by Glenda Larke
He let out the breath he had been holding. "It sounds good to me. More than good." He ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. "I've made a muck of this from beginning to end, haven't I? I don't know the right things to say. You're the last person I'd ever want to hurt, and yet I managed to do just that."
"Yes."
"Does it help if I say I wish I could undo it? That I wish it had never happened?"
"Not really. Senya, of all people-that hurt. More than you understand. I tried to tell myself I was being ridiculous. That we'd made no promises to each other. That we were just friends, and therefore I had no rights. I tried to be sensible about it, but sometimes being sensible doesn't seem to cure pain."
He desperately wanted to say he hadn't gone to Senya, that she had crawled naked into his bed, but he thought better of it. Trying to excuse himself would sound so… pathetic. Besides, he was hardly guiltless. There had been Silver, too. He didn't think he wanted to mention her at all. "What-what do you want to do?" he asked finally. "I want to marry you. I don't want you to leave."
"I have to go back to Russet."
"I hate that man. I don't trust him."
"I don't care about him, either, not after what he did to me. I don't care if he is my great-grandfather. But it makes no difference, does it? If I don't go back in the end, I think I'll die the way my mother did. And I'll be damned if I want that. But how do we make sure that my absence doesn't pitch the Quartern back into a Time of Random Rain?"
"You're just as trapped as I am, aren't you? Terelle, I'm so, so sorry." The pain in him tore at her, and involuntarily she moved closer to him. She tried to speak, but was overcome with her own raw emotion.
Jasper did the one thing that could help her, enclosing her in his arms and holding her tight. She felt safe, so safe she didn't want to move. When she lifted her head, he bent to kiss her. And something inside her awakened, something so profound she almost lost her sense of what was real.
She felt his water against hers. The rush in her veins, the shivering in her heart, the weaving and curling through her blood. His water singing in greeting. Every part of him reaching out to her, her body responding. Music made in the harmonies. Intertwining, plaiting, enmeshing. For the first time in her life, she was aware of herself as a being of water. For the first time, she felt herself, her connections, her place in the world, her desires.
The tug of Jasper's water was a force against her own. She felt the swelling in him pressing against her and cupped it with her thighs when he lifted her higher in the strength of his muscled arms. His tongue met hers, water to water, desire to desire, passion seeking-and finding-an equal passion. She knew if she let go she would be changed forever, her body no longer just hers, her life no longer just hers. She would be putting her life in his hands. He could kill her, just by the act of loving. Or they could unite in a way most people never knew. Already part of her was lost in a rush, deliciously lost, no longer just one person but two, poised on the brink of discovery.
And something made her draw back, take a shuddering breath. Not now. Not here.
He was the first to speak. "I didn't-I didn't know it could be like that." His chest was heaving as if he had been running.
Terelle knew what he was trying to tell her: Senya could not do that to me.
Her smile was deliberately sly. "It seems there may be… compensations in our trap."
He laughed out loud, rare for him. "Sandblast, Terelle, I love you. Will you marry me?"
Raising a finger to his lips, she said, "One day. How could I not? But not now. Not yet. Not with Russet's water magic pulling me away." She stepped away from him, straightening her tunic and tactfully looking away from the more obvious sign of his arousal. "You know, I didn't actually come to your tent for this. I wanted to tell you I've thought of some things that might help."
The expression on his face didn't change, but she sensed his withdrawal nonetheless. He was in command once more: the stormlord was back, the more openly passionate Gibberman banished. "You have an idea," he said, breathing deeply. "About ziggers?"
"Not exactly." She sighed. "I wanted simple solutions, but that's just stupid. There aren't any. You told me if I withheld my skill I'd hurt even more people than I would by using it, and you were right. I know I have to do this and do it well, so we can start to build a peace. Does that sound a very… girl thing to say?"
"No. It sounds a very wise thing to me."
