by T. S. Harvey
Jared came in a few moments later and immediately sensed something was wrong. His sensing abilities were second to none – only Tracer senses were stronger. Dad always said that, if he didn’t know better, Jared could have passed for a Tracer. Years earlier he had been looking after me when Dad and my mom were in an accident. They must have been forty miles away but Jared knew the minute it had happened. I could sense from a couple of miles out but nothing like Jared – he was awesome.
‘What’s happened, E?’ he said, when he walked through the door.
‘No idea. Jess is hacked off about something but what I don’t know.’
‘Well, did you ask her?’
I just shook my head, shrugged my shoulders and continued to make myself a sandwich.
‘For fuck’s sake, E. You really should show her some respect, she’s not a robot!’
I knew he was right, I should have been more understanding, but I wasn’t. I just finished my snack and went through to the lounge. Jared, on the other hand, went upstairs to speak to Jess. He’d sort it out, I knew that. I had no problem memory wiping but he was better at that too. It was for the best that he dealt with her.
The look on Jared’s face when he came back into the lounge wasn’t good. Jess had told him everything that had happened earlier that day, how Sarah had turned up pretending to look for him but then spilling the beans that I’d been dating her when I was supposed to be dating Jess.
‘You need to get this sorted, E. I can’t keep implanting thoughts, keep wiping her memory. Human minds can only take so much messing with before they crack and I don’t want that happening to her.’
Dad walked in just as Jared was laying down the law; he was less than impressed when he found out what had gone on.
‘I’ll sort it tonight.’
‘Just wipe her memory, E. One minute and it’s done.’
‘I can’t do that. I gave her my word I wouldn’t do magic around her and I’m not going back on it.’
‘Grow up, Erik. If you’d stayed away from her in the beginning like I told you, then we wouldn’t have this problem. I don’t care what you have you to do – the last thing we need is her father round here again. We have never had Tracers here until he arrived and I don’t want them here again. Sort it, once and for all!’
I hated that Dad was so angry with me. The three of us had always had such a close relationship but the last few months things had gotten really strained. If only I’d listened to him, but how could I? I was still totally in love with Sarah and this convincing her she was better off without me was really hard.
After dinner I took a slow walk to Sarah’s. I had no idea what I was gonna do or what I was gonna say. Whatever it was, though, it had to be good. I had to be sure this was our last confrontation; I couldn’t take much more of this. If this didn’t work then I’d move away. I’d go and live in Canada, or perhaps somewhere in Europe. We had distant relations in Germany and Austria and I was sure one of them would take me in. If this didn’t work, I had to get some distance between us. I know this was hard for her but it was hard for me too. I might be a Warlock but if you cut me I’d bleed – in fact, I felt that if someone cut her, I’d bleed too.
I stood by the wall opposite the house trying to sense who was home. I’d only been there a few minutes when a car pulled up on the drive and her aunt came out of the house and got in. The driver was an oldish guy, mid-forties maybe. He leant across the seat and kissed her on the cheek. I figured it must have been a date, which meant she’d most likely be out for a while. I couldn’t sense Sarah so I decided to go inside and wait.
Getting through a locked door was easy, all I had to do was imagine it being opened and, hey presto, it was. I opened the door to the lounge cautiously – I hadn’t sensed Sarah, but I was so mixed up inside I doubted myself. I wasn’t sure I’d gotten it right. I had, though. The house was empty. I checked the kitchen and sure enough there was a Post-it note on the fridge door: “Gone for a drink with Keith. Your dinner is in the fridge. Be Good!! XX”.
It wasn’t long before I sensed her. I sat nervously on the edge of the couch. I’d positioned myself so she had to get into the lounge and close the door behind her before she saw me.
‘Oh Christ! You scared the life out of me. What the hell are you doing here?’
She looked genuinely scared. She must have figured by now I knew about her visit to the house. I could sense her pulse increasing rapidly.
