The Sacrifice

by Nhys Glover

  I shivered. How did I feel about the fact that Rama wanted my father dead, that a whole rebellion was set to bring the Godling down, and that their first battle in the war came about because of me? I was not sure. I still had trouble equating the loving father I had known all my life with the thwarted man I had last seen. That man had been a stranger. A vicious, cruel stranger.

  Did I want him dead? I did not know. Did I want his whole political structure upended? I was not sure. The cost in lives such an upheaval would cause had been our biggest fear since the Godling sons had failed to develop magic. War was to be avoided at all cost. Sacrificing a few to save many seemed a fair exchange.

  Or it had, until it was me who was to be sacrificed. I still could not decide if I was just a coward or if I had been right to refuse to be offered up to the gods. Yet if a rebellion was already brewing, war might have always been inevitable. My sacrifice would have meant nothing. Saved nobody.

  "What happens now?" I finally asked, after I had digested as much of the information as I could.

  "That's up to you. We go where you go. The rebels want you to join them. I imagine they'll present their case as soon as you're well enough. If you stand with them, then so do we. Or we can all go back to our place and hope the Godling doesn't send out another army to fetch you back again. Or we can go into hiding somewhere where nobody knows who we are or what you are."

  I knew option two was out, even though it was the one I desperately craved. That peaceful life with my family and the airlings. That was what I wanted more than anything. But Darkin was right, the chances were good my father would find out we had gone back there and he would come after me again.

  But what would it mean to go on the run, hiding who we were, leaving the airlings behind because they attracted undue attention. Denying my magic for the same reason. It would be a hard life, but at least we had a chance of surviving and staying together.

  What would happen if we joined the rebels? How safe would we be then? We would be free to be ourselves for however long we survived. That had its appeal. I did not hold out much hope that the rebellion would succeed. I knew how powerful my father was, the men he commanded, the hold he had over the other kinglunds. Taking him down would be an impossible task, and I wasn't even sure that I wanted to be part of it. He was my father, after all. I loved him. Or I loved the man I thought I knew.

  "You don't have to decide now. There's plenty of time. We're together and we'll stay together, no matter what. That's what you need to focus on. And now I think we need to leave you be for a while and get back to our chores. Calun will stay with you." Darkin finished with a comforting smile. Calun tightened his hold on my hand.

  I nodded, grateful to have a reprieve. I could not think any more. It was all too much. But Darkin was right. We were together again. Safe for now. That was what mattered.

  I watched them go, gave Calun a sleepy smile, and drifted off to sleep once more.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I woke again to find Darkin stroking my damp hair back from my face. His fingers were gentle, almost deferential. This man was as strange to me as Rama had been. Darkin never appeared tentative or lacking in confidence. He certainly never put me on some unattainable pedestal. The very thought was laughable. Yet that was how it felt as he stroked me. As if he was being granted a great honour and was truly appreciative of it.

  I smiled up at him drowsily. "Your turn to watch over me?"

  He smiled back, a red blush rising up his neck and tinting his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

  "What's wrong, Dark? This is not the man I know. You never blush."

  He scowled then, and I felt a little better. "I don't blush. Girls blush. Or untried youths."

  I grinned, deciding to tease him out of whatever mood he had been in as I awoke. "Oh, you blush. Mayhap you are an untried youth?"

  His mouth swooped down and claimed mine in the next instant. My first reaction was panic. I had been sick and my mouth tasted like the inside of a refuse bucket. I did not want our first kiss to be so foul.

  But the thought was fleeting. In its place a heady surge of passion rose, sending all but the most carnal thoughts scattering. His lips were soft, yet commanding. When he thrust his tongue into my mouth it was as if he had claimed it as his own. I felt seared and branded in the most primitive way possible, and I loved every second of it.

  When we broke apart, panting as if we had run a league, I looked up at the dark-haired leader of my harem. He looked nonplussed and embarrassed.

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my lust overpower me. You're still unwell. That was selfish of me."

  I laughed a little unsteadily. "Do you hear me complaining? And I'm much better now. Even more so after that kiss."

  He grinned back at me, relieved. "You're really feeling better?"

  "Much. And what about you and your brothers? Are you well? I cannot see any war wounds on you, as I did on Jaron."

  He pulled up his tunic to reveal a white bandage across his midsection. My heart turned over.

  "Not much more than a scratch, which is healing fast thanks to the women here. Earth magic is amazing to watch."

  I felt a moment of jealousy. Air magic was nothing in comparison to healing magic. So I could stir the air. What of it?

  "But in a fight I'd prefer an Air Mistress at my side. Your magic is awe inspiring." Ah, this was the source of the changed attitude to me. I was an Air Mistress now, not just the little stray he picked up on a visit to town. And he felt insignificant beside my power.

  "If you want to sail a ship, I suppose. Or blow dust in someone's eyes," I teased.

  He grinned. "I'll leave the sailing to someone else. Too much water makes me uncomfortable."

  Having never seen more water than the pool in the mountains, I could not say how it would make me feel. But I did know of the fearsome power of storms, and a storm at sea or even on a large lake would be terrifying.

