Salene's Secrets

by Laura Jo Phillips

  “I think it’s been too long since you’ve had a good spanking,” he said with a soft growl.

  “Promises, promises,” Lariah said lightly. “I think the three of you are getting too old for such energetic play. I think you should stick to the basics.”

  “Too old?” Garen demanded, his tone outraged.

  Salene was so shocked that it took her a few moments to realize she needed to let them know she was there. She cleared her throat, then held her breath at the sudden silence that fell. A moment later she heard footsteps approach the patio doorway, step through, then Garen knelt down beside her chair.

  “I apologize if we embarrassed you, Salene.”

  “I’m not embarrassed, Ata,” she said, which was true. Sex was not a forbidden subject among Clan Jasani, nor was it a cause for embarrassment. Her parents had always been careful to keep their sexual activities behind the closed and locked door of their bedroom, of course, but this certainly wasn’t the first time she’d witnessed or overheard an amorous display between them over the years. It was just the first time she’d overheard something like…that. “I just didn’t want to eavesdrop on you.”

  “I guess we’ve gotten a little too relaxed without any children in the house these past months,” Lariah said, taking the chair beside Salene’s. “Go on and do your flying,” she said to Garen, Trey and Val. “Let us girls have a chat.”

  Garen nodded, leaned in to kiss Salene on the cheek, then followed Trey and Val down the deck steps to the garden. They shifted quickly and launched themselves into the air.

  “What’s troubling you about what you just heard, Salene?” Lariah asked softly. “And please do not say nothing. I know better.”

  “I’m not troubled about it, Mom,” Salene said. “But I am…curious.”

  “Then allow me to satisfy your curiosity.”

  Salene hesitated. She’d kept this secret for so long and now, for the first time, she had an opportunity to not only discuss it, but discuss it with her mother who she trusted absolutely. Now that she’d lost her men she doubted she’d ever have any use for the information she sought, but it would still be nice to have some answers.

  “How did you ever manage to tell your men that you’re sexually submissive?” she blurted out so quickly that for a moment she feared her mother hadn’t understood what she said.

  “I didn’t have to tell them,” Lariah said. “They knew.”

  “How did they know?”

  Lariah paused as she thought back through the years. “Actually, I’m not sure they knew, exactly, but they suspected. It didn’t take them very long to confirm their suspicions.”

  “Have you ever wished you were…normal?”

  “Normal?” Lariah asked in surprise. Then she smiled faintly as she shook her head. “I think you learned a few too many things during your years away at school.”

  “I guess,” Salene said, dropping her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Salene,” Lariah said. “I should have spoken to you on this subject much sooner. My only excuse is that I didn’t realize you shared this particular trait with me.”

  “There’s nothing to apologize for, Mom. I didn’t even know myself until a couple of years ago.”

  “Since you discovered you were berezi to the Gryphons?” Salene nodded. “And you haven’t discussed it with them?” Salene shook her head.

  “I’d like to ask you a very personal question, Salene, but don’t feel you must answer it if you don’t want to, okay?”

  “Sure, Mom.”

  “I know you’ve had sex with the Gryphons. Without asking for details, I wonder if you’d mind telling me how it was.”

  “How it was?”

  “Did you enjoy it? Did they?”

  “No, I don’t think that they did,” Salene admitted in a hoarse whisper.

  “And you? How was it for you, pretending to be normal?”

  Salene searched for the right word to describe her feelings. She didn’t want to come out and say boring since that might sound like a criticism of the Gryphons and none of this was their fault. She was the one who was different, after all. Not them.

  “It wasn’t as exciting as I expected it to be,” she said finally. The real truth was that she’d been deeply disappointed. They’d waited so long, three whole years, and she’d been more than ready. She’d fully expected it to be hot, breathless, and sweaty, and at the very least include some oral play. But it hadn’t been any of those things. They’d been slow and gentle and sweet. There’d been no exploring, no touching, no anything but straight basic intercourse. She’d been embarrassed beyond words when they’d had to use lube beforehand because she was nowhere near aroused enough for them to enter her without it. She’d even summoned up the nerve to ask them to use their pheromones but they’d refused, telling her it wasn’t a good idea for the first time. That first time had been the only time, and as it turned out, the last as well, but she wasn’t telling her mother any of that.

  “One of the really nice things about being a berezi or an Arima is that you were made for the men destined to be your Rami, and they were made for you.” Salene nodded almost absently. Lariah leaned forward. “Think about that for a moment, Sweetie. Think about what it means.”

  Salene frowned, but she did as her mother asked. After a few moments her eyes widened. “Do you mean that we’re made to be compatible sexually?”

  “Yes, of course,” Lariah said, smiling gently. “Clan Jasani live very long lives. It wouldn’t work out too well for any of us if we weren’t compatible in every way.”

  “There are times when mistakes are made, though,” Salene pointed out. “Times when either a male-set or their berezi choose not to remain together at all.”

  “That’s true,” Lariah admitted. “Sad, but true.”

  “If a mistake that big can be made, it doesn’t seem like much of a stretch to think that a mistake in sexual compatibility could be made.”