"When we were in Russet's rooms one day, you were playing with your water skills and there was a shaft of sunlight hitting the water in a certain way. It shone into my eyes, blinding me. Do you think you could do that-on a larger scale? Shafting sunlight through water, or bouncing it off water, down onto the Reduners below, so they couldn't see what we were doing up here?"
He understood immediately. "Yes! Oh yes… When the sun is high overhead… I wonder how thick the water would have to be? And how wide… have to angle it just right. I'll have to think about this. And experiment. But to do it long enough and well enough to hide the descent of our men to their camp? Difficult. They would still hear them. And they would know something was up and release their ziggers anyway." He began to pace to and fro, thinking.
She continued, "My idea was to do this in order to cover some other tricks. You can move a large block of water, at least for a short time, can't you?"
He stopped pacing and nodded. "Clean, fresh water, yes, certainly. As long as it's not too far away."
"There's a lot of water in the mother cistern down there."
"I did think of dumping it on them. But the effect won't last. Wetting people is hardly warfare."
"Ice might hurt more than water. When I was in the White Quarter, Russet told me about ice falling from the sky. All by itself."
"Ice? How is that possible?"
"Apparently the higher you go into the sky, the colder it gets, or so he said. If you were to send water very high, it would turn into ice."
The glance he gave her was dubious. "Ice might have more impact than water, I suppose. I'll try."
"I've thought of another way in which you could dump a whole lot more than just water on their heads. Something somewhat heavier: rocks." She swallowed, pushing away her distaste. Her reservations. People will die.
"I can't move rocks," he protested.
"No. Water can, though." "Lord Laisa?"
Laisa had been asleep, but Terelle's words in her ear woke her instantly. She propped herself up on one elbow and gave her a sour look. "What is it?" she asked, sharp-voiced.
"I have a request to make of you."
"And that gives you the right to enter my tent in the middle of the night?"
"I don't care much about your rights. Any rights you had, you lost when you betrayed Jasper and married Taquar. I came to ask you for some sinucca leaf."
The older woman stared at her in stupefaction. "What?"
"You heard me. I need some, and I thought you were the most likely person to carry such a thing around."
"How dare you insinuate-"
"Oh, don't give me that outrage. You aren't the kind of woman to remain faithful to a man who could spend the rest of his life a prisoner. And you'd always carry something, just in case. Nothing wrong with that."
"If I did, do you think I would give you some when the man you've been eyeing like a pede in heat is the man my daughter will one day marry? You have the gall to ask such a thing when Senya is asleep in the next tent!"
"Look at it this way-if I become pregnant to Jasper, you are going to find it even harder to marry him off to Senya. It's in your interest to give me some sinucca."
Laisa looked as if she couldn't believe her ears. "Well," she said at last, "the sauciness of a snuggery whore, I suppose." She dug around in her travel sack and produced a pot. "Here," she said. "Take it. It's already ground, ready for use."
Terelle smiled pleasantly. "Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way."
"One of these days Senya will have t
o deal with you. And I have no doubt she will."
Terelle, unworried, shrugged. "Thanks for the sinucca."
She ducked out of Laisa's tent and headed for Jasper's. His lantern was still lit, which didn't surprise her at all. She lifted the flap and entered without indicating her presence; she knew he would have sensed her anyway.
"Is anything wrong?" he asked. He was lying flat on his back, hands behind his head.
"Yes," she said. "You should be asleep."
"I think you know why I'm not."
It could have been any one of several things: he was planning for the next day, he was worried they would fail, he was wondering if the Reduners would have time to release ziggers, it could even be because he was thinking of her-but she knew it was none of those things.
"Mica. You are afraid what we are going to do tomorrow will kill him, too."
He gave the slightest of nods. "Terelle, until you came along, he was the only person, ever, who stood up for me. The only person who cared. You know what that's like. You only ever had Vivie."
She came to sit by his side on the rugs.
