by Morgan Fox
Jace’s eyes shot wide. “I’m no coward,” he argued.
Jeremy knitted his brow. “Are you sure about that? The way I see it, that’s exactly what you are.”
Jace stood. “You’re confusing cowardice with sacrifice.”
“No, you’re confused. You assume letting her go is all about her, all about your sacrifice. When really, it’s selfish. You’re taking the easy road so you don’t have to feel pain or discomfort from fighting for something you really want. If you love Sage, you’d tell her and let her decide what to do with that information. You’re not giving her a choice. That’s a coward’s way.”
Heat rose up from his gut into his face. “I know what will happen if we stay together.” My parents showed me a future I don’t want.
“Are you psychic?”
He cocked his head and frowned. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Take your own advice. You need to man the hell up and stop letting what happened to your parents over twenty years ago influence what kind of life you could have with Sage.”
If only I could.
“Look, Jeremy, thanks for coming by and telling me about Sage. I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry I hurt her, but I can’t give her what she needs. I just can’t.”
Jeremy moved to leave. “That’s your choice,” he told Jace from over his shoulder. He then opened the door and slammed it at his back.
The room was colder, darker than he ever remembered it being. Perhaps it had to do with Sage never coming back to warm his heart. He’d made his choice, even though he wished it could’ve been something else. He was protecting Sage.
He closed his eyes and covered his face, hearing the heavy sobs of his father who once seemed so happy in love with his mother. Focusing on the breaths that fled more quickly from his chest, he replayed Jeremy’s words over and over again in his mind, key words standing out. Selfish. Coward.
Grinding his teeth, he had to own the truth. He was protecting himself. He was ending what could’ve been an amazing relationship with Sage out of fear.
Sage Nixon is my greatest mistake.
His heart ached.
Chapter 10
Sage stared at the letter she wrote requesting a transfer to another firehouse. She didn’t want to do it, but it was too hard to see Jace. It seemed that now that things had ended between them she saw him more than ever. At every emergency call and each time I go out for drinks. Sam had him covering at both Iron Horse locations and it always seemed to be at the one where she was meeting Jeremy and Zerina.
Why did she have to see him so often? Why couldn’t he just drift out of her life like most exes did? Why did being away from him have to hurt so much?
Tonight was no different. She was up at Iron Horse, and there he was, but this time he wasn’t working. He was with other police officers, Luke and Daniel. She moved to a different chair to keep her back toward him, to help her control her wandering eyes from darting in his direction. It hadn’t stopped her ears from picking up on the delicious timber of his voice, or hearing his throaty laughter.
She missed him and it was killing her to be in the same room with him. “I can’t do this,” she told Zerina. “All I hear is him. All I see is him. All I want is him. I have to transfer.”
“No,” Jeremy argued. “Don’t transfer because of him.”
She didn’t want Jace to have so much power over her, but he did. She’d stupidly let him consume her heart and mind and she was left with the mess. It sucked.
“What else can I do? I’m struggling to keep my head clear. I’m likely to get one of you killed on the job. That can’t happen because I’m having the love sick blues.”
“Can’t you take vacation or something?” Zerina suggested.
She smiled shyly. If only a trip to the tropics could cure her of what ailed her. Last she checked, nothing but time cured a broken heart. “I love you guys, but no, a vacation won’t help. I’m turning the request in on our next shift. I have no other choice.”
Jeremy frowned. “I don’t like it. I don’t want you to do it. But I understand.”
“I don’t,” Zerina said directly. “It’s stupid to let some guy dictate where you should work. I say you march over to his table right now, thump him in the nuts, and tell him to shove it. Point out that he has a small dick in front of his friends, too. Then you’ll feel better and you won’t have to transfer.”
Jeremy gasped, eyeing her as he covered himself with his hand. “That’s not cool at all, Z.”
She waved her hand through the air.
Sage snickered. “You really are the best kind of friend, Zerina. I’d be lost without the two of you.”
“If you transfer that’s likely to happen,” Zerina pointed out.
That was true. But dealing with missing them over the numbing sensation wrecking her life over Jace would be easier to manage.
“I’ll still be around.’
“Not as often,” Jeremy told her as if she didn’t already know that.
A heated sensation crept up her neck and she twisted to see Jace eyeing her from across the room. A jolt of nerves plummeted in her belly. She swallowed hard, gasping for breath as she rounded back to face Zerina and Jeremy.
Even now she wanted him back. That was why she had to transfer. Jace had broken her heart and still all she could think about was him. She had to get out of there. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
She bolted from the barstool and headed for her motorcycle. She couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t pretend everything was okay with her heart when it wasn’t. The way Jace had looked at her had been the same way he had when they’d made love. The sight of him sitting there like that across the room confused her too much to dismiss. She had to get away from him. Had to run as fast and as far away from him as she could.
She needed to feel something freeing in her life, not trapped and cornered like she had for so long. If she couldn’t have Jace, it was time she figured out another way to capture that emotion—to feel alive and unburdened by fear or sadness.
