“Man…she won’t talk to me. She spoke long enough to tell me we weren’t getting a divorce, but that’s it.”
“I was hoping she would talk to Camilla,” Dad looked over at me and I frowned.
“I don’t wanna talk to her.” I snapped. “Why does everyone want me to talk to her?”
“Because you only get one mother,” Dad said.
“Well, mine is defective. Fuck her.” Dad looked at he and shook his head. “I’m serious. We don’t want anything to do with each other. She’s a conniving bitch.”
“Camilla, don’t talk like that about your mother. She has some issues, but she’s just upset right now.” Dad looked so sympathetic it made me want to scream. Why was he being so nice to her?
“Okay well since you want to talk to her so bad, go ahead. Last time I checked though, she left you high and dry and took your child to start a new fucking life. Not the kind of bitch I’d be defending.” Dad’s green eyes widened and he looked at me in shock. I folded my arms defiantly. I wasn’t taking back shit I’d said. Emmanuel looked at me sternly and I avoided his gaze. “Bottom line is, I’m not dealing with her. You can’t make me, and neither can you…”
“Stop talking. Sit down.” Emmanuel said calmly. I obeyed like he had a remote control wired only for me. Dad looked from me to Emmanuel and back again. "I'll work on Dana. You two go have fun.” Emmanuel smiled in my direction and I smiled back.
“Cool. Hey, when I get back, teach me how to make her stop talking like that.” Dad laughed, but I didn’t. If only he knew.
Dad took me to get a pizza out on the beach. It was beautiful. I could listen to him talk all day and night about how much he doted on me when I was first born. “You had these chubby little cheeks and no hair on your head. None whatsoever.” He laughed and it lit his eyes up. “I stayed up all night with you the first week because you wanted to sleep all day and be awake all night. I warmed your bottles, rocked you, and we listened to Bob Marley until the sun came up.” My heart smiled and ached at the same time. I wished he was around my entire life.
“Let me guess, Dana didn’t breastfeed me.” I scoffed.
“Nah, she was…out a lot the first month after you were born. It was like she couldn’t stay in the house.” He chewed a piece of pizza. “I didn’t mind staying with you. You were my world.”
“Can you tell me about how she used to be, Dad? Tell me how she met you…how she met Emmanuel.” He lifted his brows and nodded.
“Sure…”
As he spoke, my mind weaved images together, imagining her being older than me but still young and wild.
“Dana always had long, long hair and she always let it hang down her back. That’s what attracted me to her first. It wasn’t her body or anything, it was how beautiful her hair was.
It was summer time in 95 and Dana was at this little shitty skating rink in our town where we all hung out. I knew her brother Rashad but I’d never seen Dana before. The first thing I saw was her skating backward to a TLC song. Her hair was just swinging and I was blown away. ‘Hey, Rashad, who’s that?’ I’d asked him and he looked at me like I was crazy.
‘Dana? That’s my sister’ he told me. I didn’t even know he had a sister at first. She came over to talk to Rashad, then she noticed me and it was a wrap after that. She went home with me and we were inseparable from that point on.
I knew I had a special woman because she had this insatiable appetite for sex. She would get crazy mad and then just jump on me. But after a while, I started noticing it wasn’t right. Sometimes she was in pain and she cried because her head hurt, but she still wanted to have sex all the time. She would tell me it was like her medicine.
Her mother told her it was the devil trying to use her and that she needed to go to the Lord to heal her. She lit candles for Dana; she even threw her in the ocean trying to baptize her. The poor girl damn near drowned. Her mother forbade me from coming around, but Dana was in love and so was I. We snuck out to see each other and I could always tell when she had been with someone else. I used to get angry about it. She would get violent though, she would shove me and shove me until I held her down and gave her what she wanted. Then she would flip right back into sweet Dana.
