by Linn Young
Roy sat back and gave a sigh. “I guess I better come out with it, then. I’ve pandered about long enough, wouldn’t you say, Heron?”
Heron didn’t say anything but sipped his coffee.
Roy suddenly looked tired, losing his usual robust, youthful mien, his eyes looking dull and weary. “It’s your mother, I’m afraid.”
“Mother? What she up to now?”
“I wish to god it were her usual annoying tendency to be into everyone’s business. But last week, she felt a lump in her breast.”
Heron’s face turned white, the cup he had been lifting to his lips halting in midair. “Is it…”
“They don’t know yet. Last Friday, we went to the doctor, and the mammogram did show a large lump at the underside of her right breast. She’s having a biopsy tomorrow.” Heron reached for his Palm Pilot. “What time, and where?”
Roy put his hands on his son’s that was poised over the PDA. “No, no. That won’t do. Your mother didn’t want to tell any of you kids until the results of the biopsy.”
“How could she think to keep something like this from us?”
“It is her choice, Heron. Besides, she was going to tell all of you only when the lab results come in, which should be the day after tomorrow. She said she didn’t want to cause any undue stress and worry if there was no need.”
“So, why did she agree that you tell me, Father?”
“She didn’t. Your mother doesn’t know that I’m here.” Roy rubbed his hands over his face. “I just had to tell someone. And you’re the oldest, Heron.” He stared at his coffee, his face looking haggard and aged. “We’ve been married for over forty years, your mother and I. The first time I saw her, I knew I loved her. Since then, that certainty has never wavered. I just can’t imagine life without her…” He stopped because the words were caught in his throat as emotions threatened to seep through his usual male control.
Heron put his hand over his father’s and squeezed it. “I know, father. I can’t imagine that either.”
Roy visibly regained his composure. “You know, son, we’ve all led a very privileged life, being as rich as we are. We’ve taken it for granted for so long that money can solve most any problem we come across, at least smooth the way. But, then, when we’re faced with something like this, I realize how very little power money really has in life.”
“Treatment for cancer has come a long way, Dad. Nowadays, a woman doesn’t automatically have to accept the more threatening outcome when she finds out that she has it, even those who are in advanced stages.”
“I know, I know, Heron.” Roy struggled to smile. “You know, we’ve been such a fortunate family, Heron. We’ve been blessed so very much in everything that there is in life, wealth, privilege, marriage, family, success, health, not the least of which, love and passion. I’m afraid it has quite left me unprepared for these types of circumstances.”
Heron nodded, his grim. He couldn’t bear to think about a life without either of his parents, or his brother or sister and their families.
Heron left his father and headed back to his office. But once he was shut up in his office, he was at a complete loss as to what to do. When he sat in his chair, he would immediately get up and pace back and forth. When he’d realize what he was doing, he’d throw himself back in his chair, but in less than a minute, he was back on his feet walking the floor. He tried to concentrate on his work, but his mind could not get around the possible danger to his mother’s health. He was in desperate want of calling his brother or sister, but he knew had no right to do so.
He looked back on his idyllic life. For all of his exasperation that he felt about his family and his sense of detachment from them and the rest of the world, he had always been secure in the love and devotion of his parents and his siblings. Riley had been right all along when she had told him that love, the right love, was there in front of his eyes.
Suddenly, he was assailed with the most urgent longing to see Riley, to here her voice, to be beside her. He wanted to be able to look into her pale-gray-hazel eyes as he told her of his mother. He knew that Riley was one woman in whom he felt he could confide, especially on something as critical as the threat to the health of his family.
Heron rushed over to his desk and picked up his phone. He froze in mid-dial, his hand suspended over the buttons, when he realized who he was about to call. He quickly replaced the receiver to its cradle and fell into his chair again in a fierce brood.
Riley was the last person he could call, he realized. What possessed him to even think that it was suitable for him to call her at all. He was the one who had ended things between them.
And why would he want to see her again. He had ended their affair because of the very reason that he no longer wanted to see Riley. And he no longer wanted to see Riley because he hadn’t wanted to begin thinking that her love was important to him.
Suddenly, Heron realized that more than anything, at that moment, desperately worried over his mother’s impending biopsy, he wanted to be able to ensconce himself in whatever love Riley might have had to offer him.
The next day, Heron tried to work in his office, trying not to pick up the phone to dial his father. When he could stand it no longer, he drove to the hospital where his mother was to have the biopsy.
When he stepped out of the elevator, he saw that all of his family, his father, Tanner and Roberta, Beth Anne and her husband were all there. Beth Anne was wiping her eyes with a Kleenex, and Tanner was holding Roberta in his arms who was also weeping. Heron thought the worst and felt his heart stop.
“Oh, God, no!” He rushed over to them. “The lab results have already come back, then?”
Beth turned her red eyes to him. “Well, where have you been, Heron? A fine time to be showing up, now, is it, when all the fussing and worrying is over.”
“What do you mean? Have you heard from the lab, then? What’s the news? Tell me!”
