by E. J. Noyes
I stared at her face, taking in every bit of damage. “Well that’s comforting, because it looks pretty fucking bad. Jesus,” I said shakily. “What happened?”
“Car versus motorcycle. Some prick turned across me on my way home and I dropped the bike. It’s okay though.” Her eyes were a little dull but her voice sounded much the same as always. “Then he just drove off.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? Can I just…” Tentatively I slid my hand into hers, desperate for her touch. A reassurance.
She curled her fingers around mine. “Hey relax. I’ll be fine. Bit stiff, but it’s nothing that won’t heal. Come in.”
Once she’d locked the door, I pressed myself against her as gently as I could and wrapped my arms around her waist. The accident victim comforted me, stroked my hair and murmured soft words I couldn’t quite make out. Oh God. I could have lost her. She’d be gone and I’d never have told her. Squeezing my eyes closed on threatening tears, I buried my face in her shoulder.
“Iz? You okay?”
When I was sure I’d be able to talk, I pulled away and very gently, touched the uninjured side of her face with trembling fingertips. Her skin was warm, blood moving around her body the way it should. She was okay, she’d be okay. I swallowed. “Just scared me, is all.” My panic steadied a little. “What else is there?”
“Scrapes and bruises, wrenched my shoulder a little, bit of road rash, ruined my jeans. Plus this beauty.” She pointed to her face.
“I told you open face helmets were dangerous.” My voice pitched so high it was aiming for the stratosphere. “Fuck. And bikes, and—”
“Cars and flying and walking across the street,” she teased. “Come sit down and tell me why you’re here.” Audrey lowered herself down onto the couch, a brief flash of discomfort crossing her face.
I settled on the couch next to her, running my palm over the arm. I loved her couch. The worn cushions and feel of tired suede always relaxed me. “HR told me you were taking some leave. Why didn’t you call me?”
“It was late when I finally got home and I…” She looked as though it was the first time she’d considered why she hadn’t told me. “I wasn’t sure it was appropriate for me to call you about it,” she said seriously.
“Of course it is. I care about you, Audrey. I was worried. More than worried, actually,” I admitted quietly. “I called but you didn’t answer and then I was, well I was terrified something really bad happened.”
“I’ve been asleep. They gave me some pretty hardcore pills. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She stood up, wincing slightly. “Are you hungry?”
Now my fear had settled, I could acknowledge there was an emptiness in my stomach. I didn’t get around to lunch after my appointment. “A little.”
“Good. I’m starving and I don’t trust you to cook. I’ll get something delivered.” Very slowly, mindful of her injuries, she leaned down and brushed a soft kiss over my lips. When she pulled back, she was smiling. “You’ve had your hair done. It’s different. Darker?”
“A little,” I whispered.
Audrey tucked a loose strand back behind my ear. “It looks great. Sit tight and I’ll grab some menus.”
I stayed for the night, helping her shower and making sure she took another pain pill before sending her back to bed. She held the covers up for me to slide naked in beside her and settled them over me. Gingerly, I wrapped my arm around her waist. “Does that hurt?”
“No. Feels good,” she sighed contentedly. “I know you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not now. Go to sleep, honey.”
I waited until her steady breathing grew steadier before I closed my eyes. Connected to her by something I couldn’t name, I eventually fell asleep too but all night I dreamed fear dreams—not having a speech ready, cutting all my hair off before an event and then one that jerked me awake. Audrey skydiving without a parachute and landing on the street in front of me. She just lay there, motionless with arms and legs akimbo. All I could do was stare.
I sucked in air, willing my heart to slow. There was the faintest sliver of light through the bedroom curtains. Enough to make out her features. She didn’t stir when I carefully traced the smooth planes of her face, avoiding the mild swelling and cut on her chin. She still didn’t stir when I slipped out of bed and hid in her kitchen, crying as quietly as I could. She didn’t stir when I slid back into bed and held her until she woke.
