He frowns. “For me?” His deep voice makes me break out in goosebumps. And I briefly try to imagine what my name would sound like if he whispered it in my ear.
I slowly nod. “I brought you guys lunch,” I say softly and clear my throat. “I always bring my dad and brother lunch on the weekends,” I explain stupidly. I look down at the floor shyly. I’ve always been a shy kid. Hopefully, he can see that and not think that I’m being shy at the moment due to him. Even if he is intimidating.
The silence that follows has me breathing heavy. Not being able to stand it, I look back up at him. His dark blue eyes run up my legs and I cross my arms around myself to keep him from seeing how turned on I am by his heated gaze.
“Thank you.” His words are spoken as rough as he looks. He meant the words to be thoughtful, but he sounded aggravated about having to say them.
“You’re welcome,” I whisper, rubbing my arms and trying to hide my goosebumps. I dare to look up at his blue eyes and they look hooded as if he placed a shade over them making them even a darker blue.
With one last look, he nods his head to me and turns around, walking away from me.
I knew from that moment that he was different. He had secrets. Dark secrets that I wanted to know but didn’t know why. He was beautiful yet looked broken at the same time.
I didn’t know that he would one day love me back. I didn’t know that three years later, he would take my virginity in a drunken one-night stand. A one-night stand that would result in a miscarriage six weeks later. And I never expected him to fall in love with me. But he did. And that love that he felt for me—well, it cost him his life.
CHAPTER ONE
FOUR YEARS LATER
MISSY
I stand outside of my best friend’s bakery as I pull on Parker’s shirt, frantically. My fear for Tate’s life is growing by the second. “Come on,” I cry out. “We need to get in there.” Parker just so happens to be a police officer and Tate’s roommate and at the moment he’s the closest person I have to saving Tate’s life.
He barks off some orders to about ten other police officers that gather in the street. They’re all here to save Tate. His stepdad, who Tate thought was his real father for most of his life, is here to harm him. Kill him. The man held me hostage for the last two hours, but he didn’t hurt me. Not bad anyway. He just used me as leverage to get Tate to come out of hiding. And of course it worked.
“Parker…?” I shout.
He spins around and looks down at me. “Stay outside. Do you understand?”
I shake my head as I breathe heavily. “I have to see him. I have to know he’s…”
“Absolutely not, Missy. I will protect him. I can’t protect you both at the same time.”
“Parker…” I try to argue as tears fill my eyes. I love Tate. This is all my fault. I’m the reason his stepdad is here to hurt him. I need to be the one to fix this.
He lets go of me and turns his back on me. He yells out into the street that is littered with police cars and men dressed in uniforms. I quickly look around, trying to gauge what is happening. And what I would do to go back to a few days ago. Back to the day when we weren’t fighting. To the day before he told me that I wasn’t worth fighting for. I did this! I brought him this trouble.
I turn back around just in time to see Parker walk into the bakery with his gun raised and men following behind him. Without thought, I take off in a mad dash after him.
“Tate?” I call out in a panicked voice as I enter the bakery. My concern grows when I don’t see him standing in the front part of the building. I continue to run to the door that leads to the back where Samantha does all the baking.
“Stop,” Parker’s voice yells at me as I push past him and swing open the door.
I sigh in relief the moment I spot Tate standing there looking right at me. But he doesn’t look happy or surprised to see me. For the first time in the four years that I’ve known him, he looks terrified.
I hear a noise that sounds like a clicking. My eyes instantly look down to the floor and see Jonathan, Tate’s step father sitting on the floor with his back against the cabinets. My body turns to ice when I see he’s holding a gun aimed right at my face.
My ears ring as gunshots sound in the bakery. I’m knocked to the floor, and I can’t breathe as something is crushing me. I open my eyes, ignoring the pain in my back and head, and look up to see Tate lying on top of me with his eyes closed.
“Tate?” I call out frantically. A few more bangs sound out and my body jerks with each loud pop.
