by Kip Nelson
Other people had suggestions. Other people seemed to know what they were doing. All Adam was doing was standing around taking up space. Perhaps there was a mistake, and he should have been the one who died. There must have been countless people who had lost their lives already, and surely more would follow. He looked around at the people surrounding him and wondered how long each of them had. Did they know they were entering the last days of their lives? Adam wasn't a fool. He'd seen plenty of movies about the end of the world. He knew society would crumble, that there would be a lack of food, and people would splinter off into ravenous groups that fought with each other.
It was the looks in the eyes of the children that really got to him. They were so innocent, so young. They didn't know what was happening, didn't understand, and Adam didn't envy their parents. He didn't know how he ever would hope to try explaining everything that was happening. How did one describe the end of the world to a child? All at once he was glad and depressed that he never had sired an offspring. Glad because it was going to be hard enough taking care of himself in this world, let alone looking after a child, but depressed because it made him realize how he wasn't going to leave anything behind after he was gone. If he died that would be it. His parents already were dead, and he'd had no siblings. There would be nobody to remember him.
He had planned his legacy to be the games he had designed. They were his children, they were his gift to the world. His fingerprints were all over them and he loved the fact that he had brought so much joy to so many people, but now that had been taken from him as well. With no electricity, nobody ever would be able to access his games again. All his life's work had been for nothing. It was the end of everything, but also a new beginning, but at that moment Adam didn't see it like that. He was despondent and all he wanted to do was wake from the nightmare.
“We have to do something, and I don't like the idea of us all splitting up,” a reasonable voice from the crowd said. Adam couldn't quite make out who was speaking, but it was a woman.
“We have to remember that we're all in this together. I know that we're just strangers who happen to live in the same building, and that may not mean much in the grand scheme of things, but I think we should try to stay together as long as possible. Whatever is happening is going to change things and I don't want to be left alone. I think we should at least try making it to city hall and seeing if there is anyone there who can help us. Maybe other people had the same idea and they will be there as well. I know everyone is scared and things seem hopeless right now. I don't know about you, but I'm trying not to think about the state of everyone else I care about because the chances are I'll never see them again. Please don't let us get torn apart like the city has been,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion toward the end.
Her impassioned plea seemed to strike people in their hearts, and they all tempered their aggression. People began moving closer to each other once again and started to take notice of the plight they all shared. They came together to try amusing the children, and offered a comforting embrace to anyone who looked as though they needed it. Adam felt a warmth spread through him as he saw the best in humanity, and started to think that perhaps there was hope for them yet.
As the group moved forward, some people began speculating about whether this was happening all across the country, or if it was limited solely to Opal City. Either option was equally terrifying, and nobody wanted to give a firm answer yes or no, but the unknown was scary as well, and the simple truth of the matter was none of them were going to be able to find out. None of them knew how long it would take for anyone else to notice, but given the amount of destruction they were sure that if anyone did know it wouldn't be long before help arrived. However, if it was a nationwide situation, then there would be no help at all, and America would be a wasteland. And even then, there was a possibility this had happened all across the globe and wasn't a targeted attack at all. There were so many unknowns people were feeling insecure, so they tried focusing on the immediate problem at hand.
Some people were carrying bags of belongings they had swiped from their homes as they left, not knowing if they ever would return again. Others, such as Adam, were unburdened by anything, and once again, he was filled with a sense that he had wasted his life. There were times when he looked at his collections of comic books, DVDs, board games, and models with pride, but now he just thought he had been stupid and hadn't done anything substantial with his life. As they walked along, he looked up at the sky, fearing he would see another plane careen down and end it all, wishing superheroes existed so he could feel hope in his heart and a sense that everything would be alright, that there was someone more powerful looking out for him. All he wanted to see was a streak of light as Superman rushed to lift the rubble of the falling buildings, or hear the thwack of webbing as Spider-Man swung through the city, dragging people to safety.
Instead there was nothing of the sort.
As a group, they walked toward city hall, into the cloud of ash. They coughed and covered their faces. Adam felt his eyes watering and wondered if this indeed had been the best plan. It would be a while before it all settled and cleared, and until then they would have to struggle through. They walked through the carnage and saw dead bodies, crushed by the planes and the rubble. In the distance, they heard screaming and whimpering. There was the patter of footsteps as a dog ran by, its leash dragging behind. Another glimpse of another sad story. The city was filled with them now. So many people would have suffered. Adam wished he could go through all the rubble and pull it apart in the hope of finding survivors, but they didn't have the time or the strength. In the distance, a few blocks down, he saw the wreckage of the plane. A fire blazed and another boom shook them as one of the fuel tanks went. If anyone had survived the crash, they were surely dead now.
