Will grimaced but Rik showed no physical reaction to the hurt in my voice.
“Sorry, honey,” Will apologised quietly as he stepped out of my way and I glared at him. “Only just though if that makes you feel better.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I spun on Rik, foolishness making my hurt turn to anger.
“Because it’s a new thing. And I can’t disclose names when you’re not one of mine, Esther.”
“But I am one of yours!”
“Since yesterday, babe.” Rage simmered in his eyes but I clenched my teeth against the need to hit him when he captured my jaw tightly in his hand. “You might be the love of my life, but I’m also your boss.” As if to soothe the severity of his scolding he softly kissed the tip of my nose.
Rolling my eyes at his domineering tone, the ‘love of my life’ part swallowing my rage, I gave in and sighed. “Fine, but don’t think this conversation is over, Rik Bane.”
Amusement lit his eyes and he chuckled as Will cut in, eager to change the subject. “I love this place, Es.”
Rik, as if only just seeing the wide open space we had walked into, moved his eyes from me and glanced over my little bit – or rather huge – sanctuary. It was scarce of clutter; the open-floor plan the very thing that settled the storm that always seem to seethe under my skin. It was a little less claustrophobic than my life and it was the only place that I felt completely relaxed in. When I had bought it years ago, it had been filled to the brim with various shit the previous owner had sold in his shop, and although, at the time, it had been difficult to picture how big and open it was, the little kick in my gut had told me it was exactly what I had been looking for. Now it accommodated a small gym, a basic but adequate kitchenette, a sitting area, and a bathroom that was enclosed by a simple brick wall in one corner. My huge wrought iron bed, that I’d been ecstatic to find in the warehouse beneath all the mess, sat in front of the floor to ceiling window I had had fitted, and looked over the peaceful canal. Put simply, it was my breathing space.
“Thank you, I kind of love it too.”
Dropping Rik’s hand, I made my way into the kitchen area to grab some drinks. Rik walked over to the right wall and my heart stalled when he stood in front of the massive collage of photos and memorabilia I had devoted to my past.
His fingers reached out to one particular photo and he warily, as if it would burn him, traced the image of him and me that my mother had snapped of us on my twelfth birthday.
“Fourteen years is a long time,” Will said quietly when he perched himself on one of the stools to the other side of the countertop. “Eight years was too long for me, so God knows how Bane feels.”
I nodded, unable to answer vocally with the restriction in my throat. Forcing away my gaze from Rik when he slowly explored the rest of the only clutter in the room, I grabbed three beers from the fridge and went around to join Will.
“So, talk to me.”
He gave me a soft smile and took a long pull of his beer. “Firstly, I’m sorry.”
I nodded, and deciding this was going to be harder than I thought, I placed the bottle down and grabbed the whisky and three glasses.
Will followed me over to the sitting area, the old but incredibly comfortable sofa enclosing me in its plump and soft cushions. Will took the oversized armchair as Rik planted himself beside me.
Looking grateful for the hard liquor, Will downed it in one and blew out a breath. “My real name is Kirk Williams.”
That didn’t come a surprise due to Brandon filling me in. I nodded for him to go on.
“I was an agent for the SIS for a long time. I loved it, the unpredictable, the excitement, it was me. It made my heart beat harder and my mouth water for the conquest.” He grimaced slightly, and lowered his eyes. “We had been watching your father for a long time. Or rather, SIS had; that was a few years before I joined. William Dean was legendary, and everyone was hungry for the chance to lock him down. However, just as the team were about to move in, someone tipped William off and he went underground.”
I nodded, remembering back to the day my mother had dragged me away from Rik and life had never been the same again.
“And then, a few years later, we got a break. An informant came up with a location on your family.”
“And you were sent in because you were new and unknown to my father?”
Will nodded, confirming my account. “Yeah.”
His face paled and he grimaced when tears of hurt prickled my eyes. “So…” I couldn’t ask the question, and blinking away the tears, I turned away from him.
