As soon as I walked in, the fog of wanting to fuck Emmanuel lifted and that warm familiar feeling seeped back in. I threw myself into Xavier’s arms and broke down in tears.
My body felt so heavy with emotion. Every fucking thing came rushing to the surface so fast I started to shake. “Camilla hey…baby, it’s okay,” he cooed into my ear.
“It’s not okay. My entire fucking life is a mess Xavier!”
We sat on his leather couch as I told him all the events that happened tonight. I’m pretty sure he was stunned silent judging by the look on his face. “So…Pastor Scott isn’t your real father and he knew? Your mom knew?” I nodded my head slowly and passed him the blunt after inhaling deeply.
“Every fucking body knew but me and Christina.” My head found its way onto Xavier’s shoulder. He kissed my forehead, wiping away some of the stress of the day. It was amazing how he’d worked his way in my life and made it better. When I was around him I didn’t feel like a walking cloud of twisted darkness. He made me feel like a beam of light instead.
“I’m sorry Xavier.” I frowned. “I never asked how you’ve been since the whole…getting fired thing. Are you still mad at me?” I almost didn’t want to hear his answer.
“I was mad at you Camilla. Then I saw you faint and I realized how much that shit was stressing you out too. When I thought something had happened to you, I couldn’t be mad at you anymore.” I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat and plucked at imaginary lint on my shirt.
“I know all that happened because of me being fucking reckless,” I admitted. It gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach to know that I’d caused Xavier such turmoil. All because I couldn’t control my dark ass desires. It made me want to scrub the tainted parts off of my skin like dirt.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked timidly. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him directly. I kept looking just off to the side of him or down at my hands. It wasn’t like me to be shy.
“Of course,” he replied.
“Something is wrong with me, Xavier. I have these mood swings and I can’t focus. Pressure builds up in my head and it hurts so badly, I pass out. The only release that’s ever worked is having…an orgasm.” The shame was too much to bear. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. Hadn’t I cried enough for the day? Shit. Why were all these stupid ass feelings bombarding me? I had done so well keeping them away for all these years.
Here I was with Xavier, pouring my soul out in a heap in front of him, terrified of his reaction. “I just…I fuck whoever, whenever because it makes me feel normal. It’s like taking Xanax or something. That’s why Brian was so convenient. If I got too worked up, he would just eat my pussy and make me cum and I’d feel better.” I couldn’t stand being next to him as corrupted as I was. I slid away from him and he let out a heavy breath. His elbows rested on his knees and he stared at the floor.
“I know I’m fucked up in the head. That’s why I told you that our hunger for sex was different.” I just let the tears fall at this point. I’m tired of wiping them away. I honestly just want him to see me for who I am.
“I don’t care,” he said quietly. I didn’t know what that even meant. “You’re more than just that shit.” He finally looked over at me. His face was tense, and I couldn’t really read him at all. It made me nervous. What if he didn’t want to be around me anymore?
“Is that what you’re always fighting in your sleep? All your demons?” He asked. His voice was still quiet, it settled inside of me making the warm feelings grow and spread.
“I fight in my sleep?”
“Yeah…I watch you until I fall asleep. I always wish I could protect you from whatever you’re fighting. Now I know.” I turned my head away from his eyes.
“You think I’m fucked up, don’t you? You probably think I’m a whore.”
“Nah, I don’t. I think you’re a woman with demons. Same demons we all got.”
I shot him an incredulous look and he smiled a little. “Okay, not the exact same demons, but still.” He tossed a muscular arm around my shoulders and pulled me in. “So, if I make you mad will you jump on my dick like you did the other night?” I felt my cheeks turn hot, and I hit him playfully. “I’m just asking.” Xavier pulled my body on top of him in one swoop and put his lips against mine. “I don’t care about your demons. I have my own. I care about…” He stopped himself and swallowed when his eyes fell on my neck. My hand rushed to cover it. I already knew what was there: Emmanuel’s teeth marks. I’ve never felt shame about other conquests before, but now I felt embarrassed.
