by Sara V. Zook
It was still early in the morning, but I was ready for a beer. I opened up the fridge and retrieved a cold bottle. I wrapped a warm flannel blanket around my shoulders and stepped out on the deck. The morning air was brisk as I sucked in a lung full. The season was on the brink of changing. My bare toes glided over the smooth, cool wood of the deck. Then I curled up on an overstuffed chair, tucking the blanket in around my feet so that I didn’t get a draft. Just the touch of the cold beer made me shiver, but I didn’t mind so much. I planned on drinking a couple for breakfast, just enough to numb this bizarre outcast feeling. I had no place on this earth—not a single one. I stared up into the hazy sky and let the cool liquid slide down my throat. I leaned my head back against the headrest and sighed.
Minutes later, I heard a vehicle pull into the driveway. Darin and Violet. Car doors opened and shut. There were footsteps up the front steps. I couldn’t see anyone. Then it was back to silence for a few minutes before the glass door leading to the deck slid open and slid shut.
“You’re drinking?” Darin asked from behind me. “Do you know what time it is?” He sounded as irritated as I felt.
“It’s a good breakfast choice considering the circumstances I think.” I flashed him an artificial smile and raised the beer in cheers. “Care to join me?”
Darin grunted. “What circumstances? You’ve been drinking a lot. Do you think you should even be drinking at all?”
I put the beer on the table in front of me and sat up straight to glare at him. “Stop pretending you care, Darin. Leave me alone.”
“You’re acting childish.”
“Me? Who’s been avoiding who?” I yelled out. I saw Violet’s face peek out from the kitchen window, then disappear again.
The corner of Darin’s lip twitched. I’d hit a nerve. “Don’t go there, Liv. Don’t go there.”
“Is that some sort of threat?” I asked, the blanket falling from my shoulders as I sat up straighter in outrage.
He put his hands on his hips and let his head fall slightly. “Listen, you don’t know what I’ve been going through. It’s been hell…”
“I’m tired of feeling sorry for you. I’m not going to do it anymore. What about me? Do you stop to think what I’ve been going through? Have you taken one second to stop feeling sorry for yourself and thought, oh, poor Liv, she wakes up and doesn’t have a life anymore?”
“Of course I have.”
“You still have a life. You have everything. You have two women to choose from.”
“You make it sound like I should be celebrating that fact.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m tired of this. I’m tired of your games.”
“There are no games!” Darin shouted out. “I’m trying to help you get back on your feet.”
“Careful, Darin. Think about what you just said. No games? Really?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I didn’t mean to…” He hesitated, not knowing what to say, knowing Violet was just inside the door, that she could easily probably hear every word he was saying.
I sneered. “Right. You didn’t mean to. You shouldn’t have, and you won’t ever again.” I didn’t have to mention it. We both knew what we were talking about. “Just go to her, Darin. I’ll get my life back by myself.”
Darin just stood there for a few seconds staring at me. I collapsed back down on the chair, pulling the blanket back around me and reaching for the beer.
“Well, you’re not going to do it sitting here doing nothing all day drinking your cares away.”
“Go away, Darin. Don’t you have to work or something?”
I could hear him sigh deeply. “I actually have a meeting.”
I threw back my head and laughed. “Better go get a shower first, clean off the stench from last night. You smell disgusting.”
That had done it. I wasn’t even looking at him anymore, but I could imagine the look of shock and anger on his face as he stormed back off into the house, the glass door sliding shut with a little extra force.
I was seething, and I didn’t know exactly why. No matter how selfish I made Darin out to be, I was being just as selfish. He wasn’t the bad guy. He hadn’t asked for all this, and no matter how hard it was for me to swallow that he’d moved on with Violet, even though I was still in love with him, maybe it was time to try to move on myself. Staying here was the problem. Here I could see him and Violet interact on a daily basis. This had been a terrible idea. I should’ve never moved in here. I didn’t know what I’d expected. I guess maybe I thought Darin would see me and want me again. That just wasn’t the case, and it made me angry on so many levels. I hated toward Violet, but really, it wasn’t her fault either. I looked up at the gray sky. It looked like rain, and it swept me off my feet as I immersed myself into a memory…
The smell of lilacs, along with Darin’s sweet cologne, filled the air around me. He pressed me tighter against him as we continued to dance very slowly, my cheek against his chest. I looked up at him for a moment. He stared back at me and pressed his lips together in a smile. His hair was damp from the rain. Droplets dripped down from my own tendrils and slithered down my bare back. We’d planned this wedding for over a year. We didn’t think it’d rain, and if it did, we didn’t think it would be a torrential downpour, but it hadn’t let up all day.
I looked around at the small tent the groomsmen had put up at the last minute. I had ordered lilacs, so many of them as I’d expected the field to be covered in them, but they’d tried to stuff them all in here instead to get out of the weather. The scent was almost overpowering. A lot of people didn’t show up due to the rain. Darin had asked if I wanted to cancel. I’d told him no, nothing would stop me from marrying him today. He said he’d be there even if it was pouring. So we’d done it, we stood up in front of the preacher with others holding umbrellas over us as I walked down a muddy aisle, the train of my wedding gown caked in dirt, and we’d said our vows. A shiver ran up my arms as goose bumps made the tiny hairs stand on end.