I started thinking maybe her mother was right, shit. I wasn’t raised real religious, but my Abuela knew the bible inside and out. I knew Abuela dealt with spirits so I went to her and asked her if there was any way to help Dana. ‘It’s in her head. She’s got demons in her own head,’ she told me. She lit some candles and gave me a little sachet to give Dana.
I did as she asked and Dana looked at me like I was crazy but she put the sachet in her bra. Next day Dana, you and I were on the beach and she was hypnotized watching this preacher talking to a small crowd of folks. He didn’t have a podium or anything. He didn’t look like any preacher I’d seen. He was just having a conversation and the crowd grew it seemed. She dragged us over and stood in the back of the crowd just listening. She was so enthralled I couldn’t pull her away.
When the crowd finally died down, she went up to him and introduced herself.
‘Hi Pastor…I’m Dana St. John, are you new? I’ve never seen you at any church around here.’
‘Uh actually…I’m just on vacation,’ he admitted. ‘I just seem to have the gift of gab, I guess. I am a pastor though back in Florida.’
‘You preach at your own church?’ Dana asked. She practically had hearts in her eyes. I was fuming on the side. I hated how she looked at him. He had instant control over her.
‘Oh…no ma’am. I wish. I preach every other Sunday at a small church. Our congregation is just about 70 people. I’m still small time’
‘You don’t seem small time.’ I was tired of all that shit. I stood between them and gave the pastor a nasty look. A possessive look. He just smiled at me. Always the charismatic one. He looked at you and asked Dana if he could hold you. Of course, she agreed. He took you from my arms and bounced you on his side. You beamed at him with this big gummy grin and those pretty eyes.
‘Is this your daughter?’ Pastor asked.
‘Yes, Camilla.’
‘Hi, little Cami. Nice to meet you. You’re gonna be a heartbreaker when you get older. Look at those eyes. Dad, you better watch out,’ He gave you back to me and I told Dana it was time to go. You needed to eat.
‘Pastor, what’s your name?’ She called after him.
‘You can call me Emmanuel.’ I thought Dana was gonna faint right there. It was like Manny was a superstar to her.
‘How long will you be here?’ She asked him.
‘Couple of weeks. I’m sure I’ll see you folks around. You better get going, your husband looks like he’s ready to go.’
‘He is not my husband,’ Dana snapped and looked at me like I was scum. Manny gave me an apologetic look but I was too busy trying to calm you down. You had started to fidget. I walked off and left Dana to coo over Manny. I had to find a spot to feed you.
All she talked about for days was Manny. She thought he could be the answer to her anger issues. She told her mother about him and her mother wanted to meet him. That’s when I found out Dana had gotten his telephone number and room number. I wasn’t too shocked though.
Well, we left you with your uncle, you adored him anyway, and we all went to see Manny. I think he had on jeans and a shirt and your grandmother thought he was the most handsome man she’d ever seen. He had her under his spell too. She told him in depth about Dana’s demons as she called them, and he listened. He said he could help, and that’s all either of them needed to hear. Manny was leaving to go home soon but he gave your grandmother his information.
All Dana did was talk to Manny after that. I was an afterthought. I spent my time working and coming home to you. Dana didn’t even want to take care of you because she was out gallivanting at night and anytime I mentioned it we got into a huge fight. She accused me of thinking I was a better parent. She told me she was going to Florida to seek help from the pastor. �
�I can’t go. I have to work,’ I told her.
‘You weren’t invited, Trevor. I’ll be back in a week.’ She left you with me of course. Luckily Rashad always was up for watching you while I worked. When Dana came back from Florida she was different. I knew she slept with Manny. But she was calm for once. Not all angry and ready to snap. She even wanted to spend time with you.
She went to Florida again and again and one day she came back and told me we were done. She wanted to be with the pastor. He had healed her. I hated him. I wanted to kill him. ‘Are you gonna move to Florida now, Dana? Does that even make sense? We have a daughter who’s almost one!’
‘I’ll take her with me.’ I felt my heart break in my chest when she said that. I had you on my knee at the time, and it took every fiber of my being not to strike her. I held on to you tight.
