“No.” I shook my head. “I saw perfection and still wasn’t able to give that to my own child. She knows I love her more than anything. She knows it. But all those other little things, like having a dad… she has no idea what she’s missing in her life. And I’m honest about it, it’s a struggle to raise her on my own, no matter how great my dad and brothers are.” My body shook. “I’m not sure I can do that to another baby, Jack.” The words sounded unreal as I spoke them.
“First of all, I need to know what happened to you yesterday.” He was serious. “Second, I’m not asking or telling you to do anything that you don’t want to do. What I’m really fucking up is…” He exhaled. I didn’t know which one of us was more nervous. “If you are pregnant—if we made a baby last night in the middle of everything blowing up around us—I want that baby with you.” He clenched his jaw and I wondered if he was trying to keep his voice from cracking. “All of it. I’m not talking about giving you child support. I want to be a dad. I’m in, if you are.”
My knees began to wobble first and Jack caught me before I sank on the mattress.
“I fucked up,” he groaned. “I don’t know what the right thing to say is or how to say it without sounding like an asshole. I want you, Noelle. I want to have lots of babies with you and watch them grow up. And I want to coach Phoebe’s hockey teams. I want to see the entire Disney catalog and have taco bars every Tuesday night. And I know this is fucking fast, but maybe that condom broke for a reason. I can’t help but think it did.” He laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
“I used to wait on a man at Millers. A very rich man who owns half the city.” I started my story quietly. “He used to pay extra to have me stay late and measure his arms. His inseam. I fitted him for every event he had to attend. He had lots of benefits and corporate dinners.” I swallowed hard. The story made me feel cheap and dirty. “One night he yelled at me. But it wasn’t the yelling that pushed me to quit. It was the way he did it. The way he looked at me. Like I was beneath him. He thought I was expendable. That was the night I quit.” I had to get through to what happened yesterday.
“Yesterday, I found out that I received all the money I requested for my project, along with a promotion, double the salary, and an endowment for the museum in the amount of $10,000,000. Which sounds great, except that the man from Millers is the one who set it up. He fired my boss, gave me his job, and now I have to meet with him often to go over museum numbers. If I reject the offer, the museum loses the funding.”
Jack sat forward on the bed. “Holy fuck.”
I nodded. “Everyone at work thinks I slept with him. I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.”
He put his arm around me. “I wouldn’t think anything like that.”
“I thought he was arrogant and rude. But he’s obsessed with me, Jack. I didn’t know until yesterday. I don’t know far he’s going to take this. He’s going to use my new job to force me into meetings. He scares me. I’m stuck. I can’t leave. No one on the board supported my rejection of the money. They’d rather have the money than our boss back.”
“I’ll beat the shit out of him,” he growled.
I grimaced. “And all his bodyguards?”
“Who is this dick?”
“His name is Charlie Babcock. He owns the largest lighting manufacturing company in the Southeast, along with half a dozen other companies.” I buried my face in my hands. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“And then you went to the Scores game.” He closed his eyes. “I put that on you.”
“I kind of figured you didn’t realize it?”
He shook his head. “I heard ‘Novak, you’re playing’ and nothing else stuck. Andrei never crossed my mind until Roman said something to me in the locker room. I tried to call you. I left messages and texts.”
“But I was dealing with the apocalypse and didn’t get them.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m really sorry you had to see him.”
“I think I was so numb from what Charlie did I couldn’t think about Andrei or how close he was to running into Phoebe. I talked to Sophie during the game and tried to pretend he wasn’t skating.”
“You know I can talk to him. I can make him believe you. I saw it when we skated last night. He and Phoebe look alike. She’s his daughter. He couldn’t deny it if he saw her.”
I nodded. “It’s scary how much they look alike. I keep wondering if she’ll notice someday. If she’s watching a game and they show his profile and she realizes she has his chin. How am I going to explain that?”
