"Get dressed and grab a bag, we got to talk and I don't have a lot of time." I order her and give her an expression that tells her I mean business and we do not have time to waste with her being stubborn. She does what I ask and climbs on the back of my chopper without any questions.
Once we are away from the whorehouse I pull over to the first clearing we come to, a cornfield. When she gets off my bike, she has tears in her eyes, angry tears. I know I did this by my actions, but when I seen that old grandpa looking bastard beating on her I lost it. "Do you really let that motherfucker stick his wrinkled old dick in my pussy?" I grab her right in her cunt and hold her in place. "Answer me goddamnit," I get right down in her face and she bursts out laughing.
"You think this shit is funny? I'm being motherfuckin' real with you right now. I want to know does he fuck you, does he stick that old Johnson between your legs and make you scream?"
Sunshine smacks at my chest, "fuck you Grim, you don't get to talk to me like that, you are the one person who seen me for me, but you are just like all the rest. You think I am just a cheap whore."
"No, that's not true and you know it. I fucking care about you, hell I might even love you. I am running out of time, fuck!" I let go of her and she sags against my chest crying. With a few strands of her hair between my fingers, I brush the rest from her eyes. "Look at me, Sunshine; I am being honest with you. I need you, I want you, this is not how I wanted to do this but I have to leave town and no one can know where I am going. I know where Sarah is and I am going after her. I...don't know if I will come back. Benji killed the mother of my child and he has her other daughter, shit is going to be a battle. I could lose everything, but if I do, I want to go out knowing that you and Baby are taken care of. I want you to marry me, right now. Today. If you marry me before I leave—if I don't come back you'd have custody of Baby and you would get my cut of all the club money. You'd be taken care of and safe." She is looking at me with a lost expression on her face taking in everything I just said.
"I don't want your money Grim, I want you. You say that you need me and that you want me, but do you mean it or is it because I am available?"
"I said I fuckin' want you, and yeah I need you, but because you make me feel whole again. Not because you are easy pussy. Honey I have had easy pussy, if I wanted it I'd have it. You challenge me and make me see parts of me that I thought were dead and gone, you make me want to try."
"Promise me you will come back, promise me!" Her lips crash into mine and it is a groundbreaking kiss, so full of lust, love, and passion. We are both hurt, angry and horny, an explosive combination. I turn her around and she places her palms flat on the seat of my motorcycle. I push her dress up over her hips and rip her thong completely off and drive my cock roughly into her tight little cunt. I fuck her hard and fast with cars blowing past us, oblivious to what we are doing in the cornfield.
"Grim," she calls out my name as I pump her full of me. "I think I love you too, so much it hurts. I want all of you, every piece of you, give me every bit of you that's true, the good, the bad, the ugly—I want it all."
"When I come back, you'll have it all and more."
**
After fucking Sunshine on the side of the road, we are on our way to the courthouse; I hope she understands why I want her to do this, and what it means. I hope she realizes how important it is to me that Baby doesn't end up with Foxie and Slim if something were to happen to me. If I don't make it out of this alive, she promised me she would take my money and raise Baby far away from the club, no matter what. I don't want to leave her in the hands of Slim, with me having the strange feelings I do and with all the awkwardness between Foxie and me it wouldn't feel right.
An hour and lots of paperwork later, Sunshine comes out of the county courthouse Mrs. Jack Jones. I promised her if I come back that we will do this the right way. Right now, no one needs to know that we are married; all they need to know is that Romeo and I are headed south to look at some equipment for the distillery and that Sunshine is staying at my place with Baby until I get back. She knows that if I am not back by Baby's birthday to take my kid out like she is treating her to a girls' day out for her birthday, when in fact she will be leaving the Black Rebel Riders' and Drag Creek Kentucky for good.