‘Well, let me think about that for a moment,’ I said spitefully. ‘What am I doing here? Hmm.’
I got up from my seat and moved toward her. She looked more afraid now as she backed up toward the door. I lifted my hands and moved a wisp of hair and tucked it behind her ear. I was looking straight at her, right into her beautiful brown eyes, and then I changed. I switched as close to Warlock as I could go without changing completely. My eyes turned black, my cheekbones and jaw became more pronounced and my voice became deeper: more of a growl. I moved my hand to her throat and pushed her roughly against the door.
‘Stay away from Jess. Stay away from my family and stay away from me!’
‘You’re hurting me!’ she cried.
‘Hurting you? Upset Jess again and I’ll fucking kill you!’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset her. I …’
‘Of course you meant to, you spiteful bitch. You set out to hurt her, to try to get back at me for dumping you.’
‘I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.’ Her voice was shaking now, she was terrified. A Warlock in full rage isn’t a pretty sight. I’d seen Dad turn once, many years ago – even as a Warlock myself, it had scared the shit out of me. I could sense her fear and it was almost more than I could bear. I wanted to change back, I wanted to hold her in my arms and comfort her, tell her that I didn’t mean it and that I did love her, but I couldn’t. I had to see this through.
‘No, you won’t do it again. Next time it won’t just be you I hurt, it’ll be your aunt. Do you understand?’
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
I let go of her. She slid down the door to the floor in tears, the red hand marks on her neck visible.
‘Why did you get involved with me? You knew you already had a girlfriend, why didn’t you tell me? We could have just been friends. You didn’t have to make me fall in love with you.’
‘Get out of the way. I’m leaving. I won’t have this conversation with you.’
‘Fine. I accept it now, I know I meant nothing to you; I was just a distraction while you waited for her. But you weren’t a distraction for me. I loved you, I still love you and this hurts so much. Please, take it away. Make me forget!’
Her eyes were pleading with me and I could feel my will draining.
‘No. I’m not practising just to put you out of your misery. I don’t care if you hurt. After what you did today, you deserve it. Now move!’
I grabbed her by the wrists, pulled her to her feet, and threw her toward the couch. Without looking back, I walked out of the lounge and out of the house.
The walk home was a nightmare; I could sense her upset all the way back. Warlocks aren’t immortal but we tend to live very long lives, much longer than the average human span. The thought of holding the memory of what I had just said and done for the rest of my life wasn’t something I relished. I was in torment. I wanted to go into a field in the middle of nowhere and practise my strongest magic. I wanted every Tracer in the US to find me and I wanted to tear each one apart. For the first time in my life, I hated who and what I was. For the first time I just wanted to be human, I wanted to be normal, and I wanted to start again.
The door was open when I reached home and Jared was stood on the porch waiting for me.
‘Hey,’ he said, as he wrapped his arms around me.
I said nothing, but I wept. Silently I sobbed in his arms. I could feel his emotion too. Jared could sense from much further than I could and I know he had gone through it all with me, just as if he’d been stood next to me.
>
‘Come on, E. Let’s get inside.’
‘It’s done, Dad. She won’t want to have anything to do me with again.’
Dad didn’t say anything. I knew he would never want me to be sad but he knew this was the only way.
As I made my way up to bed, Jess came out of her room.
‘Are you OK? Jared said you had to visit a sick friend.’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Goodnight.’
Chapter Twenty-four – The New Year’s Kiss
Sarah
I lay sprawled out on the couch where he’d left me, not moving, barely breathing. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. This wasn’t the same Erik I fell in love with. Until that moment, I don’t think I really appreciated just how different he was to every other boy I knew. The look of anger in his eyes. They had turned black and cold – it was like he had morphed into a stranger. I didn’t know him. I was glad Aunt Suze had gone out for the night. I was a mess and I didn’t want her to see me like this. I wanted to get cleaned up, take a hot bath, and have an early night. I never wanted to think about him again. I was angry now. Before, I had been upset – I hadn’t understood why he’d treated me so badly, why he had chosen her over me but now that didn’t matter. I no longer needed to know, I just needed to stay away from him. He’d shown me a side to him that I didn’t like, a side that scared me. I was better off away from him and that thought made me stronger, made me realise I had to move on. Christmas was around the corner and I wasn’t gonna be miserable any more.