He squeezed his eyes closed when my voice broke. “It wasn’t like that, Es. When I found you, when I took your hand in mine and made you that promise, the job I had been given never manipulated the love and care I gave you, wanted to give you. You were hurting, and that just made me all the more determined to put your father behind bars.”
“But I gave you the perfect opportunity to be brought in to the family, didn’t I?”
When he didn’t answer and looked away, I repeated the horrifying truth with a scream. “DIDN’T I?”
“Yes.” His voice was quiet and full of guilt, yet I couldn’t feel any compassion for the way I had been used. For how stupid my best friend had seen me, and used that stupidity for his own gain.
I couldn’t sit and listen to what I thought had been love and kindness cruelly turn into opportunity and selfishness.
“Esther!” Will called but I shook my head and held up a hand, warning him to give me space.
“Let her go,” Rik said quietly as the door slammed shut behind me.
Had I been that desperate for a friend, for someone I could lean on? So much so that I had allowed myself to become so reckless? My father had always taught me to be suspicious of everyone, and even though he had been duped as much as me, it didn’t stop the pain from tearing my heart in two at the realisation not even my best friend was loyal. All my life people had used me for whatever they could get from me, and until recently, only Geoffrey had shown me unconditional love. Yet, now, even that was tainted. Had I also been so blind by the need for someone to love me that I hadn’t seen what Rik was determined for me to see?
I lifted my face to the dulling sky, the few flakes of snow that lazily fluttered in the faint breeze settling and instantly melting on my hot cheeks. Tears ran down my face, the pain in my heart only freed through the liberation of my weeping.
Arms came around me and turning me, I buried my face into Rik’s strong chest. His scent calmed me but I couldn’t stop the sobs breaking from me in a wave of sorrow. “I thought he was my friend.”
“He was,” Rik said softly into my hair. “You’re making this into something it isn’t, Esther. Kirk told you that, but once again you refuse to listen.”
Angered by his excuse I shook my head and pulled back. “Did he tell you? Tell you how he became my friend?”
“No. That’s none of my business.”
I scoffed. “That’s where you’re wrong.”
He frowned, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. “Why?”
“It was your birthday. Your eighteenth. I was fifteen, and I was… in a dark place. Whisky and pills replaced your arms, both soothed me when you couldn’t.”
Horror widened his eyes and he shook his head. “Little legs…”
I stepped back, the feeling of hopelessness once again consuming me. “I needed you. I just wanted to see you and feel your arms around me again, making everything okay the way only you could. But you weren’t there. No one was. I was so lonely, so broken. I was fifteen, and that morning I had put a bullet through a man’s skull. Fifteen, Rik! My hands had taken someone’s life. The guilt was unbearable. And, then, there was only one way out, only one option for peace from the pain, the guilt, the self-hatred.”
He enclosed me in his arms, this time refusing me any leeway when I tried to pull back. “I was always with you, Esther. My soul was always with you. We both shared the same blue sky ev
ery morning when we woke, the same stars that lit the night sky as we closed our eyes to sleep and dream. We both held the same memories, the same scars we had when we were kids, and we both had the same eyes and the same smile to remember.”
I looked up at him, the difference in our height only bringing my face to his chest. Running his thumb across my lips he collected the tears and leaned towards me. “The love we shared couldn’t ever be eclipsed by loneliness, Es. I felt you with me always. I smiled every time you smiled, my heart beat in sync with yours, and I felt your laugh caress the pain in my heart even across the miles that separated us.”
He kissed me then. He kissed me for the years gone by, the pain we both shared within us. He kissed me for every minute of love we could never show, and he kissed me for every beat of my heart. His adoration soothed the fury inside me, and the strength of his hold made me feel safe, protected from the shit my life had become.
“You should let him explain,” Rik urged when he broke away and threaded his fingers through mine. “I’m sure it’s not like you’re choosing to remember it. Your anger is clouding the truth.”
