by Jaycee Ford
“Sir, can I get you a glass of wine or a beer?” I asked, and his eyes glanced to his wife and then back at me.
“A beer would be great.”
I nodded at his request as Glenda Rosenbaum perused Ellie’s place. She just had this aura about her that nothing was good enough. I could accept that she believed her daughter deserved the best, but her daughter was getting the best. I would make sure of it.
“Baby, would you like beer or wine?” I asked as I dug two bottles out of the fridge. I heard another little snort behind me. The frustration buzzed through my body. Would it be like this for the rest of our lives? I kicked the door shut behind me, and after I handed Mr. Rosenbaum a beer, I turned to his wife.
“Mrs. Rosenbaum, I’m in love with your daughter and have been for a long time. We’ve had our ups and downs this year, but it’s solid now. I’m not going anywhere and neither is she.” I glanced at Ellie to make sure we were okay, and she reassured me with her smile. I got lost in her eyes. My heart could not keep quiet any longer. “I’m going to marry your daughter, ma’am.”
Ellie’s shoulders fell as her eyes glazed over with tears.
“I don’t deserve her. I never will. But I’m going to ask for her hand someday, and I hope I’ll have your blessing.” I turned away from Ellie and looked at her mother.
Mrs. Rosenbaum glanced away, and looked over at Ellie. Her shoulders fell and her eyes misted over like Ellie’s. She nodded and opened her arms to Ellie. “Okay. Okay, darling. If he makes you happy, then I want you to be happy.”
“I love him, Mom … with all of my heart.” Ellie looked at me over her mother’s shoulder, and I knew without a doubt that I had so much to be thankful for.
• • •
After Mr. and Mrs. Rosenbaum departed for the airport that evening, Ellie and I sat on her sofa, watching the rest of the Thanksgiving Day football games on the flat screen. I glanced around her apartment, trying to figure out how I could get her to move in with me. It was too soon to ask, but I wanted us to be together. I wanted to come home to her every day. This apartment worked for her and maybe for me, but we couldn’t raise a family here. My house had three bedrooms. It was rundown when I bought it, but I had spent my nights and weekends fixing it up over the last two years. Besides needing new siding, it was in perfect condition. It was missing one thing though. It needed Ellie’s touch.
“So, you’re starting to get even more business now.”
“I am. I’m dreading tomorrow. I’m so glad I hired two more people. I still don’t even think that’s enough.”
“Ever thought about bringing the store up here, or making this area your work space?” She perked up and looked at me with this shocked expression on her face.
“I didn’t tell you that, did I?”
I had no clue what she was talking about. I shook my head in response.
“I thought about rearranging some walls so that the work space was all in the bedroom area and take out the closet to make more room. I could add better shelving too.” She pointed at the walls and waved her hands in the air, explaining what she wanted to do. I couldn’t stop watching her. I was in awe. With her explanation, though, I was certain that she would have no problem moving in with me, but I believed I wanted to marry her more.
“You know what,” I began as I stood and joined her. “I like this idea. Let’s go eat and talk about it over dinner.”
“Paul, we have leftovers in the fridge.”
I loved how she said “we.” I loved being a “we.”
“Yes, I know, but I want waffles.” I smiled like a kid.
She laughed and grabbed her coat. She continued talking about her idea as we headed out into the late November chill and crossed the street to the diner. As we approached the door, it flew open. My former best friend walked out.
“Lance! Hey, man.”
He stopped and took a moment to glance at Ellie, and then glared at me as he zipped up his jacket. No additional acknowledgment was made, and he turned to walk down the street. I had had enough of this. This had to stop.
I followed him and grabbed his arm. “Come on, buddy. Talk to me.”
“You are not my friend.” He shrugged his arm from my grip. “You knew how I felt about her. You knew that I only slept around to try to get over her.”
I shook my head. “No. No, Lance. I didn’t know that.”
