vault door on her time growing up in Dale, she’d lost a lot of the good things as well. Her chest tightened and he pushed the sullen thoughts into the back of her mind. They wouldn’t help her or Clark.
“I guess I’ll see you there then?”
“Definitely.”
They headed in opposite directions from the entryway, and she got into her SUV. She pulled out of the parking lot. Clark appeared. She jumped, swerved, and regained control.
“Jesus, Clark, are you trying to kill me?” Her heart raced and she placed a hand on her chest as she caught her breath.
�
��No, sorry, I thought now would be a good time to chat.”
“Next time show up before the car is in motion, okay?”
“Okay.” The gentle, subdued tone stole her ire.
She shook he head. I’ve never been able to stay mad at him. “You haven’t been around lately.”
“I needed time to process.”
“Boy, can I relate to that.”
“I’m not sorry I told you how I felt. I spent years in anguish over that. I am sorry for storming off like a sulky child. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.” The contemplative tone seemed more for him than her. “Still, the reality differed vastly from the way I envisioned it in my head.”
“It always does. I should apologize for leading you on. I got caught up in the moment and the excitement of knowing you felt the same way. That night at the carnival I planned on telling you how I felt. Not getting that opportunity gutted me.” She risked a glance out of her peripheral in his direction. The reverent expression on his face brought pain, and comfort. For so long she’d wondered if her love had been unrequited, or the figment of a very young and active imagination. “We both know this can’t go anywhere.”
“I know.” A rueful smile tipped up the corner of his mouth. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wish it could though.”
She placed a hand over his. “Me too.” She squeezed and released his hand, returning hers to the shifter. “Are we good now?”
“I think so.” The low hum of wheels on the road filled the car. “How’s the case coming?”
“Slower than I’d like.” She huffed. Cases never fell into your lap the way they did on television. It took a lot of work and digging. Usually by now she’d have something solid. Flying blind didn’t sit well with her.
“They want to make a grand entrance,” he scoffed.
“Do you know that for sure?” Images of random acts of violence filled her head: fires, bombings, and personal attacks on innocent people. Her throat clogged and her chest ached.
“I sense it. But I have no more knowledge than you.”
“They sent you down here without any intel?” It didn’t make any sense.
“Isn’t that what faith is all about? Trusting in things unseen?”
“Someone was paying attention during Religion class.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to ponder.”
His wry comment brought home the fact that he was a ghost. It was too easy to lose herself in the vivid illusion.
