by Jaycee Ford
I grabbed my phone and texted her. She would get back to me when she could.
Hey, baby. How did the day go?
I was just about to text you! :-)
Relief consumed me when the text bubble reappeared as she began to type another message.
I had an AWESOME day, but so exhausted.
Dinner?
I waited a few moments and drained my beer in the meantime.
♥ some.
• • •
Anticipation ran through me as I walked up to her door in the back of the boutique. After shifting the bag of Chinese takeout to one arm, I rang her bell and stood with impatience buzzing through my system. I waited a little longer than I normally would, so I rang the bell again and added a little tap on the door. After another long moment, the dead bolt clicked, and I saw the most tired eyes in existence.
“I’m sorry. I fell asleep on the sofa waiting for you.” She opened the door for me, and I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her against me. Her tired lips grazed across mine. When she pulled away, she said, “I’m so sorry I’ve been distant today. It was a lot busier than I had expected.”
Glancing at her again, I didn’t even think she would make it through the egg drop soup.
“Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to bring this bag upstairs, I’m going to kiss my girlfriend, and then I’m going to let her eat and crash at her leisure.” I tried to remain positive, but her eyes saddened.
“I’m sorry, Paul. I’m just so tired.” She frowned, which killed me.
I kissed the side of her head, and led the way upstairs. I placed the food on the table as Ellie stepped up the last stair. I walked back to her and gave her a gentle hug. I missed the feel of her in my arms. I couldn’t even go a day without her.
“Give me your keys.”
“Why?” Her face was etched in confusion. I smiled at her adorableness.
“I’m going to lock the door and come over in the morning to make you breakfast.”
Her eyes widened and then she buried her head in my chest. “You are the best boyfriend ever.”
I found her lips again, not wanting to let go, but I did. “Just remember that if I ever mess up again.”
“You won’t, baby. You won’t.”
She held me close as I bid her goodnight. The ache eased in my chest from knowing things were okay. I hated being apart when we just got together, but I would see her again in twelve short hours. However, for tonight, I would fall asleep by myself and wake up the next morning alone.
EXHAUSTIN NUMBED MY body as I plopped down on the sofa. The few weeks since the fest were unbelievable. I underestimated how many new eyes would be brought into my shop. My stock had depleted with people coming in truckloads. I was going to have to hire a seamstress to help with the fall line. The summer clearance was nearly gone, and I had made every bit of it with my own hands. It was time I grew.
I sat up and glanced around my apartment, pondering my future in this town. Before my eyes, I saw more racks and display tables of clothes. I could turn this into so much more. One step at a time, Ellie. It’s only been a few months.
Reality came back, but I could see the future clearly. I only hoped Paul was on my arm … in public. We had only been officially together for a short time, but we were now going on nine months since this whole thing started. I could call him mine now, but only in my head. The dinner dates at my apartment were wonderful, especially since we had to work all of the time, but just once, I wanted to go somewhere.
The secretive boyfriend rang my phone just before my annoyance peaked. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I just wanted to share it with the world.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey, baby.” His husky drawl warmed my heart and sent tingles down my spine. Every time he said baby, I would pretty much do whatever he wanted. “How was your day?”
I settled into my sofa to absorb his voice. I would forever be scared of losing him. I wanted to memorize everything about him, especially his voice. I sighed at his question. “Exhausting. You?”
“Pretty tame. Not so bad for a Friday. Speaking of, what are my beautiful girlfriend’s plans for this evening?” The exhaustion of the day melted away with those two words: beautiful and girlfriend.
“She’s hoping she gets to see her amazing boyfriend.” My cheeks widened in a smile. He was pissing me off with this whole secretive thing, but I still craved him more than anything.
“Is that right?”
“Yes …” More than anything.
“Well, how ‘bout we go have a few drinks at Dixie’s?”
My whole body perked up from its exhausted slouch. “Really? Like out, out?”
“Yep. How about you meet me there around eight thirty. We can have a drink together before everyone gets there.” Meet him there?
“You don’t want to just come here and walk over with me?”
“Well … I’d like to … but I just … don’t think … it would be best … just yet.”
I felt as if my will to hold on was suffering. I worked so hard to be with him, and it was all slipping through my fingers and I couldn’t control it. I didn’t like this feeling. Was it because of Lance, or was this because of me?
“Paul …”
“Soon, I promise.” He was trying. I knew that, but it still stung. I just want to be his girlfriend … in public!
“Fine. I’ll meet you there.” I didn’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. I wanted him to know that it hurt.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“I promise.” The sincerity was evident. It just didn’t know how long soon would be.
“I believe you.” I had to. It was either believe him or lose him for good.
• • •
My heels clamored against the sidewalk as I headed to Dixie’s for my eight thirty date. I rolled my eyes. He had promised. I had to take him at his word. Within a few short steps, I pulled open the door to Dixie’s Tavern. It was dead since it was still early, but I made my way over to the bar like a champ. The boyfriend was nowhere in sight.
“Hey, Ellie! How has your week been?” Mrs. Betty leaned across the bar and gave me a hug. She always appeared city chic with her black bob and skinny jeans, but when she opened her mouth, she was as country as they came.
