by Jaycee Ford
She will text back. I know she will.
“Why do you keep checking your phone?”
I whipped my head to the side as Lance trotted up riding Pepper.
“In fact, why don’t you finally fill me in on who you’ve been texting so damned much?”
I slid my phone back in my front pocket and pulled Ginger’s reins toward Lance.
“I don’t know wh—”
He raised his hand and stopped my response. “Save it. I know when there is a chick involved. I’ve only seen you this way once, and that hasn’t been since …”
His words hung in the air as he lowered his hand. His eyes dug deep into me, and I knew he could read me like he had all of those years ago during a morning hangover when I was sworn to bros before hoes. He shook his head, but his eyebrows crinkled in confusion. No one knew but my brother. It was the way I wanted it even after she moved here. I thought of the unanswered text in my pocket. If she even moved here at all.
He cleared his throat, ending the conversation, and said, “I’m heading out for lunch. You staying here?”
I shook my head. “Yeah. I think I’ll stay here.”
He nodded, pulled Pepper’s reins, and trotted away. I stared as he rode his horse across the hills and out of sight. I hopelessly pulled out my phone again.
“Dammit, Ellie. Where are you?”
I couldn’t stay here. I needed to make sure that she hadn’t forgotten about me. I needed to make sure that she was coming back. I headed toward the house, kicking Ginger into speed. Once she was settled and I was on the ground, I headed toward my truck. I saw Tom come out of the house.
“Hey, do you want some food?” I shook my head as he came down the steps of his front porch. “Paul, are you all right, man?”
I shook my head again. I couldn’t shake the ache spreading in my chest, my heart squeezing into nothingness. “I can’t … I just can’t talk about it. I’ll be back in an hour,” I said as I pulled open the door to my truck.
He took a step closer before I got behind the wheel. “We’re pretty much good for today. Just take the rest of the day off. It’s cool.”
I nodded and hopped into my truck. The tires spun over the gravel and peeled off onto the highway, heading down Main Street. I tried thinking over the last few conversations, and now that I began to analyze them, something seemed off.
When I reached Main Street, I parked in front of a quiet Dixie’s Tavern and almost jogged down half of a block and stood before a transformed shop. A sign covered the outside window, which read, Ellie’s Boutique—Coming Soon. My heart steadied for the time being, but only for the time being.
• • •
White clouds sprayed across the purple and orange dusk sky. The blue tinted mountains faded to black with the creeping night. Peace surrounded me with the season’s first fireflies igniting their light in the trees. A cold beer warmed in my hand as I rocked in a chair on my back porch, staring at an unanswered text from hours ago. The peace that surrounded me only made my anxiety boil higher. How could the world be so peaceful when my heart was being torn in two?
After leaving her naked in her bed, I never imagined that it would end up like this. When I arrived back in North Carolina, I called her and talked to her off and on the rest of the day. We would text throughout the day, and I would end the day with her voice in my ears. I thought I could hear the love in her voice, but I had finally admitted to myself today that, as it came closer to the time she was to move back home, she grew distant. I kept reassuring myself that she was coming back. After all, the florist shop was being turned into a boutique, but as I read my text from nine hours ago, I knew that something wasn’t right.
Two weeks ago was the first night since our first phone call when I didn’t fall asleep listening to her voice. She had “a thing,” whatever that was. She never did elaborate, but I didn’t really bother her for information either. Late nights then came into play with her internship, and she would only talk for a few minutes before rushing off. I told myself that it was a busy time for her as she finished up her internship. She was also designing a boutique without actually being present. I knew she was busy and I tried to have patience, but then I looked down at my phone.
Good morning, baby.
The sky turned as dark as my soul. There had to be a reason for all of this. I lifted the bottle to my lips and washed my worries down. When the night sounds grumbled in my ear, I left the peace of outside for the comfort of my chair. I walked through my living room and into my kitchen to grab another beer. As I sat down in my chair in the living room, I tried to pick up a book to read, but the distraction was no use. There was no getting her off my mind.
I stood and stared out of my front window. The foothills that surrounded my little house vanished in the distance. Was it the distance that made things vanish, or was it the perception of vanishing? I had her in my arms. How could I have been so stupid to let her go? The whole bottle poured down my throat in one long pull.
“Fuck it.” I didn’t care what she was doing or if I was interrupting. If she didn’t want to talk to me anymore … If she didn’t want us anymore …
I turned toward my chair and picked up my phone. After swiping it to unlock, I stared at the message I sent at five thirty this morning and clicked my contacts. I pressed her name without hesitation. When I raised the phone to my ear, it purred its ring and I waited impatiently. Eternity stretched through five rings.
“Hi! It’s Ellie! Leave a message!”
I declined a message. I ended the call and pressed her name again. I was making a point and she was going to understand that. After two rings, it went straight to voicemail.
“Hi! It’s Ellie! Leave a message!”
My hands shook in a raging fear. She was deliberately avoiding me now. She declined the call, sending it to voicemail. Desperation pumped through my veins. I chucked my phone across the room; it slammed into the sofa and fell onto the floor. I needed a drink—a drink that wasn’t in my fridge.
