"Pretty," Little Sun said around a mouthful of stew, dribbling a drop down his chin. "Tree, pretty."
Caitlyn laughed softly and wiped his chin. "Don't talk with your mouth full," she reminded him.
"Won't," Little Sun agreed. He shoved in his last bite of stew and swallowed it, then slid from his chair. "'Kate," he demanded as he ran over and pointed up at his coat. "'Kate, now."
"You have to wait until after I do the dishes," Caitlyn said.
"No, you don't, Cat," Silas said, gathering up the dishes into a pile in front of his plate. "I'll do these here dishes this evenin'. You young'uns go on out and skate. I ain't about to take a chance on falling on that ice, breakin' these old bones."
"You'll do dishes?" Caitlyn said around a gasp of surprise. "Why, Silas...."
"Get!" Silas insisted. "I've washed many a dish in my day. I'll come down in a while and get Little Sun to put him to bed. He's not gonna last too long out there tonight. It's way past his bedtime already."
"As soon as he's asleep, we can put out the presents," Caitlyn whispered with a wink at Jon. "Come get us as soon as he nods off, Silas."
In answer to Little Sun's urging, they hurried into their coats and set off to the lake. Caitlyn threw her head back, breathing in the crisp air and slipping her hand into Jon's as they walked. Their mittens were a barrier to flesh meeting bare flesh, but she squeezed until she could feel the outline of Jon's fingers against her own. He didn't pull away, but neither did he respond to the pressure.
"Isn't it just wonderful out tonight?" Caitlyn asked. "See, the wind's died down."
"I still better light the fire." Jon removed his hand and knelt by his previously-prepared wood, while Caitlyn sat down on a nearby log placed there for that purpose and strapped hers and Little Sun's skates to their feet.
"Jon, 'kate," Little Sun said as he tromped over to Jon. "Jon, 'kate, too."
"I will, son," Jon promised with a smile. "I left my skates there on that tree limb the other day after we skated. You and Caitlyn go ahead while I get ready."
Little Sun toddled onto the ice, and Caitlyn quickly joined him, swooping his hands into hers and gilding them both across the frozen surface. She'd managed to get pretty good at this since Jon had given her a pair of skates for herself. She and the small boy skated hand in hand, their gleeful voices filling the night air with sounds of enjoyment.
Jon soon glided up beside them and reached for one of Little Sun's hands. They skated around in ever widening circles, until Jon called a halt after they all three nearly fell when they ran across an especially rough spot of ice.
"We better go back in and warm up by the fire," he said. Little Sun stifled a tired yawn, and Jon reached down to pick him up. "Come on." He took Caitlyn's hand in his own and she glided beside him toward the shoreline. They arrived just as Silas emerged from behind the fire.
"I'll carry the little fellow up to bed," Silas said, taking him from Jon's arms. "Looks like he's finally tuckered out."
Little Sun snuggled his head on Silas's shoulder. "Ti'ed," he agreed around another yawn.
"You two go ahead and stay here," Silas said when Jon sat down and began to unlace his skates. "Heck, it's early yet for young people. We can do those there...uh...hidden things after you come up."
Silas walked away, and Caitlyn turned her head up to the sky again. Silvery light from a full moon fell on her face, and the Christmas star hung low, its brilliance outshining the bright sparkles dusting the rest of the ebony sky. She closed her eyes briefly and made a wish, then shook her hood back and combed her fingers through her hair, which she had brushed out before supper and deliberately neglected to tie back into her usual braids. She lifted her hair free, allowing it to stream down her back.
"It's so beautiful tonight," she said with a sigh. "A perfect Christmas Eve. I'm not a bit cold. I think I'll skate some more."
Without waiting to see if Jon wanted to join her, she walked back onto the ice and pushed off again. She handled the double-bladed skates easily enough. She'd caught the smell of beeswax on them once in a while, and decided Jon must treat them with it now and then to make the wooden blades slipperier.