“It has been insane. Awesome, but insane. I’m not even fooling with wine tonight. I’ll have what’s on tap.” I rested my hands on my lap, holding my clutch, and settled in on the stool.
“You got it.”
She turned away and quickly placed the beer in front of me, automatically starting a tab. The frosted mug warmed in my grip. Carbonation fizzed down my throat with a single sip of the pale ale and settled my stomach from its turning over Paul. As I placed the mug back on the bar, I glanced around at the Friday night revelers, and there was still no sign of Paul. I released a quiet sigh and picked up my beer again.
“Are you old enough to be in here, young lady?” That voice was so familiar and then so … not. I turned toward a familiar build, and met a pair of eyes that could knock the panties off any girl. I knew this. I was dating his brother.
“Caleb Harris! How are you?” I threw my arms around his neck. He was the sexy football god in high school. He was two grades above us, and every girl wanted him except for me. I wanted his brother.
“I’m good!” He sat down on a stool next to me, and waved to Mrs. Betty. “How’s the store?”
“It’s doing well. Pretty amazing actually.” I nudged him with my elbow. “I can’t believe I’m just seeing you now.”
“That’s because my brother has been keeping you to himself,” he admitted. He knew about Paul and me, and he knew that it wasn’t public knowledge. My heart clenched as Mrs. Betty placed a beer in front of Caleb.
“How much do you know, officer?”
He took a sip of his beer. As he placed it down, he rested his hand on his thigh and leaned toward me. “I know that my brother has been craz
y about you for as long as I can remember.” The breath caught in my throat from that simple bit of knowledge. “But he’s going to fuck it up if he keeps you hidden.” He eyed me while sipping his beer. I looked away for a moment to drink my own. “I’ve pegged it right, huh? He’s going to lose you.”
I took a longer pull than normal, and after taking a moment to form my words, I turned back to him and said the only truth I knew. “I want to be with him, but he doesn’t appear to want to be with me.”
“Well, he’s coming here tonight, right?”
“Yes …”
“Then that’s a step in the right direction.” He patted my shoulder.
I exhaled as my will deflated. I knew we hadn’t been together for long. I just didn’t see this situation ending well if it continued this way. I turned back to my beer.
“Hey, asswipe.”
I turned around to see Paul walking toward us. A smile spread across his face, and his cheeks reddened. He dipped his head to shield any eyes from his view.
“Hey, bro. Are you keeping my girlfriend company?”
“Well, somebody had to.” Caleb stood and grabbed his beer from the bar. After patting Paul on the shoulder, he added, “Don’t fuck it up.”
Paul’s face hung, and it broke my heart. I leaned up and kissed his cheek, and just as I did, his eyes bounced to every corner of the room before he asked, “Do you want to go sit at the table in the corner?”
I pursed my lips and tried not to groan. Was I hideous or something?
I didn’t answer him. I just grabbed my beer and my clutch, and walked to the table in the back, tucked away in the shadows of the tavern. I pulled out my own chair, proving a point, and sat in the corner, expecting him to sit in the chair next to me. Instead, he sat across from me. I stared at him with my eyebrows arching in slight shock, but worry etched his face. He didn’t want to do this. I understood that. The problem was that he didn’t have to, but he still did. Lance broke up with me. Lance cheated on me. Those issues were years ago. I didn’t understand why it had to be this secretive.
The condensation rolled down my mug, breaking through the frost that surrounded it. I traced my finger in its wake, feeling Paul’s eyes on me. I couldn’t look up. I was ashamed. He made me feel this way. Keep the homely girl in the corner. Let’s not let anyone find out. This was the same way he made me feel when I left him by the bonfire. He wanted me, but he didn’t really want me.
A yawp echoed from the front of Dixie’s. I looked up from my beer. Paul stiffened and turned around. Lance had entered the tavern and instantly picked up the banter with Paul’s brother. Caleb laughed just as loud. Paul turned back around, as if he was pondering what to do. The man who asked me to be his girl only a few weeks ago was afraid to claim me. I wrapped my hand around the handle of the mug and downed every drop in three gulps. I slammed it down on the table, but not loud enough to hear over the droning of the country music.
“Why don’t I save you the embarrassment, Paul?”
His eyes shot to me. I grabbed my clutch from the table, stormed down the back hallway, and barged out the back door. Not once did I look behind me. I didn’t want to. I was disgusted with him, but mainly, I was disgusted with myself. How pathetic was I? I cut across the parking area to the back of my boutique.
“Ellie!” Paul ran behind me.
I refused to turn around and continued until I made it to my door in the back of the boutique. I unlocked my door and pushed myself inside.
“Ellie, please,” he begged as he approached.
I almost slammed the door on his face, but his despair made me second-guess myself. I looked down, not meeting his eyes.
“I’m done for the night. I’m not feeling appreciated.”
“Baby, please. I’m trying. I don’t know what to do,” he begged.
I didn’t know whom to believe: the Paul, who was here begging me, or the Paul, who freaked out about being a couple in public. I rested my head on the doorframe, my eyes lingering on the ground. I steeled my will. If he didn’t care enough for ten years, then he wouldn’t care enough now.