Despite Audrey’s protests, I stayed with her the next day as well, rescheduling meetings and setting up to work at her kitchen table. I couldn’t bear to leave her, even to collect fresh clothes. I already had some underwear at her place and she let me borrow a pair of her too-long sweats and a faded Boeing tee.
I took her face in my hands, studying the abrasion on her chin. It seemed less raw, trying to scab over in places. “This looks a little less angry than yesterday.” A gentle kiss helped the healing process.
“Feels okay. Feels better when you kiss it.”
After breakfast, Audrey napped on the couch while I worked, taking calls in her bathroom so I wouldn’t wake her. Around noon, she started moving on the couch, stretching like a cat. She shot me a cheeky smile. “Iz.”
“Mmm?” I asked around the pen between my teeth.
“You in my clothes is giving me some pretty confusing, but hot feelings right now.”
I took my glasses off, set the pen down and held my hand out to her. “Why don’t you come and tell me about them.”
She leaned against my chair. “You look so damned sexy, I want to drag you to bed.”
Carefully, I drew her between my knees, my hands resting on her hips. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea while you’re still hurting.”
Hands massaging my shoulders, she made her case, “I need to be close to you in that way, Iz. I want to touch you.” Audrey closed her eyes and I caught the faintest tremor in her lips.
We made love gently, every touch soft and sweet. Whispered words and light kisses. Smoldering coals kindled into a small flame instead of a raging inferno. One of her hands in my hair, the other joined to mine, she gave herself to me again and again.
The feel of her under my fingertips and tongue, listening to her climax fanned my arousal to a point where I felt myself throbbing with need again. I slid back up and began a soft trail of kisses over her firm breasts.
“Round two?” There was amusement in her question.
“Mhmm, if you’re up for it. How’re you doing?” I indicated the bruising over her ribs.
“I’m just fine, Iz.” She let out a soft moan when my thigh slipped between hers. “More than fine.”
I began to grind against her. Hands slid to hold my ass and before I could protest, she’d rolled me over and was on top of me. I was panting with my desire as she spread me apart with her knee, pinning my hands above my head. I bucked my hips, desperate for the contact. Desperate to come again.
“Greedy girl,” she murmured against my neck. Her leg was hard against my center, delicious pressure holding me just outside of where I wanted to be. My hand sought her out, but she kept moving away from me and every time my fingers made contact with her wetness she tightened her grip on my wrists. “Uh-uh.”
Still, I kept burrowing and Audrey lifted herself off me abruptly, turned me over and yanked me back so I was on my hands and knees. Before I could do anything, she was behind me, her legs inside mine keeping me spread. I felt arousal coating the inside of my thighs and had to grab the bed head to keep myself from collapsing.
Audrey leaned forward, breasts against my back and tongue on my neck. “I thought I said no,” she said throatily, fingers finding my clit again.
I turned my head, trying to find her. “I couldn’t help myself.”
She locked her teeth in my neck and as I cried out, she slid inside me. “You’re so wet, baby. Haven’t I given you enough?”
I couldn’t form words to answer her, she had hands everywhere, dragging my att
ention in a million directions at once. Rolling my nipples, sliding over my clit and pumping inside me. I was being played expertly. Her mouth on my back, my neck, my ear. I turned my head to watch her and she captured my lips with hers. She pushed me to the brink, riding me roughly then suddenly withdrew. I groaned. “No. Harder, please.”
She gave me what I wanted, entering me again, pushing me further and further until my cries reached a crescendo. Then, she pulled out again. I almost wept with frustration until she rolled me onto my back and dove between my legs. I bit the inside of my arm as her tongue brushed over my slit and dipped inside. “Please. Fuck me,” I begged her again.