Every New Year’s Eve, Kacey’s stepmother threw a party for the neighbours. Chris Evans, one of the guys on the track team, and his family, lived just a few doors down.
‘Hey, Trump! Guess who’s coming to dinner?’ laughed Kacey, when she told me about the party. ‘You have to come. He is so into you, and he’s not a geek!’
‘OK, that’s great. Should be fun.’
I was really quite excited about it. I hadn’t thought about dating after Erik but I had to get back out there. Chris was a nice guy; he was popular with other students and not nearly as shallow as some of the other jocks. He was in the grade below me but we had a lot in common. He was keen on sports, he liked music, he was into computer games, which I wasn’t, but then I guess it was OK to like different things too.
Kacey and I spent the whole of the following Saturday shopping for an outfit for the party. It didn’t matter how many things she tried on, she looked stunning in all of them. She was tall, blonde, and gorgeous. She was also much nicer these days. The mean spirited girl I’d met when I first started Carterbrook had disappeared and the real Kacey had emerged. She laughed a lot more these days but, instead of laughing at people, she found herself laughing with them. I was pleased I’d stuck at it with her, we had the foundations of a good friendship and I loved spending time with her. She had been so supportive over what had happened with Erik. Given her history with him, she could have gloated but she didn’t. I loved her for that.
After six hours trailing around every dress shop in Houston, we were finally done. Kacey had picked up half a dozen dresses, three pairs of tight black pants, four tops, and two pairs of heels. I, on the other hand, had got one dress, a short black skirt, and a red blouse. My allowance didn’t come close to Kacey’s, so I had to be a little more sensible with my spending.
The last day of the school year was full of nothing really. The teachers had us taking down work that had adorned the walls for most of the year and trying to work out who it belonged to, then getting it back to them. We finished early; some of us went off to the local mall to get in some last minute Christmas shopping, some went straight home. I was in the latter group. Dad was coming home today and I wanted to get back to see him. It had been some weeks since his last visit and he’d seemed really distracted. I figured it was just problems at work. He was quite high up in the military and he would often bring work home with him, physically and mentally!
I had literally just walked in the door when he arrived.
As usual, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him for all I was worth.
‘Hey steady on, Princess, I might need those veins you’re squeezing blood out of!’
Dad always made me smile. No matter how down I got, he always knew the right thing to say. He always seemed to know when I needed a hug and he always knew when to say nothing. Anyone who has ever been hurt will know, having someone to sit there and say nothing is often as important as someone that will sit there and talk to you about it. He could do both these things. I guess in some ways he’d had to be both mom and dad to me. I missed my mom, even though I didn’t remember her and I think he recognized that.
‘So come on then, aren’t you going to ask me?’ he said, as he unhooked my arms.
‘Ask you what?’ I said.
‘What I’ve got you for Christmas, of course!’
‘I can wait four more days you know, Daddy,’ I said quite arrogantly.
‘Yeah, well, tradition is you get to pick one early. Do you want it now?’
‘No. Thanks, but I’ll wait until later.’
‘Really?’
I just nodded. I really, really, really wanted to pick one but I didn’t want to be so predictable. No, I would wait until tomorrow, or maybe even the day after, I thought, confidently.
Whilst he went upstairs to unpack his things, Aunt Suze and I put all his gifts under the tree with ours. We didn’t go a lot on decorations but we always had a tree. There was one gift, in a bright red envelope with a white bow. For a man, Dad was really great with wrapping presents. The label said, “To my Princess, enjoy, love always, Daddy”. I shouldn’t have read it, putting temptation that close was just too much.