“Yes, you did. I told you not to go after her. I knew you were in love with her and I damn near begged you to leave her be.” His voice rose as he stepped closer to me. I didn’t know. I really thought he was over her until she came back to town. By that point, it was far too late.
“If you were still in love with me, why would you make me believe that you were cheating on me and then dump me right after graduation?”
We both turned to Ellie, who stood with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her white coat. It was the coat I had first seen her in all of those months ago. “I loved you, Lance, but when I saw you actively pursuing girls in front of me, I hung out with Paul. I stayed with you our senior year to be with him, because you had me believe you were cheating on me. It wasn’t the right thing to do by me, but you should have treated your girlfriend better.”
“I only did it so you would go to New York, El. You started talking about staying here. I didn’t want to give you anything to stay for. You had to go.” He shook his head. “I’d do it again too. I knew it was the right thing to do.”
“That’s no reason to hate Paul.”
He shook his head and sniffed his nose from either the cold or the impending tears he was trying to hide.
“I don’t hate him. I don’t feel anything for him.”
Lance stared at me for a second, then turned and walked away. It hurt. It hurt to watch my best friend walk away. Ellie slid her hand into mine and I knew this day was coming, but I couldn’t stop my heart any longer. I sighed as I watched him walk across the street to Dixie’s and out of sight. I would spend my life with Ellie, but maybe it would be best to not readjust our living arrangements for a bit longer, at least until Lance could get used to the idea of us.
THE CLICK OF the lock released the stress from my body. I gazed outside of the boutique’s window and stared at the Christmas tree in the middle of Main Street. Crispness filled the air. The holidays were upon us. The steps of cowboy boots treaded behind me, and as arms wrapped me from behind, I leaned my head back against his chest and melted into his embrace.
“So, Tom is taking Jordan out to Dixie’s tonight and wants us to go along.”
My forehead wrinkled, pondering what was taking place. I spun around in his arms. His face seemed concerned. “Is that wise?”
He shrugged in reply.
Since Thanksgiving, we learned that Jordan’s ex was stalking her and was more than likely in town.
“Apparently, everyone is going too.”
“Like … Lance everybody?” I asked, and he nodded in reply. “Wow. How did that happen?”
“Tom gave him a guilt trip, and told him it was time to let you go and move on.”
I wrapped my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “I’m so sorry I caused this, Paul.”
He lifted my chin up, and as his eyes met mine, he almost glared at me. “Don’t ever apologize for coming back into my life.” He coddled my face in his hands. His lips were but a whisper away. “I thank God every day for you. I never lived before you returned my love. You’ve awakened my soul. Without you, I might as well live in hell. I never want to feel that again.”
Our lips met with the passion and heat we had always known was between us. I hated that their issues were because of me, but I couldn’t give Paul up. I couldn’t toss him aside because Lance couldn’t move on. He had seemed to move on quite well. Just seeing all of his conquests before my eyes, I could never go back to him. That and I was in love with his former best friend.
“Come on. Let’s go out and have a little fun.”
• • •
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Dixie’s was in rare form tonight. The place was loud and obnoxious, and our table of seven was the rowdiest of all. I kept flicking my eye to the side, watching Lance and Paul’s exchange. They seemed okay. The beer helped, I was sure, but maybe Lance just had to own up to the fact that he let me go and made me believe that he didn’t want anything to do with me.
A roar came from the other side of the table as Jordan’s father, Cal, clinked his quarter into the glass that was the center of attention. Silence filled the table as everyone sipped or chugged their beer. Cal retrieved the quarter and let it rip again. It clinked once again, tapping off the rim. I believed Cal was going to get us drunk.
I turned to his daughter, tapping her leg. “Is this how you hold your liquor so well?” I pointed at her father. She laughed in response. On a more serious note, I asked, “Are you doing okay though? Would Tom be okay with you having a little girl time at my place?”