I lay crushed under Tate as people scream around us. I can’t make out what they are saying. My ears are still ringing. He’s lifted up off me and I scramble to get to him as he’s placed on the kitchen floor, but arms wrap around me and pull me back. “Let them work,” Slade, Tate’s brother-in-law, yells over all the commotion into my ear.
“Tate?” I cry out as I watch him lay on the tile floor. Jonathan, the man that he thought was his father for years, sits slumped over behind him. Blood runs down his chest, soaking his shirt. Dead.
Parker gets my attention as he rips Tate’s shirt off before applying pressure to his chest. I place my hand over my mouth to silence my cries as blood pools underneath him. My shirt clings to me, also soaked in his blood.
Other officers have now joined us and are speaking into their radios to call for an ambulance. One hovers over Tate as he gives him CPR. “Please,” I cry out. “Please save him, Parker,” I plead as I gasp for air.
Parker speaks to the officer so fast that I can’t make out what he’s saying as the shirt he holds over the wound continues to soak up Tate’s blood.
“Why?” I cry out. Why would he do that? “Tate?” I scream wanting him to hear me. He has to wake up. “I love him. Please.” My body shakes in Slade’s arms.
It feels like an eternity as Slade holds me tightly, unwilling to let me go to him. “Tate,” I yell out to him. He has to be okay. He has to live.
The officer giving CPR checks for his pulse and then looks up at Parker.
Parker looks from him to me, and I see the tears that fill his eyes and I know it. “I’m sorry, Missy,” he says, and his voice breaks. My heart shatters as I watch the other officer move away from him.
He’s gone! “No.” I shake my head, not believing it. “He wouldn’t leave me,” I cry, trying to shove Slade off me. He wouldn’t save me only to leave me. Not like this.
Parker looks up at Slade and nods his head. He releases me and I drop to my knees and crawl to Tate as his body lays there motionless. “Please. Tate,” I beg, placing my hands on his bloody chest. My jeans start to soak up the blood that pools beneath me. “Please don’t leave me.” I look up and see everyone staring down at me. The only sound that now fills the room is my cries. “Why aren’t you doing anything?” I yell as hot tears run down my face and neck.
I lean over and place my lips on his cold ones. “I love you,” I sob and my tears fall down onto his face. “Don’t be a coward,” I yell, getting mad. “Don’t stop fighting!” I demand. “Fight for me,” I plead, pressing on his chest; starting compressions myself. I can do this. I was in school to be a nurse, after all. “Fight for us,” I demand taking in one deep breath after another.
I purse my lips as I press on his chest as hard as I can, trying not to vomit from the metallic smell of the blood that lingers in the room. There’s so much. It’s everywhere. It covers my clothes and feels like a hundred little knives piercing my skin.
I sob as my hands slip; it’s hard, the blood that covers him is making his chest slippery and I can’t get a good grip.
I blink through the tears that blur my vision. “I’m begging you,” I say through gritted teeth. “Please. Don’t leave me here. I need you,” I say as my arms start to weaken.
I see Parker’s place his bloody hands over mine and he presses down, stopping me. “No,” I shout, frantically trying to push him away.
“Missy,” he snaps, grabbing my hands.
“Get away from me,” I shout and shove him out of my way. “Help him.”
He stands and yanks me up off my knees. I try to fight him, but he drags me over to the other side of the bakery and shoves me against the wall. “Stop. I can save him,” I sob. I was supposed to save him. I was supposed to be his chance at something better, and I’ve failed him.
“He’s gone, Missy.” He snaps as he shakes me.
“No.” I choke on the single word. My lips are unable to work and my mind cannot process his acceptance that his best friend—the love of my life—is dead.
He grabs my face and his face softens. “I’m sorry, babe…”
My cries interrupt whatever he was going to say and my knees go weak. His arms wrap around me and hold me up as I bury my face into his chest and cry my eyes out. His arms tighten around me as his cries fill the room as if he just realized he lost his best friend as well.