‘Go on then, Daddy,’ I said, when he came back into the lounge. ‘I’ll open this one,’ holding up the bright red envelope.
‘Hahaha. I knew you couldn’t wait,’ he said smugly.
I was too eager to see what it held to be annoyed and carefully undid the envelope trying, but failing, to do it without tearing it.
‘Oh wow, oh wow, that’s amazing. Thank you, Daddy!’ I said, throwing my arms around his neck again.
Two tickets to see Telly Leung in New York. Dad had taken me to see him a couple of years back when we were on holiday in California. I’d become a huge fan when he was in Glee and Dad had surprised me with tickets for a musical he was in. It was my fourteenth birthday present, I felt so grown up going to the theatre. The whole evening was magical. We had gone to dinner first and then on to the show; I don’t know how he managed it but Dad got us backstage afterwards to meet him and the cast. I was so star struck I didn’t speak a word. It didn’t matter though. He smiled at me when he said hello and that was enough for me. I’d never met anyone famous before and I had this misguided impression that they would all be ‘big I ams’, but I was so wrong. They were awesome.
‘Two tickets, Dad?’ I said cautiously ‘Do you mind if I go with Kacey?’
‘Oh, I don’t know about that. It’s a long way from Texas.’
‘I’ll be seventeen, Dad, please!’
He looked across at Aunt Suze, who was just grinning.
‘You’re not helping, Suzanne!’ he said quite sharply.
‘Sorry, Robert. I went all the way to Europe when I was seventeen, so how can I help you object?’
He went quiet for a moment. I could tell he was thinking and that interrupting his train of thought wasn’t gonna help my cause.
‘Hmm …’ he said, as he leant forward and picked up a plain white envelope from under the tree, ‘you’re gonna want to open this one.’
Tentatively, I took the envelope from him, opened it and then squealed with delight to find two airplane tickets and hotel confirmation inside.
‘And don’t worry; I’ll get the name on the tickets changed.’
‘Oh, Daddy, I do love you,’ I said, as I hugged him again.
It had been a difficult, strange and sometimes heart-wrenching couple of months. Having Dad home hel
ped put things back into perspective. I had loved Erik like I hadn’t loved a boy before but that last encounter had frightened me. I had been really and properly scared by him. Dad would have been so angry if he’d known how he’d treated me but he would never find out. I would never tell him the truth about Erik. I’d sworn to him I wouldn’t betray his secret and my word was important to me. Erik had taken my heart and taken my trust, but no matter what he would never take my integrity.
Dad had to be back in North Carolina by the 30th of December, so we made the most of every day. Aunt Suze broke up for the holidays on the 22nd and the three of us spent the whole time together. Christmas Day was fabulous. It was only us, but that was fine. We all got on so well and really enjoyed each others’ company. My dad’s favourite board game as a kid was Frustration so every year we would get it out and play for hours on end. We cheated something dreadful, flicking the side of the dome with such care when the dice didn’t drop evenly. We would yell and shout at each other each time it happened, but that was just part of the fun.
When it came to saying goodbye, I felt a little empty. He’d been such a fabulous distraction from everything that had been going wrong in my life and I worried I’d revert back to fighting off misery when he went. As we waved him off at the airport, Aunt Suze must have felt my sadness.
‘Not to worry, sweetie, he’ll back in a few months.’
‘Yeah, I know. I just miss him.’
‘Well, you know the best thing for that, don’t you?’ she grinned. ‘Shopping!’
If I’m honest, I didn’t really want to go. I had Kacey’s party tomorrow night and the past couple of weeks had been pretty exhausting, I could have done with putting my feet up and an early night. Aunt Suze, on the other hand, seemed to have more energy than the whole of my year put together; she was relentless. It was getting on for 8 p.m. by the time we finally got home and fell exhausted onto the couch. We didn’t speak for the first few minutes and then she started to laugh – she had a great laugh.