I walked to the home bar tucked in the corner next to the fireplace. Bottles were pushed aside until I found the square one with the black label. The black top screwed off with ease from use, and as I placed the lip of the bottle to my lips, I heaved out a breath and inhaled the amber liquid. Scorching fire bled down my throat, burning the hole in my heart. My stomach beseeched, but I ignored its plea and drank the liquid medicine anyway. The third long pull brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t know if it was from the fire in my stomach or the tear of my heart.
I placed the bottle down on top of the wooden bar and turned around, spotting my phone face down on the floor. The smallest surge of hope sang through me. Maybe she called back and my ringer switched off from the force of my throw. I crossed the room in two strides and picked it up to see that no activity had been made. My shoulders hung in a self-deprecating sigh. I decided to do what any self-respecting human being would do.
I would annoy the shit out of her until she picked up.
I called. It rang repeatedly. Ten calls past by with only a ringtone to hear. I dialed an eleventh and a twelfth occurred. When the thirteenth rang, the line clicked.
“Yeah.”
A male’s voice echoed in my ear. My heart stopped as my hands shook.
“Where’s Ellie?”
The line went dead.
“No.” I spoke to no one who could hear me, no one to hear me beg.
“No!” My arm flung back, and the phone smashed into the rock fireplace. Pieces of technology lay upon the hardwood and the rug. I buried my face inside my hands and wept like a child. The only woman I had ever wanted, the only woman I had ever loved, left me—left us—for someone else.
THE YELLOW CABS sped down Park Avenue, passing under the shade of the trees dotting the median. I sipped my coffee on an early Saturday morning, barely hearing the blare of their horns. I saddened at the thought of all I was leaving behind for a guy who had refused me. After everything that had happened, after everythi
ng we had been through, I never could explain or understand it. One day he was there, and then poof, he was gone.
The corners of my lips curved down again as I bit the inside of my mouth to keep it from quivering. It had been over a month since the last time I heard his voice or read his words. I knew it was my fault, but I couldn’t even tell him. Per the automatic operator voice, that number was no longer in use.
After taking one last look down the street that I had come to love, I sipped my coffee and turned around to an empty room. My bedroom had been completely cleaned out except for the furniture that came with the apartment. The mattress was bare; there were no pictures lining the dresser; the closet was huge. My heart sank at what I was losing here because of what I had already lost there. Money had been exchanged though. I couldn’t back out now.
I had started designing my line months ago, creating pieces to sell in my store. Working endlessly took me away from Paul, and now, he had removed himself completely. Out of habit, I took out my phone and tapped the button at the top, illuminating the screen. My shoulders hung with a sigh. It was no use. He was gone. My only hope was to convince him to come back to me when I got back to him.
“Okay, El. That’s everything.” My father poked his head into my room. I nodded and he departed with a forced smile. At least I would be closer to my dad now. A weekend at Myrtle Beach sounded nice.
I peered over my shoulder one last time and gazed out of my bedroom window. It was the same window I looked out of every night, thinking about Paul.
“Why are you encouraging this, Julius?”
My thoughts were interrupted by raised voices in my living room.
“I’m just doing what my daughter wants. I’m not going to let her drive a moving truck to North Carolina by herself.”
I left my room to block the onset of World War III.
“What she needs is to stay here where she’ll have opportunities.” My mother stood in front of my father, who was almost a foot taller than she was, waving her arms in a mad frenzy.
“Mother.” I walked over and stood next to them, trying to get them to stop arguing.
“What she needs is to find herself, out from under her mother’s wing.” My eyes flew to him with his retort.
“Dad.”
“In the God forsaken country? There’s nothing in the country!”
My eyes narrowed at her insult. “Mother!”
“It’s better than getting lost among millions of people in this forest of concrete!” His voice rose as his patience fell.
“Come on, Dad.” I placed my hand on his arm, and he glanced in my direction. My mother stepped forward.
“If you think for one instant I am going to allow this—”
“Enough!” I held my mother’s forearm, holding her back from ruining anything further.
“Everything okay, belle?”
I turned toward the voice, and was thankful to see my best friend walk through the door. “Would you escort my mother downstairs, Gianni?”
“You’re just going to kick me out and move away?” Her hands went to her hips in preparation of her manic scolding.
I turned toward her, mimicking her stance, and not backing down from her hovering. “You are only listening to what you want. Regardless of the reasons why I had decided to move back to North Carolina, I can make a name for myself there.”
“You can make one here, Ellie.” Her will diminished, but I was already fired up.
“No, I cannot. Not among millions of people in this forest of concrete.” My father’s words oozed out without thought. “I’ll start off small there and move to Charlotte for growth if I have to.”
“Ellie, that is ridic—”
“It’s done, Mother. Let it go.”
Her back stiffened and she stuck her nose in the air, glaring me down. Instead of hugging me and wishing me safe travels, she spun on the heels of her Louboutin’s and walked out. I glanced at my dad; he was just as frustrated.
