by R. K. Star
“Your father James Nito is fine and will make a full recovery.”
I had a slight relief in my stomach and my shaking eased.
“However, your mother Alice Nito,” she stopped and paused for a moment. “The airbags didn’t deploy and she had multiple wounds on her skull indicating she was struck against the car.” She put her hand on my head and stroked me gently. “She didn’t make it.”
I knew what she was going to say before the words exited her mouth. Yet when the words came from her mouth I didn’t believe it. Tears streamed down my cheeks before she told me my mother didn’t make it. I made soft sobbing noises subconsciously that I couldn’t control.
“It’s okay, just let it all out, you’ll feel better after that.” She sat next to me on the bed and embraced me, softly stroking my hair and while I wept. It felt really comforting to have a stranger hold me again.
Black surrounded me. I could feel the warmth of the air. I heard background noises, gurney wheels rolling back and forth. Wheel chairs moving. Footsteps back and forth. I realize I fell asleep earlier. I opened my eyes to see the nurse was gone. I remember what the nurse told me and her warm embrace reminded me it wasn’t a dream. I noticed the curtain pulled over, I was in one of those rooms that housed two patients. I could imagine there being another person lying on the bed adjacent to the curtain. Now that I think about it I don’t remember how I fell asleep. I remember sobbing then suddenly black. The nurse probably put something that was delivered to me intravenously, probably a sedative.
My bladder was pressed and I needed to urinate bad. I got up and my legs where a bit weak. I had to hold onto the bed for a bit to stabilize myself before I could move. I peeked at the person on the other end of the curtain, he was messed up. I felt really lucky at that moment to only have a minor injury.
When I returned I saw there was a buzzer and it had words written beside it, ‘press for assistance’. I pressed the buzzer that rang for the nurse. A different lady came then the one before.
“Can you take off my IV, I want to see my father. I’m feeling much better now.” I was feeling only slightly dizzy.
She looked at my papers first. “Yes, you can be discharge today if you feel fine to leave. I just need to check your vital signs and make sure everything is all right. The doctor can discharge you later when he comes by.”
“Do you know where my father, James Nito is?” I asked.
“Yes, he’s at room 471, it’s one floor below us.” She recorded my vital signs and took my blood pressure. “If you’re feeling unwell or have any confusion, memory loss, drowsiness, dizziness, double vision, vomiting, headache, nausea or other unusual symptoms then seek medical attention immediately. I’ve included a list of signs and symptoms you should watch out for.”
She handed me some papers to sign and gave me a garbage bag. “Your clothes and any belongings you had on your person at the time is in the bag.” She pulled the curtain to allow me some privacy.
I took off the hospital gown that had my back side exposed and quickly changed back to my clothes. The paper showed how much it cost to stay in the hospital and other fees which added up to thousands of dollars. As I left I thanked the nurses and went to look for my dad.
He was a wake, looking slightly worst off then me. He had bruises all over his face and I imagine on his body as well. I could tell he had been crying. His eyes were swollen and he had a miserable expression. I knew he had asked about Mom. I didn’t say anything and sat on the bed and put my head against his. I could hear him sobbing and soon I was tearing up as well. We didn’t speak for a while, just held onto each other providing the other with comfort.
I saw his left arm was wrapped in bandage and casting. I imagine he must have broken his arm.
“How is everyone doing?” I looked around to see a nurse standing behind us.
“Fine,” I tried to speak cheerfully but my voice sounded coarse. My dad didn’t say a word, probably still too upset about Mom.
Dad had to stay at least four nights at the hospital before they would discharge him, depending on his condition then. He was drained, frail and weak, both physically and emotionally. I went home and made some of his favourite dishes. A sad person trying to cheer up someone sadder, a recipe for disaster. I told my dad to be strong and everything would be fine but at home I would slouch up in the couch.
Sometimes I would curdle up in the fetal position and whimper myself to sleep. When I was alone at home I felt departed from reality and time would pass by without my knowledge. One moment it would be six in the morning then next thing I knew it was one in the afternoon and I had to make lunch for my dad. Dad was in a horrible place at his life and he couldn’t stomach anything down. I kept telling him to stay strong for me and encourage him to eat before he would finally stomach something down.
The day came for my dad to be discharge and we would finally go home together. It was also the day we got the autopsy report on the cause of my mom’s death.
They handed us a report. My dad didn’t want to take it so I grabbed it and flipped through to the page that stated the cause of death. Cerebellar brain herniation caused by intracranial pressure which was caused by edema or cerebral flow, this was the result from multiple concussions to the head.
My dad began crying again. Seeing the autopsy report didn’t faze me, perhaps because I’ve already mourned enough and got it all out of my system. I realized I had to move on from this, I couldn’t let this hold me back.
I gave my dad a tight hug and held on to him. “Let’s go home,” I whispered.
He looked back at me and gave a faint nod.
I did my best to keep the house clean and tidy to my mother standards, I didn’t want my dad to know I was troubled more than what he could already see. Last thing I wanted was have him worry about me. I told him to get a rest and I’ll call him after I made something for us to eat.