She dropped down a gear, taking me from revving well over the red line to just past idling. Hard to soft. Fast to slow. The change in pace sent me over the edge. Once I’d finished bucking and crying out my climax, she kissed her way back up and rolled us face-to-face. Audrey ran her fingertips over my nose, brushing them along my lips. “God, you are so fucking beautiful,” she said softly.
Beautiful. My body went completely still.
We often called each other things while we fucked. Casual things to fuel our desire like hot or sexy. But beautiful was something different. It was…intimate. It was what I wanted to hear. I ran my fingernails lightly over her back and waited for my limbs to feel solid again.
She slipped her leg over mine, holding me even closer. I felt the thud of her heart against my breast when she spoke. “Iz.”
“What?” I whispered. Her midnight eyes were reflecting light, tiny sparks of brightness guiding me home.
“I need you. Please.”
“I know.” I captured a nipple between my teeth, biting it and then soothing with a soft sweep of my tongue.
Audrey shuddered when I reached between us to touch her, the place I’d come to know so well. “Don’t stop…please.”
“I won’t,” I promised.
When she closed around me, I finally accepted what I’d known all along. I needed this. I needed her. I was so stupid to think I could ever just have something physical. I wasn’t made that way.
She cried out her climax hoarsely and the things I thought I’d known, the rules we had in place and everything I’d tried to deny left me like an unconscious exhalation. She held me within her, sharing my breath, my skin, my heat and in that moment I was her and she was me. I was ready. Audrey shuddered again, a soft sigh escaping her mouth.
I propped myself up. “Are you okay? Have you hurt yourself?”
Eyes half closed, she smiled. “No. It’s fine, just like the last time you asked.”
Resting my head on her shoulder, I dug a piece of courage from deep inside. “Audrey?”
“Isabelle.” She was still breathing hard, fingers playing absently over my back.
I ran my tongue around the inside of my teeth. “I lied.”
My lover leaned back to look at me, her forehead wrinkling. “About what exactly?”
“About this. About us.” I took a deep breath, felt it reach the bottom of my lungs. “I don’t want casual.”
She was silent for so long that I started to panic. After what seemed like several minutes, she spoke and relief seemed to pour from her. “I lied too. I don’t want casual either. I never did.”
I spluttered a moment before answering, “Then why’d you agree to it?”
She paused, as though weighing her words. “Because it was better than not having you at all.”
I took a moment to absorb all that was implied in that simple statement. She’d been waiting at the finish line since the beginning and I’d only just caught up to her. I’d been so blind. “Well, okay then. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
That smile again. “Me too.”
I pushed sweaty hair back from her face. “What does this mean?”
“What do you want it to mean?”
“It means…I want to date you.” I laughed nervously. “Christ, I hate that word. Date.”
She laughed with me. “Really? I like how that sounds. Does this mean we can go out for meals sometimes now? Be seen together outside of work?” She inhaled a stuttering breath. “Tell people?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is. So much.” Her fingers moved from my back to run over my bare thigh, leaving goose bumps in their wake. “What do you want?”
“I want to walk around holding hands with you. I want us to run together, to see movies and go to dinner.” I dropped my head to press a line of soft kisses over her shoulder. “I want to take you to events. I want to show you off. It’s selfish and stupid, but I want people to be jealous of me when they see you.”
She raised a teasing eyebrow. “Image conscious?”
“Maybe a little,” I admitted.
She soothed me with gentle hands and gentler words. “I’m messing with you, sweetheart. Honestly, I’m very flattered.”
I smiled at her endearment. “You should be. I’m very particular about what hot women I’m seen with.”
“Is that so?”
I nodded and started to run my nose over the soft skin of her stomach. “Audrey.”
“Isabelle.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
I paused my caressing. “I’m worried.”
As she sat up, the movement jostled me off her. “What are you worried about?”
“You leaving. My…thing is to push people away. Before they do it to me, that is. It’s something I’ve been working on with my therapy, but I’m not cured.” I spoke dispassionately, conveying the information as emotionless facts. “Apparently it’s because my daddy left Mama and me. Friends leave, girlfriends leave. So now, I get in first.”
