by C. D. Hersh
Then again, a life of drugs and sex might have ended her in the same place as Susan. Still alone at thirty. Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Sitting, she blindly chose an entrée from the menu. When she got home tonight she would rip the tree leaves off the wall, throw them in the trash, and swear off men forever.
As soon as Rosemary unlocked her front door she removed the picture frame with the Woodstock memorabilia from the wall. Then she put on her Woodstock album and sat in the living room wallowing in self-pity. The longer she stared at the contents under the glass, the more depressed she got.
She did not deserve this. All she wanted was a forever love. A soul mate who would treasure her the way her folks cherished each other.
She unlatched the back of the picture frame and took out the silvery-backed leaves. When she touched them, the air seemed to reverberate with harmonic tones mixed in with the hard, pounding rock music coming from her phonograph.
Believe.
She jerked around, searching for the source of the word. ‘Sea of Madness’ blared from the record player. She stopped her pity party and listened to the words. They described, to the nth degree, how she felt. Disbelieving, wanting Anthony’s heart, falling apart more with each thought of him. Loving him only brought more sadness into her life. And losing him again was a thousand times worse than ten years ago. She was lost in a sea of madness over the man.
She rose and turned up the volume until the pounding rhythm fisted against her breaking heart, dashing her misery to pieces. She would seek solace in the one thing that never disappointed her.
Music.
Anthony might break her heart, but he could never stop the music that soothed and fed her soul. She removed her guitar from its stand and started playing with the record. As long as she had music, everything would work itself out. Eventually.
When side two of the album stopped, she put on the third LP in the collection, gathered the Woodstock memorabilia and the leaves, and opened the kitchen and living room windows so she could hear the music outside. Then she carried the memories to the backyard.
As Jefferson Airplane played, she grabbed a shovel from the shed and started digging a hole to bury the items. The song ended and Sly and the Family Stone geared up. As the performers and crowd from Woodstock started singing, ‘I Want to Take You Higher’ she jammed the shovel deeper into the ground.
The driving rhythm of drums swept her to last night when they made wild love. She thrust away all thoughts of the pinnacle he had taken her to. With each chant of, “Higher! Higher!” she stabbed the ground to the rhythm of the song, making the hole deeper and deeper.
How could he do this? He said he loved me.
Wrong, whispered her pesky memory. When you hinted at clarification, he said, “A man will always consider the feelings of the woman he’s with.” Considering your feelings isn’t saying he loves you.
She threw the frame and leaves into the hole and scraped the dirt in, slamming the flat of the shovel against the soil to compact it. She envisioned Anthony lying on the mementoes’ grave, and whacked the ground extra-hard.
Soul mates were for the weak and foolish of heart. From now on, she would be neither of those things.
Chapter 18
The music coming from Rosemary’s house rattled the windows, the yellow-lighted glass panes vibrating with each hammering rumble of the rock ‘n’ roll band playing on the record player. Anthony punched the doorbell and pounded his fist on the front door, trying to make himself heard over the noise of her Woodstock album.
As Hendrix wailed in the night, he gave up and waited for the music to end. When the last notes of the album died on the air, he pounded on the door again.
The overhead light came on, and the door opened a crack, the security chain banging against the frame.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Tony.”
The door slammed shut. When she didn’t open it right away, he knocked harder. “Rose, open the door.”
“Go away, Anthony. It’s late.”
Panic jackhammered in his chest. Something was wrong. “Are you okay, hon?” No answer, so he pressed forward. “You’re not mad because I didn’t show up this evening, are you? It was an emergency.”
The door flew open. A disheveled and very angry Rosemary stood in front of him, her hands planted firmly on her hips. His gaze traveled to her face. Red rimmed her green eyes.
“Have you been crying?” He advanced. She blocked him. “Was Patrick hassling you?”
“No. Him I can handle, but you . . . You lying, sorry excuse for a man. I don’t want to see you anymore.” She tried to shut the door.
He grabbed the edge with his left hand, stopping her. “Whoa, where’s this coming from?”
She jabbed his ring finger. “Where is it? In your pocket? Is that where you hid it from me?”
His stomach flipped when he realized she pointed to his left ring finger, where a few hours ago a wedding band rested.
“Susan told me she saw you at the hospital. I hope you and your wife were visiting a real family member. At least then part of your lie might be true.”
“I can explain, Rose. I’m not married, but I am divorced. I’ve got the papers as proof. I wanted to tell you, but you kept insisting our pasts didn’t matter.”
“Yes, I did, but if you’re divorced, then why were you wearing a wedding ring?”
“It’s complicated. Can I come in and explain?”
Her gaze softened. She tilted her head to the side and bit her lower lip as if she assessed her options. Then the soft expression disappeared as she wrenched the door from him.
“No.” She slammed the door and shouted through the wood. “I don’t want you trying to make excuses and kiss me and mix me up. I’ve made up my mind. We’re through.”