His one hand that holds my head runs down the back of my back as he whispers to me. “I’m sorry, Missy. I’m so sorry.”
I wish I could tell him that it’s okay. That I don’t blame him. That it wasn’t his fault. I know all those things are true, but my mouth won’t allow the words to form. My heart wants to blame someone, and Parker is the only one I can think of at the moment. Besides myself, anyway.
He pulls away from me and reaches over to push the back door open. I try to look over his shoulder at Tate, but he’s too tall for me. He manages to shove me outside and shuts the door behind us.
“What are you doing?” I ask trying to get around him. I need back inside of there.
He grabs my arm and stops me. “You don’t need to see that,” he says softly.
“What?” I ask breathlessly. “I was just on my hands and knees,” I yell fisting my hands down by my side, “trying to save him as you stood by. And you…You did nothing.” Parker is a cop. He’s been in these situations before. I don’t understand why he didn’t do more for his friend.
“Missy…?”
“No,” I shout furiously as I shove him in the chest. He doesn’t budge. “I need to see him.”
“He’s no longer here with us, Missy.”
“How can you say that?” I cry. His words crush me all over again. The back door swings open and Slade walks out into the back alley to join us. He puts his head down and runs a hand through his dark hair. He leans back against the brick wall and closes his eyes as he takes a few deep breaths.
Parker and I stand as we both watch him intently. He takes one last deep breath and then opens his eyes. Tears silently run down his face and his hands shake as he reaches into his front pocket. Removing his phone, he dials a number and then waits.
“Is Angel there?” His once deep voice sounds broken as he asks about his wife. “Tell her to meet me up at the bakery.” His words come more forced than he wanted to, and I can tell that whomever he is talking to on the other end of the line is now concerned. “Just tell her to. Now.” He then hangs up and places the phone back in his front pocket.
“How am I going…?” He stops speaking as he runs his hand down his face and takes a deep breath. “How am I gonna tell my wife that her brother is dead?” he cries as he looks at his bloody shoes.
As much as my heart is breaking, I know his is, too. He was standing right next to Tate. He saw it coming just as Tate did. Why didn’t he stop Tate? Why didn’t Slade kill Jonathan? I know he always has a gun on him.
“Slade…” Parker breaks the silent as he goes to take a step over to Slade.
“Please. Don’t,” he says as he raises his hand to Parker before he looks up at us. His beautiful blue eyes look so sad and bloodshot. His words run a chill up my spine. “This is gonna kill her. It’s all my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Parker says, shaking his head.
The back door swings open once again and there on the other side of the door stands Josh, one of Tate’s friends. It’s not the tears in his eyes or the lack of color in his face that makes my heart stop. It’s the cold, still body covered with blood lying on the floor behind him. He looks so peaceful. His face slack and body relaxed. If not for the blood, he would look like he is sleeping.
I take a step back not believing it once again. It has to be a dream. Wake up, Missy. But just the movement of my legs reminds me of the blood-soaked jeans I wear. The wind blows and I shake from the coldness that I feel. I’m drenched in his blood. I lift my shaky hands and his blood still covers them.
“Missy…?” someone asks, but I ignore them. I blink a few times to clear my vision of my tears before I frantically wipe my hands on my thighs. But it won’t come off.
“Oh God,” I whisper. My knees shake and my stomach turns.
It’s all too much.
I turn away from all of them and fall to my knees in the middle of the alley as the nausea takes over.
A soft hand lands on my back and then another grabs my hair. I sit there on my knees in front of three guys as I puke to the point I get lightheaded. The alley spins and my vision starts to fade. I close my eyes trying to keep what little dignity I have left.
