Witch My Grits

by Amy Boyles

  I flared out my hands. “I don’t need any of you to say that I’d be safe if I married Roman. That has nothing to do with anything. Besides, what about the dress? The one that burst out the window?”

  Milly thumbed her nose. “We need to look for it. There’s no telling what a dress like that will get itself into. But first, we come up with a game plan to keep you safe.”

  Grandma smiled. “I know exactly what you need, Dylan.”

  I scowled. From the devilish look on her geriatric face, I had doubts that whatever she was going to suggest would keep me safe. Her idea of keeping me safe probably meant tying me up and putting me on a pirate ship to sail the seven seas.

  Not really.

  But kinda, sorta.

  “Okay, what’s your brilliant plan for keeping me safe?” I said.

  Grandma clasped her hands behind her back and rolled up onto her toes. “You need a bodyguard, and I’ve got just the person for you.”

  I narrowed my eyes until I felt a crease pinch the middle. “Who?”

  Grandma smiled like a snake. “Nan.”

  EIGHT

  Nan arrived later that day. She rolled a black suitcase to a stop inside my room. Nan, officially my grandmother’s bodyguard, was a sixty-something-year-old who was as spry as a fifteen-year-old.

  Trust me, the woman could’ve tied me into a pretzel if we ever went one-on-one. Luckily I had no interest in squaring off against her.

  She pushed her luggage up against the wall. “Dylan, you need me. I’m here to serve you however I can. Let me at anyone who tries to hurt you and I’ll splat ‘em. No questions asked.”

  I gave her a tight smile. Second thoughts about this whole scenario were starting to sink into my brain. “Thank you, Nan. I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

  Nan chuckled. “You must’ve forgotten how bodyguarding works.” Nan pointed two fingers at her chest and then waved them toward me. “You and me—we’re like glue. I go wherever you go until this whole thing is resolved. Everyone’s a suspect as far as I’m concerned. Above all else, we keep you safe and sound.”

  I clapped my hands. “Okay, great. Listen, I’m going to find Roman and see how he’s doing.”

  “Then I’m coming with you,” Nan said.

  I smiled and shook my head. “You really don’t have to. I’ll be with him. It’ll be fine.”

  Nan tossed her jacket on top of her suitcase. “Nope. I’m here to work. Let’s work.”

  I flashed a look of concern to Sera. She shrugged. There was no help once Nan was on a job. I was just going to have to deal with it.

  I nodded toward the door. “Okay, let’s go.”

  But I had a feeling I was going to have to convince Nan that her services would be needed elsewhere. I didn’t think she was kidding about the whole sticking-to-me-like-glue part. In fact, I had a feeling Nan’s attachment to me would be more like superglue.

  I might start feeling a little claustrophobic.

  Nan followed me through the halls at a clipped pace. “Dylan, let me walk slightly in front of you.”

  I pivoted so Nan could move past me. She turned her head. “This way, if anyone attacks from the front, I’ll be ready. No need to worry, Dylan.”

  “I mean, I’m not that worried. If you think it would be better for you to go home, you can.”

  Hint, hint.

  Nan shook her head. “Nonsense. My place is here.”

  We found Roman a few minutes later talking to some men from his office. He saw me and came over.

  “Hi, Nan,” he said.

  “Hello, Officer Bane,” she replied.

  Roman’s lip curled into an amused smile, I guessed at Nan’s formality. Normally she wasn’t so serious—wait, who was I kidding? When it came to kicking butt and taking names, Nan was always serious.

  “Everything okay?” he said.

  I shook my head. “Can we talk in private?”

  A flash of concern washed over his sculpted features. His green eyes narrowed, and his lips tightened. “Of course.”

  He led us to a small room. We stepped inside, and he shut the door. Roman reached out to hug me, but Nan jumped in front of him.

  “No funny business, mister. Not on my watch. I’m here to guard the little lady. Watch yourself.”

  Roman lifted his palms in surrender. “No problem.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “What’s going on?”

  I sighed. “Someone attacked me with magic.”