‘You’re not taking my daughter anywhere. She’ll stay here. I don’t care if you go. Leave my baby girl.’
‘She’ll have a better life being raised with the lord, Trevor. I won’t keep her from you if that’s what you’re worried about.’ Dana’s entire demeanor was different. She wasn’t the same at all.
‘Dana…don’t play these stupid fucking games right now. If we’re done that’s fine. Camilla stays here.’ She was quiet for a while, then she turned around and left. I don’t know where she went. She never came back to the house.
I got ready to go to work that night and took you to Rashad’s as usual. I kissed you goodnight and went to work. When I got back…you were gone. Rashad told me that Dana came to pick you up and he didn’t think twice about giving you to her. I was sick.
I went to Florida the next morning. I found Dana but no sign of you. I threatened legal action but she just ignored me like I wasn’t standing in front of her. I felt so empty and angry.
I went back home and filed a missing child report but turns out if your mother has you and there’s no restraining order then it’s not kidnapping. Dana called me and told me she wasn’t gonna keep you away from me, she just needed to start her new life. She said after she got settled she would let me see you.
Months went by and I hadn’t seen you. I was so depressed I got fired from my job, I wouldn’t move from my couch. One day I heard someone say something about Pastor Emmanuel Scott on TV. I sat up and wrote down the number and address of the church on the commercial. I went back to Florida and found him.
‘Trevor, right?’ He was bigger than he was before, and his charisma had multiplied. I hated him even more. I punched him in the mouth and we fought until we got pulled apart. He might have been bigger than me but I busted his lip good.
‘You think it’s cool to just take my fucking family pastor?’ I was mad but I was going to speak my piece.
‘Take your family? What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘My daughter…where is my daughter?’ He looked like he genuinely didn’t know what I was talking about.
‘Cami is back at the house…didn’t she just leave you a few days ago?’
‘Hell no! I haven’t seen her in months!’ I almost punched him again but refrained since he seemed confused.
‘Months? That’s not right. Dana has been taking her to see you every month.’
‘Dana is a lying bitch.’ I wiped my forehead and sat down in a chair. Manny made everyone leave the room with just one look. He sat beside me and put his hand on my shoulder.
‘Are you telling me you haven’t seen your child since Dana came here?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m telling you, pastor. She took Camilla while I was at work one night and I haven’t seen her since. I can’t do shit legally because she’s the girl’s mother! She left me to run away with your ass and now I don’t have my baby.’ Manny groaned and shook his head.
‘That’s not right. Why did she lie like that? I would have never allowed that shit to happen.’ He paced the floor and then slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a fist-sized hole. ‘She told me you put her out with the baby but she wanted you to still see her. She’s been leaving the house every month for three days telling me she was taking Cami to see you.’
My soul was on fire hearing that shit. ‘She said you didn’t want to see her anymore after this last visit a few days ago. Told me she was changing Cami’s last name.’ Now I was ready to punch something.
‘Can she do that? I just want my child…’ Manny made a call and had you brought over to the church. I’ve never been so happy to see you in my life. You still remembered me so you were happy to see me too. I cried so hard when I held you. Then I had to tell you goodbye. I thought about running with you but I didn’t. You held out your arms for Manny, and it broke me a little bit but I couldn’t hate him anymore.
‘I will make sure you know her. Dana can’t do this shit.’ He said.
He fought with Dana every year on letting you see me, and every year she became more stubborn and elusive. I just became used to not having you in my life. Manny sent me pictures and videos every chance he got but he couldn’t let you know about me or it would cause a shit storm. You forgot all about me and all you knew was Manny after a while. I wasn’t gonna disrupt your life.
I told myself that when you turned 18 I’d reach out to you on my own. Fuck what everyone else said. But when I reached out to Dana, she told me she would have you call me. It never happened. So I found you on Facebook and reached out to you myself and here we are.”