“Cold?” Darin whispered. He took off his suit jacket. It was wet but not soaked through as he wrapped it around my shoulders.
“Thank you, husband.”
His smile widened. There were only a handful of people dancing along with us. We’d planned for a little over a hundred people, and only twenty-five had shown up. That included our very small wedding party which consisted of a few friends I worked with, Darin’s friend and his younger brother, Shane. Darin’s parents were sitting in the corner of the tent munching on cold food. The wind continued to whip around us. It was damp in here. We’d probably tell everyone to just go on home soon. No use in everyone catching pneumonia for our sake.
“Wish we would’ve canceled?” Darin asked, reaching up and squeezing the water from one of my curls.
“It’s not exactly the hot, sunny day I’d imagined.” I relished in the warmth of his coat and his arms wrapped around me. “But no, I’m glad we didn’t cancel. Are you?”
He put his chin on the top of my head. “Livvy, I’d stand next to you in the middle of a tornado if it meant you being my wife.” He pulled away from me for a moment and lifted my head so I was looking up at him. “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” His eyes scanned from the top of my head down to the bottom of my dress.
I grinned. “Only a million times.”
“Good. I may say it a million more.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t get tired of hearing it.”
“Happy wedding day, Mrs. Thorne.”
“I love you, Darin.”
He leaned in and pressed his warm lips to my own chilly ones.
“You two sure are crazy!” Darin’s brother, Shane, came up beside us and slapped his hand against Darin’s shoulder. “It’s pouring out there, all the food is ruined, the D.J. didn’t even show up. You have a radio, some appetizers, and a freezing cold tent, and only you two would still act as if you don’t have a care in the world. All you see is each other.”
“That would’ve ma
de a great best man speech,” Darin admitted, cracking a smile and glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
Shane nodded in agreement. “If only we had a microphone, right?” He held up a bottle of champagne. “I’ll toast to you two. If only I can find a girl that I’m as crazy about as Darin is with you, Liv.” He took a deep sip of the bottle and handed it to Darin, who held it up to his lips and gave it to me.
“Cheers,” I said, swigging a gulp of the delicious carbonation down…
The beer wasn’t sitting in my stomach quite right and was leaving a bitter aftertaste on my tongue. I wasn’t feeling so much like drinking anymore. I wasn’t enjoying myself, and being nostalgic just wasn’t what I had in mind when it came to forgetting about being in love with Darin Thorne.
TWELVE
Livvy
I’d been sitting on the living room couch flipping through television stations when the doorbell rang. Heavy footsteps came from the other side of the house as Darin’s face emerged in front of me and then hurried to the door.
“Wow,” Darin said. “To what do I owe this surprise visit?”
“I’d heard there was some commotion going on here with you. I came to see if it was true.”
I recognized that voice. Violet stood near Darin, both of their heads turning to me as I slowly stood up and made my way to where they were. The door opened wider. I’d been right. My god. It’d been so long since I’d seen that handsome face. I couldn’t help but burst out into a large smile. “Shane!” I yelled out.
“Livvy! It is you!” He rushed toward me and wrapped his arms around me, twirling me around in a huge hug. Then he finally put me back down on my feet and took my face in his hands, examining me. “Liv, how are you? I’d heard you were back, but…” He took my arm and twirled me around as if still deciding if I were real or a mere ghost. “You look amazing. I can’t believe it. I really can’t.” He turned and met glances with Darin. Then he looked toward Violet. “Sorry to spring this on you, Violet. I didn’t mean to just burst in here like this.”
“Did you just fly in from L.A.?” Violet asked.
He nodded. “Came straight here from the airport. I had to see her for myself.” He turned his head and looked back at me.
I smiled at Shane. It was nice to see a friendly face, someone who hadn’t changed from my past. He was still my brother-in-law. He’d always been so sweet and caring, just a little on the wild side. He loved adventure, and his life had always been one of constant moving and going places. That’s how he loved to live his life.
Shane was my family. Besides Darin’s parents, who were kind but elderly, Shane was all I had. I’d been raised by my father who had been in his late forties when I was born. My mother had died when I was very little. I had seen a few pictures of her but had no recollection of being around her. My father tried his best with working and hiring sitters for me, but he passed away from cancer when I was nineteen. I had no siblings, no cousins I was close to. I had been thrilled to learn that Darin had a little brother. We had gone on many trips with Shane and whatever girlfriend was his flavor of the month at the time.
“How long do you plan on staying?” Darin asked in desperation like he needed his brother to stay as long as possible.
Shane shrugged. “Just a few days. I’ve got to get back to Cali at the beginning of next week for work.”
“Work?” I raised my eyebrows. “You mean to tell me that Shane Thorne has himself an actual grown-up job?” I teased.