"How can I do something that is probably going to kill the last member of my family?" he asked. "I've thought and thought, trying to find a way to protect him. If I knew exactly where he was, maybe I could… make sure he was all right. But my feelings are so nebulous… it's been too long. I doubt I can pinpoint precisely where he is in the middle of a battle. And so there's nothing I can do. Nothing. Tomorrow there's a fair chance someone is going to kill my brother."
"Send him a sky message," she suggested.
"He couldn't read. And I don't imagine that has changed."
She was silent, unable to offer him any comfort, let alone a solution.
"Why did you come?" he asked. "Is there something wrong?"
A hot flush crept up her neck. "I came to make sure you sleep well tonight, because… because tomorrow you will need all your strength."
"Sleep? I can't sleep-"
"You will," she said, and bent to kiss him full on the lips. Once more there was that wondrous feeling of water recognizing water belonging to the same vessel, of the desire to join the two parts of the whole.
When they parted Jasper said huskily, "But I thought you weren't certain-that you weren't ready-"
"You know what?" she said. "Being ready for marriage and ready for this are two different things." Her fingers found the ties of his tunic and deftly undid them. He reciprocated, but his fumbling at her clothes was tantalizingly clumsy.
The water within her responded so that her whole body sang. I bet the snuggery girls never felt this.
He was naked, and so was she. Tiny shudders skimmed her skin. He pulled her down, clasped her tight. A moan of pleasure escaped her. After that, she was incapable of a coherent thought for quite some time. She was right; Jasper slept very well indeed that night. Terelle lay awake for a long time beside him, caught in the muscular curve of his arm. She felt as if every sense she had was sated, every particle of her body was warmly glowing. Nothing she had ever learned from snuggery girls had prepared her for this. Jasper and she had something special and she knew for the rest of her life she would always be aware of him, through his water. She would always know where he was. She would know if he died. At the same time as she was suffused with the joy of it, she felt a wrenching sadness.
She still felt the tug of the mountains, she still felt the power of Russet's last waterpainting.
I'm still trapped, she thought. Our cage has no visible bars, but they're there nonetheless. But I swear it, I'll break them somehow, because this is where I belong. Ryka awoke in the morning, lying in the small store cave off the main cavern of the mother cistern. Tucked into a small space between the rock wall of the cavern and the smooth earthenware oil jars, she found her world had contracted to this space, hardly large enough for her to lie straight. If she stood erect, she was in danger of being seen, and she had to be careful. Fortunately the slaves, all Scarpen folk, knew she was there and were prepared to keep one of their own hidden at a risk to their own lives.
At first, she was glad of her inactivity. She was exhausted. The arduous ride and giving birth had left her wanting no more than rest and copious amounts of sleep and food and water. And so she stayed hidden and quiet. Besides, she was prepared to do almost anything to avoid Ravard. The thought that he might find her, that he might claim her child as his own, made her gorge rise. Never. I will not allow it. Not now, not ever.
Fortunately, Khedrim was content to eat and sleep most of the time. She lay gazing at him for long periods, enjoying the little moues of his lips, the way his tiny lashes lay against his cheek as he slept, the perfection of his toes, his fingernails, the delicate curve of his ear. This was her child. Hers-and Kaneth's, if he ever came back to claim him.
Oh Kaneth, I wish-I wish you could see him. I wish you could feel what I feel now. I never knew it was possible to feel like this about another person, never. So protective. So utterly consumed with love.
Khedrim. A Reduner name for a Scarpen baby. He's our future, she thought.
When he cried, it was usually in a fretting, irritable way, rather than bellowing, and she was grateful because it meant no one heard. Anina brought food and water from time to time. Ryka managed her body wastes, and Khedrim's, by extracting the pure water and putting the dry residue in a pot for Anina to take away when she had the opportunity. She'd had to explain to the bemused woman that she was a rainlord, then reduce her expectations because Anina's immediate idea was that a rainlord could rescue them all with a minimum of trouble.