Tanner threw his arms around his brother. “Yes, the doctor just told us. It’s benign. There’s no cancer. It’s just a benign tumor.”
“Are you sure? The doctor’s are sure that there’s no danger to Mother?”
Roy, looking immensely relieved, the weight completely off his shoulder from yesterday, took Heron’s hands. “Yes, Heron. The doctor has cleared her. He said he had the lab do a second test to make sure that there was no mistake. And there was no mistake. Thank God, Heron!”
Now that his mind was relieved of any impending doom to his family, Heron realized the presence of his siblings and their spouses. “What are you doing here? I thought mother didn’t want anyone to know about this until the results of the biopsy.”
Beth Anne narrowed her eyes at him. “Yes, I see you were kept in the dark as we were.” She cast a pointed look at her father. “And why does he rate for such important information as this and not me and Tanner? Just because he’s the eldest?”
“Well, then, he told you, too,” Heron asked.
“No, not at all,” Beth Anne sniffed. “We clearly did not rate, like we weren’t old enough to handle as something as a possible cancer in our mother. I got it out of Mother, last night, when I called. She didn’t sound right, and I kept on her until I got it out of her. And after I hung up…”
“She called me straight away,” Tanner said, his arms still around a teary Roberta. “We were furious at Mother and Father for trying to keep this from us. At least from me and Beth.”
“Well, that’s in the past,” Roy said hastily. “Come, let’s see your mother.”
As Heron drove back to his office, he found himself less than assured. Now that his mind was relieved of any danger to his mother’s health, he should have felt that his world was right again, and that he could continue to go about his life as he had been, more or less untroubled. However, such easement of his mind was proving hard to come by. Instead, he was left troubled by his awareness that the whole scare of his mother’s health had brought to light the quite unexpected and much hidden emotio
nal need for Riley Calderon.
When he broke things off between he and Riley he had thought it was only sexual obsession on his part, an obsession that he wanted to put a stop to, because he felt it was getting out of hand. At the time, he had had no reason to suspect that the matter was not settled then. All other affairs had remained settled, whether sexual or not, at least as far as he was concerned, once he had ended them.
Not liking the direction of his thoughts, Heron emphatically denied to himself that there was any remote chance that he could have any feelings for Riley. How could he have them for a woman he didn’t even like? Hadn’t he disliked her intensely from the very the beginning? Anyway, it would never do for him to consider seriously woman like Riley. She was too opinionated, too critical of societal mores and values, too open sexually. Plus, she ran a private sex club.
It might be true that she had proven to be one of the more enjoyable female company, that he had actually enjoyed being with her, liked begin engaged in talks with her, when they weren’t sniping at one another. And when they weren’t so overwhelmed with the need to devour one another. She was highly intelligent, well informed, cultured, sophisticated, humorous. She had made him laugh, even, which was something Heron could not remember ever knowing a woman was capable of doing to him, other than his mother and sister.
But she had been completely unsuitable to consider anymore than a temporary bed partner. It wasn’t that he thought himself above her station for all of his wealth status and her lack of it. Hadn’t he been more than willing to marry her sister? It was just that she was inclined to court her baser instincts than was socially acceptable. True that this made her an exciting lover. But that was all.
But Heron wanted to be with Riley, right then and there. Very badly. He wanted to feel the comfort of her small body pressed against his, feel the soft warmth of her, and look into those strange hazel eyes of hers.
That didn’t make sense. Why would he suddenly need the comfort of this particular mistress, just because there had been a family crises. He had never felt the need of any woman’s comfort. If he did, he could always turn to his mother. Even his sister in her dry, absent-minded kind of way.
Heron shook his head as he drove back to his office. No, he thought, it wasn’t because he suddenly longed for Riley in any emotional way. It was just a reaction to the family crises, the unfamiliar experience of having his emotions heightened when he heard about his mother. He hadn’t longed for her before this. In fact, after he had ended the affair, he had rarely thought of Riley. So it didn’t really make sense that he should suddenly want her now. If he did, then surely it will pass with the calming of his fears and emotions over the crises.
As he drove through the streets of San Francisco, there was nothing more that Heron wanted to do but to dial Riley’s number on his cell phone.
For a few days, Heron wrestled within himself back and forth, from wanting badly to call Riley to hotly denying that he felt anything for her. The debate within himself was so heated and violent, that he became much preoccupied, no matter what the hour of the day was, no matter if he were in his office, in a meeting, or alone at home. People began to regard him with puzzled looks, because it took a few proddings to get his attention, or that they found him staring intensely at nothing but empty space. Often, when he was alone, Heron would realize that he was staring at nothing with his mind a complete blank. He would curse himself and force himself to concentrate on his work.
Finally, disgusted that he was on the verge of a behavior of a lovesick cow, he managed out of sheer revulsion to force the internal struggle from his mind, shutting it completely from the forefront.
However, as successful as in forcing Riley out of his mind, his own behavior took a turn for the worse. Of course, a large part of it was due to not getting more than a few hours sleep every night, because mostly he was at his office far into the night and then getting in before dawn the next morning.
