“Yes,” Annabelle replied stiffly. “I suppose so." Of course, she wanted to invite him inside but she would not. There was no way she would risk her reputation again. She had been far too lucky to get away with it the first time around. “I will see you tomorrow though?”
“Yes, tomorrow.”
With the promise to meet again, Floyd nodded his head towards her and he forced himself to turn on his heels and go. Each step felt heavy, it was an utter challenge for him to move, but he made himself do it.
I have been through harder, he tried to convince himself. I can do this too.
But he was not convinced. He did not feel utterly certain that he had been through anything harder. Losing Annabelle, and doing so for real through her own choice, would be the worst thing in the world.
Chapter 32
“How are you?” Mr. Smith asked Annabelle for what felt like the hundredth time. “You do not seem like yourself today.”
He could not quite put his finger on it, but his very best employee just did not have her usual spark today. She had not said much, she did not have her usual bright smile on her face, and she was working as if on autopilot. This was not the Annabelle Hathaway that he had grown to know and like a lot.
“Hmm?” she answered, totally distracted. As she saw the confused look on her boss’s face, Annabelle felt a heat consume her. “Oh, I am terribly sorry.” She shook her head rapidly. “Was there something that you wanted from me?”
She did not want this to affect her work. She could not let an issue from her personal life interfere with her job. That was just not done.
Mr. Smith's eyes travelled down Annabelle's body and when they landed on her finger a burst of realisation overcame him. "Ah, I see," he gasped in shock. “I see, I understand now. Why did you not tell me that you were engaged?”
“Oh...” Annabelle lifted her ring up to look at it once more. It did not matter how much time she spent staring at the gem, she could not seem to find the answer that she was searching for. “Yes. James proposed.”
“That is incredible,” Mr. Smith replied smilingly. He could not seem to see any reason why Annabelle would not be over the moon with this news, which was fair enough. If Floyd had not returned unexpectedly to her life, then she would have been happy too. “You must be so pleased. It is about time.”
“Yes,” she murmured. “I suppose it is.”
Mr. Smith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He could tell that this was not a pleased and happy reaction but he could not work out why. Annabelle was usually so open with her emotions, this was unusual.
“You do not seem pleased,” he commented before he really thought of it. “Are you not happy with your engagement? I always thought that James was a very nice man.”
“He is.” Annabelle gave Mr. Smith an imploring look. While she had never felt the need to share her feelings with her boss before, she had not been given the impression that she could not. Mr. Smith was far more open and feeling than a lot of gentlemen. But this was something best kept to herself... at least while she figured out what she intended to do. "A very good man. I am just surprised by the proposal."
“You are?” Mr. Smith was stunned by this. “I cannot believe it took him so long. I would have thought that he would have asked you to marry him a long time ago. Have you decided when you will get married yet?”
At the thought of an actual wedding, Annabelle’s stomach churned. It was not James that was an issue, it was just all of it.
This is just a reaction to what happened five years ago with Watson, nothing more, she tried to convince herself to no avail. Stop being silly.
“We erm, we do not know yet,” she stammered back at Mr. Smith. “There are a lot of details that need to be sorted first. I must inform my father for one.”
“Ah yes, I see.” Mr. Smith did not understand why, but he felt like something in Annabelle’s answer was not quite the whole truth. Still, he did not want to push her. Not while she was clearly in such an emotional state. “Right, well I think we are finished up here. You may go home early if you like.”
“Oh.” Annabelle was stunned, she felt certain that there was a lot more to do. If her head were more in it she would have undoubtedly argued this point. But she needed the time, the space. She needed some time to think. She had half arranged to see Floyd today and she needed a little respite to get herself ready. “I see, thank you very much, Mr. Smith.”
Annabelle stood up, scraping her chair as she went and she grabbed hold of her things. As her hand reached for her bag she noticed there was an intense trembling to her fingers. How on earth had she managed to get any work done when she was in such a state? It was an utter miracle that she had lasted so far in the day.
With one final forced smile, Annabelle turned and she left Mr. Smith’s home, still in a state of distraction. Her brain was working enough to get her legs moving but aside from that it was on another planet entirely.
James has proposed... Floyd has declared his love for me... James wishes to marry me, and it seems that Floyd does too.
Those two statements continued to circle around and around until she felt like she might be sick. It did not matter how many times she thought those things, they did not become clearer to process. Floyd’s comments about the bad timing were there too, but she did not want to accept those.
The struggle was between her head and her heart... although it was not as black and white as that. Her head told her that James was the smart choice, of course, he was. She knew him well, he had a successful life, if she chose him she could still keep the life she had... plus they were already engaged. He had proposed to her and she had said yes.
Floyd, she knew him five years ago but that did not necessarily mean that she knew him now. Just because they had a nice afternoon yesterday, did not mean anything really. Plus, he did not live in her town, she did not know anything about his life anymore.
Her heart, of course, was torn. She loved Floyd fiercely, he was the first man that she had ever given her heart to, but she had love for James too.