Earlier that day I pick up ingredients from the supermarket to make his favourite stuffed eggplants. I wasn’t exactly sure how mom made it in the past so I had to surf the web for instructions. After I finished I noticed it didn’t smell or taste quite as good as mothers but it wasn’t bad.
Gently walking around, I found Dad lightly sleeping on his bed. I could tell he wasn’t in a deep sleep, he wasn’t snoring. I could feel the memories of when my dad and mom dated in the past. The memories were so blissful I could vividly see the images in my head. I could see my dad recollect of a time in the park where he and mom rented bikes and cycled around the park and laughing the whole afternoon. I walked closer to him and gently place a hand on his shoulder.
“Dad, Dad. I finished cooking, come down and have something to eat.”
He turned his head slowly and made a soft grunt.
“Wake up Dad.”
“Ugh, what time is it?”
“Slightly pass six thirty. How are you feeling?”
“Better, let’s go and eat.”
As we walked down I could hear my dad still thinking of his past. This time was when he was white water rafting underneath the warm sun with my mom. I could hear how much fun they had when the waves splashed and hit them in the face as the raft twist and turn and almost flipped over.
“Dad were you thinking of the memories you had in the past with mom?” My parents never knew about my telepathic ability. Even though I had told them when I was a young girl they shrugged it off.
“No, why do you ask?”
“I was just curious.”
There was another thought in my Dad’s head. I never read anybody’s mind that had two thoughts occurring simultaneously. One of my dad’s thought was on the car crash and how that could happen to our family. The other thought was on my mom’s birthday four years ago and how Dad and I baked a new concoction of a cake and surprised Mom with it. I finally realized earlier my dad mind was empty and he wasn’t thinking of anything. Early when he was sleeping he wasn’t dreaming, I could not have read anything in his mind because he wasn’t in REM s
leep. He must have been in one of the beginning stages of sleep but then how did I perceive something from his mind.
We ate at the dinner table as usual but it didn’t feel right without Mom there. I never went out with any friends because I didn’t have any. Every meal I spent at home with Dad and Mom and it had always been the three of us for so long. I looked at my dad and attempt to read his mind back into events that happen in the past where I wasn’t present. I could see images from his head as he looked online at the adoption agency’s pictures of children. He was next to Mom on the computer and they stopped at my baby picture. My mother said I was so cute and my dad agree and said they had to drop by this orphanage to see me in person and hope no one had adopted me yet. They drove by before the orphanage opened in the morning the following day. They saw me playing on the playground and came up and started playing with me in the sandbox. They handed me a brown teddy bear but I was shy to take it. They used the teddy bear to play with the princess doll I had in my hand. Eventually I took the teddy bear and smiled at them.
“Dad can you tell me about the time how you and mom decided to adopt me.”
“Would you like to know?”
“I would really like to know and I’m actually really curious why you chose me from the adoption agency.”
“You’re seventeen now so it was fourteen years ago.” He looked off into the distant. I looked at his head and saw he was gathering his thoughts about back to that day.
“After we figure it was impossible for us to have biological children we went to look at the website of the nearby orphanage. I remember scrolling down and we saw your picture. Your mother said instantly when she saw your picture how adorable you were. There was no deny it, you were precious and I fell in love with you at that moment. I image your mother did as well. We were so afraid someone would adopt you before we had the chance to see you. Your mother grabbed her childhood teddy bear, she said we had to bring a present for you and also so you would have a positive impression of us. She was afraid if you didn’t like us the nuns wouldn’t let us adopt you.” Dad chuckled with laughter and a smile came across his face. “Alice was always thinking ahead.”
“The nun supervising over the kids at the playground saw that you got along with us so well and were laughing happily. She came over and asked us if we would like to adopt Mary. That was your name before we changed it to Layana. There was no need for us to even think we both spurted out yes at the same time. The nun had the loveliest smile on her face and so did we.” My dad took a mouth full of the stuffed eggplant and had a sip of water.
“Your cooking skills is really good, this is almost as good as how your mom made it.”
“Thanks Dad.”
“But back to your adoption. It was a good thing you mother brought her cherished teddy bear because you were nervous and shy. We use the teddy bear and played with you for a while but in reality, we were playing with ourselves because at that time you completely ignored us. Eventually you warmed up to us and took the bear from your mother’s hand and I remember you had the cutest smile after that.”
“That sounds so sweet.” I saw my dad’s thoughts now and they were the same as what I saw earlier.
“We filled out the paper work to adopt you immediately. Your mother was so scared that another couple would fall in love with you and want to adopt you too. She didn’t want the risk of having to fight over guardianship for you. We were always scared a more qualified family would want to adopt you. The wait for the paper work to be approved almost drove us crazy but the day it was approved is the happiest day of our lives.” My dad smiled at me.
I smiled back at him. “I’m really lucky to have you and Mom as my parents. It was my fortune to be blessed into this family.”
Now I was able to read peoples mind like it was a folder. I was able to open up their minds back into a time they remembered and stored in their brains. In the past I could only hear what they were thinking of in that exact moment. Now I could hear the past, actually that’s incorrect I could see it like a video and the images would be so clear. I dream at night and forget in the waking, I dream at day and the vividness ‘muses me.
