by Umm Zakiyyah
Inaya creased her forehead. “How?”
Veronica pointed to the papers in Inaya’s hand. “It says the award ceremony is covered by local news stations and is posted on the school’s YouTube channel,” Veronica said. “Imagine the whole world seeing a Muslim girl accept that award.”
Veronica smiled and patted Inaya softly on the cheek. “You would make the world proud, Inaya.” She shook her head. “May Allah bless it for you.”
***
Alone in her room, Inaya sat at her desk, the three pages of the nomination letter spread out in front of her. Her hand trembled as her eyes scanned the words on the bottom of the first page: “…sponsored annually by Future Hope Baptist Church in Potomac, Maryland.”
But it was the second page that concerned her most.
Each year, the award ceremony is covered by three local television news channels, five local newspapers, and one national online publication. It is also streamed lived on our school’s website and subsequently posted on our YouTube channel. Additionally, Future Hope Baptist Church hosts a scholarship dinner and radio show to interview the winner…
Inaya’s head throbbed as she propped her elbows on the desk and buried her face in her hands. Her mother had already signed the consent form that granted Inaya permission to take part in the event, which all nominees were invited to attend. But of course, Inaya had little to worry about if she didn’t win. Nominees were invited only as a formality, but only the winner would be expected to actually attend.
Inaya felt sick as she realized what it would mean if she won. She would have to stand before cameras to have pictures and videos of herself publicized for the world to see. If she were to remain the anonymous Muslim she had become at school, she would have to stand before the world without hijab—and humiliate herself and her family. Her friends in Saudi Arabia would most likely be watching, as would her own father, who was drawing from Inaya his own spiritual fortitude necessary to accept Islam.
If Inaya were to do the “right thing” and wear hijab, she would shock the school and Mrs. Ford and humiliate the entire congregation of Future Hope Baptist Church. Mrs. Ford would feel betrayed, Inaya already knew.
Yes, the criteria for the award stated that no one would be discriminated against based on color, race, ethnicity, national origin, gender, or religion; but Inaya already knew that wasn’t true.
On their way home, Kayla had told Inaya that Lyrica hadn’t even received a nomination letter…yet Lyrica had been nominated by several teachers, administrators, and students. Of course, Kayla didn’t know this, but Inaya did—because it was Inaya and Mrs. Ford who made the final list of nominees, a list that Lyrica’s name was on when Inaya had completed the list a month before. And there was only one explanation for how it could have been removed…
Until Kayla told Inaya about Lyrica, Inaya hadn’t realized the depths of Mrs. Ford’s prejudice. Inaya already knew from Mrs. Ford that Lyrica wouldn’t be chosen for the Distinguished Student Award, but Inaya hadn’t imagined that the faculty advisor would remove Lyrica even from the list of nominees. Was it because Mrs. Ford didn’t want Lyrica to even be eligible for the Future Hope Scholarship?
The possibility made Inaya weak.
Maybe Inaya should withdraw from the competition herself. This was more than she could handle right then. She could apply for any scholarship. She still had another year of school left.
There are some opportunities that come only once in life. The words Sa’ad often uttered came to Inaya right then. When Allah opens the door for something, don’t assume He’ll open it again.
Chapter 15
The Lesson
Lazy people work the hardest. It was something Inaya had heard many times, mostly as a joke amongst her mother’s friends, but it wasn’t until Saturday morning that Inaya understood it for the first time.
Inaya was in the middle of teaching a lesson to the children about the traits of the people of Paradise when the realization came to her. Anyone who insisted on living a life of sin had to work very hard to avoid the simpler option: submitting to God.
At the beginning of the academic year, Inaya had decided to hide her Islam at school, imagining it would make her life easier. But it had brought her nothing but headache and hardship. Maintaining the charade of “normalcy” was more painstaking than simply dealing with whatever challenges would come along with being openly Muslim, Inaya realized.
Perhaps those Muslims whose ultimate goal in life was “normalcy” in the eyes of non-Muslims did not have it as hard as Inaya. But Inaya had higher goals for herself. Yes, she wanted to feel normal, but she wanted that normalcy as a practicing Muslim. It was tiring wearing one face at school and another at home—and another one in her heart.
Thursday morning Inaya had submitted her scholarship application and given Mr. Rhodes the permission slip to participate in the Distinguished Student Award ceremonies if she won.
No, Inaya still hadn’t found the strength to be publicly Muslim at school, but she wasn’t about to give up the opportunity of a lifetime because of a personal struggle that would likely be resolved by the time she went to college.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Veronica often said, and these words quieted Inaya’s anxiety about the award.
“As-salaamu’alaikum.”
Inaya turned to find Nasra smiling at her, feet from the teacher’s desk where Inaya still sat after teaching the Qur’an class.
“Wa’alaiku-mus-salaam,” Inaya said, forcing a smile.
“My mom said we’re taking you home today,” Nasra said.
Inaya creased her forehead. “Why?”
“She said your mother isn’t feeling well or something.”
Inaya nodded, remembering that her mother had had a headache when she dropped off Inaya earlier.