“Have you been with Brian again?” Xavier questioned sadly. At least I could answer that one truthfully.
“Hell no. I just…I get caught up with other guys sometimes Xavier. That’s why I’m not the girlfriend type.” I told him. He let out a hiss of air and stood up like he just had to release energy some way.
“So just any man?” He questioned.
“No, not like a man off the street. I’ll fuck myself before I just fuck a random person. If it’s someone I even remotely know though…yeah,” I muttered.
“Are you gonna tell me who that shit is from?”
“No. I’m not ready to be that open. This shit is already too much for me.” I held my hands up and tried to calm the wild beating of my heart against my chest. If I told Xavier about my sick desire to fuck the man that’s raised me he wouldn’t be as willing to face that demon with me. He eyed me for a few seconds before nodding his head in agreement.
“We need to figure out what the fuck this shit is between us. You got me in my feelings Camilla and I know you feel the same way.” He was beyond right. I didn’t know what the feelings were but I knew they existed.
“I don’t know what we are.” I stammered.
“How about this…” He sat back down beside me pulling me to him. The warmth of his body relaxed me immediately. “You’re mine and I’m yours. I’ll let you fly free and you come to me when you need me. You let me do me and I’ll always put you first.”
It was a man answer but I liked it. We were there for each other but still could do as we pleased. I would hate to feel guilty for every single thing I did. I also would hate to think of myself as anyone’s girlfriend. Ugh.
Xavier leaned in and I crashed my lips into his. I needed to feel him. We began peeling each other’s clothes off rapidly until skin was against skin and he was thrusting into me. He flipped me on my back and pinned my feet back by my ears. The screams that escaped me were so carnal. I felt like I was flying.
My pussy was so wet every push inside felt like electricity shooting through me. “Oh my god!” I shouted in his ear. Xavier’s dick touched a place so fucking deep I felt tears spring to my eyes. I gripped his thick cock with my walls, wanting all of him inside of me. I wanted to be filled up with him. He leaned down and kissed me, nibbling my lips.
“Am I hurting you?” He asked when he saw my tear streaked face. I shook my head and wrapped my thighs around his waist tighter. When he realized I wasn’t hurt, he slammed into my pussy making me dig my nails into his brown skin. I started quaking, ready to erupt all over his cock.
The sound my pussy made when he slipped in and out of it turned me on even more. His strokes became jerky and erratic as he pumped me full of cum. I squealed out so loud I’m sure the neighbors wondered if they should call the cops. “Xavier! I…love you.” The words dribbled out of my mouth before I could catch them.
“I love you too Camilla,” he panted into my ear. Our naked, sweaty bodies tangled and heaving for air. What the hell did I just say to him? It was in the heat of the moment. That’s all. Right?
Chapter Sixteen
Laurel
It felt strange being over Camilla’s house without Camilla, but Chris and I had been up chatting all night in her room so the awkwardness wasn’t too bad. We both laid in her bed in the dark laughing over something stupid after she’d convinced me to take an Oxy to mellow out. I didn’t even know she took
pills. “Oh, I have full access with my mother in the house,” she giggled as she popped a pill in my hand.
What the hell? I reasoned as I tossed the small white circle between my lips. At first it stuck to the roof of my mouth then began to melt on contact leaving an acrid taste in my mouth. I had to grab a bottle of water from the nightstand to stop from gagging.
When Chris swallowed the pill, she looked like a pro. She placed the pill on her tongue and swallowed one swig of water. Just like that the pill was gone. I looked at her perfectly smooth chocolate skin and wished I had the genes running through this family.
Chris laughed at me and shook her head as we lay in her queen-sized bed. “What?” I furrowed my brows.
“You’re always just so high strung. It’s good to see you relax a bit Laurel.”
“Yeah, believe it or not it’s a burden being so tightly wound.”
“Oh I believe it. I live with Pastor Scott and First Lady,” she said sarcastically.
“They’re amazing though,” I gushed.
