They stayed silent for the rest of the meal, but they sneaked a lot of glances at each other, and every time their gazes met, Elliott blushed and looked away. It was cute and fucking adorable, and Mihaja wondered if Elliott would blush like that once they were in bed.
Elliott became more jittery as they finished up and took everything back to the kitchen, so Mihaja decided to make a bit of conversation. Hopefully it would help. “I noticed Simon is always here.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad you have close friends.”
Elliott shrugged and put a plate in the dishwasher. “I’m happy I got them back.”
“Is Simon all right?”
Elliott straightened and frowned. “Why do you ask that? Do you know something I don’t?”
“No, no. It’s just that like I said, he’s always here, although he has a family. I also heard that his parents and his brother aren’t the most... open-minded people.”
“Yeah. Simon’s father hates the way he dresses, says that if he’d wanted another girl he could still get his mate pregnant.”
“Simon isn’t girly.” And he wasn’t. He might wear make-up and have a particular sense of fashion, but he was all male. Mihaja had seen more of Simon’s body than he was comfortable with. He knew there was a dick there. “Does he want to be a girl?”
Elliott’s brows shot high on his forehead. “Where did you get that?”
“Just something I was thinking about. He’s not girly, not even with his make-up, but with what you just told me, I was wondering. I wouldn’t want to offend him.”
Elliott stared at Mihaja, a dirty plate in his hand. “You wouldn’t want to offend him?”
“You know, by calling him with the wrong pronoun or something.”
“God, I love you.”
Mihaja gaped. He tried to say something, but nothing but a croak came out. Elliott obviously realized what he’d said and blushed, but Mihaja noticed the way his jaw set and how he raised his head higher. He wouldn’t retract his declaration, and that was more than fine with Mihaja.
Mihaja swallowed. “I love you too, Elliott.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do. I hadn’t decided whether to tell you or not yet, but I do.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t want to scare you and make you retreat again, not now that you’re coming out of your shell.”
“You thought I’d freak out?”
Mihaja shrugged and took the plate from Elliott’s hand to put it in the dishwasher. “I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to risk it. I wouldn’t have waited long, though. Don’t worry.” He leaned over the dishwasher and kissed Elliott on the lips. He kept it short and sweet, mainly because it was a bit uncomfortable with the dishwasher between them.
Elliott cleared his throat when Mihaja leaned away and looked at the dishwasher. “I think we got everything.”
“We did.”
“How about we move this to the bedroom.”
“About that...”
Elliott paled. “You changed your mind?”
“No, no, don’t worry. I was just thinking that you’re spending every night in my room, so why don’t you move in? That way we’d have a free room and maybe Simon could move in it if he wants to move out from his parents’ house but doesn’t want to live on his own or with Kameron and Zach.”
Elliott blinked. “Really?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Well, he’s one of your best friends, I’m used to living with a lot of people in very little space, so I really don’t mind since we have a big house, and I like him. He’s a nice guy.”
Elliott leaned down, closed the dishwasher, and stepped closer. “We need to get to the bedroom. Now.”
He swung his arms around Mihaja’s neck and kissed him. Mihaja stumbled, but he caught himself on the edge of the counter. He wrapped his arms around Elliott, and to his surprise, Elliott jumped up and wrapped his legs around Mihaja’s waist.
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to do this without falling on my face as I climb the stairs,” he mumbled against Elliott’s lips.
Elliott laughed, kissed him again, and jumped down. “You’re no fun. Come on, let’s go.”
He grabbed Mihaja’s hand and pulled him along as he walked up the stairs and along the hallway. He pushed open the door to their room and Mihaja entered. Elliott closed the door behind him, and Mihaja felt the tension shoot up.
Elliott was leaning against the door, nervousness obvious on his face. Mihaja sighed. “We don’t have to do this.”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
Elliott pushed away from the door and took his T-shirt off. He threw it on the floor, then pushed his pants down, and Mihaja nearly swallowed his tongue. “What are those?” he asked in a strangled voice.