After several days of enforced rest, Ryka grew more fidgety. Her frustration boiled deep inside her, but she could not give it a voice, nor quell it with activity. Anina had told her the Scarpen forces were now arrayed around the rim of the crescent slope surrounding the flat area in front of the cistern cave. Kaneth would be there, surely; so near-yet he might as well have been on the other side of the Quartern. He didn't recognize her water anymore, let alone remember her.
She was a rainlord, able to help in the coming battle, but surrounded by Reduners, how could she do anything without dying in the first few minutes? And there was Khedrim to think of. He changed everything…
I will get out of here. With my son. I will take him to safety. I swear it. I just have to wait for the right moment. Maybe during the battle. If there is a battle.
Patience, Ryka, patience.
She sighed. Ryka Feldspar had never been known for her patience. Early that morning, Ravard took over the task of cleaning his own pede, much to the surprise of the slave whose job it was. He found a measure of peace in the rhythmic polishing and brushing. And he needed to calm the tumult of emotions, the way his thoughts bucked and churned, refusing to focus on ordinary tasks.
It wasn't the thoughts of war that unsettled him. They excited rather than unsettled. No, it wasn't the coming battle. It was the playing of chala with the heads of their enemies. Not the game itself, but that Davim had asked him to play in the first place, in full view of any watching Scarpen folk.
He'd wanted Shale to see. He'd wanted to remind him what happened to Citrine. I wonder if Garnet is right? Perhaps the sandmaster had been the one who had caught Citrine on his spear, all those years ago. The thought made him sick. He hadn't thought about it in years, yet now it all came flooding back, and he didn't like it. He didn't like the idea he had been used.
No, Garnet must be wrong. Davim came to admire my courage. He saw I could be a warrior. He saw I had water talent that I didn't even know about and that I could be a tribemaster, even a sandmaster. It wasn't just because I was Shale's brother. It wasn't.
She was wrong, and yet he thought of her all the time, unsettling, restless thoughts. He didn't know why. She was a slave. She was a lot older than he was. She wasn't particularly beautiful, although he loved her thick wavy hair and-ah, the sheer arousing sensuality of her long legs…
But she only lay with him to protect her
baby. That hurt. He'd thought it wouldn't matter; now he found he wanted more. Sometimes he ached with the need to see a certain look in her eyes-fondness? Pleasure he was near? Something other than anger or pity or resignation. She had tried to escape with the other slaves, with Uthardim, he was sure of it. Something had brought her back, but he wasn't sun-fried enough to think it was her affection for him.
As he turned his attention to brushing out the grit from the softer flesh under the overlap of the segments, he pondered his mistakes. If he could, he would've turned the sandglass over and gone backward in time to undo those errors.
I should never have made the safety of her child a reason for her to come to my pallet. I should have given her and her babe protection and waited for her to come to me.
What he had done was wrong. It made him… less, not just in her eyes, but in his own. He knew that now, when it was far too late to undo the damage. Frowning, he wondered how he knew. Everyone around him took the slaves whenever they wanted. Just as men had come to Marisal the stitcher, his whore of a mother, when they had wanted to lie with a woman. They had paid her, it was true, but their attitude had been the same. She was available and they thought a few tokens bought them the right to do what they liked with her body. He remembered their unpleasant contempt. He remembered that all his father cared about was the tokens. He remembered the times they had been told to leave the hut so she and her customer could have a semblance of privacy. Growing up he'd thought nothing of it; why then did he now feel distaste for her situation, rather than contempt for her?
Garnet, it was all Garnet's fault. She had twisted his world somehow with her refusal to be cowed. Her refusal to bow to fear or defeat, her courage-and not least her way of making him think.
Sandblast her, he thought.
"Kher?"
He turned to see one of the chalamen from his own tribe. He forced a pleasant smile. "Havelim? What's the problem?"