“But we’re stopping by Kayla’s first.”
Inaya’s eyebrows shot up. “We’re going to my cousin’s house?”
Nasra smiled, as if realizing something for the first time. “You’re related to Kayla? I thought you were just good friends.”
Inaya smiled weakly. “Not quite.”
“Then I guess you already know about the luncheon she planned.”
Earlier that week, Inaya recalled Kayla mentioning something about a lunch at her house on Saturday, but Inaya hadn’t paid much attention. She was too distracted by her scholarship dilemma.
Inaya nodded. “Yeah…”
A thought came to Inaya suddenly, sending her heart racing. “Who’s going to be there?”
Nasra shrugged. “Just some friends from school, I suppose.”
“Will Kayla’s parents be there?” Inaya asked.
Nasra shook her head, uncertainty on her face. “I have no idea.”
“Teachers?” Inaya imagined she sounded paranoid, but she didn’t want to take the chance of anyone from school seeing her in Islamic garb—and she didn’t want to take the chance of anyone from her family seeing her without it.
Nasra drew in a deep breath and exhaled. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” she said. “We could just take you home first.”
Inaya glanced furtively at Nasra. “If you don’t mind…”
“I can drop you off,” Nasra said with a shrug. “But we’ll have to go by my place first to pick up my car. I rode with my mom today.”
There was an awkward pause as a thought came to Inaya. “Do you teach here?”
Nasra shook her head. “I just come sometimes to help my mom. I’m too busy with school, you know?”
Inaya nodded. “Well, if it’s not out of your way…” Inaya said, returning to the subject of getting home. “I’m not…dressed for lunch.”
Nasra smiled, her eyes telling Inaya she understood Inaya’s dilemma—and that she was glad it was no longer hers. “No problem,” Nasra said. “I understand.”
***
“Where were you today?” Chris asked Inaya later that evening after Sa’ad had dropped off Inaya at
her father’s house. Inaya and Chris were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, where they had eaten dinner minutes before. “I expected to see you at Anthony’s.”
Inaya averted her gaze. “Mom wasn’t feeling well.”
A shadow of concern passed over Chris’s face. “Is she okay?”
“It was just a headache,” Inaya said.
“That’s good,” Chris said, his gaze distant momentarily.
Seconds later, Chris grinned widely. “It’s a small world,” he said.
Inaya met her father’s gaze with a confused expression, but before she could ask what he meant, he spoke.
“I met a few of your friends today,” Chris said.
Inaya forced a smile, her heart pounding in nervousness. “Really?”
“Well, I already knew Raymond and Lyrica,” he said. “But I met a girl named Nasra.” He nodded. “She seems really nice.”
Inaya’s eyes widened. “You know Raymond?”
Chris chuckled as he met Inaya’s gaze curiously. “He and his girlfriend have been friends with Kayla for years. She invites them to almost every family event we have.” He shrugged. “And they used to go to our church.”
Inaya smiled beside herself. “That’s so weird.”
“Why is it weird?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Like you said, small world.”
There was a long pause.
“Raymond was surprised I’m your father.”
Inaya met her father’s eyes nervously. “Why was he surprised?”
“It was the first time Kayla mentioned it.”
Inaya nodded, her mind a storm of thoughts. She wished she could have been there, if only to hear how her name had come up.
“I’ve always liked that boy,” Chris said thoughtfully.
Inaya didn’t know what to say. For months, she had fought feelings of jealousy toward Lyrica, but what bothered her most now was that her attraction to Raymond was beginning to consume her. It hadn’t taken Inaya long to realize that Raymond was just being nice to her and that his heart was attached to Lyrica. But what didn’t make sense to Inaya was why this knowledge only increased her attraction to him. She hated that she couldn’t control this feeling.
“What time do you have to be home?” Chris asked, looking at Inaya.
Inaya glanced at the clock on the wall. It was just after seven o’clock. “Any time,” she said. “Sa’ad said to call whenever I’m ready.”
Chris smiled. “Do you mind going with me somewhere?”
Inaya shrugged, a curious expression on her face. “Sure. What time?”
“Now.”
Inaya laughed. “Okay.”
She was quiet momentarily. “Where are we going?”
“It’ll be a surprise,” Chris said with a wink. “Get your coat.”
Inaya smiled beside herself as she walked toward the coatrack, wondering what the surprise would be.
***
Inaya’s heart hammered nervously as she sat in the passenger seat next to her father. She was wearing her Islamic clothes, and she could only pray that wherever they were going, it wouldn’t involve anyone from school.
When they pulled into a dimly lit parking lot in front of a small building, Inaya’s curiosity was piqued.
“Where are we?” she asked.
Chris smirked as he pressed the unlock button and opened his door. “Come with me and see.”
Cold wind whipped through Inaya’s coat as she followed her father up the small walkway. Through the glass windows of the building, she saw a man with a large beard walking down the hallway, and her heart raced.
Her eyes widened as she noticed the sign on the lawn. It was too dark to read clearly, but Inaya could make out the Arabic writing and the word Masjid.