Somberly, Adam moved on. He tried keeping his eyes on the sky, for it was so bright and clear that it was beautiful and reminded him that he still existed, that he still mattered. There had been a time when he had felt so small and insignificant that he wondered what the point of existence was when he compared himself to the sheer weight of the universe. Then he had seen a film called The Incredible Shrinking Man that changed all that. No matter how small he felt, he still meant something to the universe, and as long as he was alive and could think, he could make a difference in the world.
That is the feeling he had to hold onto, but it was forlorn and fleeting, and it felt as though it easily would slip through his fingers, especially when he passed his old office building. He looked up. It was a wonder that it still was standing, given everything else that had fallen, and once again he reflected grimly on his life. He and the others were going to change the world with Hololife, but now he didn't even know if they still were alive. It had been less than a day since he last saw them, yet it seemed a lifetime ago. All they had worked on was for nothing, even though Hololife was the exact thing that peopled needed right now. Adam couldn't imagine that anyone actually would relish living in this new world, and he was once again convinced that, given the choice, an artificial paradise was better than an imperfect reality. Who wouldn't want to turn their eyes away from all this carnage and be happy once again?
He wondered if anyone else felt the same way. There were a few neighbors he was acquainted with better than others. He knew that there was a fitness instructor in the building, and a stockbroker. Did they feel the same overwhelming sense of failure? There was a woman who he always had had a crush on, and always wished that he had asked out whenever he passed her in the lobby or the elevator. She was alone now. This would have been the perfect time for him to talk to her, but he found that, once again, he was paralyzed.
It was stupid, and he cursed himself for being such a liability to himself. He didn't have any skills to offer the group. He was just a drain on them, and society no longer could afford to have people like him around. He wasn't stupid. He knew he wasn't strong or particularly smart, not when it came to practical matters su
ch as survival, and he would be one of the first people to go. The end of his life was inevitable, and it was just a matter of time.
He had managed to delude himself that he would do something great with the last forty or so years of his life, but who was he kidding? He'd wasted the first forty, and was basically still a man-child who barely knew how to cook using an oven, let alone build a fire by himself. He shuffled along, feeling the worse for wear, wondering how long it was going to be until people saw him as the fraud he was and turned away from him, knowing he couldn't do anything for them other than take away precious resources.
Chapter Four
While these thoughts made the journey a ponderous one, and certainly the scenery around Adam wasn't exactly picturesque, the group made good time and eventually arrived at city hall. The air thinned out and they could see clearly, although the ash had clung to their clothes. As they had walked, the conversation had died down. People didn't really know what to talk about. It was the kind of situation where nobody really wanted to talk about the obvious crisis at hand because they'd only end up making themselves more depressed and talk in circles, but any other topics of conversation seemed trivial and meaningless.
Many people were thinking about the people they loved, and indeed, Adam was thinking about his co-workers, wondering if they had made it through. He knew the chances of anyone surviving were slim, but he hoped he at least would find some closure for them along the way. He also found himself thinking about a lot of people he hadn't thought about in ages, people from school and college who he always had meant to reconnect with, or some he had on Facebook, and saw windows into their lives without ever being a part of them. It was a strange sense of loss. Then there were all the players of his games as well, the fans who had given him so much positive feedback over the years, even the critics who had written scathing reviews.
He had lost his connection with all of them. He'd never been the best at making new connections with people, so he didn't hold out hope he'd make any new allies. So, he resolved himself to keeping quiet and hoping for the best.
His group was not the only one to think of going to city hall, and as they arrived, they found themselves joining a new, bigger crowd, one that was equally as scared. As Adam looked around he saw more familiar expressions, and searched the sea of faces for anyone familiar, although he did not see anyone. In fact, he found it surprising how many strangers he saw. He had lived in Opal City for almost twenty years and thought of himself as part of the fabric of the place, and yet he was such a small part of it.
People saw him the same way he saw others, as a nondescript person who was just another soul trying to make it through the world. Nobody around him had any kind of special affection for him, and this had a startling effect on his soul. He wished for a human connection, someone to push through the crowd and cry his name, but that never came. He was left to ruminate on his own loneliness, wondering if he would end up forging his own path like a lone wolf, never to be a part of a pack again.
There always had been a small voice inside him telling him he would end up alone, and for a long time Adam had tried to fight that fate, but now he was starting to be resigned to it.
As the crowd grew larger, so did the panic and agitation. He'd never been good around large groups of people, always considering himself to be introverted, and now he felt the panic setting in. Breathing was difficult. His chest ached. He closed his eyes to try forgetting about the people pushing against him, shoving him, trying to make sense of this chaos. He wanted to scream and yell and push them away, but he could not summon the courage. He wanted to run, but there was no avenue of escape. He wanted to do so many things, but he was shackled by all the choices he had made up until that moment.
There was nothing else he could do except stand in the middle of the crowd and try ignoring the simmering resentment in his mind. He knew he should have been gracious and try feeling empathy for everyone around him. They all were in the same situation, and all were suffering, but he only could feel annoyed at how loud they were, at their smell. How they didn't seem to care for his personal space. How they stared at him or ignored him. How they squeezed and crushed and tried to trample him. It was enough to make him go crazy.