Baby isn't happy that I am leaving, I told her the same story I am telling everyone else, that I am going with Romeo to look at new equipment. She is happy to have Sunshine staying with her though; they are already in the kitchen making a store list for snacks and movies. I kiss both of my girls goodbye one final time, Sunshine clings to me a little longer than she normally would, but I know she is terrified that I might not walk back through this door again. I give her the keys to my truck and to my safe. I put all the documents in there that gives her everything, all of my assets except for the account I set up for Baby years ago. Money goes into her account from mine every month, and I have my lawyers finishing up the final paperwork, making sure my girl is always looked out for, he is going to deliver them to Sunshine in a few days after he gets everything worked out.
After talking to Slim and letting him know Romeo and I are headed out for a week or so, I set off on the highway to hell.
Chapter 10
Southern Alabama
Sarah
Some days I think I will never leave this place that I will never get away from Squirrel...his touch...his breath... I squeeze my eyes closing them tight while he does what he does almost every night that he is around. The past few months Diablo has been sending Squirrel away on business, but tonight he is here in my room, touching me, doing what he refers to as showing me how to feel good. The only thing he makes me feel is empty.
The bed creaks and he stops, afraid that someone might hear him, my father in particular. I think if he knew the things his so-called best friend does to me, he would either kill him or make him marry me; I fear that it would be the latter. Therefore, I keep my mouth shut, and the fear that he would hurt Betty is never far from my mind.
He quickens his pace and my head bobs up and down quietly into the pillow as he rocks his body into mine. "Love you so much Sarah," He grunts and shudders resting his sweaty forehead against mine, he places a kiss on my lips and leaves me to cry alone in the silence and dark of the night.
**
Living in Alabama itself isn't bad, it really is beautiful here, but I am not allowed to leave the house unless Betty is with me. I know she knows what Squirrel does to me, and yet her mouth stays shut. She isn't bad but she is one of them, she isn't mean to me or anything like that, but she doesn't do anything to stop it or prevent it from happening.
I am beginning to think that Grim isn't real, and he is never coming to end this hell. Betty probably never knew him either, she probably made that shit up about him and loving him once. She probably was trying to keep me from being so scared. One thing I have been doing is studying for my GED, as soon as I turn eighteen, I am leaving this house...this life, and I am starting over anywhere but here.
**
"You feeling alright girl?" My father asks, as I sit down at the table for breakfast. Like he really cares how I feel. I shrug my shoulders; I did not get much sleep last night. I can never sleep on the nights Squirrel pays visit to my room. I am always afraid he will come back for more.
Speaking of the disgusting piece of shit, Squirrel walks into the kitchen whistling and gives me a wink. I roll my eyes and stab at my eggs with my fork, wishing I could stab him right in the dick with my fork instead of the food on my plate. When I look up, I notice my father looking at Squirrel funny; he catches me watching him, and excuses himself from the table.
I ain't able to eat; my stomach is still upset from all the crying I did into the morning. I grab my books to study for my test and go out onto the front porch. I love listening to the birds and the frogs, they bring me a minimal amount of peace. There is just something so soothing about the sounds of nature. I leave my window cracked at night, the sounds of the crickets help me sl
eep when my nightmares don't keep me tossing and turning. Looking out across the yard I watch as a sparrow takes flight, I wish I knew how he felt being so free and alive. What must it be like to go anywhere whenever you want—to not have to worry about when the lights go out having unwanted visitors stalking you in your home, a place where one is supposed to feel safe from the monsters under their bed?
**
My dad stayed in the house all day yesterday, totally unlike him, and he kept Squirrel busy running errands but he showed up eventually smelling putrid. Betty is cleaning; she is always cleaning, to keep the odor that Diablo and Squirrel bring in on their clothes from the building. I am old enough now that I know exactly what goes on out there, they cook crystal meth in there. It is disgusting, I have been hoping that they would get caught, but either the law around here is too dumb, they are paid off, or they are scared of my dad and his club. Squirrel didn't come to my room last night thank god for small favors. I used to scrub my skin until it was a raw and at the point of cracking and bleeding when he would touch me, but I can never wash him from me, he has spoiled my body. I am ruined for any other man to ever be able to love me or touch me, not that I would want one to.
