by F. G. Adams
It all happened so quickly. One minute I was in the grasp of Desmond Payne and the next thing I knew, Ollie was hauling me through a darkened room telling me to duck and take cover, shielding me with his powerful body and protecting me with his life.
Afterwards, things got worse instead of better. Keagan kissed me tenderly and hugged me tightly, thankful we were together, unharmed. Then, he walked away from me. He told me, “See you around,” and chose to leave me. My choice was too much for him to accept or understand. I stood there and watched him walk away. I couldn’t stop him. I wouldn’t. What could I possibly say that would change his mind? I betrayed his trust and I have to accept the outcome.
That’s the thing about life: the choices we make define us. They’re a reflection of our life, mirroring those selections. Sometimes those decisions are not always best for everyone involved, creating pivotal points, but at the same time offering an end result, whether it’s good or bad. It is what it is.
I made a choice. To someone like Keagan, it was a choice of betrayal. To the others like my family, I’m the hero. Doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I understood the consequences going in. I hashed them out thoroughly. And if I had to do it all again, I would save the children no doubt, my happiness be damned. It’s who I am at the core.
Looking back at it now, I should’ve trusted Keagan. But you can’t change the past. Just remember to never make the same mistake twice. If I ever get another chance…
“Miss Blackwood. Are you with me ma’am?” Agent Santiago interrupts my private thoughts.
“Yes, sir. M-M-My apologies. Please. Continue.”
“I need you to tell me everything that went down, from the top. What is your connection with the Cabricci family?”
“Oh, y-yes … I understand. Can I get a glass of … of water, p-please?” I’m still shaking and cold from the aftermath.
Keagan walks through the open room. I track him with my whole body, silently praying for a quick glance, anything. I watch as he takes charge and answers questions, never looking my way and acting as if I never existed. It crushes me. Apparently Trident Securities partnered along with the other branches of government to take down the Cabricci family.
Off to my right, Ollie approaches and wraps a blanket around me, then hands me a bottle of water. I half smile up at him, saying thank you with my eyes. I notice immediately that his are full of sorrow and regret. I cringe and look away; I don’t need his pity.
“What’s all this about? Move out of my way, ya big oaf.” I hear her voice before I see her.
Matilda Blackwood is storming into the warehouse full of government officials and demanding a response. “I’m looking for my granddaughter, Jocelyn Blackwood. Someone better show me where she is right this minute. Don’t make me ask twice.”
My legs are like jello and I can’t stand to signal where I am.
“No need for any of that, Mrs. Blackwood.” I’m relieved someone stepped up to calm her. “Right this way ma’am. Your granddaughter is over here.”
A uniformed policeman comes into view, followed by Grandma. The moment she sees me, I’m encircled into her embrace and tears begin to stream down my face.
“Shh, baby girl. It’s alright. I’ve gotcha. Shh.”
Grandma consoles me. I’m a blubbering mess and I really don’t care who sees it.
“It’s okay, Jocelyn. Grandma’s here. I’m gonna take care of everything. Mister…?”
“Agent Santiago, ma’am. Uh, Mrs. Blackwood, Jocelyn was just about to tell me, uh, about what happened.” Agent Santiago seems to be stunned at what’s happening in front of him. He gets all tongue-tied and misses a few words. If I didn’t know any better, I’d be intimidated by Matilda Blackwood too. Although it seems like the nice agent man may have the hots for her, the way his eyes smolder.
“I see. Well, Jocelyn, honey, do you feel like telling this agent what happened?” Grandma asks like it’s an option for me to cooperate or not. Black and white. And for a woman of her caliber, maybe it is. “If not, we’ll get out of here now and you can deal with all this later.”
“It’s okay, Grandma. I can do this.” My stuttering and shaking finally subsided.
I take a long drink from the water bottle Ollie provided and begin to tell my story, from my knowledge of David being Roman David Cabricci to the unsettling details of what it felt like to be in the grip of Desmond Payne. My tale was told, over, and done.