  "What time is it?" I asked, changing the subject. I thought I could tell by the fading light, but I was not sure.

  "The evening meal's about to be served. The others'll be here shortly to share it with us."

  I smiled as my stomach rumbled. Real food sounded wonderful to me, suddenly. I had been drinking the healer's brew for so long I'd forgotten what real food tasted like.

  "What is the food like here?" I asked hastily, to cover up the embarrassing sound.

  Darkin must have heard it, though, because he laughed. "Let your belly complain, Beloved. It tells me you're feeling better. I need to know you're feeling better. When I cut you down from that post I thought you were dead. I haven't felt so... so helpless and lost since Ma died in my arms. You scared the shite out of me."

  Beloved? He called me Beloved? That was the first endearment he had ever used with me. And it was a powerful declaration of his feelings. I felt humbled by it. Strengthened by it.

  I took his hand in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing his scraped and mangled knuckles. Clearly he'd used his fists in the battle.

  "You do not get rid of me so easily. And thank you for coming for me. I thought I was going to die, too."

  I saw the passion surge in his indigo eyes and felt the answering call of my senses. I wanted this man as much as I wanted the others. I did not know how it was possible to desire four men equally, but I did. But I knew the time for us was not yet. I was still too weak.

  "The food's much better than Jaron's fare, but beyond that I can't say. I haven't paid it much attention."

  I had the feeling from his tone that his attention had been on me alone. Such devotion humbled me. I did not feel as if I deserved it. I'd known him for such a short time, and most of that had been during dire circumstances. Surely affection and love should only come after knowing someone for extended periods?

  But that was not how I felt. I had given my reluctant, confused heart to four different men in a matter of days. Nay, hours, if truth be told. Each brother gave me something I desperately needed and had
been lacking, without knowing it, all my life.

  Darkin gave me steadfast direction. A sense that he knew exactly what needed to happen and when. He was like a compass that pointed a traveller home.

  Rama gave me depth and power. Without him I doubt my magic's well of potential would have been plumbed. His intense passion had taken me deep inside, unlocking the secret bounty I had feared since I discovered its seeds shortly after Mina had died.

  Calun gave me connection. When I was with him I was more than just one person. Connection was what I had thought I had with my twin. I'd been wrong about Airshin, and the loss and grief of that realisation had rocked me in a way nothing else had. So finding Calun was like reconnecting with another, this time more intensely than my relationship with my twin had ever felt.

  Last there was Jaron. Jaron lifted me up, freed my spirit and lightened my heart, his optimism and humour giving me wings. I had seen other sides of him during our time in the cavern and here in the rebel's stronghold, but I still felt that his innate lightness was always there, ready to be tapped as I needed it.

  "What're you thinking?" Darkin asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and cupping my cheek in the palm of his hand.

  "I am wondering if this could possibly be real. To feel as I do about four men, and have them seemingly feel the same way about me. Part of me thinks that I have misunderstood or... or things between us will settle and we will drift apart. Lust is short-lived, so I have been led to believe."

  Darkin looked away, out the window, where the afternoon sun had coloured the sky a rosy pink. I could hear the sounds of beastlings moving around, somewhere below us, and the laughter of childlings. There was a world outside this sickroom, it seemed.

  "I know lust," Darkin said finally. "It's a common enough feeling for men like me. But my first response to you wasn't lust, even with your pretty breasts on display as they were. My first response was admiration, or maybe respect. You were such a tiny, ragtag creature, barely able to stand, and yet you climbed to your feet, determined not to be beaten by physical weakness. It was like you pulled out some inner strength from deep within you to withstand the challenges you faced. And when you sent that bully flying I wanted to cheer, at the same time as I wanted to wrap you in my arms and protect you from others like him. I think lust came later... maybe as I watched you come alive on the airling. But even then it wasn't simply lust. It was amazement that you could feel what I felt when I rode an airling. Most people, most women, would have screamed their heads off in terror if they awakened to find themselves in the sky. You... You delighted in it. You knew no fear."

  "I am an Air Mistress, it seems. It stands to reason that I would be in my element surrounded by air. Not bravery at all," I excused, embarrassed to see myself through his eyes. I was not that paragon, was I?

  "I imagine if you asked the others what drew them to you it'd be other things. But what I do know is that they were all drawn to you in the same way I was. At first I was jealous that you seemed drawn to them too. Then it seemed... right. Our life was never going to allow for four different women to share it. For that many women to get on in a shared space would have been hard, even if our finances could have allowed for all those extra mouths to feed, not to mention the childlings that would follow. But there was more to it than that. We all felt that having our own women would have separated us, not drawn us together, as you do.

  "That's my rational side analysing the situation. Trying to justify what's happened. What it comes down to is that we all feel a rightness about this bond that's formed between us. You don't divide us with jealousies and male posturing, you unite us more tightly than ever before. I don't see that changing. Ever."

  I kissed the palm that burned hot against my face, considering what he had said. I had to wonder how four womanly women would have taken to living together on an airling homestead. My boyishness made it remarkably easy to fit into that life. I doubt it would be so easy for others.