  I explained the whole situation, from the leaking to the runaway dress and how it scampered off into the tree line.

  Roman’s green eyes changed from a clear sea color to a dark and turbulent ocean. “But your grandmother stopped your magic from leaving you,” he said.

  “Right. And now Nan is here to guard me.”

  Nan stirred her fists like a boxer. “Let me at ‘em. I’ll deal with anyone who tries to harm my Dylan.”

  I shrugged. “I wanted to let you know. It’s not just someone leaving a nasty note about me. It’s someone seriously trying to do damage. I’m sure it’s the murderer. Do you have any leads?”

  Roman raked his muscular fingers through his thick locks. “If by leads you mean everyone here hated Lilly and had something against her, then yes—everyone.”

  I twisted a strand of hair around my finger. “Then why was she even in the wedding if everyone hated her? There had to be someone who liked her. The bride—Rose?”

  Roman flattened a hand against his stomach. “She liked her the most from what I can tell, but Lilly was a complicated creature.”

  “Apparently so’s my life,” I grumbled. “Listen, talk to Mrs. Wood. She hinted that there was something about Lilly, but she didn’t say what. My sisters and I couldn’t get it out of her.”

  Roman narrowed his eyes to his own version of slitty wedges of death. I smiled brightly at him and pecked his cheek.

  “Before you get all mad at me, just know that I was trying to help you. Trying to help. Helping to solve this crime. Love you,” I said.

  “Then marry me,” he replied.

  A sharp jolt jabbed my heart. My gaze flickered nervously to Nan, who was scouring the room around us, ready to karate chop anyone who dared enter.

  “Roman, we’ve talked about this,” I whispered.

  He cocked his head. “You’ve talked a lot about why you shouldn’t. You haven’t once talked about why you should.”

  My mouth opened as if words wanted to tumble out, but I stumbled over anything sensical that came to mind.

  I used the only ace I had. “You really want to talk about this in front of Nan?”

  He nodded. “She won’t say anything. Will you, Nan?”

  Nan smacked her lips. “I’m on the lookout for evil. I’m not paying any attention to what you’re talking about. But Dylan, you should really listen to Roman.”

  I let my head fall back. “Okay. What is it? Tell me why I should?”

  Roman traced a finger down my jaw. “Because we belong together like peanut butter and jelly.”

  I barked a laugh. “Are you serious?”

  He shrugged. “Would you rather I tell you that you complete me?”

  I considered that option. “Possibly.”

  He rolled his eyes. “So cliché. Listen, we belong together because you fill in the parts of me that I don’t have.”

  I frowned. “You mean I’m impetuous.”

  “Yes, among other things. You dive in headfirst, you don’t necessarily plan ahead, you are as hardheaded as a woman can get.”

  I fisted my hands to my hips. “Listen, mister, you’re about as hardheaded as a rock on a cliff.”

  “What’s the cliff got to do with anything?”

  I raked my fingers through my hair. “Just sounded good. Okay, I get it. We should be together because we belong together. But what about everything else?”

  “Darlin’, you’re going to grow old anyway. Why not do it together?”

  Nan cleared her throat. “Why not, i
ndeed? Looks like I’ll be growing old protecting the Apel family. It’s my life’s dream to protect a family through the generations. I could also protect little baby Banes.”

  Roman chuckled. “See? Even Nan’s on my side.”

  I shook my head. “Listen, we need to figure out who’s trying to set me up before we go off doing a bunch of other craziness.”

  Roman opened his mouth to reply some awesome retort, I’m sure, but just then, I glanced out toward the forest. A flash of blue slipped among the trees. I slapped a hand to my forehead.

  “Come on, Nan,” I said. “We need to get out there.”

  She flared her legs in a fighting stance. “Where? What do we need to do?”

  I smirked. “We need to go catch a dress.”

  “Should I bring my broadsword?”

  I squeezed a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think this calls for that.” I glanced at Roman. “Excuse me, but we’ve got some gown trapping to do. You should stay here and find out who’s behind all this.”

