Salene's Secrets

by Laura Jo Phillips

  “Better?” she asked, and Tab nodded.

  Salene watched the scene in surprise, the conversation between her men, Jinjie and Tonka fading to a soft murmur in the background as she thought back over the past couple of days. Every time Mali had told her what Tab wanted or needed, or what she and Tab thought or felt, she’d put it down to a habit of including her cousin when she spoke about them since Tab couldn’t tell anyone what he thought or felt. She rolled her eyes at herself. Mali had dreamt of Jasan, and she knew what that meant. She should have expected something like this.

  “Good morning Mali, good morning Tab,” she said. Mali gave her a startled look heavily laced with fear. Salene was instantly furious, which caught her men’s immediate attention.

  “What is it, love?” Jon asked.

  “Nothing,” she said, forcing herself to smile while giving him a warning look. He didn’t know what the warning was for, but he remained silent when she turned back to the children. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Good,” Mali said, but Salene felt her nervousness. This couldn’t wait. She wasn’t going to let her daughter spend one more moment worried and afraid about something that was a normal and natural part of her.

  “You can hear Tab’s voice in your mind, can’t you?”

  Mali nodded reluctantly, her eyes flashing to the Gryphons, then to Tab, then back to her.

  “That’s a wonderful gift to have, Mali,” Salene said. “Why didn’t you tell us before?”

  “You’re not mad?”

  “Why would I be mad?” Mali looked around at all the eyes watching her, then back to Salene again.

  “Cause it’s bad?” she said, making it more a question than a statement.

  “Lei told you that, didn’t she?” Mali nodded again. “What did I tell you about the things she told you, honey?”

  “To tell you before believing them,” Mali said. “Is it not bad?”

  “It’s absolutely not bad,” Salene said. “I love that Tab can tell you what he wants or needs since he can’t tell us. That takes a big worry off my mind.”

  Mali’s expressions underwent a fairly rapid change, going from confused, to relieved, to thoughtful, and finally to anger. “She said people would put us in the fire and burn us till we died if anyone found out. It gave us nightmares.”

  Salene’s temper rose so fast it made her dizzy, but for the children’s sake she paused to breathe through it. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” she said when she was sure she had her own feelings under control. “It’s true that some people in some places are afraid of those who have abilities that they don’t understand, and their fear can make them dangerous. But most people know better.

  “All Clan Jasani men use magic, like Kar did last night when he lit the fire. Instead of magic, Clan Jasani women have abilities something like yours. We call them psychic gifts, or talents. I have one, my sisters each have one, my Mom, and every other Clan Jasani female on my world has at least one psychic talent, and many have two. There’s nothing wrong or bad about it. You were born with it, just like I was.”

  Two red spots appeared high on Mali’s cheeks. “If I say I hate her, is that bad?”

  Salene’s anger vanished in an instant. She sighed, then set her cup down and spread her arms. Both children got to their feet without hesitation and hurried to her, filling her heart with joy beyond anything she’d ever imagined existed. She hugged them and kissed them, then settled them on her lap, glad for just a moment that they were small enough for her to hold both of them at once.

  “I don’t blame you for being angry with Lei,” she began. “I’m angry myself and if you look at Talus, Jon, Kar, Jinjie and Tonka, you can see that they’re angry too.”

  Mali and Tab both looked over at the men, then up at her with wide, half fearful eyes. “Oh, no, they aren’t angry at you!” she clarified quickly. “They’re angry at Lei. They’re very angry at Lei.”

  Tab smiled and clapped his hands together, causing Mali to smile briefly. Then she looked up at Salene again. “So it’s okay to hate her?”

  “Well, honey, hate is a tricky thing.”

  “It is?” Mali asked doubtfully.

  “Yes, it is. Let me ask you a question. If you smile at someone, like me, or Tab, or any adult who isn’t Lei, how do they react?”

  Mali thought about that for a few moments, then took a breath, apparently worried about her answer. “They smile back?”

