by Susan Wiggs
“You can’t just—”
“Sure I can, honey. It’s happened to me before. I know what it’s like. I can identify all the signs. And this is…whew. Off-the-charts better than anything I’ve ever felt before.”
“Well, maybe I’m not that experienced, but I’m sure I’d recognize the feeling when it came along.” She ducked her head as she spoke, as if she didn’t want him to see her face.
“You’re probably having a tough time admitting it, but my God, Nina. There were moments last night…” His body reacted to the memory, and he shifted even closer to her, catching her gasp of surprise with a kiss, tasting her, skimming his hands down her body. “Even in the dark, with the lights out, some things can’t be hidden,” he said.
She shuddered a little as he caressed her, moving close.
Greg didn’t really like the direction the conversation had taken. Talking was inadequate in this situation. There were things he needed to tell her, but not with words. He knew of one way to avert the discussion. Several ways, actually. They’d tried only a few the previous night. Maybe this morning, they’d discover a few more.
Twenty-Three
All, right, Nina, she told herself as she got out of the car and went to find Jenny and Olivia. She’d agreed to join them today at Camp Kioga to help create little parcels of birdseed for the wedding. Focus, she admonished herself. Be cool. For god’s sake, don’t act as if anything is different.
“Something’s different about you,” Jenny said as Nina walked into the main pavilion. Jenny had all the materials spread out on a long table—spools of white satin ribbon, tiny squares of mesh, a big sack of birdseed.
Nina tried to act nonchalant. Okay, maybe she was walking a bit gingerly. Maybe she had a vague, stupidly satisfied look on her face. She and Greg had spent every night together for the past week, and very little sleeping had been accomplished. And—she couldn’t lie to herself—she loved it. She loved every little ache and twinge of ecstasy she felt as she went about her business during the day, guarding her delicious secret. There were moments when she also felt vulnerable and afraid of what might happen next, but she kept that a secret, too.
“I had a hair appointment,” she told Jenny.
“No, that’s not it…. Oh. You got laid.”
“I didn—”
“You did, indeed. And it’s about time. So it’s Greg, right?”
“What’s Greg?” asked Olivia, walking into the room, carrying a basket of more supplies. Her little dog trotted at her heels.
“Nina slept with Greg.”
“It’s about time.” Olivia grinned at Jenny. “She looks pissed.” The dog flopped down at her feet and curled up for a nap.
“She is pissed. She wanted to keep it a secret while she decides whether or not this was a short-lived fling, or if it’s the start of something. So she’s pissed because we guessed the secret.”
“You did, Miss Smarty-Pants. Remind me to steer clear of you when I have a secret.” Despite her words, Olivia regarded Jenny with open affection. Every once in a while, Nina saw the family resemblance in them and was reminded they were both Philip Bellamy’s daughters. And right now, they were in cahoots and they were the enemy.
“Can we please not talk about this?” she asked.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Jenny asked.
“This is not about fun. This is about…God, I don’t know what it’s about.”
“Sure you do—finally,” Jenny said. “You’ve had a crush on Greg forever. And now he likes you back. So where’s the problem?”
“Everywhere I look,” Nina said. “I see nothing but trouble ahead.”
“That’s not like you,” Jenny said. “You’re the girl with all the solutions. You always have been.”
“Not anymore. I don’t know how to do this, how to be this person. It used to be easy when it was just me and Sonnet, you know?” She tried to make a little packet of birdseed, but it kept spilling across the table.
“Easy? Being a single mother is easy?” Jenny carefully placed a scoop of birdseed on a square of mesh and drew up the corners.
“Making my own choices is easy,” Nina clarified. She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut a piece of ribbon, efficiently doing up Jenny’s small bundle. “I didn’t have to check with anyone, you know, or take some guy into consideration.”
Jenny smiled. “I’ve never known you to shy away from a challenge.”