“I’m doing okay. Better today than this past week. If only they’d catch that psycho. I’d say I knew how to pick ‘em, but I’m with Tom, so maybe I do.” The twinkle in her eye proved that she didn’t have a care in the world as long as she had Tom. I finally knew what that felt like. “Maybe we can do something just the four of us. I’ve been trying to get Katherine to come for a visit. Is your dad coming into town for Christmas?”
“No, he found himself a girlfriend, actually, and plans on spending the holiday with her, but Paul and I are planning to go down to Myrtle Beach for an extended weekend after the New Year. It’ll be freezing but whatever. It’s the beach. Y’all should come.”
Jordan’s eyes flickered to Lance and then back at me. “I guess it’s time everyone moved on.”
I nodded in reply. It was time my father let go of my mother, and it was time Lance let go of me.
“Well, then definitely come to the farm for Christmas dinner. Tom doesn’t know how to cook anything less than a feast.”
Cal’s roar silenced the talkers as we were ordered to chug our beers again.
A hand grazed my leg. I caught my boyfriend’s eyes. He sat next to me, not across from me. He whispered in my ear, “Let’s take a break from the chugging and go dance.”
“Do you think that’s okay? I don’t want to leave the group.” It was crowded in Dixie’s tonight, but I didn’t know who was a part of this crowd.
“Yeah, we’re all right here, and I really want to dance with my beautiful girlfriend.”
That statement alone sold me. I laced my fingers with his as he led me into the middle of the revelers. The fast country beat pulsed across the dance floor, but we were wrapped so tightly in each other’s arms, we barely moved.
“I love you, you know,” he whispered.
I moved my hands from his chest to around his waist as I got lost in the depths of his eyes. A biggest smile appeared on my face, and I didn’t even bother containing it. “I love you too, you know.”
“I do know, but I love hearing it.” His boyish grin made me giggle. I didn’t know how a burly cowboy could be so adorable.
“Hey, y’all.” Paul and I looked away from each other and toward my ex. We instantly released our embrace as Lance added, “No, no. Don’t separate on my account.” He sighed and spoke over the music. “Can we go outside real quick so I don’t have to yell?”
“Sure,” I replied for the both of us.
“I’ll go grab our coats.” Paul left me alone with Lance.
Lance parted his lips as if he wanted to say something, but then couldn’t decide if he wanted to. I gave him a little smile in an attempt to push him on.
“I never meant to hurt you, El.”
I gave him a small nod and squeezed his hand. “I know, Lance. I understand.”
He grabbed my other hand as he continued. “No. I just … you had started talking about staying here. I couldn’t let you do that. You wouldn’t have been able to accomplish all that you have in the past year if you would have stayed.” He ran a hand through his floppy hair—a move that was still sexy. “I loved you enough to let you go.” His eyes found mine as he whispered over the music, “I love you enough to let you go.”
I wanted to cry, but the only thing I could do was hug him. We would be good friends with everyone else and we were okay with that, but that feeling of letting go so many grudges for this man was indescribable.
“Is everything okay?” Paul walked up as Lance and I released our hug; he squeezed my shoulder as we separated.
“Yeah, buddy. Everything’s great.” Lance extended his hand to Paul, and Paul’s face was painted in shock. He gripped his friend’s hand as they wrapped arms around each other in a bro hug. “Now, y’all get out of here. Go have some fun. I’ll keep an eye on Jordan.”
And just like that, he disappeared into the masses. I glanced at Paul as the stress lifted from his shoulders. He was finally free to be happy.
“Let’s get out of here.”
We dashed out into the cold and literally ran down the few storefronts to the alley. I didn’t know if we ran due to the cold, or because I wanted my boyfriend naked. Probably both. We didn’t take our time on the stairs as we ran inside, and just as our boots tapped on the top floor, his lips found mine.
The coats hit the floor while I walked backward into my bedroom. He skimmed my shirt over my head, and as my hair tumbled down messily around me, he whispered, “God, you’re so beautiful.” His lips crashed to mine as I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. When I found his bare chest, I skimmed my fingers down his skin and he winced. “Your hands are cold.”