He shook his head and bent down to grab the last box. “I’ll make sure she gets in a cab. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” He shook Gianni’s hand and walked out of my apartment.
My eyes shifted to the warm brown ones that I had come to call friend. Besides the few girls who had become close acquaintances, Gianni was the only person I fully let into my life. He held open his arms and I fell into them.
“If you need me, you call at any hour. If you need me there, I’ll be on the next plane,” he whispered into my hair, and I nodded against his hard chest. “Don’t let him hurt you anymore. Go make something of yourself and move to Charlotte for better opportunities.” He coddled my face in his hands and bent down, becoming eye level with me. He leaned in slowly and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Just take care of you.”
I nodded as tears rolled down my cheeks. He kissed my forehead and pulled me into a hug one last time.
• • •
The ride out of the city was quiet except for the new country crooning on the radio. I cast a look my dad. He sported finely cut, salt-and-pepper hair, and even out of his seaside element, he was styled as a preppy beach bum. He had gained a smidge of weight in the past few years, but the gym was working nicely for him. He seemed a little on edge though, and I was sure it had to do with my mother.
“So, was this the last nail in the coffin for you?”
He glanced to the side, making eye contact for a second, and then stared back at the road, hiding behind his aviator sunglasses. He breathed heavily out his nose. “Honestly, I hope so. I’m now forty-eight. I have a beautiful daughter given to me by a woman whom I loved. She’s gone now, and from her antics back there, she’s not coming back. Frankly, I don’t want her to.”
He never dated much when I was in high school. He really did try to make a comfortable life in North Carolina for my mother, but it wasn’t enough. As much as I loved her, he deserved better.
“It’s about time you find yourself a lady, Dad.”
I faced forward as the tree-lined interstate passed by. I sank down in my seat and tried to make myself comfortable for the next seven hours. I turned on my tablet, and as I began to search for a mushy romance novel, Dad cleared his throat, insinuating a discussion. I powered off the tablet out of the instinct of technology etiquette.
“So, you … uh … haven’t said too much about what’s going on. I know that you and Paul are … or were talking. What happened, El?” The concern was evident in his voice.
I kept my eyes forward, and I let out a sigh, much like his from moments ago.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“How do you not know? Did he start getting distant, or do you know of something else going on?”
“No. I mean I was busy getting things straight with leaving and moving. But after I left my phone on the subway, I haven’t heard from him. When I got a new phone the next day, I was expecting to grovel at his feet, but his phone was disconnected.” I sulked deeper into my seat. “I just don’t understand how one day would mess it all up.”
He stretched his arm across the center console and patted my knee. “It’ll get cleared up, El. Surely, some sort of miscommunication.”
“I hope so.”
• • •
Dad unloaded the last box from the moving truck as I stared up at my new boutique and home. Behind the store was a parking area for the various stores that lined the street. My building had two floors. The bottom held my boutique, with the back of the store solely devoted to assembling my creations, and the top floor was transformed into an apartment. It was about half the size of my place in New York, but I had a view of the rolling hills from my window. And I couldn’t beat the commute.
We headed through the back door, which was essentially my apartment’s front door, and climbed up the stairway through the entrance. When we arrived at the top, it opened to the living room with an open kitchen lining the back wall. Hardwood floor covered every inch of the apartment except for the bathroom. I had furniture already in place;
I just had to unpack my belongings.
Dad walked to the kitchen, yanked open the fridge door, and chugged a bottle of water.
“Dad, you can stay here if you want. It’s already getting dark,” I offered, but he shook his head as he swallowed his gulp.
“I’m good. It’ll be just a few more hours. I might go crash at a buddy of mine’s.” He returned to his chugging.
“Would this buddy be female?”
He coughed on his water. I stifled a laugh as best as I could. He walked over to me and grabbed me in a big bear hug with a kiss on my forehead.
“The first chance you get, come to the beach before the shop opens.” I nodded as he let go. He crouched to my level, looking me straight in the eye, and said, “And don’t take any crap from anyone. You set that kid straight if he’s who you want to be with. You have a business here. This is as much your town as it is anyone’s.”
My eyes filled with tears as he pulled me to his chest again. “Make something that you would be proud of. Do it for you.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you, El.”
Dad headed downstairs, and as the door closed behind him, I gazed over the mass of boxes. I placed my hands on my hips as the dreadful solitude crept up on me. I should try to distract myself; although, most of my unpacking had to do with the store. That could be handled slowly since I wasn’t prepared to open for a few more weeks. I glanced at my kitchen, adoring the warm granite and the stainless steel, and studied the time on the clock. It was Saturday night, and I knew what this town did on a Saturday night.
Forty-five minutes later, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Soft curls rained down my back, covering my little black dress. I looked at my watch and it seemed a tad early still, but maybe I could blend in a bit with the bar patrons already there and scope out the place. I grabbed my clutch and came face-to-face with myself, taking my father’s words to heart.
“Don’t take any crap from anyone.” With a pointed stance, I nodded at my reflection and left the bathroom.