My breath was caught in my throat nearly the entire time dad talked about his past with my mother and how she lied and connived her way into a life with Emmanuel. I hated her even more. “I’m so sorry, Dad. Oh my god…” I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I launched myself at him and he hugged me tightly.
“I have you now baby, I’m not letting you go again. I promise.” I wiped my eyes and kissed his cheek. I wasn’t letting him go either.
After we ate pizza, we walked on the beach and he tried his hand at convincing me to talk to Dana. I tensed up and shook my head firmly. “I told you, I’m not talking to her. Ever.” My eyes got big and I grabbed Dad’s arm.
“Can I come live with you?” I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. I had planned on asking Xavier but my feelings for him were too fucking strong to live in the same house with him. That was a recipe for disaster.
Dad contemplated it and shrugged nonchalantly. “If it’s cool with Manny.”
“Emmanuel isn’t my owner. You know that right? I’m 18…excuse me, 19 years old. I can go where I want.”
“Okay, you’re right.” He held his hands up with a smile. I loved that he was always smiling. I wish I were more like him. “If you’re staying with me, we need to talk about some things first.” I nodded slowly. “I don’t allow boys over past 8 pm. You can come and go as you please but you can’t stay out overnight. Okay?” I frowned so hard my head almost ached.
“I’m 19.”
“You’re my little girl too. I know you have the same shit your mother had or has…” He kept talking but I stopped listening because my brain was clicking left and right. He was being too nice about Dana recently. He was yelling at her at the New Grace opening, and now?
Now he was telling me I should talk to her and telling me I only got one mother. After hearing all the shit she did to him there’s no way in hell he should be siding with her. Unless…“You said the same shit my mother has…not had. Is she still having episodes?” Dad’s face blanched and he shrugged.
“How should I know, Camilla?”
“Because. You. Said. Has.” I spoke slowly so he could understand me. “Why are you taking her side?” I switched gears and Dad stopped in his tracks. We were locked on to each other’s gaze. It was green eyes peering into green eyes, almost like a stare-off.
“Camilla…” his voice was ripe with a warning. I’ve never been one to heed warnings though.
“You…fucked her didn’t you?!” He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed under his breath. “Don’t you dare lie to me either!”
> “For fuck’s sake…this is not your business.”
“Oh, it absolutely is. Dad, you can’t let her get to you again! She’s a fucking succubus! Don’t you see that wherever she goes she just spreads lies?”
“I know that! I don’t know…I don’t know why I did it.” His voice dropped to just above a whisper. “She was having an episode and she called me…and I came. It was only once, but she’s been trying to get me to make you talk to her alone. No Manny or me. Just you and her.” I couldn’t believe that shit!
“So she’s used you again is what you’re telling me? She’s using you to get to me and you’re letting her why?”
“She finally called me when she was in need, not Manny. I just…”
“You wanted to get him back for how he took her from you? Really?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to!” Dad pulled me over to a more secluded spot.
“Camilla, look everything is all over the fucking place right now. I fucked up sleeping with Dana I know that. I don’t need you to be mad at me too though.” I was pissed, but I understood that even my dad was only a man. A man who got called on by the woman he used to love, the woman he had a baby with. Maybe he knew she was using him and didn’t care.
“Are you gonna tell Emmanuel?” I asked quietly.
“I don’t know. I feel like if I don’t Dana will. She’ll use it against him in some way. If not now, then one day.” I nodded in agreement.
“That’s why I wish you hadn’t fucked her.”
“Do you ever watch your language?” He sighed.
“Fuck no.” He laughed and shook his head at me.
“So are you pissed at me, baby girl?” I looked at him and slumped my shoulders forward. I couldn’t be mad at him.
“Not really. I’ve done enough fucked up shit for the both of us, so I can’t really be mad at you.”
“What kind of stuff, Camilla?” His voice took on a fatherly tone that Emmanuel’s never had with me. I’d heard him use it tons with Chris though.
Twisted Intentions Page 16