Her hand made long soothing strokes on my shoulder. “I see. And you’re worried you’ll start doing this to me?”
“Yes, and I really don’t want to.”
She smiled serenely. “Knowing you don’t want to do something seems like a good start to changing the behavior, I’d think.”
“That’s what my therapist says.”
“Great minds.” Audrey laughed softly. “Look, Iz. This is new but we’re not proposing marriage here. We’re just going to keep doing what we’re doing and label it a little differently. I’m still here.”
“You’re right, it’s just…” There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t sort them into their proper order. Instead, I shrugged and mumbled, “You know.”
“Yeah, I know. We’ll just see how everything goes.” She kissed my nose. “If it helps, I’m scared too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, of course. This is important. You’re important. I don’t want to fuck it up. But, if you push, I’m just going to push right back. I don’t want to go anywhere, honey.”
So, Audrey Graham and I were dating.
Chapter Twenty-One
I expected to feel different when we made love again, then woke as we always did twined together, her arm around my waist and her face in my hair. Or when we said goodbye with sweet kisses and promises to have a nice day. But I didn’t. I felt the same as I had since our first night in her apartment. I could have slapped myself for my stupidity, for dragging things out as long as I had.
Clare slipped into my office just after eight with mail and a fresh cup of coffee, while I was exchanging sexts with Audrey and texts with Nat, and being very careful not to mix up the two. A notification pinged on my tablet. “Meeting with Mark Monday at ten a.m.” Why was he requesting a meeting Monday when I had a lunch appointment with him in a few hours? Note to self: ask Mark at lunch what’s going on. I confirmed it and reluctantly set aside my phone and suggestive banter to do some work.
All my mail had been sorted into work and non-work piles. Offers, contracts, agreements, and there were a few invitations—each one for Isabelle Rhodes and Guest. Ordinarily I’d take Mark, but the realization Audrey could accompany me pleased me in a way I hadn’t thought possible.
I was engrossed in work until late morning when Clare came into m
y office, hidden behind a bunch of red, yellow and orange roses. She set them carefully on my desk. “These just came for you, Ms. Rhodes.” She looked obscenely pleased.
“Who from?”
“I’m not sure. The courier didn’t give a name.”
“Thanks.” There was an envelope of thick cream paper with nothing but my name on the front. I recognized the handwriting immediately. Audrey’s scrawl. For someone so meticulous, she had such awful handwriting. Clare made a quiet exit while I opened my card.
I’ve been dying to send you flowers for months. Congratulations on finding yourself a hot girlfriend. See you tonight.
xo
I read it again, finger running over the words, and leaned down to bury my nose in the soft blooms. Silken petals brushed against my nose, as soft as a caress from the woman who’d sent them. They were beautiful, the scent incredible and I wondered for a moment if they’d been sprayed with something to make them smell so good. Mama would approve of the arrangement. Mama. Shit.
The Band-Aid approach was best for this one. Rip it off, get it out in the open. Still, I felt like I was about to confess to some horrible deed rather than possibly make her day. I could jam a phone call in now and use lunch with Mark as an excuse to get off the phone. The reservation wasn’t for another hour, but she wouldn’t know that.
She answered almost right away. “Hello, Bunny.”
“Hey, Mama.”
“Well this is a sweet and unexpected pleasure. How are you?”
“Just fine.” Except nervous. Stupidly nervous. I wiggled my toes against the inside of my shoes.
“You got some free time?”
“Yeah. Waiting to go to lunch. Thought I’d give you a call.” I stood up and walked over to the full-length window, staring down at John Street. Some guy dressed in what looked like, from this height, nothing but a tutu was walking a dog. New York. “Mama…”
“What’ve you done, Isabelle?”
“What? Nothin’. What makes you think that?” I shifted my gaze out to the boats docked at the pier.