“Whatever. Laurel, you don’t know the half of it. I love Cami but, living under the same roof with her? I may as well be invisible. I only get attention from my parents if it involves Camilla or if I’m misbehaving.” A frown tugged on the corners of my mouth. “I’m sorry to hear that Chris.” I paused. “You know what though? It’s the same with me. I’m just Camilla’s best friend. I’m the sidekick.”
“You kinda are, aren’t you?” Chris sighed compassionately.
“Yup. No guys at school ever noticed me because Camilla gets all the attention.” I chuckled dryly. “Meanwhile, she doesn’t even care. I don’t get it!”
“Cami likes them older,” Chris laughed with me. “But seriously Laurel you’re so beautiful. You will find the right person.” Camilla told me that exact thing time and time again so hearing it one more time was nothing. I was used to the one day your prince will come bull.
“Yeah. I doubt it. I think I’m defective or something.” I groaned. The Oxy had me feeling so talkative and open. I didn’t feel loopy like I thought I would. Not dizzy either. I just felt relaxed and compelled to talk.
“You’re not.” Chris laughed softly. “I’ve never had a boyfriend…” her voice faded away like she had more to say but decided not to. I refused to believe that Christina Scott never had a boyfriend. Sure she was 16 but she was a knock out. I figured boys at Trinity would be drooling over her. Plus she had the added bonus of being Camilla’s little sister.
“I don’t know why not. You’re freakin’ gorgeous Chris.” I blurted in an Oxy haze.
“I’m fine with not having a boyfriend.” She rose up to lean on her elbow. Her long twists swayed behind her as she looked over at me, making my heart speed up a little bit. The moonlight made her silky skin glow and it made me tingle. I looked away quickly and touched my cross pendant. The fabric of her camisole was so thin I could make out the full shape of her perky breasts. Oh God, why was I looking at my best friend’s little sister’s breasts?
No more pill popping for me!
I thought everything was all in my head until I felt Christina’s hand brush against my cheek. “Wanna know why I never had a boyfriend?” She whispered in my ear. All I could do was nod. My mouth was too dry to speak. “I like girls,” she giggled before taking my earlobe in between her plump lips. “I like you, Laurel,” she whispered.
Her lips moved to my neck and I remained frozen solid. What the actual hell was happening? The more her experienced lips worked on my neck, the quicker I thawed from my frozen state.
Bliss began to spread through my body and I felt myself leaning into her. I wanted more. My eternal soul was going to burn and all I could focus on was Christina’s mouth. Jesus help me, it felt so good. “Can I kiss you?” She asked, her voice breathy. I nodded my head and turned to face her. She smiled and pushed a few stray locks of hair out of my face. Her lips tasted like watermelon gloss and I wanted more.
Every hair on my body was standing up on end. Probably a signal from Jesus to stop my sinning but dammit I couldn’t stop. Our bodies moved closer together until we were breast to breast. Every inch of me was tingling and I couldn’t tell if it was from the pill or the fact that I was making out with Camilla’s sister.
It was awkward at first, our teeth clicked a couple of times because I just wasn’t used to kissing anyone let alone a girl. Soon, Chris got me in a good rhythm though and we were all tongues and full lips and even nibbling teeth sometimes.
Chris started to kiss up and down my neck until she slipped past my collarbone to my breasts. She wasted no time running her warm, wet tongue across the surface of my peaked nipples. I opened my mouth to protest because kissing was one thing but this? Oh, my sweet lord. The ecstasy was too damn much.
While her mouth worked on my left breast, her fingers expertly rubbed and tugged at my right nipple. I heard myself moan and I nearly looked around to see where the sound came from. I shut my eyes tight and tried to remember the prayer of forgiveness that I learned in 9th grade. It vacated my brain along with everything else I’d learned my entire life.
“I’m gonna eat you out,” Chris told me after she pressed kisses to my stomach. “You smell so good. I just wanna taste you.” Her voice was ripe with lust and it flooded my most intimate area with wetness.
“Chris…we can’t,” I stammered. I was half horrified with myself for even attempting to stop the pleasure that she was delivering me.