He wound his fingers through mine. “I could dislocate his jaw and then they won’t look the same,” he teased.
I laughed. “Sweet offer, but I’ll pass on your brute violence. Again.”
“It’s one way to use the muscles.” He flexed his bicep.
I traced the mountain shape it made. “You are gorgeous, Jack Novak.”
He smiled. “I’ve never heard that before.”
“Well, you are.” I slid closer to him on the bed. I felt like we had reached an impasse. All our problems were in the open and there weren’t easy solutions.
“Do you know how gorgeous you are?” He curled his palm to my jaw.
I shook my head. His mouth crushed mine. I could drown in Jack’s kisses. He pulled the kimono off my arms before lying me on the rumpled sheets. His eyes raked over my body as if he was going to devour me.
He tugged my panties, dropping them on the floor like he was the devil, taking more than the last piece of my soul. “Why did you even put these on?”
I bit my lip. I was so sore. My body had been loved with raw passion last night. Jack ran his index finger through my heat, widening my slit. He made gentle pumps in my pussy, until his fingers were coated in my juices. He ran them over my clit. I whimpered. It hurt.
He dropped the towel from his waist, and I saw his hard, throbbing cock. I ached for it.
“If it’s too much, I can make you come another way,” he offered. “I have lots of ways to make you come,” he tormented my body. I only had eyes for his shaft.
His fingers strummed my nub. I writhed on the sheets. He was waiting for an answer. I had too many other decisions to make. I wanted to give him control over my orgasms. He could make me climax like no other man.
He pushed the tip of his wide head to my pussy and I hissed. I tried to stretch around it, but he was so damn big. He popped it free and circled my num.
“Mmm,” I moaned.
He pushed it to my pussy again and I clawed at his shoulders for him to take me. To fuck me again.
“I need to get two condoms this time.” He winked. “We’ll see if I can fit two.”
I nodded, waiting for him to retrieve the condom packets from his drawer.
“Let me,” I whispered, crawling to the other side of the bed. I knelt on the mattress. He handed me the open condom and I ran my hands up and down his shaft. Jack growled when I played longer than he wanted. It was hard to keep my hands off him. I rolled the condom over his erection, knowing I was already soaked. I felt the wetness between my thighs.
Jack cupped my breasts before he sucked one of my nipples in his mouth. His tongue swirled and lashed over it. I began to grind my hips, already needy for release. He eased a finger inside me and I groaned, wondering if I could shatter so easily.
My body was exhausted. I was emotionally wrecked. I was scared for my career. I had shitty paternity baggage to deal with. There was a 2% chance I got pregnant last night.
Right now, all I wanted was Jack to bury himself inside me, so we could block it out together.
The darkness in his eyes made me breathless. He had a plan. I could see it. I just didn’t know what it was.
He climbed on the bed, kneeling behind me and kissed my neck. His tongue made a circle behind my ear before he drew me to his chest and we tumbled on our sides. He hooked my bottom leg with his ankle while he pushed my top thigh out of his way. I watched in awe as his giant cock slid insi
de me. I moaned. My back arched into him. He wrapped his hand to my nipple and began plucking it while his other hand kept my slit open, stretched so it was easy to watch him fuck me.
“Oh my God,” I groaned.
He kissed my shoulder. “You’re fucking perfect.” He was gentler than he had been last night. He took care of my body. He gave me pleasure. He mixed it with anticipation. His strokes were slow and deep.
The vibrations started in the recesses of my core before I felt them take over the rest of my body. By the time the climax was released I was at its mercy. I spun out of control with electric pulses, riveting through my veins. I gasped for air, but Jack stuck his fingers in my mouth, and I began to suck greedily. He rubbed my clit and drew another more powerful orgasm from my center.
He growled as he rolled on top of my back, and spread my legs. I quickly pushed up on all fours just as he cock sliced into me. My head fell backward and I heard Jack howl at the ceiling.