  He raised his palms. “Don’t blame me for being right.”

  I shot him a not-too-dark look, but a kinda-sorta dark look, and led Nan off toward the forest. The wind whipped up as we headed across the lawn. The sun was burning down the sky, splashing purples and blues across the horizon. Wow. This day had gone by so quickly.

  I’m sure all the guests had planned to stay the night, but it certainly wasn’t the party everyone had banked on. It wasn’t at all.

  I turned to Nan as we neared the wooded edge. “Do you have any experience capturing magical items?”

  Nan’s gaze darted left and right. “Some. I’ve protected plenty of people against objects, but caught one? I can’t say that I have.”

  I nodded. “Good. Then we’re both on a level playing field with this.”

  Leaves crunched under my feet as I stepped through the tree line. It was growing dark quickly among the pines and old oaks. A breeze slashed across my body. I shivered.

  “Should we split up?” I said.

  Nan shook her head. “No way. I’m here to protect you. You are my ward, and we stay together.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine.”

  “Yes, you will be since I’m staying with you.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled. “Let’s go.”

  We walked for a few minutes, sounding like an army as we trampled over the dried leaves.

  I scanned left and right. Finally I saw a slip of blue disappear behind a cedar tree. I grabbed Nan’s arm and pointed. She motioned for me to take one side of the tree and she’d take the other.

  We split up. I walked slowly, not wanting the gown to hear.

  Okay, I know that sounds stupid because dresses don’t have ears, but at the time it made a ton of sense.

  Anyway, I crept to one side of the tree. I’ll readily admit I didn’t have a plan other than to shoot some magic at the stupid gown. I figured if I vaporized it, that would solve my problem. I wasn’t too worried about anyone seeing as we were behind a tree and the rest of the guests were back in the tent, far enough away that none of them would see. Or if they did, I’d be gone by the time they arrived to investigate.

  I took a deep breath, pointed to Nan and signaled it was go time. I jumped from around the tree.

  The gown turned toward me and then Nan. It shuddered. I had to nab it before the thing scampered off.

  I pointed my hands at it and released a wave of magic into the gown, imagining it burning up into a ball of flame.

  The gown twisted and contorted. It wanted to escape, needed to, I could sense it. But I had a job to do, and I planned on the dress staying exactly where it was and burning up. Because really, I couldn’t have a bodiless gown running around. That was a serious violation of witch law.

  With magic pinning the dress in place, my power licked at the hem, and the fabric burst into a fit of spitting fire. I shot more magic into it, hoping to speed up the process. A loud swoosh filled the air, and a pyre enveloped the dress.

  A second later the burnt husk dropped to the ground. The fabric had withered, peeling like newspaper.

  I rubbed the back of my arm over my forehead. “That was easier than I thought it would be,” I said.

  Nan nodded. “Thank goodness we came in twos. Confused the thing. It didn’t know which way to go.”

  I cocked a brow. “Yep, that gave us the advantage.”

  My gaze swept over the forest floor. A few paces from the dress sat a stone circle. In the middle were charred black remnants as if someone had recently made a fire.

  “Do people camp out here? The mansion seems like too nice of a place to do that.”

  Nan inspected the spot. “Could’ve been a groom’s party last night. You know, the boys get together and do things like spar with swords, cast rune stones, that sort of thing.”

  I smirked. “Exactly like that.”

  I did not have the heart to tell Nan that bachelor parties did not usually have rune stones involved, but if that’s what she wanted to think, then so be it.

  I crossed to the fire and kicked at one of the rocks. It rolled down in the middle of the pit. A clump of black in the center looked surprisingly familiar. I knelt down and felt for heat. When I realized the campfire was cold, I ran a finger over one of the shapes.

  “Holy cow,” I said.

  Nan knelt. Her older knees cracked as they did her bidding. “What is it?”

  I fetched one of the figures from the fire and held it up to the waning light.

  Nan squinted. “What is that?”

  My stomach twisted into a pretzel. I pushed back a wave of nausea that threatened to surge up my throat.

