by Jaycee Ford
“So, where are you staying?” I asked. I turned away to my beer and held the mug in my grasp.
“I have an apartment loft over my boutique.” She took a long sip of her beer.
“You live like three storefronts away?”
“I do. It’s really nice. You should come by and check it out sometime.”
I glanced at her. The whiskey, beer, and wine had made her brave. I downed the rest of my beer, keeping my eyes locked on hers, and then scooted off the bar stool. I tossed down a few bills to cover our drinks, making my decision. I reached out my hand for hers.
“Let’s go check it out.”
• • •
The wooden stairs creaked under my cowboy boots. My eyes were glued to her ass as it swayed up each step. The stairwell opened to an expansive living area. Hardwood covered throughout with her signature touches of red and purple brightening up the space. She crossed the floor into the kitchen. As she pulled open the fridge door, she bent down, sticking out her ass for me to feast on. She pulled out two beers and kicked the door shut behind her. She closed the distance between us and handed me a bottle. I wouldn’t dare move my eyes from her. I reached out for the bottle and unscrewed the top, handing it back to her. Our fingers grazed and I flashed back to our night at The Inn. It all started with a touch. I held up my bottle and echoed the same words I said that night.
“Here’s to reconnecting.”
Ellie bit her lip and I didn’t even have to guess at what she was going to do. The smallest smirk appeared on my face as her tongue darted out over the rim of the bottle. Her lips surrounded it, and her cheeks narrowed as she sucked the liquid down. Her eyes remained on mine the whole time. She pulled the bottle away, and moisture from the beer remained on her upper lip. I couldn’t blink away. I reached up and ran my thumb across it, and then lazily dragged it across her bottom one. She closed her mouth over the tip of my thumb, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wrapped my hand around her neck and pulled her lips toward mine.
The sweet taste of her lips, her tongue, I had never craved something so madly. Both of our beers fell to the floor, spilling on her rug, but neither one of us seemed to care. Her fingers trailed up the back of my neck, knocking off my hat. It hit the floor with a thud, and without wasting a moment, I slid my hands down her legs and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist. Her hands coddled my cheeks, holding our lips together, and our tongues entwined. I laid us down on the sofa as a manic frenzy ensued. I broke from her lips to pull off her tank, and buried my head in the cleavage I had dreamed about for months. She was mine. I was reclaiming what was mine. I would never let her go again. Her lips scorched up my neck. I needed her. I needed to be inside of her.
“Are you still on …?”
“Yes.”
My hands glided up her legs, exposing her matching lace thong. I pressed my lips to hers as I cupped her, making her squirm. She released a moan, and goddamn, it was too fucking hot. Her fingers worked lose my belt, and I wiggled out of my jeans. I ripped away the lace with one swift yank and thrust deep inside of her. We both screamed out from the animalistic need. I stilled inside of her, allowing her to adjust without additional pain. Her core clenched around me as I nuzzled into the crook of her neck, smelling her sweet scent and kissing up to her ear.
“God, I’ve missed you, El.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered breathlessly.
I lifted my head and gazed into her eyes. I rocked into her as she picked up the familiar beat. The slow rhythm grew into a heated race as I thrust deep repeatedly. Her back arched off the sofa. I raised her hips as I anchored my foot on the floor. Her core clenched around me, gripping tighter. Her eyes rolled back as she gasped for breath, but I held her face close to mine. As my eyes bore into hers, she hit her peak. Her body shook beneath me. She grabbed my shirt in her fists. Her body milked me as mine tensed around her. I released a shuttering breath, gripping her in my arms, as I emptied inside of her. I kissed her lips as a tear ran down her face, and I kissed her cheek in its wake.
“Shh, baby. It’s okay,” I whispered. The tears rolled one after the other. Who could ever let her go? She left me for some suit, but in this moment, I didn’t care. All I knew was that she was in my arms right now. “I don’t know who broke your heart, but I want to fix it.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice cracked in a whisper as her forehead crinkled. Silent tears still rolled down her cheeks. God, it was breaking my heart. I pressed my lips to hers for a brief moment in an attempt to calm her down.
“What caused the hurt in your eyes? Who did that to you?”
She sank into the sofa underneath her. “You did.”
“I DID? I did, what?”
My heart tore into thousands of pieces. A guy had answered her phone. We were drifting apart before that. How could I have broken her heart? She didn’t want us anymore.
I scooted off her in shock, zipped my jeans, and sat upright with my boots on the ground. I rested my elbows on my knees and stared at the floor in confusion. I glanced at her as she pulled her legs underneath her and eased up the sofa, crossing her arms over her chest. As she rested her back against the arm of the sofa, her eyes hollowed and appeared lost. I made her doubt her worth. I pulled away from her as if I had used her.
Shit, I’m fucking up again.
I snapped out of it and retrieved her tank top from the floor. After she pulled it over her head, covering the body I just ravaged, I pulled her close to me in order to make things right. I held her hands within mine, and while I studied her face, she shut down. I loved her hard and fast, and this was what happened to her. I pulled her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her, and pressed my head to her chest. Her heartbeat echoed in my ear, and I longed to make it beat for me.