  “That’s right,” Salene said. “Now, if you frown or look sad, how do they react?”

  “They frown too.” Mali’s voice was thoughtful now. Salene gave her a few moments to think.

  “You ready for another question?” Mali nodded. “When you’re happy, how does it make you feel?”

  “Good,” Mali said, smiling. “Yesterday I was so happy and it made me feel good inside. I never felt like that before. I wanted to laugh and play and make it never end.”

  “Good answer, honey,” Salene said, giving her a quick kiss. “Happiness is an emotion, and as you just said, it has the power to make you feel good in your heart and mind and body. When you approach people with happiness inside of you, it makes them want to share in it, just like when you smile at them, but even more. Right?” Mali nodded. “Hate is an emotion too, and it can fill you up just like happiness does. Only instead of making you feel good, hate makes you feel bad and dark and angry. When you approach people with hate inside of you, it makes them want to get away.”

  Salene could almost see the wheels turning in Mali’s head as she thought about that. “Is that why no one wanted to be friends with Aunt Lei?”

  “I can’t answer that because I never met her,” Salene said. “You knew her. What do you think?”

  “Yes,” Mali said. “I think yes.” She frowned worriedly. “Does that mean I have to not be mad at her cause I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “No, not at all,” Salene said. “I think you have good reasons to be angry with her and you should express that anger. But I don’t want either of you to walk around with hate and anger filling you up inside all the time. And, don’t forget, she’s not even here anymore so your feelings don’t mean a thing to her. The only person who’ll be hurt by your hate is you.”

  “I understand,” Mali said with a heavy sigh. “It’s just not fair though. She scared us and was mean to us and there wasn’t nothing we could do to stop her.”

  “You’re right, honey,” Salene said. “It’s not fair. But I’m afraid that’s the way life is. Things aren’t always fair. They’re not even fair most of the time. So forget about what’s fair, and forget about Lei, and think about yourselves for a moment, because you have to make a choice now.” She ruffled Tab’s curls. “Well, Tab may be a bit young for it, and I’d say you were too, but you’re very smart and mature beyond your years.” Mali’s shoulders straightened at that.

  “What choice?”

  “From all that I’ve heard so far I think it’s safe to say that Lei was not a happy person. She did a lot of bad things to you two, and she put a lot of anger and hate and fear inside of you. Will you choose to let it stay there, and let it make you angry and dark like she was? Or will you push it away and let happiness and love fill your hearts instead?”

  “We can choose?” Mali asked.

  “Yes honey, you can choose. We don’t get to choose a lot of the things that happen to us, like your parents dying when you were so young, or what happened to your grandfather, or the kind of person Lei was and the things she did to you. Those things hurt us, or make us angry, or sad, and we don’t really get to choose that, either. But after you’ve cried or yelled or stomped your feet, whatever it is you need to do to express your feelings and get them out, then it’s up to you to choose what comes next. What is it you want, Mali? Happiness, or hate?”

  “I want to be happy,” Mali said, not stopping to think for once. “I have a Mom now and I never had that before and it makes me happy and I like feeling happy. I don’t want to be mad or
scared anymore and I don’t want to be like Aunt Lei, ever.”

  “How about you, Tab? Do you want to be happy?”

  Tab grinned, patted her on the face and then clapped his hands again while nodding enthusiastically. “What smart children I have,” Salene said, beaming down at him. “You make such good choices!”

  “Brilliant children,” Talus said, earning surprised looks from the three of them. “Not just smart, brilliant. And breakfast is ready for whoever’s hungry.”

  “I’m hungry,” Mali said, giving him a tentative smile while Tab clapped his hands again and bounced up and down on Salene’s leg. Mali glanced at him for a moment, then looked back at Talus, lifting her chin just a little at her own daring while at the same time squeezing Salene’s hand very tightly. “Tab’s hungry too, and he wants to sit with the boys.”

  “Well then come on over here, Tab,” Talus said happily. “The boys would love to have you.” Tab patted Salene on the cheek one last time, then got up and toddled over to Talus where he plopped down in his lap with a gleeful grin and shining eyes.

