There was a silence, then the sound of her boots scuffing on the concrete of the garage floor.
He tensed even more because the scent of her was wrapping around him, lavender with a hint of delicious feminine musk, and even though he’d just had one of the best blow jobs of his life, his dick was getting hard again.
“How dare you,” Zoe said, her voice unsteady and thick with fury. “How dare you walk out on me like that! How dare you leave me on my knees in the middle of the fucking living room like . . . like you don’t even care!”
Oh shit. She wasn’t just angry, was she? She was hurt.
Yeah, well, no wonder. She got you off, then you walked away.
He’d had to, though. Didn’t she understand that? Didn’t she understand how wrong this was?
Gideon turned around.
She was standing not far from him, her hands in fists at her sides, black hair tangled over her shoulders. Golden sparks of rage glittered in her amber eyes, and her delicate features were flushed. And, stupid fuck that he was, his attention drifted immediately to her luscious mouth, tracing the contours of it before going lower, to the quick rise and fall of her chest. To where the gold bra gleamed beneath all that black lace.
Another realization hit him like the blow from an ax, shuddering through him. She was beautiful. A wild, passionate vivid creature, with her small, feline face and her long, slender limbs. Sensual, too, though he’d never really understood how much until now.
God, how had he not seen this? How had he not understood?
Because you’ve never wanted to see it.
Yeah, maybe he hadn’t. Turned out with good reason.
“Why the hell do you think I walked away?” He kept his voice flat, hard. “I walked away because I care, Zoe.”
“How is leaving me like that caring about me?”
“Leaving you like what?”
The flush coloring her brown skin deepened. “Imagine me getting up in the middle of that blow job and walking away. That should give you a pretty clear idea.”
Another strange electric shock jolted through him.
He’d been so caught up in how wrong it all had been, how bad it was to have her on her knees sucking him off, that he hadn’t bothered to think about her feelings on the subject. She’d certainly wanted to do it, that had been clear, but he hadn’t thought it might go further than that. He hadn’t thought she’d actually get off on it.
You fucking idiot. You knew she’s wanted you for years. And you took what you wanted from her without returning the favor.
“You don’t understand,” he said both to her and the voice in his head. “I had to walk away. That shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have done it to you.”
A bright flash of hurt crossed her face, and he wished she wasn’t so fucking open all the time. Wished she kept something back. Because he hated seeing that look in her eyes and knowing he was the cause. “Did I tell you to stop? Did I tell you I didn’t want it? No, I damn well didn’t!”
“You should have,” he snapped, his own latent anger rising to the surface again. “I told you to.”
“Why should I? I wanted it, Gideon. Surely you knew that?”
Of course he knew. “Yeah, but that doesn’t make it right.”
She blinked at him. “Right? What the hell do you mean by that?”
“I told you, Zoe. Nothing should have happened between us. It’s wrong on so many levels I can’t even begin to count them all.” He folded his arms tight across his chest, forcing himself to hold her gaze and not drift down the slender length of her body. “You’re young. You’re innocent. You’re my fucking foster sister. That’s just three. Want me to go on?”
Her mouth flattened. “I don’t care that you were once my foster brother. We were only foster siblings for a year anyway. And as for the young and innocent bullshit, well, that’s all it is. Bullshit.”
“It might be bullshit to you, but it isn’t to me.” He found he’d taken a step toward her and he hadn’t meant to. “This is wrong. What I did was wrong.”
“Oh, right, so what I’m feeling for you is wrong too?” Her throat moved in a convulsive swallow. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“No, that’s not what—”
“So you’re completely happy with getting a blow job from me, but you don’t want to touch me in return?” This time it was she who took another step forward, the pain in her eyes like a knife in his side. “Why not? Do I disgust you? I know I’m not anything like the women you usually go for, but I don’t think I’m that ugly.”
The knife twisted. Jesus, she couldn’t think that, could she?
“It’s got nothing to do with whether I find you attractive or not. It’s just . . . I’ve known you since you were six years old. And yeah, okay, I admit, I’m guilty of thinking you’re still that little girl.” He held her gaze, willing her to understand. “Which makes anything that happens between us pretty fucking wrong in my book.”
Her jaw tightened. “What we did up there in the living room didn’t feel wrong to me. Wanting you doesn’t feel wrong.”
“Yeah? Well, it does to me.” He knew he was being harsh, knew he was hurting her, but what else could he say? He had to get her out of here and fast.
Abruptly Zoe closed the distance between them, stomping right up to him until she was standing bare inches away, and he had to take a breath. Had to brace himself against that luscious, delicious scent. Against the seductive heat of her body. Against the memory of her beautiful mouth wrapped around his cock.
“If it felt so wrong,” she said in a husky, shaky voice, “then why the hell were you so hard? Why the hell did you get me to suck you off?”
Something inside him clenched tight and he had to dig his fingers into his arms to stop himself from reaching for her, pulling her even closer.
“Because I’m not a good person.” His own voice was getting rough. “Because pushing me is a really stupid fucking idea.”