“What did I do, Ellie? Please talk to me.” I couldn’t look at her. I kept my eyes closed as I remained against her chest. I gripped her tighter in hope that my tears wouldn’t fall.
Her hands shifted as she hesitated. When she gave in, she laced her fingers through my hair as she held me to her. Her cheek rested against the side of my head as her body trembled with tears.
I pulled away and held her face between my hands, forcing her to look at me. “What happened? Where did I fuck up?”
Her eyes saddened with tears as she bit her quivering lip. I pried her lip from her bite and caressed her cheek, hoping to calm her down.
“I-I …” She choked through her words. “I lost my phone, and then you were gone.”
I glanced away from her when she buried her face in the crook of my neck. My gaze narrowed on the floor. She had lost her phone. There wasn’t anyone else. I’m such a fucking idiot.
“Baby, baby …” I shifted her off my shoulder and locked eyes with her. “Some guy answered your phone. I flipped out. I thought you were still seeing that guy from before.”
She shook her head in reply and attempted to pull away from me. I refused her retreat and tugged her against me again. I did not deserve her, but I would do everything in my power not to lose her again.
She pressed her hand against my chest, pushing herself away from me, as her tears rolled down her cheek one by one. “This is too much for me. I can’t keep doing this.”
Her words forced me into shock, and in my weakened state, she escaped my hold and disappeared through a doorway. The gentle closing of the door and the sound of running water told me she had started the shower. I rested my face in my hands, feeling a sense of confused depression. I filled my lungs with air, fighting the need to let my tears flow. I didn’t know what was going on, but the roller coaster of emotions was taking its toll on both of us. I just wanted to call her my own. I wanted to be with her, more than just a quickie on her sofa. I wanted New York back.
I wiped my hands down my face as I stared into the darkened hallway leading to the bathroom. I knew she was crying inside the shower, and I would be damned if she was going to cry over me.
I pushed up off th
e sofa, determined to make things right. I pulled off my boots, as well as the rest of my clothes, and padded across the hardwood floor to the hallway. To the left, her bedroom was styled in perfection. To the right, light glowed from underneath a closed door, the shower echoing in the hallway. Her quiet sobs were still loud enough to be heard over the falling water.
I twisted the knob and pushed open the door. Steam billowed out as I peered through the haze. Her slender figure faced away from me through the glass shower door. She rested her head against her arm as she leaned against the tiled wall. Her faint sniffles broke my heart repeatedly.
The air thickened around me as I shut the door. After two steps on the tile floor, I slid open the door to the shower and stepped underneath the falling water. When I grazed my hand down her back, she didn’t flinch from my touch. She turned away from the wall and I cradled her naked body in my arms. I tucked her head to my chest, falling in love even more with this woman. I didn’t know I could possibly love her more than I had before, and now I realized how stupid I was for not giving her a say for so many months. I did this to her. I would never forgive myself.
“I think we need to take a step back.”
I held her closer instead of letting her go. “It was a misunderstanding, Ellie. This whole thing was my fault, but please give me a chance.”
“You’re too stubborn,” she whispered into my chest. “You’ve always been stubborn.”
“I can’t lose you again, El. Please let me try to make it right.” I held her tighter, not even reacting to the sensations of her naked body against mine. I needed her heart more. I coddled her face in my hands, bending down to look into her eyes.
“I don’t know if I can do this roller coaster anymore, Paul.” Her lip quivered, giving her away. If she didn’t want me, she wouldn’t have taken me home with her.
“Give us a chance, baby.” I had to beg. I couldn’t lose her.
“If it’s going to continue like the past eight months, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it.” Her tears had stopped, her strong will shining through.
“Then we’ll start over. We’ll do it the right way.”
She relaxed in my arms. I was getting through to her.
“And what’s the right way?” Her eyes sought mine. I could see the doubt, but I could also see hope. All I needed was hope.
“I will take you on a date.”
She cocked her eyebrow as she withheld her smile. “And what if I say no.”
“Will you?”
She shook her head, and I leaned in for her lips. My hands didn’t roam her body like I wanted, but I knew that I had to win her back this way. I had messed up, and I intended to fix it.
• • •
The days had passed and I found myself battling the summer heat. I continued to lay down the footprint of the End of Summer Festival to transform our little one signal light town into party central. After assembling another board, I took off my hat, wiping the sweat from my brow. My shirt was drenched from the heat, and I stripped it off, tossing it aside. After placing my hat low on top of my head, I reached down for another board and continued building the dance floor.
“Well, Lance is pissed,” Tom said as he walked toward me, grabbing a board. He helped lay the floor.
“What did you do to him?” I dropped the board on the ground, and aligned it in the groove until it snapped into place.
“I needed one of y’all to go to a cattle auction in Virginia this weekend.”
The realization dawned on me that one obstacle would be solved for this weekend.
“So, he ain’t going to the fest, then.” I busied myself with another board, attempting to keep to myself.