  “I suppose not,” Lariah said. “But if you’ve never discussed it with them, how do you know whether you’re compatible or not?”

  “I don’t know, I just never felt like they’d be…that way.”

  “Are you ashamed of your submissive feelings?”

  Salene thought about that. “Not ashamed, but afraid.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “If I told them, and they didn’t like it, then I would feel ashamed.”

  Lariah nodded. “I can certainly understand that.”

  “You can?”

  “Of course,” Lariah replied. “Not long after I met your fathers there was a misunderstanding between us. I was left thinking that my sexual responses to them were wrong, and that they were avoiding me because of them. It was a painful and difficult time for me, and for them as well. After a few days we talked about it. It turned out that we were all hiding our true desires for various reasons. Once we cleared all that up, everything else fell into place.

  “I don’t want to give you the impression that it was easy for me to be that honest because it wasn’t. Not at all. So I truly do understand why you haven’t spoken with your men about it. But unless you want to spend your life hiding your true self and pretending to be other than you are, you’re going to have to do it, Salene. Otherwise you’re not going to be as happy as you deserve to be, and neither are they.”

  “And if they don’t like it, what then?” Salene asked, curious even though she already knew it was a moot point.

  “I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to that,” Lariah said. “What I do know is that sex is an important matter in any relationship. If you aren’t sexually compatible, wouldn’t you rather know the truth so you can deal with it head on?”

  “You’re right, Mom,” Salene said, fighting tears. “I should have told them a long time ago.” What she wanted to do more than anything else at the moment was to tell her mother the truth. All of it. If there was one person in the Thousand Worlds who could help her get through her current troubles, it was Lariah
Dracon. But, if her mother learned that the Gryphons had broken faith with her she’d probably get up, shift into her dracon, fly to Berria, and burn them to crisps. Then she’d tell her fathers about it. Lariah was petite, gentle, and sweet until someone threatened those she loved. Then she became as fiercely protective as her dracon alter form.

  “I’ll think about what you’ve said, Mom,” she said. And it was true. She doubted she’d be able to keep herself from thinking about it. Or regretting that she hadn’t been more forthcoming with her men when she’d had the chance. She doubted things would have turned out differently, but it might have hurt less three years ago than it did now.

  They both heard the sounds of large flapping wings and Salene took that as her cue to go to bed. “Thank you Mom,” she said, standing up, then bending down to kiss her goodnight. “I appreciate your help.”

  “Any time, Sweetie,” Lariah said. She watched Salene enter the house, cross the living room and start up the stairs before rising to meet her men.

  “Is that the problem between her and the Gryphons?” Garen asked without preamble.

  “You were listening,” Lariah accused.

  “Of course we were,” Garen said. “We’re as worried about her as you are, Sharali.”

  “I know,” Lariah said, reaching up to caress his jaw as Val and Trey pressed in close behind her.

  “So, is it?” Garen asked again.

  “Since she hasn’t discussed it with them, no, I don’t think that it is,” Lariah said. “Do you think they’d have a problem with it if they knew?”

  “No, I don’t,” Garen said. He looked at Trey who chuckled, earning himself an arched feminine brow.

  “I’m sorry, little love, but no, Talus, Jon and Kar would not have a problem with it. I’m surprised it’s an issue at all.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning that there is no question whatsoever in my mind that they have dominant natures.”

  “I agree,” Val and Garen both said at the same time.

  “Then why haven’t they let Salene know that?” Lariah wondered.

  “Probably for the same reasons she’s keeping her nature secret from them,” Garen said. “My guess is that they fear her reaction as much as she fears theirs.”

  “What a mess,” Lariah said sadly.

  “Yes, but it is their mess to solve, Sharali,” Garen said. “And if it’s not the reason for the rift between them, then it’s not even the biggest or most important mess they have to deal with.”

  Chapter 6

  One week after beginning her training with Aisling, which was also the second evening after her parents’ departure to Ufulu, and the thirteenth day after her discussion with Wolef, Salene sat on the floor of her bedroom with a glass of wine beside her and the three cartons from the Ugaztun in front of her. She removed the lid on the nearest one, reached inside, and pulled out a red wool scarf. Winter clothing. Tilting the carton toward her, she dug through the sweaters, vests, gloves, hats, scarves and other cold weather gear necessary for the brutally cold winters on EDU-12, but she didn’t take anything else out of it. Dracon Ranch could be cold, and it usually snowed a few times during the winter, but she had enough winter wear in her closet. She put the scarf back into the carton, then reached for the lid, wondering why she hadn’t donated the stuff instead of dragging it back home.

  After a sip of her wine she shoved the carton of clothing aside and opened the next one. This carton held the missing weapons she’d been looking for. She pulled the knives out and examined them, then checked the sai, sighing when she saw that they were all in need of cleaning and sharpening. Most of her sheathes were made of a fiber mesh that was very strong and lightweight, but she had several leather sheathes and belts that were in dire need of attention. She set the weapons, belts, and sheathes aside and broke the carton down into a flat sheet of cardboard that she leaned against the wall for removal to the shed first thing in the morning.