Grandma took me home to pack a few bags for an extended stay. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and honestly I was fine with it. She took charge and made arrangements. She even made sure Miss Kitty was nice and comfy in her carrier for the trip back to Lakeview. All I had to do was call my secretary Angela to take all my patients off the books for the next month and send them to a presiding doctor I’ve worked closely with in the past. I needed time off and Grandma was going to take care of me like always.
Grandma and I chat during the quick flight from Gainesville to Lakeview. My mind is still a mess with all the events of the past few days. The continued soreness in my body worsens by the minute from the fall and tense standoff earlier. My head is hammering hard due to the goose egg on the side of my skull from the fall. But I have questions that need answering.
“Tell me about Fallyn, Grandma. I have to know what happened. I need to know the truth.”
“Now, now, Jocelyn. You’ve been through a terrible ordeal. This is not the time to be stirring up more heartache. Besides, you know we can’t talk about this. Some things are better left alone. You just have to trust me, baby girl.”
“When I was at the library, David was there.” I pause, looking in her eyes for a flicker of recognition. “Did you know his real name? Grandma, you have to tell me. Did you know that he’s a part of the Cabricci family?”
Her silence tells me she’s not budging on the issue, but knows more than she’s letting on. Although when she nods her head in a yes, eagerness sparks and I continue.
“Keagan’s men were looking into them. They wouldn’t give me much, but your name came up, Grandma. A connection with that family. Why’s that? Why would Matilda Blackwood or Matilda Rice have anything to do with a crime family?”
Grandma pales and tucks her head to her chin. She appears nauseous and upset. A feeling of unease and dread pound my heart as I shift uncomfortably in my seat.
“You just won’t leave it alone, will you, sunshine?” Shaking her head, her eyes portray the immense pain she can’t speak of. “Let me tell you this. You’ve got to understand a person will do anything to protect the people they hold dear. Absolutely anything. Walk through the fires of hell and greet the Devil himself, if necessary. Will go to great lengths to ensure lives are saved and not broken. I’m no exception, Jocelyn. I can’t give you what you want, baby girl. Not today. Maybe one day in the future, but not today.” Her eyes speak volumes. She’s devastated and sad. “It will all come out in the wash, eventually. Then, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Alright?” She reaches out to touch my hands crossed in my lap. Affectionately, Grandma squeezes them and looks at me with anguish and a tinge of fear in her aging, wise grey eyes.
There’s no use as I plead with her to give me something, like I’ve begged so many times before. And just like always, her answers are cryptic, never shedding light on Fallyn’s whereabouts or what happened to her and Harper. So I have to table the discussion for another time.
When we arrive in Lakeview, I’m greeted by an overexcited tween Addie. She came to the private airport to meet us accompanied by a large, very muscled tan man around my age standing patiently beside her. His arms are crossed over his massive chest and a smile peeks out from behind his bearded face, a contradiction to his large frame. California, which is what Grandma calls him, is part of Trident Securities. He is assigned to watch over Addie and Grayson as needed.
“Jo. Oh my goodness. I’m so glad you’re here.”
She jumps into my awaiting arms as I reluctantly scoop her up. P
ain radiates in my body but I cling to her anyway.
“Now, Adalyn Grace Blackwood, be careful. Jocelyn was in an accident earlier and she’s hurt.” Grandma brokers no argument without disclosing what really happened.
“Gosh, JoJo. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She starts to wiggle and pull away.
“Nonsense. It’s all good. So good to see you too, little squirt. I missed you, Addie. I’m relieved you’re okay.”
Addie grips me tightly in a bear hug. Well, a cub hug. I squeeze her hard too.
“Gosh you’ve grown since I last saw you. You’re getting so tall, I might not be able to call you squirt much longer.”
I squeeze her one more time before putting her feet back on the ground. I’m grateful she’s alive and well. To know that she’s out of danger and she’s not aware of anything that went down in Gainesville aids to the weariness my soul is carrying around. My body is not very happy with me as I wince and smile. I don’t want them to worry about me.