  “It’s a tiny dragon. We set them loose in the house earlier today to spy on the guests. Find out who had fingered me for murder.”

  Nan frowned. “What are they doing out here?”

  I circled my hand around the figurine so hard my knuckles whitened. “Someone found them and decided to burn them. The witch is one step ahead of us.”

  Nan’s eyes filled with worry. “What’s that mean, exactly?”

  I gritted my teeth. “I’m pretty sure it means that person’s out for blood—my blood.”

  NINE

  I grabbed the bundle of tiny dragons, and we left the forest. Nan and I reached the inside of the mansion right as people were spilling out of the tent and heading back inside.

  I smiled at the grim faces, but few people even seemed to notice me.

  Nan curled a hand around my arm. “I say we head back to your room for a debriefing. Tell the rest what we found.”

  I nodded. “Sounds good.”

  We decided to take a back way to the room, up an old servant’s staircase. We hit the steps and managed to avoid the rest of the traffic.

  We found the bedroom empty. I put the burnt clump of tiny dragons on the dresser. They were a melted mess. I did my best to count how many were there. I counted eleven, but it could have been twelve. In fact, it could’ve been ten. There was really no way to be certain without one of the grandmothers there.

  I toed off my shoes, peeled off my socks and rubbed the bottoms of my feet. “Nan, you’ve known witches a long time. What do your instincts tell you?”

  Nan closed the drapes and sat in a chair facing the door. “My instincts say someone doesn’t want anyone to know they’re a witch.”

  “But why? And why kill Lilly?”

  Nan shrugged. “Wasn’t she being loud about the fact that she was a witch?”

  A thought slowly seeped into my brain. “She was.” I snapped my fingers. “Do you think Lilly knew this other person was a witch?”

  Nan shrugged. “Possibly. Maybe she was telling others about the witch. Maybe Lilly angered her in another way. Maybe it was just a person killing to kill. Who knows?”

  I brushed off a dusting of dirt that clung to the bottoms of my pants. “Where is everyone?”

  The air buzzed and crackled. I knew that sound. Someone was trying to c
ontact me through a witchy sort of television display. I glanced around the room until a square of static fuzz appeared on a wall.

  Grandma’s bodiless head drifted into view. “Dylan, where are you?”

  “I’m here in the room with my bodyguard,” I said snidely. “Where are you?”

  Grandma clasped her hands in front of her face. “We’re all here.”

  I cocked a brow. “Where’s here?”

  Grandma smiled. “In the basement.”

  I shot Nan a concerned look. “What are you doing down there?”

  “We’re all down here with the killer. We’ve captured her. Come quickly so that you can see.”

  I bolted off the bed. “What? You’ve captured her? Is Roman there?”

  Grandma winked at me. “He doesn’t know anything about it. Yet. We’re hoping to get a full confession first.”

  “How did you find her?”

  Grandma fluffed her silver hair. “The tiny dragon told us.”

  My eyes widened. “Grandma, wait. There’s something you need to know about that.”

  “You can tell me when you get here. Hurry, Dylan. Your other grandmother is about to get a confession by threatening to set her feet in blocks of ice.”

  I literally felt the blood rush from my face and pool on the floor. “No, Grandma, wait!”

  “No time! Get here quickly.” Grandma gave a quick wave, and the screen disappeared with a blip.

  I yanked on my socks, hopping from one foot to the other as I pulled the cotton. “Crap, Nan. We’ve got to go.”

  Nan yawned. “What’s the rush?”

  I shoved my feet into my shoes. “The problem is we don’t know if that’s a real tiny dragon. Why would only one dragon be left if all the others were found and disposed of?”

  Nan nodded. “You know, that makes a lot of sense.”

  “What makes even more sense is that whoever found the tiny dragons then planted the last dragon in a person’s room just to throw the scent off them.”

  “So you think whoever they’re holding is innocent?”

  I ran to the door and flung it open. “I think they’re innocent and the grandmothers are about to reveal to them that we’re witches. If they do that and the witch police find out, I’m pretty sure we’re toast, protection or no protection.”