“I just don’t know how to…do this,” she admitted, looking at Jenny and Olivia. Love had changed these women, both of them. And she knew things hadn’t been easy for either of them. Jenny had lost everything in a fire; Olivia had walked away from a life that wasn’t working for her—and each woman had taken a leap of faith. In a way, it seemed that love had actually saved them, given them a new life. A better life. Yet Nina simply couldn’t see herself doing such a thing, letting go, taking such a huge risk with her heart. It all seemed impossible. “Okay, so the falling-in-love bit, I get that. It’s really not that hard, especially not with someone like Greg. The thing I don’t understand is what makes it last, and how you can escape getting hurt,” she explained. “And especially with Greg Bellamy. I look at all the complications and it…it scares me.”
Olivia and Jenny exchanged a glance. “It shouldn’t,” Jenny said. “You’re already living that life, and you’re doing just fine.”
No, thought Nina. I’m not. Maybe the thing with Greg was just a fling, a one-night stand that went on a little too long.
No. It was something so beautiful that it hurt, something she craved like an addict. Something too fragile and dangerous to last.
“You know what,” she said to the others, “I’m not going to think about this today. We’re getting ready for a wedding, for lord’s sake, and worrying about my love life doesn’t seem right.”
“I don’t mind,” Olivia said. “But—”
“Here comes the bride,” sang two women, parading into the room, holding a zippered bag. They were Olivia’s and Jenny’s cousins, named Dare and Francine, Nina recalled. They both had the Bellamy good looks and the sporty, effortless ease of people born to privilege. Behind them came Freddy Delgado, Olivia’s best friend and business partner from the city. He was adorable, with fashionable blond-tipped hair and hip-hop clothes that somehow looked just right on him. And he was clearly smitten with Dare, who directed him to stand up on a bench and hold the zippered bag up off the floor.
“It’s here,” Francine announced. “Back from the final alterations.”
Discreetly, Olivia slipped her hand into Jenny’s and held fast as Dare unzipped the bag with a flourish. When Freddy reverently drew out the dress and veil, even Nina was affected. It was that beautiful, a couture dress of ivory silk with a bodice sewn with crystal beads and gorgeous swags of gossamer tulle.
“It’s incredible,” Jenny said. “It’s the prettiest dress ever.”
Olivia laughed with relief and joy. Nina guessed that she’d been concerned about sibling rivalry, but she needn’t have. Jenny and Rourke had married quickly and quietly—their choice—and Nina knew Jenny didn’t envy her all the fuss and bother. Clearly loving it, Olivia climbed up on the bench beside Freddy and put the veil on her head, while he held the gown against her. Nina was amazed to feel a surge of tender emotion. There was something about the sight of a bride…. Seeing Olivia standing there, incandescent with joy, embodied a dream Nina had never allowed herself to have.
She watched as the others gathered around, oohing and ahhing over the dress. For no reason other than her own insecurity, she felt like an outsider amidst this group, the hired help as opposed to one of the family. It was that age-old invisible line that had always existed in a town like Avalon—the summer people versus the locals. She knew it was a false division, particularly now, yet her sense of it was keen.
While everyone was talking at once, someone else arrived. Only Nina saw her at first. She was tall and self-possessed, wearing a beige designer suit, big-eyed desi
gner shades and carrying a Chanel bag. Every blond hair was in place and her makeup was perfect, done with a light touch. She might have stepped right off the society pages—resort edition. As recognition dawned on Nina, the world tilted.
“Sophie!” Francine spotted her and gave a little cry of delight. “You made it! Everyone, Sophie’s here.”
The oohing and ahhing shifted from the dress to the new arrival—Sophie Bellamy, Greg’s ex-wife. She walked into their midst, smiling, hugging and air-kissing. Jenny and Nina exchanged a glance, then eyed the swinging doors to the kitchen with longing. Jenny shook her head. She was right, Nina conceded. Best to get this over with. Oh, boy, though. The way people were watching, with ill-concealed tension, she knew everyone was braced for drama. Damn it, she thought. Did everyone in the room know about her and Greg? Oh, God—did Sophie?
“Here’s Jenny,” Olivia said, drawing her forward. “My half sister. And this is Jenny’s friend, Nina.”
“Nice to meet you,” Nina said, her smile bright and sincere, a trick she had perfected back in her city-politics days. “Nina Romano.”