It’s time I took a long ride on a new motorcycle and let everything else fade away. Especially Jace.
* * * *
“You’re an idiot,” Zerina told Jace, pulling up the barstool between him and Luke.
“We’ve been telling him that for years,” Daniel said with a snicker.
Zerina hooked her thumb toward Jace. “Well, did dumbass here tell you that he screwed up his chance to be with Sage?”
They all looked at one another, clearly confused. “Wait, you actually liked someone beyond the one night rule?” Luke asked, placing his palms flat on the table. “Somebody pinch me.”
“How about I kick you instead?” Jace asked.
Luke chuckled. “I’ll pass.”
“What the hell, Jace?” Zerina barked, glaring at him. “She’s transferring thanks to you.”
Jace sat up perfectly straight. “Transferring where?”
“Away from you. I don’t even know where since it will be up to the firehouse and availability. It could be Amarillo, for all I know.” She pointed a determined finger at him. “So help me, Jace Burnette, if she moves that far away, I’m going to put a hurt on you like you’ve never imagined and I’ll spread the word that you have an incurable venereal disease.”
“I never meant—”
“Shove it!” she barked, leaving the table with every eye in the restaurant focused on him.
He’d never felt so small or lost.
The last thing he wanted was for Sage to transfer. He never meant to hurt her and being forced to leave her home and family would do just that.
He knew what he wanted. Knew exactly what he had to do. He just wasn’t sure if it would make any kind of difference. From what he could tell, things were already beyond ruined between him and Sage.
* * * *
Sage rode her new motorcycle—a shiny blue cruiser with black saddle bags and more chrome than she thought could fit on a bike. My bling. She loved
it. Her mouth curled to the side as the power of the motorcycle filtered into her blood stream. She was in control of her life as she rolled her wrist to give it more throttle, eradicating the fear she’d been consumed by over the years.
Along her ride, she’d found a perfect little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that served amazing pies. She had two helpings.
Parking her bike on the driveway of her home, she popped her helmet off and placed it on the backrest. She only had the bike for a day and half and had already put over three-hundred miles on it. She couldn’t get enough. The power. The speed. The freedom. She rode the bike like she’d always been destined to do it. Jace had been the one to show her just how connected and free she could be while riding on the open road, dreaming of possibilities and letting go of all the shit that clouded up the mind.
The only thing she’d missed on her adventure had been her riding buddy.
“Sage?”
The sound of Jace’s voice made her shiver. She didn’t want to see him. She wanted to pretend he didn’t exist. Otherwise, her chest ached. He churned emotions in her heart and mind she was trying her best to suppress, escape.
Inhaling deeply, she faced him.
His expression was unreadable, his eyes vacant of emotion. “I’ve been trying to talk with you for a few days now. Since the night I saw you at Iron Horse.”
She wished she could say she didn’t care, but she did. Even so, she tried to act as if what he’d just told her didn’t matter to her. “That’s nice.”
“Zerina told me to shove it and that you were putting in for a transfer.” He held her stare, taking a solid step toward her. “Don’t do that. Please, don’t do that.”
Hearing his plea confused her. Why would he care? She didn’t like that he was standing so close. The beat of her heart intensified.
“Why not?” she asked with a hint of sarcastic laughter. He was the one who wanted out. She’d been the unfortunate one to get ambushed by her stupid heart, her damn desire for more. “It would make my life a lot easier to not see you so often. I’m sure you feel the same way.”
She turned to head inside the home, anger burning through her veins like lava. Her thoughts were trapped in the pain that was twisting her heart. She’d been a fool to think she had a chance at a normal future with him. He was no different than the others that had used her in the past. She had to make a clean break with Jace, starting now.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you,” he shouted after her. “I don’t want to be with someone else.”
She stopped and stared at the keys dangling from her hand. Her mouth dried of all moisture. Closing her eyes, she wished he were serious and only wanted her. She wasn’t going to let him manipulate her again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. “You and I both know that’s a lie.”
“No, I don’t,” he snapped, closing in on her, teasing her with heat of his body. “What I know is that I’m crazy about you and I want you for more than just a damn bed buddy.”
She couldn’t look at him. He was saying things that made her want to give in and simply run to him. Protect your heart, you idiot. “You say that, but I don’t believe you. Those are just words.”
He brushed his hands over her shoulders. “Didn’t Jeremy tell you that I wasn’t doing anything with those girls?”
She scraped her back teeth together and stepped beyond his touch. “It doesn’t matter what Jeremy told me. You and I—” She released a breath of air as she looked at him. “We’re looking for different things.”
His eyes narrowed, pausing before he asked, “Did you put in for the transfer?”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters.” A vein at his temple bulged as he moved toward her.
She folded her arms across her chest, keeping extra space between them. Again, he was too close. “I don’t see why. It’s my job. My life. My need to get away from all things you.”