  Staring at the final carton without curiosity, she debated whether or not to open it. She’d already found what she was looking for and couldn’t think of anything else that she missed. After a few moments of silent debate, she decided to get the task over with. She reached for the carton, pulled it toward her, then took the lid off and looked inside. She was startled to find her favorite make-up case, another case that she knew was filled with hair accessories such as barrettes, combs, clips, headbands and elastics, a jewelry box, and assorted toiletries.

  The toiletries were everyday things like shampoo, hand cream, and toothpaste, all of which she had duplicates of in her bathroom. But the make-up case and hair accessories…it was so odd that she hadn’t even thought about those things since her return. No, she corrected herself. She hadn’t thought about them since she’d been kidnapped. Everything in the carton had been in her stateroom aboard the Ugaztun, so someone, probably her mother, had packed them after she left the ship.

  It made sense that she hadn’t missed her make up case when she was recovering from her burns on the Armadura, or even after that, when she was so worried about the Gryphons. But she’d been home for over a week now. In that time she hadn’t once thought about putting on a pair of earrings, a touch of lip gloss, or one of the many hair barrettes or combs she’d always enjoyed wearing in her hair. No wonder her parents had been so worried about leaving her alone even though she thought she’d been doing really well.

  Rising to her feet, she picked the carton up and carried it into her bathroom. After emptying the carton she tossed it back into the bedroom and out of the way. Then she opened the makeup case and went through the contents, tossing a lipstick and a cracked eyeshadow before closing it again. With a silent promise to herself to begin using it again beginning tomorrow morning, she put it at the end of counter where she’d always kept it. The toiletries went in the cabinet under the sink, and the hair box in its place in the bottom drawer. That left the jewelry box.

  It was a medium sized wooden box that the Gryphons had given her a few months earlier on her birthday. It was hard to believe that so little time had passed since then. So much had changed in such a short time. She ran her fingers over the carved vines and flowers on the lid, trying to remember the last time she’d even looked inside of it. It had to have been Tani’s wedding day, she realized.

  Releasing the tiny brass catch on the front, she lifted the lid. Two tiers of felt lined compartments rose on brass hinges, then locked into place once the lid was fully open. She looked over the familiar assortment of earrings, pendants, rings and bracelets, some of it nice, but most of it the sort of inexpensive, fashionable jewelry young women liked to wear. Valuable pieces that she’d inherited, or that had been given to her as gifts over the years, always stayed at home, safe in the antique jewelry box on her dressing table.

  The front portion of the bottom, which wasn’t compartmentalized, appeared empty. No doubt because the box had been tilted, causing everything to slide to the back. She slipped her fingers beneath the lowest tier, and pulled out a wide cuff bracelet. Reaching in again, she came up with a chunky beaded necklace that was definitely no longer in fashion. The third time her fingers touched something soft, but when she tried to grasp it, it slid away. She bent down and tilted the box so she could see beneath the tier, catching a glimpse of something black. She lifted the back end of the box, causing everything to slide forward, and was rewarded when a small black velvet box slid into view.

  She frowned at it, certain that she’d never seen it before. If she’d never seen it, what was it doing in her jewelry box? She picked it up and tried to open it, but the lid didn’t budge. Looking more closely, she saw that it was taped shut. How odd. She turned it over and saw a small scrap of paper taped to the bottom with neat, square handwriting that she had no trouble identifying as Jon’s. Black spots suddenly filled her vision. She slid slowly to the floor with the velvet box in her hand, then lowered her head and breathed deeply until the spots faded and her vision cleared. When her heart rate and breathi
ng had returned to normal, she turned the box over so that she could read the brief note.

  Our love forever, Talus, Jon, and Kar.

  After staring at the note for a long time, she turned the box over again and peeled the tape off. Her heart remained steady, if a little fast, and her hands barely shook at all when she grasped the lid and opened the box.

  Inside she found a ring with a round, perfectly flawless golden diamond the size of her thumbnail that exactly matched the color of her eyes. She lifted it out for a better look. The diamond was tension set in a white gold band that was simple, yet elegant. But it was the Gryphons’ initials engraved around the inside of the band and separated by tiny hearts that caused her eyes to sting.

  “What is that?”

  Salene’s head rose with a surprised jerk to find Wolef floating a couple of feet in front of her. “I apologize,” he said. “It was not my intention to startle you.”

  “That’s all right, Wolef,” she said, relieved to find that she sounded much calmer than she actually felt. “I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow. Are you well?”

  “I’m frustrated, but otherwise well.”

  “Why are you frustrated?”

  “I’ve completed my search for an alternate to form a power bond with, but my search for a buffer has not been successful,” Wolef said, his eyes going back to the ring in her hand.

  “You found someone else?” she asked, surprised by the depth of her disappointment.

  “I did, though I will admit that he’s a poor second to you.”

  “Does that mean you still want me to power bond with you?”

  “Definitely,” Wolef replied. “And, if you’ve no objection, I believe that stone might be exactly what we need. If you accept my offer of a power bond, of course.”