An equally sincere smile greeted her. Clearly, Sophie was no stranger to politics, either. “It’s so good to meet you in person. Sonnet’s an absolute joy. When she came to visit me in The Hague, she told me so much about you.”
All right, so she hadn’t yet received the memo. Either that, or the woman knew how to give an Oscar-worthy performance. Nina’s neck itched, but she resisted the urge to scratch it. She wished she’d taken the time to dress better today. Maybe taken ten seconds and put on a bit of lipstick. Because Sophie was dazzling in a classy, put-together fashion that made Nina feel like a complete slob. “Thanks,” Nina said. “And thank you for showing her around The Hague.”
“It was my pleasure, believe me. I only wish my own children would take that kind of interest in the city where I live.”
Try taking an interest in your own children. Nina couldn’t keep herself from thinking it.
Yet as Sophie turned to exclaim over the wedding gown, Nina had to admire her firm control. She was pleasant and cool, like a breeze off the lake. The sunglasses let in only enough light to show the shape of her eyes. Slowly, she took them off and looked around the dining hall. “Wow,” she said, “this certainly brings back memories.”
This was where Sophie’s own wedding had taken place—the ceremony out on the deck and the reception right here in the hall, with an ensemble playing on a raised dais in the corner. And a bridegroom who’d had too much to drink and punched a hole in the wall. Since Nina wasn’t sure Sophie was talking to her, she didn’t reply. She was convinced Sophie didn’t remember her from the past. Why would she remember the catering help?
“Olivia, I really appreciate that you included me,” Sophie said.
“Of course I’m going to include you,” Olivia replied.
“I was worried that, with the divorce—”
“Don’t give it a thought. I’m honored that you came. And I’m excited for you, you know, about the baby.”
“Excited.” Sophie was cool about this, too. Calm and bemused. The woman was an ice queen. “Yes, of course.”
“I’d better be going,” Nina said, certain she’d make a fool of herself if she lingered. “See you around, Sophie. Olivia, the dress is amazing. I’ll see you on your big day.”
Jenny walked out with her, exploding in the parking lot. “Oh. My. God. Can you believe her? How weird was that?”
“Too weird for me.” Nina glanced back over her shoulder. “I think I’ll skip the wedding—”
“Oh, no you don’t,” Jenny said. “Especially not because of that woman.”
“It’s Olivia’s day.”
“Yes, it is, which is why you’re not going to cause a drama by boycotting her wedding.”
“It wouldn’t be a boycott. I—”
“Enough. You’re coming. And Sophie will be there and so will Greg and it will be fine, because we’re all grown-ups, right?”
“Last time I checked.” Nina opened her car door.
Jenny held it ajar. “Hang on,” she said, studying Nina’s face. “You’re a wreck.”
There was no point in denying it, not to Jenny. “I’m just…not used to dealing with something like this.”
Jenny, who had always had the softest of hearts, pulled Nina into a hug. “Sweetie, you’ve always been such a stoic. Ever since you were in high school with a new baby. It’s all right to be vulnerable every once in a while.”
Nina stepped back, nodded her head. “That’s easier said than done. Over the years, I’ve gotten so used to being by myself that I don’t really know how to do this. You know, I look back and ask myself, do I have regrets? I tell myself that I don’t. When you’re in the position I was in, you feel like you’re on display. Some people vilify you, but others admire you for taking the ultimate responsibility, for sacrificing. You give up things like education and career options and maybe some personal privacy, but those things don’t crush you. There’s really only one thing that crushes you, and it’s this—that you miss out on the one kind of love that makes all the difference, the kind of sweep-you-off-your-feet romance that only comes during certain special times in a person’s life. And when you’ve got a kid and you’re struggling to survive, you tend to miss those special moments—they pass you by and you don’t even know what you’ve missed. And I thought that chance was gone for me, that I’d left it behind somewhere in my twenties. That’s why Greg is such a surprise. I’m feeling things now that I never felt before. This stuff might be old hat to someone else, but for me, it’s a first. That’s why I’m so scared.”