Before, when he’d told me he would always tell me the truth, even if it hurt, I hadn’t expected him to be quite so honest, but I had to admit that he was right, and yes, it did hurt. I hadn’t given Will chance to tell me what happened. Hurt and resentment had seen me run when I should have listened, no matter how much the truth upset me.
Nodding, Rik gave me a smile and led me back into the warehouse. “Do you have clothes here?”
I frowned, stumped by his random question. “Yes, of course.”
“Good. When you’ve listened to what Kirk has to say, we’re spending time on us.”
“Right, sir.”
His lips twisted with my sassy tone but he didn’t speak, quietly leading me back into the warehouse. His hand was firm in mine, his long fingers threaded through mine, and taking the strength he was offering, I swallowed back the hurt and faced Will as I retook my place on the sofa. “I’m not even sure what to call you.”
His smile was sad. “I’ll always be your Will, Esther.”
Rik pulled in a breath when he settled beside me once again. “It’s a good job you’re gay, Kirk, or I’d think you were hitting on my girl!”
“It was never like that with us,” Will asserted, his stare stern on Rik. “I never saw her as anything other than my best friend. John took care of her that way, and he would have killed me if I’d have started to see Esther as more than just a friend. The guy was besotted with her. Still is,” he added with a sigh.
Rik stiffened and I rolled my eyes. “You want to take a break?”
Slowly, he turned his face to me and the look he pierced me with made my spine shiver. “Is there something you don’t want me to know?”
“What? No. But John was a huge part of my life, Rik. I can’t, and won’t, erase him just to spare your feelings. Besides, I’m more than aware that you have past lovers.”
“Lovers?” He laughed at the term, and then shook his head slightly. “Go on,” he gestured to Will.
Will leaned forwards and took my hands in his. “I know how it looked, but after John got me out of there and I was well enough to start again, you were gone. Esther Dean disappeared. John and me, we looked for you, Es. I promise. As much as I didn’t want to jeopardise your safety, my soul needed you.”
I nodded. “In a way I was lucky. Running from the MI5 taught me all I needed to know about disappearing. Even my father couldn’t find me, and that’s how I wanted it. But Geoffrey did. He helped me, he let the light in when the darkness tempted me back. I will always love him for that.” I moved my gaze to Rik. “Even if you tell me what you think he…”
“I don’t think, Esther. I know.”
“There has to be some explanation. Geoffrey wasn’t like that!”
Quirking his eyebrow at me, Rik coughed slightly. “Honesty, Es. Like I promised you.”
I braced myself but knew I needed to hear what he had to say.
“You’re not exactly the best at seeing what’s there. You took Kirk into your heart and he hid his true self from you for years. Camron had been screwing your best friend for months…”
His harsh candour made me flinch and he squeezed my hand. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but I need you to accept your flaws. You work for Memphis now and hiding behind your refusal to accept the truth could very well kill you.”
I knew he was right and I sighed, rubbing at my tired eyes. “Fine. We go back to Sparrow and figure this shit out. But I swear, Rik Bane, if I prove you wrong, about Geoffrey, then you owe me big time.”
He smirked, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “I’m sure we can work out some sort of… payment.”
“I’m sure we can,” I sniffed, refusing to meet his eye. “I’m quite partial to exclusive restaurants and expensive lingerie.”
He pulled in a breath, his eyes darkening. “And you think that seeing your tight little body encased in black lace or red silk is some sort of forfeit?”
I paused. He had me there.
Twenty-one
Bane
The food tasted bland compared to the delicious way Esther’s deep red lips moved every time she slid the fork between them, or the way her elegant throat dipped when she swallowed, or the way her tongue occasionally swept across her lip to catch a drop of sauce. Her bright blue eyes frequently caught mine, and seeing the heat in my stare, a flush rose on her cheeks and she looked away. Every time I saw her shift slightly in her seat told me she was as fucking turned-on as me.