She didn’t move, didn’t look away. “I don’t care what kind of person you are. Jesus, Gideon. We crossed a line back there and there’s no going back over it. So what’s the point being all weird about it now?” There were shadows under her eyes, so damn obvious in the harsh fluorescents of the garage. “You can’t . . . give me that and then not touch me. You can’t. It’s not fair.”
The tightness in his chest refused to go away, frustrated anger eating a hole in his gut. Christ, he had to get a handle on these goddamn feelings. He had to get a handle on himself, keep everything under control. Because he couldn’t lose it like he’d lost it upstairs. No matter how much she’d wanted it, no matter how badly she wanted something in return, he couldn’t give in.
“You can’t want me, little one,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “You can’t. I’m not the right man for you. Don’t you see? I’m trying to protect both of us.”
She looked away, biting her lip and blinking furiously as if to hold back tears.
Holding out is all very noble, but is it worth hurting her?
Oh sure, like that was a good justification. He couldn’t take any notice of shit like that because all they were, were excuses. Excuses to put his hands on her, bury his cock in her. Take her like she was his.
But she is yours. She has been all along.
No, that wasn’t right. He’d stopped being possessive, stopped all of that crap the moment he’d left Chicago. Sure, he defended his territory and he made sure those he cared about were safe, but he wasn’t as territorial as the bosses back home. He didn’t take what he deemed his as if it were his God-given right.
That would have made him no better than his prick of a father.
Zoe wasn’t his. And she only wanted him because he was the only man she’d ever had any real contact with. Which made her crush on him understandable in so many ways and yet another reason why he had to stay away from her.
“You should go to bed,” he said flatly. “This conversation is over.”
/> She glanced at him and for a second the pain in her eyes was bright and sharp. Then abruptly she reached for his hand and pulled it, making him uncross his arms. “What are you—”
But before he could finish, she brought his hand down and underneath the little leather skirt she was wearing, pushing it between her thighs so the heat of her pussy was right there, burning against his palm.
He went utterly still.
She was so wet, soaking almost, and trembling, her breathing fast and the pulse at the base of her throat racing. Her eyes had darkened from bright gold into a dark, deep amber, and she was looking at him like she was drowning and he was her last chance of rescue. “Please, Gideon.” Her voice was a thread of sound. “Just once. Please. And I will n-never ask anything of you ever again.”
He shouldn’t do this. He should pull his hand away from her, tell her no, that she should go to bed. That she had her own hand if she was that desperate.
But he couldn’t seem to do it. The danger to her at the club with Novak’s men being so close made him want to keep a tight grip on her, keep her close, and the thing that had pushed him into the situation upstairs had him by the throat again, a deep, hungry kind of possessiveness he didn’t want. The thing that whispered to him that she was his, no matter what he told himself. That she was right, they’d crossed the line already and there was no going back. That she was a virgin and taking her now would make her his forever, no matter what else happened.. . .
The tightness in his chest relaxed all of a sudden, as if a key had turned inside him, unlocking him.
There was no fighting this. No fighting her. She was so determined, so stubborn. She wanted to keep pushing him? Well then, she was going to need consequences. And not just one spanking and a rough blow job. That was only a small taste of the darkness inside him, a tiny glimpse of the man he was inside.
She needed to see him as he was. As he really was.
He stared into her eyes, saw her desperation, her hope and her fear. And he spread his fingers out slowly, curling them so they pressed into the wet fabric of her panties, making her gasp. “No, little one. Not just once. You wanna give yourself to me, then you have to understand something. I’ll take everything. Every single fucking thing. Your heart. Your mind. Your body. Your entire fucking soul.” He pressed his fingers harder against her pussy, sliding his middle finger a little higher so it brushed over her clit, tearing another gasp from her. “So you better be sure, Zoe. You better be real fucking sure you know what you’re asking for.”
Chapter 9
Zoe couldn’t stop shaking. The pressure of his fingers against her sex felt agonizing, the fierce look in his eyes almost burning her to the ground.
Stupid to have taken his hand like that and put it between her thighs, but she’d been beside herself with rage. At the way he’d left her on her knees in the middle of the living room. Turning and walking away from her as if she’d meant nothing. As if now he’d taken what he wanted from her, she didn’t matter anymore.
It wasn’t happening; just wasn’t.
So once she’d gotten herself together she’d charged downstairs to confront him and at least let him know how pissed she was at him. She hadn’t really thought anything through. She was just mad and turned on, and she wanted him to touch her so badly she couldn’t think straight.
She didn’t know why he kept rejecting her, not when it was clear he wanted her. After all, why had he put his dick in her mouth upstairs? Why had he looked at her like he wanted to eat her alive?
You’re selfish to keep pushing him.
Yeah, maybe she was. But he kept giving her mixed messages and it hurt. It just damn well hurt. He should have let her walk away upstairs. He should have let her go to bed, yet he hadn’t. He’d put himself in her way and demanded they talk about it.
It wasn’t fair.
You’re not being fair either.
No, but too bad. She’d crossed the line now and they both knew it.
“Well?” he demanded, curling his fingers a fraction more.