“Oh shit.” I panted. I bounced as the intensity grew. The gentle touches had become desperate. I wanted to live inside his skin and explode when he exploded.
“Fuck me,” I begged. I clawed at the pillows and the sheets. I threw my hips wildly, matching his determination with force of my own. He knocked my knees to the side as his fingers curled into my waist. I’d never felt a man root himself so deeply. My ass was in the air, while Jack sheathed himself in my warmth. I saw stars and shapes. There was glitter and blackness like a night sky. I cried out when the third orgasm ripped through me.
Jack grunted. One. Two. Three. With a heavy thrust that broke all our barriers, he groaned my name.
I licked my lips and let my face fall on the pillows. I could barely hold my upper body up any longer. I closed my eyes, reveling in how magical it felt in bed with Jack. How my body was gifted with magic and electricity at the same time.
I glanced at him lazily over my shoulder. He hadn’t said anything.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He stared at me. “You aren’t going to believe this.” I followed his gaze. He held a broken condom in his hand. “Fuck.”
I gawked. “What in the hell is that?”
“I’m going to call this manufacturer or something.”
“And tell them what exactly? That we have crazy sex that their product can’t contain?”
Jack burst out laughing. “Yes.” He stepped off the bed and walked to the bathroom to throw the shredded condom in the trash. I heard the water in the tub.
He appeared next to me, and quickly scooped me against his chest.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m putting you in the tub. We both need it,” he reported.
“Is your leg bothering you?” He averted his eyes, but I knew the answer was yes. He had supported almost my entire weight while he was on his knees behind me. It must have aggravated his thigh.
He waited until the water was at least halfway up the side before he lowered me in the tub.
“Please tell me you don’t have to go home,” he said as I dropped my arms from his neck. I scooted forward so there was room for him to sit behind me.
“I can’t pay Lucy to stay indefinitely.”
“I can.”
“That also meant, I do have to go home to my daughter.”
I leaned back, soaking in how incredible it felt to have his arms circle me. I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t stay.
29
Jack
I didn’t pretend I could cook. Noelle was amazing in the kitchen. The truth was, she was amazing at everything she did. I followed her instructions as she pointed at vegetables or measuring cups. She gave me the easiest tasks, like boiling water.
After we soaked in the tub, we dressed, and left the apartment for two destinations: the grocery store, because I was out of food, and the drugstore, because we had to make a damn decision about whether she was going to take that pill. Fate signals from the condom gods told me she shouldn’t take it.
“All right. I think once we get this in the oven, we can take a break,” she announced, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.
We had constructed a homemade chicken pot pie with fresh ingredients. She promised I’d love it. She started with a cream sauce on the stove before she moved on to the pie shell. I watched her roll out dough on the counter and cover half her face in flour. Nothing had looked more edible in my kitchen.
Noelle set the timer on the microwave. “We have exactly one hour. I sent Lucy a text and told her I will be home with dinner.”
There was a hockey game on in the background. Noelle’s makeup was strewn on the bathroom counter. Half the clothes from her bag were on the bedroom floor. She wasn’t neat, but she could take over the entire apartment if she wanted. Dinner was in the oven. My apartment smelled like a home. It felt like one too.
I opened a bottle of wine. “One glass?” I asked. She nodded as I poured one for each of us.
“I’ve never cooked dinner here before.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“I never learned how to cook.” I pinched my brow together. “Sounds stupid to say out loud, but I’m glad we’re using it now.”
She sipped the white wine. “I’m glad we’re using it. These appliances are amazing. You have incremental heating. Do you have any idea how old my stove is?”
“Not a clue.” She saddled up to me. My gaze fell to her lips. With a subtle tilt of her chin, I was drawn in. I covered her mouth, tasting the wine mingle on our tongues. “Want to watch this game with me?” I asked. “Do you think I can turn you into a hockey fan?”
“I’m a Jack Novak fan,” she teased.