The corner of his mouth went up into a smirk. “Well, you know, we all have to grow up sometime.”
“What’s the job? What have you been up to?” I asked.
Shane turned and gave Violet a look. “Let’s order in some food, grab some beer. I’ll tell you all about it.”
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Darin
There were mounds of half-empty Chinese food containers sitting on the table in front of us. Of course all of us were full and had quit eating twenty minutes ago, but my brother was still going. Shane had always had the appetite of a horse and never gained a pound.
“Do you want thirds or fourths, Shane?” I asked. “Would you like me to cut up the table and put some soy sauce on it? You can eat that too.”
Shane grinned and patted his stomach. “I might have to loosen up the old belt buckle soon.”
“Don’t they feed you in California? It doesn’t look like you’re starving to me,” I commented dryly, amused at his stories of the celebrities he’d met and the crazy people he worked for.
Shane leaned back in his chair, his eyes on Livvy. “I’m sorry I can’t stop staring at you, Liv. It’s just…” He continued chewing on a bite of chicken and crossed his arms in front of him. “My god, it’s been so long. I never thought I’d see this day. I missed you like crazy.”
His words ate at me. Did he have to say things like that in front of both me and Violet? Didn’t he care about how Vi was feeling? Of course we’d all missed her. Surely she already knew that. He didn’t have to throw it around in Violet’s face.
Livvy blushed at his words. She and Shane had always gotten along great. She placed her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her palm. “So how’d you find out about me? I guess Darin called you, huh?”
I felt Shane’s eyes go to me. I looked down at the table. I hadn’t called him about it. I should’ve, but I didn’t. A pang of guilt coursed through me. How had Shane found out?
“Yeah,” Shane answered. “He called me,” he lied.
Of course Shane would cover to save Livvy’s feelings. Made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit. Besides his surprise visit and the fact that I knew he’d nail me later about not telling him about Livvy, I was relieved to see my little brother. He was always a rock, and I should’ve had the common sense to turn to him sooner, but no, I’d tried to figure things out on my own. I’d let it all stew inside of me, making me a miserable human being to be around. I thought I was strong enough to take it all on myself.
After more drinks and sitting around the table talking most of the night, Livvy stood up and started to clear away some of the dishes and throw things in the trash.
“I’m tired,” she announced. “I think I’m going to turn in for the night.” Her eyes turned to Shane. “We can talk more in the morning?”
He nodded. “You bet. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Liv said, turning to leave.
“Goodnight,” I mumbled under my breath.
Violet stood also, moving to the sink. “I wish I could make up the spare bedroom for you, Shane, but that’s where Livvy’s staying.”
He stood then and patted his slightly extended belly. “No worries. I’ll take the couch.”
Violet’s eyes shifted to me for a moment. “Okay. I’ll go get some blankets for you and a pillow.”
As soon as Violet left the room, Shane turned to me. “You. Outside. Now.”
I raised my eyebrows, but didn’t refuse. I knew he had things on his mind, things he wanted answers to, names he probably wanted to call me for not telling him what was going on.
I followed him out onto the deck and made sure the door was secured behind us. Shane pulled out a cigarette and blocked the wind with one hand so he could light the thing.
“I know you probably have questions,” I began.
Smoke poured from his nostrils. “Questions, Darin? What the fuck is going on, man?”
I raised two hands in the air. “I should’ve called you. I know that. Sorry.”
“Sorry? Do you know how I had to find out? Someone emailed me from back home asking how my sister-in-law was doing. I had no clue, Darin. None whatsoever.” He placed the cigarette back between his lips and turned to look over the banister. “Sorry isn’t good enough. What the hell is going on here?”
I bit the edge of my lip. Where did I even begin? My brother had every right to be mad at me. “This has bee
n really hard.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“And it happened so fast. I just got a phone call one day saying she was awake. She had nowhere to go. I had to bring her here,” I explained quickly.
“Well, no shit. She belongs here. She’s your wife,” he reminded me, as if I needed reminded.
Anger flared in me. “This isn’t what was supposed to happen, you know,” I reminded him right back.
Shane shook his head. “So what? It’s a freaking miracle! It’s completely amazing, and now you’ve got her back. How long has she been awake?”
I was beginning to lose track of time. My mind had been so clouded lately. “A few weeks I think.”
“A few weeks?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus, Darin.” Shane just stared at me. He took another hit from his cigarette and flung the rest of it into the yard. “What’s the matter with you?”
“What do you expect from me, Shane? What am I doing that’s so wrong here? I’m doing the best I can. I’m giving her a roof over her head, food to eat.”
Shane let out a laugh of frustration. “What do I expect? It’s Livvy, Darin. It’s freaking Livvy.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Had the entire world turned against me?
“You can have your life back. You don’t have to go moping around anymore. You can finally be happy again.”
“First of all, I haven’t moped in a really long time. I’ve put it all behind me. It took me forever to get out of the slump I was in after her accident, after they told me she wasn’t coming back to me.”