She brought a hand to her mouth as she met her father’s gaze.
He smiled back at her and nodded. “I’m ready,” he said. He gripped her hand as they neared the double doors of the entrance. “Like you said, ‘Why wait?’”
The masjid was sparsely filled as Inaya sat in the back of the small prayer area watching her father repeat the shahaadah—the testimony of faith to become Muslim. There were three other men present, but Inaya was the only woman who witnessed her father speaking into the microphone at the front of the room.
Tears filled her eyes as the imam and the other men embraced Chris and welcomed him to Islam.
“All your sins are wiped away,” the imam said proudly. “And you are our brother in Islam.”
It was almost twenty minutes later that Inaya followed her father out the small building and back to the car. Her eyes were still wet with tears as she sat in the passenger seat. She had so much she wanted to say, but she had difficulty finding the words.
Someone called her father’s cell phone before she had a chance to say congratulations. “Too late,” Chris said to whoever was on the phone, laughter in his voice, and Inaya thought of Dana. “I told you I wasn’t waiting for you.”
Chris paused and nodded as he listened to whoever had called. “No problem,” he said. “I’ll be home in about thirty minutes. You can meet me there.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Inaya said, shaking her head after her father put his cell phone in the compartment between their seats. She couldn’t keep from grinning. “That was the best surprise.”
Inaya was still smiling when her father pulled into the driveway of his townhouse, and Inaya was only vaguely aware of a familiar car parked next to his.
“Congratulations!” someone called out from the car next to Chris’s as he and Inaya got out the car. Inaya glanced behind her as her father went to greet the person whose car door now opened as her father approached.
Unsure if she should be present while her father greeted his friend, Inaya started for the door to her father’s home to wait for him there.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Chris asked playfully.
Inaya grinned as she halted her steps and turned to meet her father’s gaze. “I was just going to—”
Inaya stopped midsentence when she saw Raymond standing next to her father. Chris’s arm was around the student ambassador. “Meet your new brother in Islam,” Chris said.
Inaya smiled and nodded to Raymond. “My Dad just became Muslim.”
Chris and Raymond laughed, and Inaya had the lingering feeling that the two men were sharing a private joke.
“I was talking about Raymond,” Chris said as he drew Raymond closer and patted him on the shoulder.
It took a full ten seconds for Inaya to register what her father was saying. She brought a hand to her mouth in surprise, her eyes widening as she looked at Raymond.
“He beat me to it,” Chris said, a grin on his face.
“Surprise,” Raymond said, his smiling eyes on Inaya.
The wind bit against Inaya’s cheek, but she was too distracted to think about the cold. She stared at her father and Raymond, a doubtful expression on her face.
Was this some sort of joke?
“That’s why I left school early yesterday,” Raymond said. “I wanted to make it official.”
“We were supposed to do it together,” Chris said, grinning at Raymond. “But the boy said it couldn’t wait till tonight.”
Inaya still didn’t know what to say. The wind swept past again, making Inaya’s clothes ripple against her.
“Let’s go inside,” Chris said. “It’s getting cold.”
***
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell Lyrica,” Raymond said. He took a sip from the glass of juice he held as he sat on the couch a comfortable distance from Chris.
Inaya glanced up from where she sat on the loveseat across from them, uncertain what to say. But Raymond was looking at her father.
Chris chuckled. “And I don’t know how I’m going to tell Dana.”
Anxiety knotted in Inaya’s chest as she remembered her parents’ divorce. Did all relationships have to be sacrificed when a person ac
cepted Islam?
“Maybe Dana will convert too.” Inaya’s voice was barely above a whisper. She wasn’t sure it was her place to make the suggestion.
A part of her wanted her parents back together, but she knew this would mean breaking apart yet another family. She couldn’t imagine Abdullah growing up without his father. At least Inaya had had her early years with hers. She couldn’t imagine her brother being robbed of that blessing. In any case, there was no sign of Sa’ad and her mother separating, so her desire had been irrational anyway.
Chris looked exhausted all of a sudden, but he maintained a pleasant expression as he shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said. “She’s a die-hard Christian.”
Inaya shrugged and tucked a loose end of her khimaar under her chin. “If you love each other,” she said, “who cares?”
There was an awkward pause as Chris’s gaze grew distant, apparently pondering Inaya’s words.
“But love isn’t enough,” Raymond said, a thoughtful smile on his face as he looked at Inaya. “You need something stronger to hold a relationship together.”
Chris smirked and glanced at Raymond curiously. “You sound like an old man,” he teased. “I wish I would’ve known that before I lost my first love.”
Inaya averted her gaze. She wasn’t used to her father talking openly about his feelings for Veronica. For a fleeting moment, she imagined her parents remarried.
“You live and learn,” Inaya said with a grin as she met her father’s gaze. “Like you always say.”
“Well,” Raymond said, humor in his tone, “I prefer to learn then live.”
Chris chuckled. “Good luck.”
“You don’t think it’s possible?” Raymond’s expression was curious.
“Lots of things are possible,” Chris said. “Are they realistic is the question.”