The overhead light turned off, leaving him standing in the dark. Then one by one the rest of the lights went out. He followed her progress through the house as she extinguished the lamps. When her bedroom light came on, his gut wrenched. He should be in there. Explaining. Reassuring her of his love. Not standing outside. Alone.
He pounded on the door, shouting her name. The next-door neighbor’s front porch light came on and an elderly gentleman came out carrying a baseball bat.
“Get on out of here, son,” he yelled, “or I’m calling the police.”
Backing away from the door, Anthony raised his hands in a submissive action.
Silently, he cursed Gloria. Woodstock was happening all over. Another woman and her lies were coming between him and Rose. If he couldn’t convince her of his innocence, he’d lose her again.
A new message blinked on the answering machine when Anthony got home. He rewound the tape.
“Daddy,” said a little voice, “are you coming back soon? I miss you.”
Then Gloria’s voice came on. “Visiting hours are over, but the nurses told me if you come through the emergency room entrance they can direct you to Kelly’s room from there. She’s scared, Tony. Can you please come?”
He dropped onto the couch. Between Gloria’s shenanigans, the adrenaline rush of seeing his daughter in the hospital, and the scene with Rose, he was zapped. He set the oven timer for two hours and stretched out to grab a nap before returning to the hospital.
Sleep evaded him, coming in fitful snatches filled with tangled images of Rose, his ex, and Melody swirling down a psychedelic rabbit hole. Rose screamed, calling his name, reaching for him. He bolted upright, covered in sweat, his insides shaking uncontrollably.
Leaning forward, he rested his head in his hands. If showing Rosemary his divorce papers didn’t convince her of his innocence, how would he get her back? He showered and changed clothes, then headed to Indianapolis.
When Anthony got to the hospital, Ke
lly sat propped in the hospital bed watching television. A small, open box of play jewelry lay on the hospital tray in front of her. He dragged a chair to her bedside and held her hand. A different color ring adorned every finger, even her thumbs.
“I knew you’d come, Daddy.” She gave him a wan smile and scooted closer to the edge of the bed where he sat.
“I’m going to get something from the vending machine,” Gloria said. “Do you want anything?”
He dug in his pocket and handed her a dollar. “A pop would be good. Cola, any brand.”
“Okay. I won’t be long.”
“Take your time. You’ve been here longer than me. You need a break.” With any luck, she’d step outside for a smoke and get run over by an ambulance.
“Thanks, Tony.”
Gloria bent and kissed Kelly, and he mentally smacked himself. Grandma would knock him silly for such a mean thought. As much as he hated Gloria, she was still Kelly’s mother, and Kelly loved her.
When Gloria left, Kelly faced him. “Want to play bride and groom, Daddy?”
Pleased to be included in her favorite game, he responded, “Sure.”
She grabbed his left hand and stared at it. “Daddy, don’t you love Mommy anymore?”
The question caught him off guard. Had Gloria said something to her?
“Why do you ask?”
She touched his hand. “You don’t have your wedding ring on. Sally’s mother says when you take off the ring, ever, it means you don’t love your husband anymore.”
“Who’s Sally?”
“My bestest friend.”
She had best friends? What else didn’t he know about his young daughter?
“Mrs. Johnston took her rings off. Now Sally doesn’t have a daddy living with her anymore.” Sadness flooded her face. “Does it work like that for daddies, too?”
She grabbed his hand and squeezed. His heart contracted. If he answered, yes, this ruse of Gloria’s would be over. But would his daughter’s heart be broken?
“It’s complicated with me and Mommy. Grown-up complicated.”
“Is that why you’re working on the ocean? Away from us?”
“Actually, I’ve got a new job. I won’t be on the ocean anymore.” He felt safe telling her, since he and Gloria agreed to work something out. If she didn’t appreciate he’d shared the news without her present, then too bad. Kelly asked, and he answered honestly. That’s the kind of relationship he wanted with his daughter.
Kelly’s face brightened, and she clapped her hands.
Her reaction pleased him, and he grinned. “That means I can see you a lot more.”
She giggled. “Silly, Daddy. If you’re not on the ocean, you can see me every day at our house.”
He pressed his lips together. She’d given him the perfect opportunity to tell her the rest of the truth. He stared into her big, brown eyes. So trusting and filled with love.
The air filled with expectation as Kelly waited for his confirmation. When he didn’t answer, she touched his empty left ring finger.
“Do you still love me, even if you don’t love Mommy?”
He slipped from his chair onto the edge of the bed and gently gathered her in his arms. “I’ll always love you. I’ve loved you every second I’ve been away from you. I would have been with you, if I could have.”
“And Mommy?”
He brushed a tendril of hair from her forehead. “It’s complicated, sweetie.”
She leaned her forehead against his chest and sighed. “Okay, Daddy. I understand.”
“You do?”
“That’s what Mommy and Jeff say, too.”
He eased her away and captured her gaze with his. “Who’s Jeff?”