Maybe this is not a choice, maybe it is just about accepting the path I have already selected.
“Annabelle?”
She barely even realized that she had made it all the way home until she heard a familiar voice calling out to her. As her eyes dragged upwards and she saw the all too familiar sandy-haired man smiling back at her, her heart jolted and danced in her chest.
“Floyd?” she gushed. “I was not expecting you... well, I was. But I guess I did not think you would arrive so soon.” She shook her head to try and prevent herself from saying anymore when she realized that she was babbling. “I mean, it is very good to see you again.”
Her whole body was on fire. It was as if someone had lit a flame beneath her and the flickering of the heat was racing right over her skin, licking her insides as it travelled through her. Floyd had always made her body react, but this was even more intense than ever before.
“I was not sure when you would finish work, that is why I am here.”
He shifted from foot to foot as if he felt uncomfortable. Annabelle did not like to see him in that way, especially when she felt like she was to blame. She started to take a step closer to him, but stopped at the last minute. Maybe he needed some distance from her to keep his head clear. She knew that she did from him.
“Did you wish to take a walk?” she asked quietly. “Maybe another stroll down the beach.”
“That sounds lovely, but actually I have something that I wish to say to you and I think it is better that I say it here.”
Annabelle’s heart thundered, she almost felt sick as she drank in those words. That was serious, and probably not good. She tried her best to gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodged itself firmly in her throat but it did not want to go anywhere at all.
Floyd waited for Annabelle to speak, but she did not seem able to do so. Floyd was calm, he had been planning what he was going to say to Annabelle all night and all
morning long. Now all he needed to do was get it out. Yes, his fingers were curled tightly around and there was a knot in his stomach, but none of it was enough to affect him.
This is what I have to do, he thought determinedly. I have to at least try. Then I can go home knowing that I have done everything. Closure will have to be enough.
“Annabelle,” he said, maybe a little too formally. “As you know, I love you. I have loved you for five years, and despite the time apart that has never changed. I do not like the fact that our timing does not seem to be right, but I do not think that is a good enough excuse for us to separate without us even trying.”
“What... what are you saying?” Annabelle whispered while clutching her hands tightly together, trying hard not to fall apart. She needed Floyd to state his intentions exactly before she could say anything else at all.
“I am telling you that I am returning home tomorrow evening. Much as I would love to stay and spend more time with you, I cannot remain, knowing that you are engaged to be married to another man. My heart cannot take it.”
“But...” Annabelle started, but Floyd shook his head to silence her. He knew what he wanted to say and he needed to finish now that he had started.
“I am sorry, Annabelle, I just cannot do it. I shall leave tomorrow evening, and what I really want is for you to come with me.” He stared at her, deep into her eyes so she understood fully what he was telling her. “I love you, Annabelle. I want you to break off your engagement, and I want you to be with me.”
“Where... do you even live?” Annabelle asked, probably stalling just a little bit.
“Ashbridge,” Floyd replied with a smile. “Not too far away from that B and B we first stayed in. I guess I have never been able to forget too much about you.” He remained with a blissful look on his face for just a couple of seconds before it fell away. "But I will forget you if you do not come. That is the way it shall have to be. We will both have to forget one another.”
“Yes,” Annabelle whispered, understanding what he was saying completely. She did not much like it, but if she and Floyd said goodbye to one another this time it would have to be forever. “I see.”
“I know I am not going to get my answer now,” Floyd did his best to reassure Annabelle. “I understand completely that this is a big thing that I have put upon you. I guess I just want to give you the choice.” Floyd took a step away from Annabelle’s door as he prepared himself to leave. “I want you to know that I love you enough to risk everything for you. I would like you to be mine, but I also understand that might not be possible.”
Annabelle parted her lips, wishing that she could say anything to make her feelings known, but there were not any words. Not at the moment. Instead, she had to watch in silence as Floyd walked away, leaving her with twenty-four hours to decide how she wanted to live the rest of her life. Did she stick to the plan that she had been working towards recently, or did she go with what she had been wanting her whole life?
“Oh, Floyd,” she murmured to herself. “What am I going to do?”
Chapter 33
Annabelle woke up early in the morning after a restless night of sleep. As soon as her eyes snapped open and she let in the cracks of sunlight proving that morning had arrived, she knew exactly where she had to go, what she had to do. Even though she had a throbbing headache that came from not looking after herself properly, she knew what was right.
She pushed herself up, twisting her head from side to side trying to alleviate a little bit of the stiffness that sat there, then Annabelle stood on her shaky feet and she moved through her home with determination in her chest.
Surprisingly, since she had so much confusion racing through her body, Annabelle got herself dressed quickly. She did not wear anything fancy, anything to make her silhouette better or her face look nicer, instead, she simply pulled clothes onto her body and she went outside without thinking too much about it.
“Good morning,” Mark called out to her as she walked past. “It is very early, Annabelle, why are you out at this time?”