The strangest thing happens, as I am getting ready for bed tonight. My father comes to my room; he takes a seat on the edge of my bed as I sit with my knees to my chest covered by my sheet. He looks old and tired. Worry lines crease his forehead and crow's-feet line the corners of his eyes. Wiping his graying brow, he looks at me and he has the saddest expression on his face. "I know I haven't been the nicest or best dad. Nevertheless, you know you could tell me if something was bothering you. Is there anything you want to tell me?" I could tell him right now about everything, I have a mountain of confessions to move off of my chest, but I cannot. How can I open up to the man who was supposed to love me and protect me, the man who was supposed to raise me and show me the best example of how a man should be, when all he has shown me is distance? I haven't had a real mother only Betty, she has been good to me but I can't fully open myself up to her either.
"I'm just nervous that I'm not smart enough to take my test in a few weeks. Now let me get some sleep, Betty promised to take me to the library early so I can take a practice test."
"Night girl." He pats my knees trying to show affection, something he has never been very good at doing. After my dad closes my door I climb out of bed and put a chair against my door, I hope it is enough to keep Squirrel away tonight, he kept making disgusting gestures at me earlier, and he was taking his hand and motioning it towards his mouth to give the impression of someone giving head.
Curling up under my covers, I try to fall to sleep but I can't. I try to concentrate on the sound of the crickets but it isn't helping. I am so anxious about taking my practice test for my GED, when I pass the real test I can get a job and start saving for my way out of here. I want to leave so bad but I get the feeling that daddy and Squirrel will never let me go willingly. My grandfather tried to take me away once. He came down from Kentucky to see me and he asked if I wanted to live with him and I said yes. He found it odd that a kid would be so willing to go with a strange old man at the first chance she had. Daddy of course made it seem that I was just kidding but I was not I would have gone if he had taken me with him.
As I am drifting off to sleep, I hear the creaking of the floorboard letting me know Squirrel is there, but then he goes away when I hear my father ask him what he is doing. I cover my head with the pillow; I don't want to hear the lies. My stomach sinks when I am awakened hours later by the sound of my window opening. A rough but familiar hand goes over my mouth, "shh, it's me Sarah. I missed you last night," he whispers into my hair. A tear slips down my cheek, as he goes straight to doing what he came in my room for.
His rough hands reach up my shirt and squeeze my breasts painfully. His lips cap over mine, drowning me in his disgusting breath. Something wonderful and horrifying happens all at once. My bedroom door crashes open, my father drunkenly staggers into my room, stopping Squirrel dead in his tracks. "I knew you were a whore like ye mother," He spits at me wiping his mouth on the cuff of his shirt. "And you, you slimy son of a bitch, that's my daughter, you watched her from diapers to now, what the fucks wrong with ye?"
My father lunges towards us grabbing Squirrel by the neck, and the two of them roll into the floor. Betty is standing in my doorway with a look of horror on her face. She walks around the men beating the shit out of each other in the middle of my bedroom floor. She grabs me by the hand and leads me from the room. "Let them settle it like men, you'll just get hurt if you interfere."
"I hope daddy tears out his throat," I admit as I watch Diablo smack Squirrel over the head with a lamp.
"You don't mean that," Betty places her hands on my shoulders as we watch while steeping back as the fight continues through the house, carrying into the living room. Furniture is turned over chairs are broken, glass from who only knows what covers the floor.
"I do, then daddy would go to prison for murder and we would be free."
"I don't know what scares me more, the fact that I think you do mean it or that when you say things like that I wish they'd come true." The fighting has stopped. My father is lying on top of Squirrel, I am not sure if he passed out from the fight or from being drunk. Squirrel's face looks like a bruised peach. It's shades of orange, red and purple, with hints of blue. He coughs, spitting up blood and a few teeth.
I can't help but stare at the two of them lying there and praying that they never get up from the floor. Is it evil and wrong that I want them to be dead right now?
In an instant your life can change and everything you have ever wanted happens, maybe prayers are answered and dreams do come true. Maybe the things—the stories of our dreams and nightmares are real and everything you are scared of but crave does exist. The front door is kicked in and there he is the man that nightmares and dreams are made of. "Grim..." The name leaves Betty's lips in a disbelieving whisper. He is scary and beautiful all in the same. I am frozen with fear; this is the moment I have been waiting for.