  Salene smiled at Mali when she released the pressure on her hand, then gave her a gentle squeeze back. “I’m so proud of you, honey.”

  “You are?” Mali asked, her eyes round with surprise.

  “Oh yes,” Salene said, hugging her again. “I’m very proud of you.”

  “Thank you,” Mali said, returning the hug. Then she leaned back and grinned up at Salene. “I’m proud of you, too, Mom.”

  “Thank you,” Salene said. “I think we should get some breakfast now before the boys eat all of it.”

  A few minutes later everyone was sitting around the fire eating. Mali sat beside Salene, and Tab sat on Talus’s lap, happily scarfing up scrambled eggs with bacon. When they were about half way through, Salene decided to try approaching the subject of Mali’s psychic talent again.

  “Mali, when Tab talks to you, do you hear a voice in your mind?”

  Mali didn’t even hesitate, proving to Salene that the girl took her words to heart. She’d said it wasn’t bad, and Mali was trusting her. “No, I don’t hear a voice like when Tonka talks,” she said thoughtfully. “The words are just there, in my mind, and I know it’s from him.”

  “Do you feel his emotions?” Salene asked. “If he’s scared, do you feel that?”

  Mali nodded. “Yes, I feel it. It feels different from when I’m scared myself, but almost the same.” She paused, frowning. “I’m not good at explaining.”

  “You’re very good at explaining,” Salene said. “Psychic abilities aren’t easy to explain for anyone who has them. Do you mind my questions?”

  “No,” Mali said, shaking her head before taking a bite of her eggs.

  “Good,” Salene said. “Can you hear other people that way? Or is it just Tab?”

  “Sometimes I can hear other people,” Mali said. “Feelings are easier. I felt Au…,” she paused. “Do I have to call her aunt Lei?”

  “No, honey, you don’t,” Salene replied.

  “Thank you,” Mali said. “I felt her feelings a lot so I know she didn’t mean the things she said in front of other people. I could feel Grandfather’s feelings sometimes if he was very sad or very angry. But nobody as good as Tab.”

  “That makes sense,” Salene said. “You were so young, barely more than a baby yourself when you started taking care of him. Your ability to feel and hear him was practically a necessity.”

  “When you get older, your ability will probably get stronger,” Talus said, venturing into the conversation carefully. He wanted Mali to become more comfortable with them, and that wouldn’t happen if she didn’t get to know them a little.

  “It will?” Mali asked in surprise.

  “Most of the time that’s what happens, yes,” Talus said, pleased at her response to him. “It helps if you work at it.”

  “Work at it how?”

  “By practicing,” Talus said. “You can hear Tab when he talks to you, so if you encourage him to talk to you more, you can get more practice hearing him. Can you talk to him in his mind, too?”

  “No,” Mali said. “We tried lots of times cause she always got mad when we made noise, even if I was whispering to Tab. But he can’t hear me.” Mali’s eyes went to Tab who was now staring at her. It was clear to everyone that he was telling her something, but they waited patiently and didn’t interrupt until Salene saw Mali’s face grow sad.

  “What’s the matter, honey?” Salene asked quietly.

  “Tab wants to know if he’ll ever get to talk to people himself.”

  “In one way or another, yes,” Talus said, surprising both children.

  “Really?” Mali asked. “How?”

  “Yes, really,” Talus replied. “How is a much harder question to answer because we don’t yet know why he can’t talk. When we get home we’ll have a good friend of ours, Doc, take a look and find out. If it’s something that can be fixed, then we’ll get it fixed and he’ll be able to talk like we do. If it’s something that can’t be fixed, there are other options that will allow him to either talk, or to communicate without having to talk.”

  “Like what?” Mali asked, so fascinated that she’d forgotten her food.

  Jon looked at Talus, who nodded, so he turned toward Mali, mentally crossed his fingers in hopes that she wouldn’t retreat from him, and answered her question. “There’s something called sign language that’s used universally by people who have hearing or speech problems,” he said. “You use your hands and fingers to make signs and signals for words.”