Elliott grinned and turned around to show Mihaja his ass. “Underwear. Simon gave them to me.”
Mihaja swallowed. “Right.”
“You need to undress.”
Mihaja slowly nodded. They’d been naked around each other often since the first time they’d shifted together. Elliott didn’t seem to have a problem with it, so it was common for them to shift together, or even to walk around their room naked. They’d never touched each other while naked, though. Everything they’d done sexually had been done with at least two layers of clothes separating them. Mihaja didn’t care, but watching Elliott almost naked and knowing it wasn’t only because they were about to shift or because he’d just showered made his stomach clench.
Wishing he could take a shower—but knowing Elliott wouldn’t let him—Mihaja unbuttoned his shirt and put it on the back of the chair in the corner. He unbuckled his belt and sat on the bed to take his socks off, then pushed his pants down his legs. He left the pants and the socks in a little pile and looked at Elliott again.
Elliott strode to the bed, folded the sheet down, looked at Mihaja, and after taking a deep breath, pushed his underwear down. He climbed in bed and pulled the sheets up to his waist. Mihaja followed his lead, and when he slid under the sheets, he took care of not touching any part of Elliott’s body. If Elliott wanted to do this, wanted to have sex, he was going to have to be the one to take the lead, because Mihaja didn’t want to do anything to make him uncomfortable or to hurt him.
* * * *
It would be funny if it didn’t make Elliott feel bad. Mihaja was in bed with him, and they were both naked, but they both were on their sides of the bed, not even touching.
Elliott sighed and slid to the side until their arms brushed. “It’s not going to be easy to have sex if we don’t touch,” he pointed out.
“I know, but you’ll have to initiate everything, Elliott. At least this time.”
Elliott moved sideways again, and their arms pressed together. He still wasn’t freaking out, so he turned to the side and hooked his arm around Mihaja’s waist. He lost himself in the contrast between their skins, his still so pale even though he’d spent plenty of time in the sun that summer, and Mihaja’s so dark. He loved it, and he wanted more.
Elliott moved again, until his front was plastered against Mihaja’s side. Mihaja was looking at him, his eyes narrowed as if waiting for Elliott to snap and run. When Elliott didn’t, Mihaja slowly moved the arm that was trapped between them and wrapped it around Elliott’s back.
Elliott shivered, but it wasn’t from fear. He pushed himself even closer and hooked his leg over Mihaja’s. “Is this okay?” he asked in a whisper.
“Whatever you want is okay with me, Elliott.”
“Oh yeah? How about fisting?”
Mihaja looked at Elliott, a brow arched. “You want to... fist me?”
Elliott shrugged. “No, but you said everything I want is okay with you. You should be more careful.”
“I trust you, so if you want to fist me, I’ll give it a try.”
Elliott ga
ped. “I don’t want to fist you! I was just saying it to show you why you shouldn’t say that thing.”
“But I really do trust you, so if you want me to bottom, or if you want to try toys, or tie me up, or whatever, then I’ll try it at least once. I draw the line at watersports, though.”
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“Good. Believe me, it’s best if you never find out.”
That only made Elliott more curious, but now wasn’t the time to ask more questions. Besides, Mihaja clearly didn’t want to try it, and since he was the only guy Elliott would have sex with for the rest of his life, Elliott didn’t need to find out.
Elliott leaned forward and kissed his mate. That he knew. They’d done this so many times since they’d mated, and Elliott wasn’t afraid of it. He loved it, so much.
He rolled on top of Mihaja, and things were great. It always helped when he was the one on top, so that he could move away if he got scared. Mihaja had never complained, and he didn’t now. If anything, he looked pleased—he closed his eyes and bit on his lower lip as their dicks rubbed together.
Elliott kissed down Mihaja’s throat and sucked a hickey next to Mihaja’s mating bite. Both of Mihaja’s hands were on Elliott’s lower back, and he slid one of them down to cup Elliott’s ass.