“You wouldn’t like that too much, would ya?” Addie eyes me skeptically. “Well, I’m getting bigger every day. Grayson says that soon I’ll be able to run as fast as him.” She begins to run circles around me, proving her statement. “It’s true. See? What do you think, JoJo?”
Grandma’s heavenly laugh rings out loudly in the hanger along with mine.
“Wow, squirt. That’s amazing! I’m sure you’ll be passing Grayson up in no time.”
Addie stops running and carefully snuggles up beside me. Wrapping her arms gently around my waist as I hug her shoulders, we continue walking to car where California is patiently waiting, Grandma hot on our heels.
“Happy you finally came home, sister,” Sage’s voice sings loudly in my ears and stops me short as she appears from behind the giant man.
All else forgotten, I run to Sage and tackle her in a huge hug because I’m so dang excited to see her, aching body out the window. Emotions wrap around us both, a torrential rainstorm finally feeding the parched crops.
“It’s been too long, Buttercup,” I whisper in her ear, tears leaking from my eyes as she hugs me tightly back. The love is tangible between us both.
“Agreed, JoJo. Don’t let it happen again.”
The moment is surreal. I’ve been thirsty for a drink for so very long and seeing my sisters aids to the discomfort and turmoil inside.
“How long will you be here sister?” Sage asks as we all pile into the SUV.
I gingerly sit onto the plush leather seat and lean back, wondering how much time I have until I can take another pain pill. Miss Kitty purrs loudly in Addie’s lap. She’s in heaven. I wish I felt like that.
“I’m not sure right now, Sage. I really don’t have a clue.”
“For an undetermined amount of time, baby girl. No time limits, and certainly no worries for a while. You’ve been through a lot,” Grandma’s stern, no-holds-barred expression tells us all: no arguing with her.
As if she can read my mind, Grandma gives me another white pill and a bottle of water. Amazing.
“Thanks,” I utter to Grandma, then turn to regard Sage with a grin. “There you have it, Buttercup. The word has been spoken.”
“So commanded, let it be done,” Sage replies in a manly, aristocratic type voice and the car erupts in laughter.
I look out the window as the all-familiar streets pass me by. My body is aching from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I feel discomfort in places I didn’t know existed. Numbness is setting up shop in my brain. The trauma caused by being used as a pawn in the Cabricci family’s sick twisted game still wreaks havoc on me. In those brief moments, I didn’t know if I would make it out … if I would survive.
We go through the drive-thru of the local ice cream shop. Grandma thought we all needed a little pick-me-up. Ice cream always does the trick. Tastie’s Frozen Treats is a city hot spot and one we’ve frequented for years.
Addie’s so excited about the chocolate-dipped cone she’s currently devouring. I’m sucking on a straw and immensely enjoying my peanut butter chocolate milkshake.
“What kind did you order again? I know I didn’t hear it correctly, Sage.”
“Yep, you did. It’s called an Elvis Presley. It has bananas, peanut butter, chocolate chunks, coconut, and walnuts all mixed together to make a hunka-hunka burnin’ love, thank you very much.” Sage offers us her best impression of the King and we all enjoy another bout of giggles.
My sides begin to implore me to put an end to the craziness, but it’s taking my mind off of the horrible things that have happened to me. I endure the pain.
Later on, after we’ve all showered and gotten our PJs on, we lounge around in the TV room watching some comedy show that Grandma is all involved in. Sage and Addie decided to stay for a sleepover. I’m grateful for their love, but I’m tired and need to go to bed.
“Well, call me spent. I’m going to bed, ladies. We’ll catch up more tomorrow.”
Sage and Addie both stand and we share a group hug.
“Good night, JoJo,” they both say.
Grandma puts her arms around me ever so softly and kisses my cheek.
“I love you, baby girl. Sleep well.”
“You too. Thank you, Grandma. Thank you for … everything.” My broken response is a reminder of all the hell I’ve been through. Tears begin to leak from the corners of my eyes.