“Nope, and I’m being selfish. I ain’t missin’ it,” Tom said, and when I caught his eye, he studied me carefully and added, “And I don’t think you want to either.”
“Why don’t you want to miss it?” I asked. I avoided his prying and grabbed another board.
“I went on a coffee date.”
I glanced at him. He was a goner. “So, your first history class went well with your new teacher, I assume.”
“Yep. I’m done. Totally off the market,” he said, causing me to drop the board with his affirmation.
“Do what? Tom McCloud is whipped now?”
“One hundred percent.” He assembled the board I dropped and stood back up, ignoring my shock.
“I never thought I’d see the day.”
“And I believe Paul Harris is too.” His words lingered in the humid summer air. I held my breath, hoping that he didn’t know about Ellie.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. I turned to grab another board, ignoring him as best as I could.
“Oh, you don’t, huh?” He stood there, unmoving, and tried to get me to admit a situation I knew I wasn’t ready to.
“Nope.”
“How do you like Ellie’s apartment, then?”
I turned my head back and stared at him, feeling a string of anxiety; although, a little relief surged through me. After ten years and nine months, it was time someone finally knew, but I didn’t know how much I could tell him.
“Tom …”
“That’s why I sent Lance instead of you. I wanted to give you some space where Ellie is involved, and I think it goes without saying that you won’t dick her over.” His stern face caught me off guard. As if me hurting her would be possible—at least not intentionally. I had already hurt her. I wouldn’t do it again.
“I never would.” I turned toward Tom fully and assured him as best as I could.
“I didn’t think so,” he said, ending his role as sibling, and started working on the dance floor again. Maybe with Tom bringing it up, I would be able to talk about it more. Someone closer to the situation was better than my brother was. Tom was like a brother after all.
“Tom, I don’t—”
He raised his hand, cutting me off. “For right now, the less I know the better. Lance is still hung up on that girl, and I don’t what to see a wedge in y’all’s friendship because of her. So, just be careful.”
I had hoped that I could be more open with him, but he was right. All I could do was nod at his conclusion. It was best to keep as much of this to myself as possible. How would it look to Lance if this all fell apart? If my stupidity got in the way again, it probably would.
“So, did you give your new teacher a heart attack? I am sure that she wasn’t expecting you in her class.”
He paused for a moment before picking up another board. “Have you ever just met someone, and it was like all of the air rushed out of your lungs?”
My thoughts drifted back to the sound of the creaky door in homeroom so many years ago. The instant my eyes fell on that sun-kissed beauty, the air escaped me. Every time I see her now, I lose my breath. Every time she returns a text, my heart stops.
“No, but I’m glad you have.” The less he knew the better.
WEAR SOMETHING COMFORTABLE.
The text stared at me while I looked at it for the hundredth time. I was a fashion designer, having studied this business for years, and the word comfortable threw me. Did comfortable mean something that could get dirty or did that mean I could wear a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s that were also quite comfortable in their five-inch form?
I hadn’t seen or spoken to Paul since our rowdy romp in my living room. We had reverted to texting. At least he seemed interested again. All of this wasted time because of a lost phone. The stubbornness of a country boy never ceased to amaze me. The agony that seeped into my heart for well over three months forced me to build a wall. I did hope Paul would tear it down, but I needed him to trust me again. I needed to trust him. I needed to trust that he wouldn’t bruise my heart, which he held in his hands. I never wanted my heart back. It was his forever.
I checked the time on my phone, and it was one minute until six. The lack of foot traffic for the past hour convinced me to close up shop a minute early. I hopped off my perch behin
d the point of sale counter and walked over to the entrance. I slid the dead bolt into place as well as the latch on the bottom of the door. I flipped off the lights, leaving only the outside one on that was pointed at the wooden Ellie’s Boutique sign. I peered out at the festival site as I mentally assured myself that I was prepared for my booth this weekend.
A certain cowboy hat caught my eye, his chest glistening with sweat. The instant pull deep within my stomach reacted upon sight. I rested my head on the doorframe, hidden in the darkness, and stared at the man I loved with every fiber of my being.
Can I trust him with every fiber of my being?
He picked up his T-shirt off the ground, and wiped his rock hard abs, which my fingers loved to trace. My grip tightened on the frame of the door, my knees weakening as I stared at the Greek god. I followed him with my eyes as he walked away from the site. My chest clenched with a familiar ache from months past. There were many regrets over the past several years, but the yearning for him was much deeper now.
When the ache in my chest numbed, I pulled myself away from the door and headed to the back of my store, making the climb upstairs to my loft. I had an hour to get ready for my first official date with Paul—in the state of North Carolina at least.
I stripped off my clothes as I stepped into the bathroom, and after starting the shower, I pinned up my hair, having washed it this morning to save time. I stepped under the spray and thought of our last shower together. The pure emotion that was shared between us had only solidified the little bit of faith I had in a future. Our only meetings had been of the physical kind. I questioned if this date was only to string me along. I didn’t know if I could sink deeper into this hole. What if this was all he wanted? Would this only ever be friends with benefits?