“Laurel, it’ll feel so good, I promise.” She began placing kisses on my trembling thighs. Her fingers began rubbing and circling my wetness. I tossed my head back into her pillows and moaned. It was like every place she touched exploded with throbs. I wanted to experience her mouth on me more than I wanted to get into heaven right then.
“Okay,” I moaned into the darkness. Christina parted my lips and when her slippery tongue found my central bundle of nerves I nearly jumped off the bed. Chris stopped to laugh a little and then she told me to keep still.
“You’ve never had you clit sucked?” She asked.
“What? No!” I hissed.
“Well…first time for everything. Try not to fall off the bed.” She warned before sucking on me again. Stars dotted my vision and I gripped the bed sheets in my fists. Her pressure was firm but still gentle. I didn’t think I could possibly get any wetter and then she slipped her slender fingers inside of me.
“Oh my god! Christina…I…I…”
“You’re gonna cum all over my face,” she said when she came up for air. Her fingers were still working their magic. I felt something building inside of me. Something I needed to release or else I would explode.
An orgasm. I was having an orgasm.
“Shit!” Finally the release came and it was so sweet. I shook and trembled with pleasure. I laid flat on my back and waited for the shaking to subside. Christina laid beside me with a huge grin on her face.
“So, I’m your first.”
“Yeah…” I said shakily. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
“I had to though you’re so damn cute.” She touched the tip of my nose and went into her bathroom leaving me with my thoughts. Why did I just do that? I was blatantly sinning with my best friend’s little sister and it felt damn good. I heard the water shut off, and I braced myself to look at her when she came back in the room. She slid in bed next to me and looked into my eyes like she knew I had something to say.
“Chris, how can you like girls when you believe in Jesus? We’ve been taught all of this since we were born. Especially you!” She just rolled her eyes and settled down under the blankets as if my question annoyed her.
“Laurel, the homophobia isn’t needed. Not after what we just did.”
“I…I’m not homophobic.” That was a lie. I was terrified of anything homosexual. Just the thought of engaging in something God himself said was an abomination chilled me to my spine. At the same time Christina unlocked something primal inside of me and I wanted to explore it.
>
“Okay, Laurel. Just so you know though, I’m not out to be your lesbian girlfriend or anything. I really just wanted to taste you because I thought you were cute.” I looked down at my fingers and twirled them around each other. “So…we’re not doing it again?” I almost whispered.
“We can if you want to,” Chris shrugged. The muscles in my stomach clenched tightly thinking about her mouth on me.
“I do,” I admitted guiltily.
“You’re not going to hell Laurel.” She giggled softly. “I really have a lot of work to do with you, I see.”
Chapter Seventeen
Emmanuel
The opening of New Grace was approaching quickly and my team was making sure that everything would go off without fail. Lights were being tested time and time again, recording equipment was being installed, new promotional materials were being printed, and commercials were circulating the media fervently. I was poised to have one hell of a grand opening, and I was more than ready, there was only one thing that haunted my mind: Camilla.
Every time I was in my office I had flashbacks of her tempting me the night she found out about Trevor. Her petite, shapely body had blossomed into the body of a woman and was sitting nestled on top of me in my chair. She was begging me to fuck her problems away. She cried for me to make her feel better and it had excited a part deep, deep inside of me.
What kind of sick fuck was I? I’d raised the girl from toddlerhood. But she wasn’t a goddamn toddler anymore. She had a supple, round ass, a slender waist, firm, tender breasts that were perfect mouthfuls, and a very skilled tongue that she insisted on kissing me with. No matter how I tried to avoid her that night, my dick told on me and she knew it. She felt it pressing, digging into her and it made her crazy. I nearly said screw it all and fucked her right on my desk when she came on my cock while my hand was wrapped around her throat.
Something forbidden never seemed so delicious.
Camilla reminded me of her mother so much it was eerie. The look in her eyes, the pure need to fuck. Even the fact that she loved pain laced fucking. It made my dick throb with want. Wanting to push Camilla down and shove my dick inside her. Wanting to pull her long hair and choke her until she cried for me to stop. Wanting to sink my teeth into her soft skin and hear her cry out because it hurts so good.
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