Her heartbeat thundered in her head, so loud it was a wonder she heard anything of what he’d said.
“Your heart. Your mind. Your body. Your entire fucking soul . . .”
He was trying to scare her again, no doubt about it. But surely he must know by now that saying all that wouldn’t. Not when he had all of those things already.
“I k-know,” she stammered. “Believe me, I know. And I want you to take it. I want you to take everything.”
He’d begun to move forward, forcing her back, his hand firmly where she’d put it, his eyes glittering strangely in the harsh garage light.
“No, I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about,” he said, low and harsh. “But that’s okay. Soon you will.”
A small twist of foreboding clenched in her gut.
Do you really understand what you’re getting yourself into here? There’s so much you don’t know about him.
Well, yeah, there was a lot she didn’t know about him. But that didn’t change the fact that she did know him. He was protective and strong and understanding. So what if he was possessive? She liked him possessive, especially if she was his lover. Anyway, he wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want.
She swallowed, her breathing getting faster and faster. She wanted to push herself against his hand, make him move his fingers on her. God, just touch her, ease the ache somehow. But he kept on walking her backward until cold metal pressed against the backs of her legs.
“Gideon?” Her voice had gone all husky and weird. “W-what are you doing?”
He didn’t say anything, taking his hand away from between her thighs, then grabbing her by the hips. She gasped as he lifted her, reflexively holding onto his forearms as he deposited her on the hood of the Chevy he’d been working on. She could feel the muscles flex beneath his skin, hard and strong, lifting her like she weighed nothing. So hot. His strength had always been such a damn turn-on for her.
He let her go, putting his hands flat on the hood on either side of her, leaning on his palms, staring straight into her eyes. The force of his gaze hit her like a wrecking ball smashing through an abandoned building, and she could feel herself caving in, collapsing under the weight of it, breaking apart, crumbling.
He didn’t speak and for long moments all she could hear was the sound of her own rapid breathing and the scream of the tension in the air pulling tighter and tighter. His black eyes were inches from hers, the ferocity in them unrelenting, and that dark, musky male scent of his was making her feel dizzy. She had to force herself to stay still, to not wriggle against the cool metal of the car’s hood, relieve the stinging heat between her legs.
“You’re gonna do exactly what I say,” he said after what seemed forever, the fraying edges of his voice whispering over her skin. “No questions, no hesitations. Understand?”
She gave a shaky nod, her throat too tight to speak.
“Lean back on your hands.”
Well, that was easy enough. She put her palms on the hood and did as he’d asked, leaning back on them. It put space between them and for some reason that felt more threatening than being close to him.
Threatening, hmmm? You feeling threatened now?
Maybe. But it wasn’t a bad feeling, though. It was . . . exciting. Like she was leaving the safety of a familiar haven and taking a step into a much larger, more dangerous world. And that, of course, was bound to feel a bit scary.
Gideon tilted his head, his gaze dropping down her body, slow and leisurely. As if he had all the time in the world to look at her, examine her in detail. It made her pulse race even faster till it was resounding in her ears like hail on an iron roof.
Then he leaned forward, put his hands on her thighs, and slowly slid the hem of her skirt up to her waist. She shivered at the heat of his palms on her skin, sending goose bumps everywhere, at the brush of the leather and then the cool smoothness of the metal under her butt. At
the feeling of exposure. Then his hands slid back down to her knees and with casual strength, he pushed them apart.
A soft sound escaped her and she had to fight the instinctive urge to close them again, not that she could have anyway since he was holding them open. And looking. God, he was looking right down there, between her legs.
The shivers increased, the sound of her frantic breathing embarrassingly loud. But she couldn’t seem to get it under control. Couldn’t get herself under control either. The expression on his face was mesmerizing. She’d never seen it before, at least not directed at her. Ferocious, hungry. Intense. As if she was his sole focus. Oh, he’d looked at her with such attention before, but never like he was a wolf and she was prey.
God, she fucking loved it. And she loved, too, that she finally got to see this side of him. It was like he’d given her one of his secrets to keep.
“Keep your legs apart,” he ordered, his gaze on her sex. “And don’t fucking move them.”
He reached between her thighs then and casually pulled aside the crotch of her panties, his fingers brushing her pussy, and another gasp escaped from her, because, holy shit, the sensation was as sharp as an electric shock.
Then with a kind of calm deliberation, he slid two fingers through her slick folds, gliding them through her wet flesh before stopping them on either side of her throbbing clit. She couldn’t stop the tremble that shook her entire body or the low moan that escaped her dry throat, a shock of pleasure piercing her.
She wanted to lift her hips, get him to move his hand, get his fingers to rub her, stroke her, anything but sit so close to where she needed to be touched and yet not quite there.
“G-Gideon . . .” His name came out all raw and desperate. “Please . . .”
He ignored her, his gaze down between her thighs, the intensity of his focus making her even hotter. “So wet,” he murmured, his fingers moving in a long, slow glide that once again avoided her clit, only squeezing gently on either side of it. “All of this for me?”
Sin for Me Page 12