His temper was beginning to suffer, as well. He found himself being short with his staff and colleagues, taking a person to the carpet for some transgression that was often inconsequential in the long run. This was throwing his staff into stupefied shocks, because he was normally quite even tempered, at the very least reasonable, even if he was aloof and distant with most of them.
People in Heron’s personal life were also receiving his increasing impatience and dark moods, his butler, Canton, being the recipient of the brunt of them. For the normally mildmannered servant whose life consisted of endless days of placid calm and tranquility, it was rather shocking and unnerving to be given sudden and unexpected outbursts from his employer, from whom he never recalled ever receiving a word of disapproval, even if mild.
One morning, Canton, never dreaming that his master would issue any words of complaint, much less a harsh dress down, presented to Heron a freshly pressed silk shirt in pale pink to go with a navy blue suit.
“I thought I told you to take that to the cleaner,” Heron had said sharply.
Canton stared at his employer, stunned. “I…I did, sir.”
“Then why does it look like you just dragged it through one of the rain puddles outside? Take it back.” Heron had turned and walked into his closet to choose his own shirt, leaving his butler to stand in the middle of the bedroom, holding the shirt, looking quite dumbstruck.
Another time, Canton was in the kitchen cutting some flowers that had just arrived from the florist, when he realized that from somewhere around the penthouse, his name was being bellowed. At first he thought he had not heard right, because he had never heard any yelling in all the years he had serviced the large penthouse. It was a shock to his system to realize that it was his employer who was doing the bellowing, when Heron Wait was normally not the type to bellow anything.
“Canton! Canton! Where the hell are you,” Heron demanded. “Canton!”
Canton rushed out to the hall and down to his employer’s office, thinking something calamitous had happened. “Here, sir. Is there something the matter?”
Heron looked harassed, his hair mussed, and frustrated, his face looking heavy and haggard from the lack of sleep, his hands scrambling around his desk, searching. “Yes, there is something the matter. The papers on Drewry case, where are they?”
“I beg your pardon?”
Heron looked up with impatience. “The Drewry case that I’ve been working on. They were here yesterday. Now I can’t find them.”
Canton blinked at him. “Am I…Sir, are you requesting that I help you search for them?” Never had Heron before made such a request, because he never misplaced papers.
“Yes, yes, of course, I am. Don’t just stand there being useless. Search for them.”
But Canton couldn’t help but stand where he was, because he had no idea where to begin searching for the lost papers. Feeling extremely uncomfortable and uneasy, he began to fumble around the office, gingerly picking up papers, not at all knowing what he should be looking for.
After nearly ten minutes of a futile search, Heron picked up the phone and dialed his office and began to issue sharp questions to his secretary about the lost papers. “They’re there? Fax them to me at my home,” he ordered tersely.
Canton realized his employer had completely forgotten about him and left the office, not a little shaken by the untoward impatience and frustration that had been leveled in his direction.
Heron’s parents managed to bully, bribe, and blackmail their oldest son to attend family dinners, they had cause for second thought on their insistence. For he was more than usual reserved and detached, keeping his thoughts to himself, and showing little inclination to engage in any conversation with anyone.
“I swear, Mother, your eldest is more and more resembling some Gothic character with a slightly sinister twist,” Beth Anne muttered. “I think painting himself as such is even surpassing what Emily Bronte had wrought on the English moors.”
Alana eyed Heron, who was standing alone at a window, staring down at th
e garden, a drink in his hand. “I’m afraid my medical scare might have given him quite a jolt, of which he has yet to get over.”
“And you don’t think it affected the rest of us just as badly?”
“No, I’m not saying that. It’s just, with Heron, it just takes a bit longer to get over life’s shocks.”
“You mean for us normal people who aren’t control freaks and expect to have all our ducks in a row all the time, we’re more prepared to face the hardships of life,” Beth Anne observed sardonically, earning a reproving look from her mother.
“That’s not what I mean at all.” Then Alana nodded with guilty reluctance. “Well, yes, it is.”
The cancer scare was indeed part of what caused the inner turmoil inside Heron. His trying to deny his feelings for Riley was the second factor. Just as he had never experienced serious illness or death in his family, he had also never experienced unrequited need for a woman. And the experience was seeming to gradually wreck havoc on his sanity. He was a person who had never come across a problem that he could not solve. Even more, he was not a man who never had to deny himself what he wanted or needed.
If Heron’s days were plagued by a festering need to see and hear Riley, his nights were more and more encroached incessantly with physical need to have her, rendering him sleepless, tossing and turning with lust, and frustrated and disgusted even more with the situation. This was the third factor of his personal tumult that he was unfamiliar with, as well, and just as unwelcome.
On top of being bombarded with whole new sensations of longing was Heron’s own anger with himself that he did not see this coming. He now realized that he had been a complete fool to think that when he ended the affair with Riley, that that was the end of it. He had thought that he could deny to himself that Riley having feelings from him mattered to him. And he had thought that he could put it all behind him by not seeing her. He hadn’t wanted things to get complicated, he had told himself.