“He fixes things and keeps Mommy company sometimes. She says since you’re not here, she needs him to help her. He fixed our roof one day and stayed for dinner.”
“Does he help Mommy a lot?”
Kelly nodded. “A lot of stuff breaks at night, and Jeff comes over to fix it.”
“Is that all Jeff does?”
“Sometimes he watches television with Mommy after I’m in bed. He must not hear well, because they turn the TV up real loud. He even keeps clothes in the closet next to Mommy’s. When I told Mommy I didn’t think he should do that, she said, ‘It’s complicated’ and ‘I shouldn’t worry about it.’”
He swallowed his derisive snort. Gloria was screwing the handyman. He wondered what Jeff would think about her proposal that he move into the house. Kelly’s news changed his perspective. His daughter deserved to know the truth.
“He’s nice, but I wish you were coming home to fix things for Mommy.”
“I’m not coming home, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be there for you.”
Kelly leaned on him. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too.”
Gloria entered the room and set her purse and snacks on the bedside table. “Can I get in on this love fest?”
She crouched beside the bed and held out her arms. Kelly hooked her arm in her mother’s. He drew away from Gloria’s touch, still keeping his hold on Kelly. His daughter’s gaze cut between them, her lips curling down at the corners in a sad frown. Gloria wiggled her fingers at him.
“I’m leaving a space for Jeff,” he said.
His ex-wife blanched white as the hospital sheets. He thought he’d never seen such a pretty color. Caught in her own lies, and their seven-year-old daughter figured out things weren’t right with her parents. A bit late, perhaps, but the deal was done.
“What did you tell Daddy about Jeff?” Gloria asked.
“The truth.” He answered for Kelly. “And I told her I wasn’t coming home.”
“Without me here?”
“She brought it up, not me. And I wasn’t going to lie to her.”
“It’s okay, Mommy. I can love you both. Sally says it’s fun to have two birthday parties and two houses where Santa visits.”
He stared at his daughter. “You are wise beyond your years, Kelly. And very brave.”
Kelly snuggled beneath the sheets. “I’m tired now. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, Daddy?”
“I won’t leave your side, baby.”
A squeak from Gloria drew his attention from Kelly. Gloria stood at the foot of the bed, scowling. She jerked her head vehemently toward the door. He gleefully ignored her demand.
“You go ahead,” he told her. “My daughter wants me.” The words were sweet on his tongue. As Gloria stormed from the room, he wondered how Rose felt about children. If he could get through to her and make her understand how much he loved her, he wanted them to give Kelly a dozen brothers and sisters.
The thought of what it would take to do that sent shivers through him.
Chapter 19
As soon as Kelly fell asleep, Anthony slipped out to search for Gloria. He found her in the waiting room, sulking.
He dropped onto the chair beside her. “I always wondered how you got such a good lawyer. Guess I know now. But a handyman? Kind of slumming now compared to your attorney.”
“You’ve got no proof.”
“And you had no money back then.”
She frowned at him and changed the subject. “You had no right to tell her you weren’t coming home. We agreed—”
“That was before I knew about Jeff.”
“Are you going to tell Kelly I ran away and kept her from you?”
“No. I agreed to work something out with you, and I will. But I need to know I can trust you. If this is going to work, Gloria, you have to be honest with me.”
She dug her wallet from her pocketbook and handed him her driver’s license and a pay stub. “This is our current address and where I work. I’m through with run
ning.”
“Are you planning to marry Jeff?”
She nodded. “He’s a good man. A lot better than I deserve.”
“I’ll be the judge of that if he’s going to be in Kelly’s life.” Anthony wrote the addresses on a scrap of paper from his billfold. “I don’t want to involve the police, but I will if I have to.”
She paled and nodded.
“Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” He rose. “I’m going to go to the room now and watch my daughter sleep. I’ve got a lot of years to catch up on.”
First thing Sunday morning, Anthony called Rosemary. When she heard his voice, she hung up. The answering machine picked up every call he made afterward. On his last attempt, he gave her the number of the telephone at the nurses’ station, asking her to please call him so he could explain. Then he spent the rest of the day and evening with Kelly.
He called the school Monday morning and asked to speak to Patrick. The secretary put him on hold for so long he thought she’d forgotten to transfer his call.
Finally, the principal came on the line. “What do you want, DeMarco?” His voice, brusque and short, left no doubt in his mind the man was pissed at him.
“I need to request a couple of days off. I have a family emergency.”
“How many?”
“Today, for sure. I’ll know better how many more I might need after I’ve talked to the doctor.”
“You’ve just started. You don’t have any personal time.”
“I’ll take off without pay.”
“You’re darn right, you will. I’ll get a sub for today and tomorrow. If you need more than two days, we’ll discuss it then.”
Before he could say, Thanks, the principal hung up. His lack of sympathy about who was sick spoke volumes about the man’s character. Not that Anthony would have told him if he inquired. Armed with ammunition about his daughter, the principal would run straight to Rose, blabbing and lying to get another foothold in her life.