A few police officers standing at the top of the city hall steps, looking down at the baying crowd that was pulsating with a need for answers. The police were shouting at them to try getting them to calm down, but when had that ever worked? They held out their hands and told everyone to be patient, and that they still were waiting for orders. Adam got the sense they didn't really know what they were doing and hadn't actually been sent to quell the crowd, but merely had been there and had tried to do their duty. Adam felt sympathy for them as he knew they must have been going through the same emotions as everyone else. Yet, they were the ones tasked with trying to control the crowd, trying to keep them at bay.
Adam felt the sway of the crowd as they started to move as one. He had a grim feeling inside. People started shouting and pushing and told everyone else to stop moving, but once it started it was impossible to stop. Adam had seen things like these on television before, and he wasn't the only one to notice the shifting mood of the crowd. The voices of the cops had sheer desperation in them, for they could see it, too. People started ascending the steps, so the cops stood back until their backs were against the white marble of city hall. A message was carved into the stone of the wall, a quote from the first mayor of Opal City, 'Co-operation is the true mark of human survival. If we are united, then nothing can break us, but when the chain begins to fall apart, that is when we are doomed.'
The links were becoming severed. Adam's hackles rose as he found himself moving without actually wanting to do so. He felt himself pushed this way and that, and heard the plaintive cries of parents as they tried keeping hold of their children. All anyone wanted was some answers and guidance, but when those were not forthcoming they turned to violence and fear, which seemed to be the natural reaction of any large group of people. Some people broke away and tried in vain to start the cars that were parked nearby. Adam could see desperation in their eyes. If they weren't going to get any answers here, then they were going to try running to find them elsewhere. But, of course, the cars would not start, and this only made people more agitated, more prone to air their frustrations. He saw the woman again, trying to tell people to calm down, but her voice was silenced as she was caught between two groups of people moving toward each other, and the air was driven from her lungs. Adam saw her squeezed so tightly that she couldn't muster any words.
All around him chaos began to ensue. It was as though he was trapped in a nightmare, and no matter how much he willed himself to wake up, there was just no escape. The smell of sweat and body odor washed over him, and he became trapped in a human earthquake. The anger in people's hearts rumbled, equal to the fear, and in the panic, nobody knew where to turn. The cries of the cops to keep everything calm were now falling on deaf ears. City hall had been some people's last hope. The only reason they had gone there was to try getting some guidance or safety, but there was none to be found.
The entire crowd was undulating without purpose, lost in a sea of confusion. Adam had seen pictures of this on the news, but only in war-torn countries in places that seemed so far away they were almost in another world. Not anymore. He was right in the middle of it, and he didn't know what to do. People were falling around him and being trampled upon. He had to watch them. In some cases, their eyes met and his face was the last thing they ever saw, a scared man who was unable to help them, unable to help save their lives. Adam was no hero, and in that moment, he only was concerned with saving himself.
He felt a great weight push against him and had to press his foot firmly into the ground so he didn't lose his balance. He pushed back, but couldn't hope to hold off those who were pressing into him and he stumbled away. He saw their faces. Some of them were angry. All of them were scared. They yelled incomprehensibly and all their voices blurred into
one cacophonous noise. This wasn't supposed to be the way humanity acted. We were supposed to be better than this, Adam thought to himself.
For all the vaunted advances in society, for all the technological prowess developed, humans still were barbaric, and in this desperate time of need there were no calm heads that could prevail. Instead, fear reigned supreme and everyone gave in to their baser instincts. With nobody in a position of authority offering any kind of leadership everyone felt they had to do whatever was right for themselves, and that meant they were fighting and scratching and clawing for survival. Desperate times created desperate men, and after the first punch was thrown, the second and third soon followed, until there was an outright brawl.
Some people fought to defend their family and prevent their children from being hurt. Some people fought because it was the only thing that gave them a sense of control as the world fell apart around them. Some people fought because they sensed they were now free from the shackles of society and there would be no punishment awaiting them. Others, such as Adam, did not fight. They stayed there, trying to make sense of the world around them, trying to look for some common way to work together, but all they saw was chaos. Adam looked through the crowd up the steps of city hall. He saw it crawling with people who were so crazed they were looking to get into the building, convinced there were people inside who could help them. In a way Adam pitied them, but they only were trying to look for some semblance of reassurance in these bleakest of times.
None was forthcoming.
Adam stepped back, trying to avoid the fighting taking place all around him. His throat ran dry as he saw the horrors, as though people had been possessed by some unearthly force. If only that was the case. But this was humanity at its worst and he knew things only were going to fall apart even further. There were others crying out for help, reaching out their hands, looking for salvation. If he was braver, he could have given it to them. He could have pushed his way through the crowd and dragged people to safety. He could have done so much differently, but instead he continued backing away, retreating, looking for a way out, too afraid to do anything else.