One two Grim is coming for you, three four had better lock the door, five six had better tuck you in tight, seven eight never mind it is too late...
I am shaking and crying, feeling so many emotions, shock, and fear, the urge to reach out to this man and beg him for my life, to beg him to make me a bird so I can fly away...
I lose all control of myself as I fall to the floor; my body is not able to handle all that is occurring inside of it. I allow myself to succumb to the numb and the black and I retreat inside myself, my walls go up, and I see her in my head, my mother. I know she is with me, and I allow her to hold me, to help me escape the pain, the despair that surrounds me.
**
Alabama
Grim
Watching the scene play out from outside is hard. My instincts tell me to barge in now but Romeo begs me to be reasonable to do the smart thing—to sit and wait for the right moment. Squirrel and Benji are going at it, looks like daddy's little girl has caused quite a stir. Makes me sick, she is just a kid that could be my Baby messing around with one of my brother's. Never going to happen, gonna' make sure of it.
The noise ceases and the quiet of the night takes over, the only sound is nature settling in for the night. Peering in the living room window I see a dead woman, no really I can't believe my eyes when I see her—Betty huddled around the girl...Red's daughter, Sarah. Benji and Squirrel are lying on the floor unmoving, I seize the opportunity kicking the door in, and it's time to keep my promise to Red and to myself.
Chapter 11
Stepping into the house, my gun is cocked and loaded. Romeo comes in through the back door and we order Betty and the girl to have a seat. The girl is shaking and hits the floor before I am able to catch her. Betty is standing there staring at me, I don't know whether she is about to laugh or cry, her hand is covering her mouth and she is staring at me as if she is seeing me for the first time.
; Romeo gets the kid off the floor placing her on the couch next to a now somewhat coherent Betty. I grab Benji by the neck of his cut and roll him off of Squirrel, the motherfuckers are going to look me in the eye when I end them. Benji is going to feel my wrath last. Romeo has his boot pressed on Benji's chest with his gun aimed at his head in case he wakes up. Squirrel is coughing up blood, and muttering something under his breath that I can't quite understand. I don't think he has registered my presence yet. "He armed," I ask Betty and she nods that he is. She can't stop staring at me. The kid is starting to wake up; when she sees me, she faints again. What in the hell is wrong with the girl, I know I am ugly but damn. Betty brings her to and this time she doesn't look at me and she stays alert.
"Get up," I order Squirrel to his feet. He slowly stands wincing, I am sure Benji done some internal damage. I pat him down and take the small pistol he has inside of his cut. "I am going to ask you one time, did you kill Red?" The little girl's eyes go wide as I shove his gun in his bloody mouth. Tears are pricking the corners of his eyes from the pain. "What's the matter, a cocksucker like you must be used to having something in his mouth. That's the only reason I can think of for you to go against your patch...against your brother's, your family. You like sucking Benji's dick. I bet you bend right over and take his cock right up your ass don't ya?" I push the barrel of the gun further in his mouth as he shakes his head.
"That's right your a rapist, you touch that kid, did you put your dick in Red's daughter?" He doesn't move. "Did he touch you," I ask the kid as she cries and nods her head that he has. "Did you want him to?" I ask, I want to know exactly what has been going on around here. She shakes her head as heavy sobs escape her chest, the floodgates open as she screams and cries, splitting my heart in two as I hear the pain free itself from her body. The girl is carrying so much hurt, it's hard to listen to or even look at her. I don't wait for answers or ask any more questions. I want to pull the trigger—to blow a hole right through Squirrel's head, I want to watch his blood and brains splatter on my face and against the walls around us. With his own gun turned on him, I back Squirrel up until he meets the wall, I bend down with the gun still in his mouth, if he moves, I won't hesitate to pull the trigger. Picking up a chair off the floor, I order him to sit. "Got any rope?" I look to Betty she nods and fetches it for me. I secure Squirrel in the chair.
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