“You’re going to have to figure that out, then. This whole bros before hoes nonsense …” I shook my head. “I need more than that.”
The door closed on his handsome face. Handsome or not, I wouldn’t allow myself to be treated like the plague.
THE DAYS THAT passed were agony. In my mind, I still had a girlfriend and her name was Ellie. In her mind, I didn’t know if I still existed. The rest of the weekend after the Dixie’s debacle I received the silent treatment. I deserved it. I knew that, but she wouldn’t answer my calls and only answered a text late Sunday night when I asked if we could go on a date this week. Her only response was, “Okay.”
Our picnic date under the stars was better than I could have dreamed, and if we had had any other fight, a date like that would do. Our first official fight was due to my stubbornness, and, God, I was doing a good job screwing this up. I figured a Thursday night was an odd night for a date, but maybe it would fix our dilemma without getting us caught.
Ginger slowed her step in the field behind the McCloud farm, and I glanced at Lance at the front of the farm. He was my best friend, and I knew that he still had strong feelings for her. I worried that I would lose Ellie as well as Lance in the end. I couldn’t do either. I pulled out my phone and texted her. She wasn’t responding much, but the messages displayed Read underneath. So, she was getting them.
Will my girlfriend please have dinner with me tonight?
The text was read almost immediately, but with no response. I slid the phone back into my pocket. A heavy sigh escaped as I trotted along, killing time. My mind hadn’t been focused on anything work related all week. I was losing her, and I didn’t know how to hang on.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Hope surged through me as I tapped the screen.
I’ll be ready by 7.
I heaved a sigh of relief instead of agony. The corners of my mouth quirked into a smile. The muscles on my face seemed abnormal. They hadn’t been stretched all week. I placed the phone into my pocket and tilted my head back toward the sky. I absorbed the sun’s rays for the first time in days. Ever since she shut the door on me, I had been lost. Maybe she would finally open that door to her heart again. I had to hope. Hope was all I had.
• • •
The welcome mat called me, and as I stood there for a moment, my feet trembled in my boots. I closed my eyes for a second as I gripped the flowers tightly in my hand, and prayed that this would work out. I could not lose her. I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. She was my soul mate. I never believed in soul mates. People lived their lives by marrying compatible people, until the fifty percent or so got a divorce. Love was a farce. But when I was able to call her mine, everything changed. It was a shame that I wouldn’t let her change me. I had to let her change me.
A shaky breath blew out of my lungs, and then I pressed the bell and held my breath. Within a moment, the dead bolt slid out of place. My heart pounded with a mix of anxiety and optimism. The blue and green brilliance of her eyes caught my sight first. My shoulders released their stress as I offered a small smile. She didn’t offer a return smile, but her face wasn’t full of hatred either. Hope was still here.
“Hey, baby.” My voice cracked as the shaking in my boots spread throughout my body.
She pursed her lips. I knew she was still upset with me, but I was going to fix it. I offered her the mix of flowers, and she sighed, but I wasn’t sure what kind of sigh it was. She waved me inside, and I closed the door behind me, continuing to follow her upstairs. She remained quiet as she strolled to the kitchen and pulled out a small vase from underneath the sink. She placed the flowers in the middle of her table and walked over to me. She wore a green dress and a white cardigan. My hands itched to hold her, but as soon as she approached me, she stopped a step too far away, clasping her hands in front of her.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked in an
even tone, not letting on to her emotions.
I cleared my throat, hoping the unease would clear away. “I thought we would go to that new steak house in downtown Hickory,” I offered with hope, but her eyes narrowed instead.
“Hickory?”
My heart stopped at her question. This still wasn’t good enough. Fuck.
“You want to take me to a restaurant forty-five minutes away?”
“Well … I … thought …”
“We can go to the diner across the street.” Her determination was apparent, but we couldn’t. I couldn’t do this to Lance.
“Ellie, we can’t—”
“The coffee shop, Dixie’s, The Inn for dinner.” The fire came out of her in waves.
“Ellie, please …”
“It’s soon enough, Paul!” She let go of her hands and fisted them at her sides. I blinked at her hostility. I had never seen this sort of fire come from her. “It’s been weeks! Lance and I broke up years ago, not to mention him cheating on me as well.”
“Lance never cheated on you.” I offered her the truth. It was just a shame that I hadn’t known the effect it had on her.
“Do … do what?” She shook her head. “Of course, he did. You confirmed it at the bonfire before I went to New York.”
I shook my head, knowing that I let her believe that for my benefit, which didn’t work. “Ellie, I was drunk.”
“So, did you not mean that you wanted me to stay then either?”
“No, I did mean that—”
“So, you mean to say that you knew that my high school boyfriend never cheated on me, but you still let me believe so. Let me believe that I wasn’t worth anything for years, even when I was still dating him, because I believed in you. I believed that there were men good enough, because you were always there for me. You never left my side when I thought he was banging girl after girl.”
“I didn’t know until after gradu—”
She wasn’t listening. She shut me off. “And then, when you decide you want to make a move, six years after high school, you won’t let anyone within a thirty-mile radius see us together?”