I chuckled. “Come on.”
“Are the Score playing?”
“No. I swear.”
She shrugged and followed me to the couch. She nuzzled against my shoulder. Her body fit with mine.
“Are you playing either of these teams soon?”
“Yes. Both of them next week, so I wanted to scout the game a little. The coaches do a lot of that for us, but when they’re on I want to watch. I like to prepare.”
“Do you take any time off?”
“Why?”
She placed the wine glass on the coffee table and pushed off my chest to look at me. “I keep thinking about what’s in the plastic bag by the door.”
The drugstore bag dangled from a coat hook. It was the elephant in the room neither of us had mentioned since we returned.
“Oh. Okay. What do you want to know?” She had my full attention.
“This is hypothetical.” She eyed me. “We’re talking a teeny tiny 2% chance here.”
“I know. You have really been clear on the math.”
She huffed. “But let’s say we increased that 2% chance this afternoon with the second condom malfunction.”
“Okay?” My heart was starting to beat faster.
“I sat in the box with Sophie who’s about to have her first baby. And I met Hope who has twins with Luca. Sophie knows there’s a chance Roman will miss the birth. And he’s going to miss a lot of other newborn moments because their baby is due soon. Right in the middle of playoffs.”
“What are you asking me, baby?”
Her eyes blazed blue with determination. “I had a baby by myself. I was surrounded by nurses who welcomed Phoebe into the world with me, but I was alone.” Her eyes misted. “I don’t want to do that again. It’s scary and it’s hard. It takes strength that comes from some place I can’t even describe. But I don’t want to do it alone.”
“In this hypothetical 4% scenario.”
“It’s doubled?” she squeaked.
“Isn’t that how your math works?” I took a chug of wine. “Anyway, if that’s what happens, I’ll be there. I promise.”
“I don’t think that’s a promise you can make. What if you have an away game? Or it’s the Stanley Cup?”
I shook my head. “Don’t care. I’m with you. Wherever you are. With our baby.”
Her face pa
led. “Baby? Oh my God. This is crazy. Really really crazy.”
“Look, I can’t undo what Andrei did. I can’t fix what happened six years ago. But I want to do this with you. I want to be there for you and Phoebe. I don’t want you to worry about money. I want to deal with Charlie Babcock for you. I want to figure out how to bring the information to Andrei. Yeah, this might be a Christmas baby. I will take off the entire month of December so that you don’t have to worry for a minute that I’m not going to be there for you.”
She blinked. “Christmas baby? Okay. I need more wine.”
I didn’t argue. I walked to the bar to pour a second glass for her. “Here.”
“You are scaring the shit out of me.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want me to tell you it doesn’t mean anything? I’m just here fucking around like half the team does? Is that better?” I shoved off the couch and stared through the balcony doors. “I could be a dick about it. But I’m trying, Noelle. I’m trying to be honest. I thought that was the deal we had.” I turned to face her. I didn’t mean to sound pissed off, but fuck why couldn’t I want all of this at once? Why couldn’t I get what I’d never had?
She walked toward me slowly. Her eyes sparkled. Her hands shook as they tried to pry my arms away from my chest. I felt more closed off than I had in a while. I laid my damn heart at her feet.
“Jack, it scares me… you scare me because…. I’m afraid I don’t know how to make the decision if you’re something I have to decide.”
“What?” I was confused.
“I’m always going to choose you. I don’t think I was made any other way when it comes to you. I want to do this too.”
“I thought I scared you too much. I’m a risk. I know it.”
She shook her head. She feathered her fingers through the side of my hair. “I don’t think you are.”
I pulled her into my arms. “I’m not going to take it. I’m kind of crossing my fingers our 4% is going to happen.”
“Let’s see about 8%,” I growled.
“Chicken pot pie,” she murmured as I lifted her off the floor and deposited her on the couch.
Cold As Ice Page 15