Now they were both crying, Nina grabbed a box of Kleenex from her car, offering it to Jenny. “And if you say one word of this to your sister—”
“I’d never. I only want what I’ve always wanted for you,” Jenny said. “Don’t talk yourself out of this, Nina. Just because he’s complicated doesn’t mean he isn’t right for you.”
Twenty-Four
Greg pulled into the hospital annex parking lot, found a spot and turned to Daisy. “So,” he said. “Last class before the big event.”
She nodded, but seemed distracted as she levered herself out of the car. Greg suspected it was probably because her mother had asked to accompany them today. Sophie had promised to be present when the baby came, and in order to do so, she had to attend at least one class. As she got out of the backseat, Greg saw the flicker of apprehension in his ex-wife’s eyes. Welcome to my world, he thought. Hell, he’d felt that same fright, he felt it every single day. But he knew avoiding it wouldn’t make it go away.
As the three of them walked toward the community center adjacent to the hospital, he felt an unexpected sense of detachment. He hadn’t known what it would be like when Sophie arrived. He’d braced himself for a storm of hurt, the kind of hurt that burned right through to the soul, which was what he’d felt the final year before the divorce, when it became clear to both of them that the marriage was over. Yet the pain never came. He found himself capable of looking at Sophie and seeing a person he’d once loved but didn’t any longer. As the mother of his children, she owned whole chapters of his life, but she didn’t own him. They knew each other in ways they’d never know anyone else, and that was all right. He was no longer being civil to her for the sake of the children. It was simply because he had moved on.
When that had happened, he couldn’t say. He suspected it had been a gradual process of figuring out who he was when he wasn’t part of a couple and moving on from there. And lately, of course, he was distracted by something far more delectable—Nina Romano.
“You look pleased with yourself,” Daisy remarked as they went inside.
“Do I?” Greg hadn’t realized he was smiling.
“I guess you’re pretty glad this is almost over,” Daisy said, supplying him with an excuse.
“Just, um, looking forward to the next stage,” he said, lying through his teeth as he held open the doo
r for Daisy and her mother. The thought sobered him, even though his mind lingered on Nina. His feelings for her hadn’t exploded overnight. They’d been growing for a long time, but in a dark, unacknowledged place. Once he finally cut them loose, they were like a force beyond his control, a forest fire, an obsession.
He thought about her all the damn time, even now, as he and his ex and their pregnant daughter headed for the floor mats in front of the video screen.
Focus, Greg reminded himself. All this was about Daisy. To that end, he introduced Sophie to Barbara Machesky, the childbirth instructor. Barbara was, at first glance, the quintessential, crunchy-granola, Birkenstock-wearing New Age childbirth guru—at least, that was the first impression she projected. Later, her students would discover her no-nonsense, drill-sergeant nature. Still, the contrast between her and Sophie, in her European-designer outfit and beauty-parlor-blond hair, was almost comical, and Greg sensed Sophie’s opinion forming.
His ex, he remembered, had a way of instantly sizing people up, passing judgment with the swiftness of a falling guillotine. He had always loved it when she got it wrong, which she was in the process of doing right now, with Barbara. “Daisy tells me she’s learned so much from you,” Sophie said in the tone she used with unsatisfactory schoolteachers and household help.
“You don’t say,” Barbara replied. She’d clearly caught the condescension. Her students, Greg included, were completely devoted to her. She inspired confidence in all of them, from the emigrant couple from Korea to Daisy, who was the youngest in the class. “Take a seat, everyone. We’re down a pair today. Randy and Gretchen’s little girl was born last Wednesday, and they’re all doing fine.”
The news was greeted with murmurs of appreciation. Bonds had formed in the class, which was to be expected, given that they were all about to experience the same life-changing event. It was an interesting enough mix—married transplants from the city, a gay couple and their relentlessly cheerful surrogate, an unhappy pair who seemed grimly determined that the baby would fix their marriage, a tattooed teenager who had so many facial piercings she looked as though she’d fallen headfirst into a tackle box. Randy and Gretchen had been nicknamed the Honeymooners, since they fought and loved with equal ferocity. Sophie took everyone in with a sweeping glance.