Parker speaks to me as I kneel there, body shaking and heaving, but his words fall on deaf ears. It won’t matter what is said. I’ve lost the only man I’ll ever love
CHAPTER TWO
Time does not heal all wounds. Whoever said that was full of shit! And should be locked away forever. It’s been four days and nothing has changed. I still can’t even look at food. Today was the first day that I actually got up, showered, and got dressed. I’ve been living in pajamas. After I finished being sick in the back alley, Parker took me back to his house that he shared with Tate, but not before I got to watch Slade explain to his wife that her brother’s body was lying dead inside of her bakery. I’ll never forget the cry she let out. It was as if someone had shot her at that moment. And I felt her pain. Tate might have been the one to die, but I think we all lost something back in that kitchen. A piece that, no matter how much time passes, we will all still have missing.
I now stand with my eyes shut, the soft breeze blowing my blond hair around. That scene keeps playing over and over in my mind, remembering the incident that took place no more than a week ago. Tate died right in front of me. That bullet was intended for me and he jumped in front of it. Every time Parker tries to remind me of that—that Tate was saving me—I want to kick the shit out of his balls. Doesn’t he realize that is what hurts the most? Knowing that if I hadn’t been there, he would still be alive.
Tears slowly roll down my face and I close my eyes tighter hoping them to stop. I know he’s watching over me and I hate to be so weak for him. But how can you be whole when you’re missing your best half?
I hear a crunch of leaves from behind me, but I don’t open my eyes to look to see who it is. I know who it is, Parker. He doesn’t leave my side. He even took some time off from the force. He told them that he needed to grieve the loss of his friend in private. If you ask me, he’s babysitting me. Maybe he thinks I’m suicidal.
There ended up being over a hundred people here at his funeral today. Tate was such a closed-off person, and he kept to himself. But he was loved by so many. He still had friends who wanted to tell him goodbye one last time.
I find the strength to open my eyes and look at the fresh grave at my feet. His funeral was over hours ago. Everyone has left, but I can’t seem to make my feet move. It all seemed so unreal until today. Until I placed a letter of how much I loved him into his casket. I feel like he is gonna come walking into his house cussing up a storm or opening a beer. But he doesn’t. How do I go back to his house without him? I told him that I would never quit fighting for him. I know he’s no longer here, but I feel if I walk away from him that I’m giving up.
I look over at the baby headstone that rests beside his. Our little angel was the result of our one-night stand in Vegas, and I lost it. My head hurts. My heart is broken. My body is numb. Our loss is consuming me to the point of suffocation, and I’m no
t sure I’ll be able to surface from it.
“What am I supposed to do now,” I ask aloud. “You were supposed to be my forever,” I cry out.
I feel a hand land gently on my shoulder and the weight alone makes me fall to my knees. I place my hands in the dirt as well and dig my fingers into it. I wish the ground would swallow me up. I wish God would take me with him.
I lose all control of my senses. My body shakes uncontrollably as sobs wrack my body. I lift my hands from the dirt and wrap my arms around myself, rocking back and forth as I kneel in front of Tate’s grave. I’ve lost the only two people who I have ever loved.
“I’ve lost them both,” I sob.
Parker drops down in front of me and grabs my face. “Missy. Breathe.” His dark brown eyes drill into mine as I sit in front of him.
I shake my head, quickly trying to throw his hands off my face. When that doesn’t work, I shove them off. I frantically dig into my purse next to me searching for my cell phone. I pull it out and dial up his number. It goes straight to voicemail.
“This is Tate.” I cry out as his deep voice speaks into my ear. “Leave me a message.”
“I love…” The phone is ripped from my hands, and Parker places it in his pocket. “You.” I make myself say the words for my own satisfaction. Hoping that he hears them. “I love you,” I cry as I continue to shake uncontrollably. I’ve never felt so much pain in my life. So helpless. So sorry that I cost him his happiness. The happiness that he deserved. Tate had a hard life growing up. His stepdad beat him and his mother. He had the scars to prove it and his anger always kept him from being happy. From allowing himself to be loved. And his stepdad found him again and took that away from him. All because of me.
*****
My body bounces as I ride in Parker’s lifted truck. He picked me up and carried me away from the gravesite. I was so tired that I didn’t have the energy to fight him. And I was tired of saying goodbye.
The UN Series Complete Box Set Page 157