Elliott’s heart started beating faster. Elliott tried to fight it, to stay in the moment and to enjoy it. He kissed Mihaja again, harder this time, distracting him. He knew what was coming and he hated it. He didn’t want it, he didn’t want to be afraid, but he was. He knew Mihaja would never hurt him, and he repeated it in his mind, like a mantra, but when Mihaja moved his hand and slid a finger between Elliott ass cheeks, Elliott bolted.
He did so unconsciously, and it was so fast he didn’t even have time to realize what he was doing. One second he was on top of Mihaja, grinding down, and the next he was on the other side of the room, his back against the wall, goosebumps on his skin.
“Elliott?” Mihaja asked hesitantly.
Elliott tried to slow down his breathing, but he was fighting a losing battle against the panic. It had been more than a year since he’d last been touched there, and he’d thought—hoped—he was over it. He clearly wasn’t.
His heart felt like it was about to launch itself out of his chest and he couldn’t breathe. The room was closing around him and Elliott closed his eyes. He pressed his palms against the wall, hoping it would help keep him in the moment, in the room, but he could already see imagines of him flashing behind his eyelids.
“Elliott?”
The voice was closer now. Elliot knew who it was, he did, but it mixed with his voice, and he recoiled, trying to press himself further away. The wall was there, though, and Elliott had nowhere to go.
“Honey, please open your eyes. It’s me. Mihaja. Look at me, Elliott.”
Elliott swallowed and tried to latch on Mihaja’s voice. It wasn’t him. He was safe. He was home, with his mate. Their bond was glowing with love and concern, and he tried to focus on that rather than on the memories.
Mihaja seemed to sense it, because the bond swelled and more love came through. It took a while, but Elliott focused only on that. He loved Mihaja, and Mihaja loved him. He wouldn’t hurt him. He wouldn’t. He could have already, so many times, but he hadn’t.
Elliott’s breathing slowed down and he opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d slid down the wall, and he was now sitting on the floor, buck naked, his knees folded against his chest as he hugged them tightly.
Mihaja was a few feet away, crouching and looking at Elliott. He hadn’t come closer, and while Elliott wanted him to, he knew it had been for the best while he’d been freaking out. He wasn’t even sure he’d welcome Mihaja’s touch even now that he was slowly relaxing again.
“You called me honey,” he croaked.
Mihaja’s eyes went wide, but a small smiled appeared on his face. “I did.”
“Why?”
“It was instinct, I guess. You looked so scared. I wanted to help you any way I could, and it slipped out.”
“It did help, I think. I’m sorry.”
Mihaja moved on his knees and held a hand out. “Can I come closer?”
Elliott took a few seconds to assess his state. He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t bolt again when Mihaja touched him, but he thought that as long as Mihaja kept his hands far from Elliott’s lower body, he’d be fine. They’d be fine.
He needed to be hugged. He needed the closeness, and he could have that only if he let his mate in. He nodded and Mihaja crawled closer. He still didn’t touch Elliott, but he sat next to him on the floor, his back against the wall, his legs stretched in front of him. He was wearing underwear now, and Elliott was both dismayed and glad.
“Shit. This is so confusing,” Elliott muttered, rubbing his face.
“Do you think you can come closer?”
Elliott nodded, and when Mihaja opened his arms, he crawled into them. He sat on Mihaja’s lap and fear seeped in his mind again, but he pushed it away. Mihaja was wearing clothes. He couldn’t take Elliott like this, not without moving Elliott away first. More importantly, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt Elliott. Ever. Now if only Elliott’s body would get the hint, it would be great.
Elliott pressed his face against Mihaja’s neck and Mihaja wrapped his arms around Elliott. Time seemed to stop for a few seconds, then everything that had just happened hit Elliott. He wanted to be with his mate, so much, yet the bastard who’d hurt him was still ruining his life, even more than a year after Elliott had last seen him. It wasn’t fair.
Once the first tear had rolled down Elliott’s cheek, there was no stopping the ones that followed. “It’s not fair,” Elliott sobbed, clutching at Mihaja’s shoulders, trying to get closer as the tears streamed down his face.