Jon watched her with a wrench in his gut, determined that hell would flare up beneath the ice and melt it before he would join Caitlyn in her carefree dance. She skated with abandon, her legs flashing in the tight, buckskin trousers she wore this evening beneath her wolfskin jacket. Her hair swung from side to side, beams of moonlight brushing it as it danced with her movements.
Without even realizing he had moved, Jon glided silently onto the ice and caught up with her. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and Caitlyn placed her other hand in his and laid her head on his shoulder. She hummed a few bars at first, then sang the words in a lilting voice.
"Oh, Holy Night. The stars are brightly shining...."
Jon held her tighter, and his deeper, baritone voice blended with hers as they sang the rest of the beautiful Christmas Carol together.
As the last note faded from both their lips, he whirled Caitlyn into his arms and crushed her mouth with his own. When he could finally bring himself to break the kiss, he cupped her face between his palms and glared down at her.
"What the hell are you trying to do to me, Caitlyn?"
"Just wishing you a Merry Christmas, Jon," she said as she covered his hands with hers. "Just trying to say I'm sorry I've been such a fool. Christmas should be a time of soul-searching, truth and renewal, don't you think? We can't have peace in our lives if we don't come to terms with our past mistakes."
"You've never acted like you've ever made a mistake in your entire life."
"I have, though. Lots of them. And the one I made a while back was so terrible that it's threatening to destroy my entire life if I don't find some way to correct it."
Jon dropped his hands, but Caitlyn placed hers on his shoulders. He couldn't move away without shoving her aside.
"Can I ask for a present from you for Christmas, Jon?" she whispered. "Just one, though I know I don't deserve it."
"What?"
"Just a few minutes for us to talk together. That's all."
"It's too cold out here."
Jon grabbed her waist again and skated her toward the shore, and Caitlyn's heart collapsed in pain. She didn't resist when he led her to the log and pushed her down, then knelt to remove her skates. After handing them to her, he rose and sat beside her, taking off his own skates with a few sure movements.
He stood again, pulling her up with him, and slipping his arm around her waist as they started toward the cabin.
"Silas sleeps pretty soundly," he said after a few steps. "We can talk after we get the presents under the tree and he goes to sleep."
The moonlight illuminated Caitlyn's grateful gaze, and Jon paused to brush a perilous tear from her lower lash. "Just don't cry again, all right? A person shouldn't cry at Christmas time."
"I won't," Caitlyn promised, hoping with all her might that she could keep that vow.
****
1
Chapter 25
"Don't you dare!"
Startled by Jon's sharp voice, Caitlyn whirled, her hair swirling around her and a wide-eyed, virtuous look on her face. "Don't what? I wasn't...."
"You were trying to see what was in your package," Jon teased. "You thought you'd distract me with cookies and sneak a peek."
"Well, you've got it in a box," Caitlyn said through lips pursed into a pout, but the firelit twinkle in her eyes belied her disgruntlement. "I can't tell what it is anyway."
Silas gave a huge snore from his bunk, smacked his lips and rolled over with his face to the wall. Jon and Caitlyn both chuckled under their breaths, and Jon laid his cookie on the table. He walked over to Caitlyn and turned her to face the tree. Slipping his arms around her, he laid his head on her hair and snuggled her close.
"Pretty, isn't it?" he said.
"I always think every year that each tree is the prettiest," she said with a sigh, curlin
g her hands around his and leaning back against his chest.
"Oh, yeah. The tree, too."
"I thought you were talking about the tree." She tried to twist in his arms to look up at him, but Jon held her tight, rubbing his chin on her hair.
"Maybe I should have said beautiful instead of pretty," he murmured. "Then you would've known I was referring to you, not the tree."
"Paw always told me that pretty is as pretty does. I haven't been acting very pretty lately."
"And what did your paw say about a man when he acted like a jackass?"
Caitlyn giggled and stroked the back of his hand with her fingers. "That he was a jackass," she admitted. "But...." She managed to wiggle around in his arms and raised her hands to Jon's shoulders. "It hasn't been you, Jon. I...stuck my nose somewhere I had no business sticking it, and...."
Jon dropped a kiss on her nose, and smoothed his hands up and down her back as he said, "It's a cute nose. A beautiful nose. God, I've missed you, darlin'."