The lines around his eyes grew deep, his mouth turned downward into a frown she’d never seen grace his gorgeous face before. “You know what? You’re probably right. It would be best if you stayed away from me. I told Jeremy that very thing. Told him I would only make you second guess yourself, make you worry that I wasn’t faithful to you.” He sighed hard. “I told him that I had too much of a reputation to earn your full trust. I told him I didn’t want you to be anything but happy. That I never wanted you to worry that you weren’t enough. Which is crazy to me since you’re way beyond my wildest dreams. But knowing what I know about you, I fear you’ll never let me be what I want to be for you. I tried so hard to move on, to give you space, and let you find a man more deserving of you, but fate is screwing up my plans. I’ve been dispatched to every single one of your emergency calls. I end up working at the bar you attend. I’ve even seen you riding around on your motorcycle. Even your new one.” He grinned crookedly. “Which you look hot on, by the way.”
Heat filled her cheeks, but she didn’t say anything. She feared she’d sound like a blushing young girl who’d just been called hot for the first time in her life.
He stepped closer. “I see you everywhere, Sage. When I close my eyes, you’re there. In my dreams, you’re there. You are consuming me and I don’t want you to transfer.”
His words were melting her, but she couldn’t let them. It was best they go their separate ways. “We don’t fit, Jace. You and I are just too—”
“Alike.”
She arched a brow, meeting his gaze. “I was going to say different.”
“How do you figure that? We have similar professions. We like the same kinds of food. We like the same kinds of movies. We fuck like there’s no tomorrow and we love motorcycles. From where I stand, we seem kind of perfect.”
She placed her open palm against his chest as he tried to close the distance. “Why now? Why come to me now with this? Is it guilt?”
“I don’t want you to transfer because the idea of not seeing you is killing me. Damn it, Sage, I miss you. I miss your taste, your touch, the way you smell. I miss everything about you.”
“Why say these things to me? There are hundreds of women you could spend time with. Hundreds of women who would want nothing from you, except a night of hot sex. No commitment. No baggage. Nothing outside of what you always told me you wanted.”
He pressed his body harder against her palm, capturing her shoulders in his hands. “That’s just it, Sage. I don’t want any of them. I want you.”
“But that’s stupid,” she spat.
“Okay,” he replied, dragging the word.
“I’m serious. Unlike you, I don’t want a sex only relationship anymore. I realized that I’m not as defective as I once believed. I’m stronger. I’m beautiful inside and out. You helped me see that my scars don’t matter. I gave them power. I made them matter. I’m choosing not to let them anymore and if someone can’t see past them the way you did, then I don’t need that person in my life.”
He pressed a little harder and her arm bent, giving him the advantage he needed to pull her against him. With one arm around her, pinning her body to his, he cupped the side of her face and held her gaze. “I’m so happy to hear you say that.”
She furrowed her brow, confused by his response.
“Sage Nixon, I think you should know something about me. I’m in love with you. I’m overwhelmed by just how much. I figured it out the day you decided to end things between us. I let my fear stop me from confronting you, from fighting for a future with you. But when Zerina told me you were transferring, that fear turned to panic. The idea of not having you in my life…it crushed me.” He lowered his mouth to hers and gently brushed his lips over hers. “I need you, Sage. I want you in my life always.”
She shook her head. “Had you said this to me before—”
“It wouldn’t have changed a thing. You would’ve seen those girls as a threat and assumed the worst of me. I get it. I didn’t until I thought I was truly losing you, but I get it now. Two months is what we�
��ve shared. Two months is all you’ve had to get to know me. Two months is nothing. I want a lifetime to prove I deserve you. I want forever.”
She pursed her lips together, her eyes glistening. “What if things don’t work out between us? What if you figure out that you don’t really want forever with me?”
He laughed softly. “I think I should be the nervous one, you know?”
“How so?”
He brushed his fingers through her hair, his eyes filled with passion and love. He’d looked at her like that before, but now she knew what that look meant.
“I told you that I loved you. I told you that I want forever. You’ve said neither to me. So technically, you’re the one wanting out. Not me.”
“That’s not fair.” She huffed out a breath. “And that’s a form of manipulation.”
He winked. “Does that mean you don’t want to transfer?”
She placed her hands on his chest, the touch of his body sending jolts of fire up her arms. “I never wanted to transfer and the real reason I wanted to get away from you was that I thought I was the only one in love.”
His eyes widened as she spoke. “What are you saying?”
She sighed, her gaze shifting from his eyes to his mouth. “I’m in love with you, too.”
A wicked smile danced on his lips before he crushed his mouth over hers. She was overcome by a love she didn’t know they shared. The muscles in her body grew limp as Jace surrounded her.
* * * *
Jace scooped Sage up into his arms and carried her inside the house. He kicked the front door closed and didn’t stop until he had her on the bed in her room. Laughing playfully, she lifted each foot up for him to remove her riding boots, her jeans, and then her panties. While he kicked out of his own boots and clothing, she shimmied out of her leather jacket, shirt, and bra. Within seconds, he joined her on the bed.
Flesh to flesh, his skin tingled beneath the surface, and his insides fluttered wildly. He was in love for the first time in his life and Sage loved him back. He was a damn lucky man and he’d never felt the need to make love to a woman the way he did with her now—frantic, like a claiming.