  I did not enjoy the company of other women. I had done everything in my power to stay away from the women in the harem and their catty ways and nasty comments. Except for Mother and Mina, I had been lonely and isolated in that all-woman domain. My version of happiness was an all-male environment. Complete with airlings.

  But I was not going to be allowed my happy life. No matter how perfectly it suited me, fate had other plans for me.

  When the others arrived, along with our meal, we talked and laughed and enjoyed being reunited. It seemed like mooncycles since we had sat on the portico and been this happy, this relaxed. I knew it would not last, but I wanted to make the most of every moment.

  Tiredness claimed me fairly quickly, though. My men accepted it resolutely and pulled out grass pallets to spread around my bed. Listening to them settle in for the night, their cracks and comments, the groans of relief to have their bodies flat, was the best lullaby in the world. I drifted to sleep with no thoughts of the future, only the safe contentment of the now.

  I woke to gentle kisses on my neck. Smiling, I opened my eyes and looked up into soft green eyes surrounded by red-brown lashes. Were those freckles covering Calun's nose? I had never noticed them before.

  We slipped easily into each other's minds. I saw his previous days, working with the airlings while his brothers trained with the rebels, all the while wanting to be at my side. It was an ache inside him, this need to be with me. Our bond was more than he had with the airlings and his brothers. With them it was like talking, but with images in his head. With me it was like we were inside each other's minds, looking out through the other's eyes.

  I made the most of the link to explore his attitude to his brothers, where I was concerned. Did he feel inadequate in any way?

  No, was the reassuring answer. Being in my head and seeing how I saw him made him proud and confident. Because I did not see him as inferior, he was able to feel equal to the brothers he loved and admired so much.

  How did he feel about encountering my sexual experiences with Jaron and Rama in my head?

  Aroused and curious. The enjoyment of vicarious pleasure seemed to be enough. He was happy because I was happy. He took pleasure from my pleasure.

  I wanted to give him more personal experience, though. I noted we were alone, the brothers obviously getting up and going about their daily duties without disturbing my sleep. How long would I have slept on if Calun hadn't awoken me with kisses?

  Had he meant to wake me? I searched his mind and found he had not. The temptation to touch me, to taste my skin while I slept had been impossible to deny. He had expected to be able to do so without disturbing me. It showed how little he knew about real intimacies with women.

  My bed tunic had buttons down the front, to make it easy to remove when my bandages needed changing. Those bandages did not cover my breasts. In that moment I wanted to know what it would be like to have Calun's mouth on my nipples, sucking them into tight points of exquisite pleasure. I briefly wondered whose idea it had been, his or mine? Not that it mattered. I was more than willing to indulge us both.

  When my small breasts were revealed to him, Calun's gaze went from my eyes to my chest and back again. He thought it was too soon. I was not well enough.

  I reached out and brought his head to my breast. My core wept as soon as his wet mouth closed around one nipple. Swallowing hard, I arched a little towards him and then regretted the move. My injured back complained bitterly.

  Calun felt my pain and pulled away, disgusted with himself. But I would not let him go. I threaded my fingers through his silky auburn hair and forced him back to me. This time I kept still. It was not necessary to move to enjoy pleasure, I was sure.

  He cupped one breast in his big hand as he suckled the other. From my mind he understood what I needed from him, what gave me most pleasure. Flicking the tip of my nipple, he followed it quickly with a nip. The stab of painful pleasure was intense, and when he followed the nip with a hard suck that took the whole nipple deep into his mouth, the draw was a
gain both pleasure and pain.

  The hand that was not pleasuring the other breast had worked its way down my body and found my cleft. I wanted to reach for him too, to give him attention, but that would have required moving, and my back would not accommodate me. Calun showed me that he did not require my touch to feel pleasure. He was riding mine.

  The explosion of bliss came quickly, as if I had been too long without it and my body was making the most of the short-lived attention. Calun surged up against my thigh in the same moment, and I knew he had joined me in a shared release.

  For a few lazy minutes he lay with his head pillowed on my naked breasts. His contentment fuelling my own. At the sound of movement nearby, he reluctantly lifted himself from my side and righted my clothes, blushing fiercely as he did so.

  I smiled smugly, noting the damp spot soaking through his tunic. He would need to clean himself up before getting on with his work. To punish me for the pleasure I was getting from his discomfort, he tweaked a nipple through my tunic. I squeaked in surprise and he grinned.

  "Go on, get out of here. What were you thinking waking a sick girl up like that," I chided aloud, batting his meaty shoulder with the back of my hand.

  I heard him laughing in my head as he swaggered happily from the room.

  My healer, whose name was Reia, I had discovered during one of the many healing sessions I'd had over the last few days, moved forward as Calun left. She was grinning. "I would almost envy you that one. A silent man, what a treat."

  I laughed, knowing she was teasing. "Not so silent in my head. Or in his, would probably be more accurate. He talks to himself incessantly."

  Big brown eyes stared into mine in surprise. "You have that level of connection with him? I have heard of it, of course, but none of us have experienced it. I cannot imagine how it works. Does it not upset him to know your thoughts about his brothers?"