He bent and touched her lips, sipped them gently, then once again. Caitlyn's lips parted and her breathing quickened when he gently moved his lips back and forth across hers, barely brushing them.
She clenched her fingers on his shoulders, and when Jon groaned and pulled her against him to claim her mouth fully, Caitlyn whimpered with both relief at being in his arms again, where she belonged and need to be even closer. Burying her fingers in his hair, she kissed him back with all the banked longing of the last few weeks.
Jon lingeringly released her mouth, as though he could barely bring himself to break the kiss. He leaned his forehead against hers, his breath panting and his heart thundering in his chest.
"God, Caitlyn. God, I can't believe you're really in my arms again."
Caitlyn buried her face on his neck with a shiver. "You...may not want me here, after I tell you how stupid I've been."
"I doubt that very damned much." Jon cupped her chin and tilted her face up for another kiss, then forced himself to release her. "Let's sit on the floor by the fire. I'll get a fur from my bunk for us."
"Silas already spread one out. Didn't you see it while we were putting the presents under the tree?"
"I guess I had my attention on something else," Jon said with a growl. "Come on." He led her over to the fireplace and sat down, pulling Caitlyn onto his lap. "Silas even moved Little Sun's bed so we'd have room to sit here," he mused, stroking the hair away from her face. "I think that old coot's giving us an early Christmas present."
"Not too early," Caitlyn said with a languid sigh, snuggling her head on his shoulder. "It's almost midnight."
Jon ran a finger down her cheek, continuing down her soft neck. "Hum. Then I guess it's not too early to give you a Christmas kiss."
His lips covered hers again and Caitlyn wrapped her arm around his neck, returning his kiss freely. The kiss deepened and Jon probed his tongue around her lips, between them, inside to sweep her mouth. Aching need raced through her and her breasts surged against his chest. Jon pulled her hips closer to the strain between his legs, then laid back, carrying her with him until she lay on his stomach, cradled on his straining need. He ached for her — not just for any woman — for Caitlyn.
He buried one hand in her hair, clutched her hips and pulled her even tighter against him still. His tongue probed in and out of her mouth in time to the movements of their lower bodies. Suddenly Jon wrenched his mouth free with a gasp.
"Caitlyn! Oh, God, darlin', we have to stop. Otherwise, I'm going to take you right here."
When Caitlyn stared down at him with parted lips and eyes begging him for for completion of their loving, Jon closed his eyes to block out her face. Holding her in his arms, he sat up and stared into the fire as their breathing lightened.
"I want you," he finally murmured. "I want you like hell. Every time I hold you like this, I want you more than I did the last time. But there's no privacy here. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe Silas will take Little Sun...sledding...or something."
Finally able to gain control over her own rebellious body, Caitlyn sighed deeply and turned on his lap to face him. "Jon?" she asked softy, continuing when he nodded at her, "Is this still more than wanting? I...please tell me I haven't made you stop loving me."
She dropped her eyes and toyed a finger in the rawhide laces on his shirt, unable to face her disappointment if she saw the wrong answer on his face.
"What do you think?" he whispered.
"I...think...." She wrapped the end of the lace around her finger. "I think...I know I still love you — I never stopped, though I kept lying to myself, saying I had."
Jon removed the lace from her finger and carried her hand to his mouth. "I love you, Caitlyn. I love you more than life. Are you going to tell me why you tried to stop loving me?"
"Yes," she murmured. "I said I was, didn't I? It's just...I...oh, Jon, I read the letter," she finally blurted. "And saw the picture."
Jon nibbled her fingers for another second. "What letter?" he said licking a crevice between two of her fingers. "Oh." He flicked his tongue across her palm. "You mean the letter from Charlie and the picture of his little boy?"
"Jon, please," she begged as she pulled her hand away. "You're acting like it's not important at all."
"It's important," he said with a sigh of loss as he glanced at her hand. Finally he looked into her frowning face. "I guess it's damned important, if it made you want to stop loving me. But I still don't understand why."
"Did you look at that picture, Jon? And read the letter?"