4
Stanford
Leaving my dad at this time would put a lot of stress on his mentality, he would be all by himself. I knew what being alone was like, just thinking back to high school gave me goosebumps. Soon I would be leaving for university and I couldn’t depart comfortably leaving my dad at home. Deep down in my conscious I was worried my dad would fall in depression and in a moment of solitude he would do something stupid.
Once a while I would peak into my dad’s thought to see how he truly was doing. He was fluctuating drastically from day to day and moment to moment but nothing suicidal yet.
Sometimes when I went on errands I would peak into the bystanders’ minds and flip through their folder of life. It was a gruesome and ghastly invasion of privacy but in honesty I couldn’t care less. Life has done a number on me and sticking to the rules was something I didn’t care much for. I felt entitled and privilege to looked into people’s minds. Over time I realized I could only go back so far in a person’s life. Once I got to a certain time span it was as if a firewall was blocking me from perceiving further back. Yet I knew they had more years of their past I couldn’t delve into. I figured this was a limitation of my ability. I assumed if I trained my mind I would be able to expand my range.
As time went on I was extremely curious if anyone else had a similar ability. Was someone reading my thoughts as I was reading theirs. Soon I came to the realization if someone could read my mind I would know instantaneously because they would be seeing or hearing it in their heads and I could perceive it. We would probably exchange awkward stares as we knew we were intruding on one another’s privacy, perhaps we would become friends even. How nice it would be to have a friend.
Many times throughout the day I would be bored and lonely. I’d come up with weird fascinations and dreams in my head. I would be a happy girl enjoying life. I would get a phone call on the telephone and be asked to come over. Or engage in some gossip about a boy liking me. Go with a bunch of friends to the evening night market. All these fascinations were so wonderful but they were only dreams.
“Dad, you know I leave for university next week but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone,” I gave him an uneasy look.
“I know you’re concerned about me.”
“What if I delayed my university studies for a year and stayed with you?”
“Absolutely not! You can’t waste a year of your life!” He shook his head in disapproval. My dad always believed time was the most valuable. He said everybody’s life had a fixed amount of time and never to waste it.
“I’m worried you’ll be sad or get depressed.”
“I’m sad and sometimes depressed here and there but it’s a difficult time for me and for you. Over time things will get better. They always get better with time. If you’re worried about me doing something silly like hurting myself I can promise you I won’t. I’m not that depressed. I will be strong for you and I will do my best to live on.”
Dad could tell I was worried he might commit suicide but I always looked at him nervously so it was probably easy to tell I was scare about something. My parents were always good at picking up my mood but I had canvas face where I painted it with obvious emotional expressions.
“I’m so happy to hear you say that Dad. I will be strong too. I know Mom would want us to be happy and not let this accident destroy our lives. We have to be the best version of ourselves and glisten with joy and delight so if Mom was here she wouldn’t have to worry about us. It can’t be the fake kind that’s only on our exterior, we have to try to be truly happy again on the inside, let’s do it for Mom, okay?” I gave him a look of conviction but I thought to myself have I ever been truly happy on the inside.
“Well said, let’s do it for Mom.” He smiled back at me.
I looked into his thoughts I could see a sim
ilar conviction in his mind that I had. I felt comfortable leaving for university now. I only hope if he ever felt despair he would remember our conversation and find the courage to turn it around.
A few days prior to orientation, Dad and I took the Caltrain to Palo Altos for the weekend. I got a mattress, dining table, microwave, couple of chairs and a small couch, plus some other small things. Now I had to just bring my clothes from home and I will be set. I spent some time to familiarize myself with the surrounding area.
I saw my local coffee shop was hiring. I was never fond of cafes, five or six dollars for a cup of coffee was far beyond overpriced but then I could use the work. I went in and asked about the job opportunity and they interviewed me on the spot. I talked with the manager for twenty minutes and responded exactly how he wanted and he offered me the job immediately. I will have to admit I read his mind so it was as if he was hiring a younger woman version of himself. Now that I had a job in Palo Altos I was all set. The cafe was close to my apartment and I could walk there in about ten minutes.
This part time work would help offset my housing, food, utilities and other living expenses. My dad didn’t have a lot of money saved up and he had to pay the expensive medical bills. I didn’t want any further burden on him. I was confident I would have no trouble working three to four shifts a week while going to school full time. If it wasn’t for my scholarship I would be in trouble but with my scholarship I only had to worry about my own spending and living expenses.
I packed my clothes and looked back at some cherished memories. I can remember my dad and mom pushing me on the swings in my childhood days. I can remember playing tag with all my elementary friends. I can remember being all alone in school. I can remember the three girls that bullied me and gave me a scar on my temple. I could feel myself getting angry and had to relax and think of other things.
“All packed Layana?”
I turned around to see my dad standing at the door way. I must have been too upset I didn’t sense my dad’s presence. I could see he was quite sad that I was leaving but he was happy at the same time.