Despite the fact that she knew it was probably very rude, Annabelle kept on walking. “Yes,” she called behind her back. “I have things to do.”
“Oh right, well...” Mark, in his typically nosy way, wanted to know what Annabelle was up to, why she was out of her usual routine, but he did not get a chance. She was gone before he could say anything, her feet moving at the speed of light. “Fine, I shall ask you later,” he eventually muttered to himself as she vanished into the distance.
Annabelle would apologize to Mark later, probably. Now she only had one thing in mind and that was all that she cared about. She continued down the familiar path to the home that she had only been at a couple of nights before. Little did she know then that her life would change forever in ways that she did not expect. The proposal seemed to be the spark of dramatic events that no one could have predicted.
It was not until she reached James’s home that she finally paused to take a breath. She stared up at the building, her heart racing, her mind whirring. The truth was Annabelle knew that she needed to be here, she was very aware that she had to speak to James, but she was not aware of what she intended to say. She did not yet know what her decision was, which she was only now realising was an issue.
What am I going to do? She thought desperately. What will I say to him?
All of a sudden, the front door to James’s house creaked open and he stepped outside. Annabelle stared at him, feeling a rush of love racing through her chest. He was such a good man, a kind man, he would give her the best life ever. He did not deserve anything bad to happen to him, especially not the loss of a fiancée.
But her heart did not skip a beat. Not like it did with Floyd. What was her body trying to tell her? That was what she was here to figure out.
Eventually, James seemed to sense the prickle of her eyes upon him and he twisted around to face her with a stunned look on his face. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open. It was normally he who instigated their meetings, he certainly had not planned anything today just before he left for work.
“Annabelle?” He stepped closer to her with a weird sensation in his chest. There was something about this that made him feel like he was not about to like what would come next. “Are you alright? What are you doing here?”
She parted her lips and tried to find the right words, but they would not immediately come. Instead, she needed to stall. “Can I please come inside for a moment?” Her fingers automatically twisted the ring around her engagement finger as if it did not feel comfortable there. “I know that you are busy and you need to get to work...”
“It is fine.” James stepped back towards the house, indicating that Annabelle should follow him. “You know that I will do anything for you.”
Annabelle knew, which only churned her mind up further. “Thank you,” she whispered, before following him inside.
James led her all the way to the kitchen and indicated for her to take a seat. Annabelle sat a little too quickly, hurting herself as she slammed into the wood. She winced but did not complain aloud. She did not feel like she had the right to.
"Is there anything that I can do for you?" James asked. "Would you like a drink or something?" He desperately needed to find out what was going on here, but there did not seem to be any obvious answer.
“No,” Annabelle whispered. “I am fine, thank you.”
She stared up at James through her eyelashes, wishing that this was easier. Her eyes followed him all the way to the seat where James finally sat but did not rest. His shoulders hunched up, almost around his ears, and his face appeared taut and stressed.
“I am sorry,” Annabelle started with a wobbly voice. “I know this must be a bit of a shock to you, me turning up like this.”
“Yes, I am a little...” James started, but he stopped himself at the last moment. He did not want to upset a situation that already seemed very fraught. "Sorry, Annabelle, I might be acting strangely. I am jus
t trying to work out what I can do for you.”
Annabelle could not remain sitting for any longer, her restless legs simply needed her to stand so she did just that. Then she paced the room up and down while she tried her hardest to find the right words.
“James I... I am sorry to be here with this news.” The words fell out of her mouth, almost out of her control. Somehow, she just knew that this was not right and she needed to end it before it got too far. It was not wrong in the way that it had been with Watson, but still, it was not right. "I am so sorry to have accepted your proposal when I do not feel that it is right.”
“Wait.” James slammed his hands down on the table and he pushed himself upright. “You do not wish to accept my proposal?”
Tears filled Annabelle’s eyes. Even though it was the right thing to do it did not make it feel any better. “I am sorry, James, I did not think... I did not know...”
James’s insides were twisted up in knots, he did not know what on earth was happening, but he could not stand to see the woman that he loved in such turmoil. Much as he was angry and hurt himself, he did the right thing and he stepped forward to offer Annabelle a much-needed embrace.
As Annabelle fell willingly into his arms, needing his comfort, she realized that was the closest they had ever been, it was the deepest physical connection they had ever had.
“What is happening?” James eventually asked wearily. “I need to know what is going on here?”
In his chest, without his eyes upon her, Annabelle found it a little easier to speak. “I have told you about the time I ran away from home to escape my betrothal to a brutish Lord who I did not want to marry... but I did not tell you that I was not alone.”
“You were not?” James was shocked, he had never presumed to think that Annabelle had been anything but totally honest with him.
“I left with the stable boy who worked on our family land. Although... I suppose he was not just a stable boy, he was also an Earl.” Shaking her head, Annabelle realized this was not essential to her story. “I left with him and we went to Mr. Brentwood’s home together. We were...” She sighed loudly, feeling terrible and guilty all at once. “We were in love.”
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