"Yeah. So?"
"Men!" Caitlyn muttered. She straightened and folded her arms beneath her breasts. "Were you in love with your brother's wife before they got married?"
"No," Jon said, sending a quiver of hope through Caitlyn, that slowly faded as he continued, "What I felt for Roxie wasn't love, though I might have thought so at the time. It wasn't until I fell in love with you that I knew what real love was."
"But...but the baby."
"People have babies after they get married," Jon informed her with a grin. "Sometimes before that."
"That's what I mean," Caitlyn insisted. "Jon, do you and your brother look like each other?"
"No, not really. He's one of those men you women call tall, dark and handsome."
Caitlyn shuttered her eyes in pain, and Jon ran his hands up and down her arms in comfort.
"Caitlyn? What is it? Why all these questions that don't make sense?"
"Did...did you make love to Roxie while you were courting her?"
"No," Jon denied. "That wasn't making love. Making love is what I do with you."
"But you did bed her," Caitlyn demanded.
"Caitlyn...."
"Jon, that letter says that the baby was born early. And that picture is not a picture of a baby born to a tall and dark father."
Jon stiffened and his hands fell to his legs. "No. Christ, Caitlyn, he can't be. I mean...."
"Did you or did you not bed her?" Caitlyn demanded again.
Jon refused to answer her, staring over her shoulder into the firelight. Caitlyn reached up to caress his cheek.
"That at least tells me something," she said softly. "You didn't know, did you? Would...would you have married her, if you had known?"
"Probably," Jon admitted in a dry voice. "Probably," he whispered.
"Jon, maybe...well, maybe she was also sleeping with your brother. Maybe she didn't know which...."
"They hadn't slept together yet four days before their wedding," Jon told her in a quiet voice, flickering out that tiny flame of hope. "Charlie let me know that. He's mine. He has to be. Damn her! Damn her to hell!"
Caitlyn sat unmoving, fighting her own hurt and the desire she felt to comfort Jon in his pain. Mouth tight with anger, he glared past her, reflected flames from the fire highlighting the fury in his eyes. The silent room mocked the raging emotions she could sense him trying to control.
She'd never been afraid of Jon before — not really physically, though s
he had been deathly afraid of the emotional pain she would feel if he'd told her tonight that she had killed his love. Hesitantly, she reached her hand up to his cheek again.
"Jon?"
Jon grabbed her close and buried his face on her neck. "Damn, it hurts, Caitlyn. Almost as much as it did when I thought I'd lost you."
"Jon, talk to me about it. Please."
"Sure," he said with a fierce grunt of torment. He raised his head in order to see her face. "How the hell can I sit here with the woman I love in my arms and talk to her about a baby I had with another woman?"
"I'm not saying that it won't hurt me to hear about it, Jon. But it's real. It's happened. It's something we have to deal with."
Jon shook his head and a blond curl fell over his forehead, which Caitlyn tenderly pushed back into place.
"There isn't any way to deal with it," he muttered. "Charlie's raising him as his own son. It'd tear him apart to know Roxie had tricked him — that the boy was mine."
"I agree," Caitlyn told him. "But I was talking about dealing with it between us — since you assured me there still is an us."
"You're damned right there is, and there's going to be forever. We're not going to let anything like this happen between us again, Caitlyn. When you've got something to ask me about, you ask it. Hear me, woman?"
"I hear you, man," she said with a soft chuckle. "And now you do the same to me. Talk to me. Tell me about it."
With a wry twist to his lips, Jon said, "Roxie was...."
"No!" Caitlyn covered his mouth and shook her head. "Not that part. I don't think I want to hear that part."
Jon carefully removed her hand and held it in his. "She's part of it, darlin'. I can't tell you about any of it without including her. You have to understand what a deceitful, vicious bitch I finally realized she was."
A smile curved Caitlyn's lips. "Well, if that's how it is, I guess I can listen to that."
"I'll bet you can," Jon said with a disgruntled laugh. "And you can sit there and think to yourself what a stupid jackass I was, with me confirming that fact with every word I say."
Mountain Magic Page 26