“Well, warm me up.”
He lifted me off the ground and threw us onto the bed. In less than a minute, he was completely naked, as was I—except for my boots. His tongue danced with mine as he slid inside of me so carefully, almost as if it was our first time.
“I’ve never loved you more than this moment right now.”
I could say nothing to top that. His declaration echoed in my heart as I threaded my fingers through his hair, bringing his lips down to mine. This was the farthest thing from sex possible. There was no groping or lips lingering; it was just love. Our eyes were either locked on each other or closed, with his lips on mine. The pressure built deep within me. When I came undone, I flew like never before, his love whispering in my ear.
“I love you forever.”
We came down from our high, feeling fully loved and fully sated. His legs entwined with mine, now without my boots. As I fell asleep staring into his eyes, my heart whispering love to him. My dreams were filled of him and a family. I could see it clearly.
The dream turned into a constant ringing. I didn’t want to leave. The sound tickled my ear to wake up. My eyes eased open as I tried to place the sound.
My phone.
I tucked the sheet around my chest and rolled over, grabbing the phone off the nightstand. My eyes didn’t focus on the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Please say she’s with you.”
“Tommy?” Oh, God. No.
“TOM, I CALLED my brother. He’s on his way over.”
Ellie and I barged through the front door of Tom’s farmhouse. Tom’s only response was a nod of acknowledgement. His stare was bleak. He crept around the sofa and eased down almost motionless. I glanced over at Ellie as she consoled Mrs. Hawthorne, and I couldn’t imagine what Tom was going through. The emotional roller coaster Ellie and I went through this year seemed petty and insignificant compared to losing the love of your life to a madman. Even if I had lost Ellie through all of this, at least I knew that she was alive.
I stared at Tom, and for the first time in all of the years I had known him, he cried. He didn’t sob. His shoulders weren’t shaking, but the tears fell one after another, falling to the rug below him.
Her voice pulled me away again. I stood stoically in the middle of the entrance. The tears in her eyes wanted to spill over, but she remained strong for her friend’s mother. Jordan’s parents went into the kitchen as Ellie’s ey
es dulled in despair. I reached out my hand to her, and she took it. Her tears fell one by one. Her body shook with silent sobs. I tucked her head under my chin and held her. I would never let her go. All thoughts of asking her to move in with me were forgotten. When this was over and we found Jordan, I was asking her to marry me.
Lance flew through the front door shortly after. Tom shifted his stare from the fireplace and glanced at Lance. Lance shook his head as he tried to keep the tears at bay, but when Tom shed another tear, Lance lost it. He buried his face in his hands and cried. Ellie went over to him, lifting his face out of his hands. He pulled her into a hug and held on as tightly as I had.
“I shouldn’t have left with Angela. I shouldn’t have left,” he cried. Tom stood from the sofa, and Lance left the comfort of Ellie’s arms and stood in front of him. “Tom, I’m so sorry. I should have been watching out for her.”
“Lance, she wasn’t your responsibility. Don’t put the blame on yourself.”
The time read four thirty in the morning, but we could do nothing but wait for the dawn.
• • •
Shudders flapped in the chill of the early morning. I woke up in an unfamiliar room, but the woman beside me felt like home. I squeezed her tightly as she rested her head on my chest. I stared out of the window as I watched the snow fall. Christmas Day and snowing … a perfect day to propose—if we only had our friend here.
“Do you think we’ll find her today?” she whispered. I held her and kissed the top of her head, so blessed she was here in my arms.
The last seven days had been agony for everyone. The police were searching this county as well as the surrounding counties. We had been scoping out the areas near here, but since today was Christmas, we were branching out farther.
“I have faith that we will.”
There wasn’t much else one could do. We had searched and searched. If we lost our faith, we lost Jordan. That was something I wasn’t willing to do.