“I know, Elliott, I know. We can only continue trying, love. We’ll try as much as you want, for as long as you want. I’m not leaving you, Elliott. Ever. I love you.”
Elliott fell asleep like that, after he’d cried all the tears and his body was exhausted from everything that had happened that evening.
* * * *
Mihaja waited until Elliott had stopped crying and fallen asleep to get up and put him into bed. It wasn’t easy, given their position, but he managed. He put Elliott on the bed, dressed him with soft sleeping pants and covered him, then left the room and went to the kitchen to get a drink.
The light was on and he frowned. He entered the room, surprised to see Simon and Mal sitting at the table, softly talking. They both looked up, then down at his legs. He briefly regretted not putting pants on, but he didn’t have the energy to care much.
“I thought you two were out for the night,” he said, walking to the fridge and opening it. He took a bottle of water out, closed the fridge, and cracked the bottle open.
“We were supposed to, but the throuple decided to have loud sex, so we left,” Simon said.
“It was Nick,” Mal added. “He did it on purpose. He doesn’t like it when we go there. He always grumbles that his house isn’t a house for wayward boys.”
“What about you?” Simon asked. “We thought we wouldn’t see you and Elliott until morning. Or did you just come out to get him something to drink after fucking his brains out?” Simon wiggled his eyebrows and Mihaja smiled.
“We tried, but no.”
Simon and Mal’s smiles fell. “You tried?” Mal asked.
“He panicked.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes. He’s sleeping now, but he’s fine.”
“Damn. I know he really wanted to do it.”
Mihaja took another sip. “I know, but I knew it was too soon. I shouldn’t have given in.”
“Hey, you did good. You can’t control his life, and he wanted to try. You know he’d have thought about it until he tried it anyway.”
Mihaja shrugged. “Doesn’t make it easier.”
“I want to kill that g
uy.” Mal tightened his hands in fists. “Do we even know who it is? We could go and kill him.”
Simon snorted. “Us and what army? Look at us, Mal. You’re human and I’m, well, me. Besides, Kameron would kill us for doing something like that, and I don’t think Elliott would be happy either.”
Mihaja sighed. “It wouldn’t solve anything. It’s not like having the man dead would magically heal Elliott. It’s going to take time. There’s nothing we can do except support him.”
Simon nodded. “And we will. He’s our friend.”
“And my mate.” Mihaja screwed the bottle shut and started to leave the room. He paused at the door and looked back at Simon. “Are you going home tonight?”
Simon shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“All right. I just wanted to let you know that you can use Elliott’s room. We talked about it earlier, and we’ll have to check if Elliott is still up to it, but we decided he’d move into my room and that you could move into his. That way you won’t have to go back home.”
Simon gaped. “Are you serious?”
“Of course I am. Welcome to the family.”
Mihaja left the kitchen. He smiled when he heard muffled yells of happiness and walked back to his room. He put the half-empty bottle on Elliott’s nightstand, then slid under the sheets. He made sure not to touch Elliott, but Elliott moved in his sleep and snuggled close. Mihaja tentatively wrapped an arm around Elliott’s waist. Elliott sighed and smiled, and Mihaja fell asleep watching him.
Mihaja was alone when he woke up. He jumped from the bed and checked the bathroom, but Elliott wasn’t there, so he hurried to the kitchen. He could hear voices coming from it, and he hoped Elliott was there. He couldn’t feel panic or fear coming through the bond, but Mihaja wouldn’t feel better until he saw his mate and was sure he hadn’t freaked out and run.
He hadn’t.
Elliott was standing at the stove, cooking breakfast, while Mal and Simon were at the table, talking with two men Mihaja didn’t know. It wasn’t entirely true—he was pretty sure the bigger man was Jonah, if nothing else because Elliott didn’t seem afraid. Mihaja hadn’t had the time to meet Jonah yet. He’d been working the few times Jonah had come to Gillham, and Elliott hadn’t wanted to go to Whitedell.
Elliott Page 11