“Nothing to it, sunshine.” She lets go of me, staring into my tear-filled vision. “Ya know, tomorrow will be a better day. You’re a strong woman, Jocelyn. I know it’s gonna take a little time to fix this, but it’ll all turn out. Even with that handsome young man who’s stolen your heart.”
What? How could she possibly know my feelings for Keagan, or anything that happened for that matter? I’m sure the look she receives is one of surprise laced with torment. I shake my head and close my eyes. I need to get it together.
“Okay, Grandma. I’m gonna get some sleep.”
“That’s good, baby girl. I left your pain pill on the bedside table. Make sure to take it before you go to sleep. Love you.”
She kisses my forehead and sends me on my way.
I wake up in a cold sweat a few hours later, tormented by his face … the mask of disappointment Keagan wore when he walked away along with the treacherous face of Desmond Payne. I shiver at the memory. Rolling over, I take a long drink of the water sitting on the bedside table. Gently, I lay back down and Keagan’s beautiful eyes assault me. If he would only have listened to me or what I had to say, maybe he would’ve understood and not have been so quick to judge me. If he only would listen to the reasons behind the hard choice I made. Something in his past was driving his decision. The thought of how I hurt him sends a burning hot poker straight into my heart again and I can’t catch my breath. I begin to inhale short, quick breaths. Before I know it, huge tears and ugly sobs are ripping from my mouth. My entire body is shaking from the onslaught of my sobs.
The bed dips beside me as strong, comforting female arms gather me up. Grandma strokes my hair away from my dripping wet face and hugs me to her.
“Shh, baby girl. I’ve got you.” Grandma proceeds to rock me back and forth. “You’re alright. I’m here. Shh.”
The last thing I remember is her singing. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine …”
Roxy’s tail is hitting my leg. My girl is happy to be home. She wants to run. She’s taken with MacGyver. He treats her like a princess. Somehow mystery bones keep appearing all over the place. He claims to know nothing about them, but I know differently. I pat her head as he shows up in my office.
“Let’s go, Roxy girl. I need to stretch my legs.”
She waits for my signal and then walks over to MacGyver, nudging his hand, seeking a pat of approval.
“I’m going to my parents for dinner tonight. Should be back later to get her. Thanks for taking her out.”
“No prob. She’s good company and I need the exercise after sitting in that meeting all day. Damn ass is gonn
a get big doing that kinda shit all the time,” he says as he walks out the doorway with Roxy trailing behind him.
My thoughts turn to Jocelyn when I’m alone. She’s back in the View staying at Matilda’s place. I get random updates on her from California. I refuse to access the security feed, even knowing the relief that seeing her would provide my soul. The last few months have been a living hell. The nightmares returned, but instead of the soldiers’ mutilated bodies that died on my watch, her face appears. Her green eyes, wide, agony painted on her angelic face. Reality check. She’s alive and unharmed. And, the brutal truth is, I miss her. I miss holding her close. I miss her rants.
In the small amount of time we spent together, it was enough to change me forever. The expression on her face when she was questioned by Santiago shook me, but when fucking Ollie comforted her, I thought I would kill him until I saw the look he gave her. He was treating her like a sister, providing the comfort she desperately needed that I couldn’t give. I’m so fucked up.
I’m so confused. It wasn’t my decision to betray the one I cared about. It was hers. And she did it without thinking of the repercussions. She didn’t trust me to take care of her or her family. But when it was all said and done, because of me, her family is intact. Unharmed.
I’m going to visit my parents. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a good home-cooked meal. Maw called me last night reminding me of a promise I made a long time ago. No matter how fucked up work was, I would make time for family. She called me on it, and so here I am, pulling up to the ranch style house I spent my high school years in.
Pop is sitting on the front porch steps waiting for me. His embrace delivers the love and acceptance I’ve always received.
“Keagan, it’s damn good to see you, son. Been too long,” he greets me, patting me on the back while maneuvering me to the steps.
“Sorry, Pop. I’ve been out of town on business. Nice to be home for a bit.”