“Please tell me you’re not a dessert girl.”
She smirked, understanding my eagerness to get out of the stuffy and dark bistro we’d found at the edge of town. “Well, I was hoping for something sweet, and maybe some cheese and biscuits, oh, and then I thought we could finish with coffee and mints…”
Her lips twisted into a wry smile when I quirked an eyebrow at her and leaned across the table. “Then be prepared for me to slide under this table and eat you while you make your way through every one of those courses.” I swung a hand around the busy restaurant, my grin growing alongside Esther’s eyes. “And if you think having witnesses puts me off parting your legs and dipping my tongue into your wet cunt…”
“Okay,” she nodded vigorously and thrust her hand into the air to call over our waiter. “Bill, please.”
I chuckled, her excitement making my cock even harder. My girl was as horny as me, and I knew we wouldn’t get out of the car park before we were all over each other.
The waiter frowned when he approached us. “Your bill has been paid, ma’am.”
I stared at the idiot as I held out my credit card. “Not yet.”
He nodded, looking from Esther to me. “Yes, sir. The gentleman…” He turned towards an empty table that sat in the darkest corner of the place, and stalled. “Oh, well, the gentleman that was sat there paid for your meal, for the lady’s birthday.”
“What?” I turned to Esther, panicking that I’d forgotten her birthday.
She shook her head, puzzlement crossing her face. “It’s not my birthday.”
The waiter looked even more confused. “He was very specific that I was to give you your gift as you were leaving.”
I stiffened, my gut twisting as warning bells rang through me. “Gift?”
He nodded. “If you give me a moment I’ll fetch it.”
I stood up, grabbing Esther’s wrist and pulling her up abruptly. “Go and wait in the car.”
Alarmed but bemused at my tone, she scowled. “No.”
Her damn belligerence once again made me grind my teeth. “Esther, I’m not arguing with you. Go and wait in the car.”
My tone gave no room for her to challenge me, and growling in frustration, she pulled her hand from mine. “You and your goddamned need for control.”
“My need to keep you safe is right at the fucking top of my needs, little legs,” I growled, leaning into her to keep our con
versation private from the diners staring our way. “And I swear if you don’t do as you’re fucking told, I’m going to lose my shit, right here, right the fuck now. Go!”
She blinked at me, her face reddening with anger, but finally understanding my need to get her out of there, she huffed and snatched the car keys out of my hand, then turned on her skyscraper heels and stormed away.
I watched her go, my eyes following her every step until she was safely in the car before I turned back to the waiter who was stood patiently beside me holding out a small oblong box. It was wrapped in blue paper and finished with a pretty pink bow.
“Did he leave a name?” I barked at the waiter who quickly shook his head when he saw my concern.
“No, sir. He sat at the back table, he didn’t eat but he paid for your meal.”
“I suppose he tipped very well.”
Shame, or embarrassment, made him flinch and he nodded. “Yes.”
“Hmm.” I glanced around the room and bit into my lip. “Do you have somewhere private that I can open this?”
“Of course.”
He gestured for me to follow and showed me to a small office at the back of the restaurant. Waiting until he shut the door behind him, I hesitantly tore off the paper and opened the box. Not surprised to find a USB inside by the shape of the box, I snapped open the laptop that was sat on the messy desk.
My heart stopped and pure rage poured through me when the file opened.
And then I lost my shit.
Twenty-two
Esther
My anger with Rik soon turned to anguish when I watched him storm from the restaurant. His long legs took strides that devoured the distance between me and him quickly.
His brow was creased with worry – or temper – lines. After giving me a quick glance, he practically forced himself into the driver’s seat and immediately started the engine. The simmering rage in his eyes had the beat of my heart stuttering and my mouth dried as I sat silently regarding him, waiting for him to divulge and curtail his rage. However, my patience wasn’t rewarded.
Bane (Memphis #1) Page 13