  Mali frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t understand. How can you talk with your hands?”

  Jon smiled, then held his hand up, palm toward Mali. “Tell me what you think this means, Mali.”

  “Stop,” she said.

  Jon lowered his hand, then placed a finger to his lips and arched his brows at her. “Be quiet,” she said, smiling happily. “I get it.” She frowned again. “How would he tell someone his name, though? Or where he lives?”

  “There’s one sign for each letter of the Standard alphabet. He’d use those signs to spell out words that don’t have signs of their own.”

  “We don’t know how to read,” Mali said worriedly.

  “You will,” Salene said.

  “We get to learn how to read?” Mali asked, her eyes wide.

  “Of course, honey,” Salene said, smiling. “You’ll learn to read, and write, and all the other things they teach in school.”

  “Wow,” Mali said softly. “Grandfather told us about school sometimes. He said when he was a little boy he went to school, and he was sad that we couldn’t go to school, too.” She took a bite of her breakfast, then looked up at Jon again. “Talus said there were other ways for Tab to talk. What are they?”

  “Well, there are voice synthesizers, little things that can give him a substitute voice,” Jon said. “There are also computer translators, and cerebro-syntactic implants. I’m sure there are lots of things I don’t know about, but different things work for different people. A doctor will tell us which things will work for Tab, and then we’ll all discuss it and help him decide what’s best for him.”

  Tab’s eyes hadn’t left Jon, though Salene wasn’t sure how much of what he said was understood. When Jon was finished speaking Tab held his plate up until Talus took it from him. Then he got to his feet, walked over to Jon and gave him a hug. Jon was startled to tears as he carefully wrapped his arms around the tiny boy and hugged him back.

  ***

  After breakfast they packed up and set out, making much better time than they had the day before since the closer they got to the bottom of the mountain, the less snow they had to deal with. They reached the flatlands well before mid-morning, sooner than Tonka had predicted. Even though the ground was wet and a little slippery, the lack of snow made it much easier to keep up a brisk pace. It was late in the afternoon when Jon’s hand terminal began to beep softly. He removed it from his belt and accessed the incom
ing message from the Aegl. “Damn,” he muttered, then looked up to see everyone watching him. He looked at Mali and Tab, wishing they didn’t have to hear this, but there was no sense in trying to keep it from them.

  “Captain Royce is tracking a small spaceplane. He can’t identify it save to say that based on its small size and high speed it’s probably a fighter. It’s headed directly toward our position. ETA: thirty minutes.”

  “How’s it tracking us?” Talus asked.

  “He doesn’t know,” Jon said, looking back down at the message.

  “How is the Aegl tracking us?” Salene asked.

  “Via secure, encrypted signal that looks like background noise to anyone who doesn’t have the encryption key,” Jon said. Salene looked at Mali and saw the fear in her eyes though she was trying her best to hide it. She walked over to Tonka and reached up to hug both children.

  “Don’t worry, we’ll be all right.”

  “Will you burn it with your eyes again?” Mali asked.

  “If I have to, yes. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep both of you safe.”

  Mali’s relief was palpable. “What should we do?”

  “Do you remember how to turn on the camo in your suit?”

  “Yes,” Mali said, one hand going to the pocket in the middle of her chest.

  “Good girl,” Salene said. “If any one of us asks you to turn it on, do it right away, and turn on Tab’s too.”

  “Should I turn them on now?”

  “No, honey, not yet,” Salene said. “There’s no danger right now and we don’t want to waste the batteries. Just be ready. And don’t worry. We won’t let anything happen to either of you again.”

  “Okay,” Mali said, one arm tightening just a little around Tab.

  “Tonka,” Talus said after scanning their surroundings and finding nothing but rain flattened grass and a few bare trees in the distance, “you know the area. We need to find shelter, and we need to be able to reach it in less than thirty minutes.”