by T. Torrest
I raised up on wobbly arms. “You sure? You’re shaking.” I was shaking too but I got the impression it was for an entirely different reason. I mean, there was nervous, and then there was completely freaked out.
Her face was pained and she was having some trouble looking me in the eye. “Trip, I’m sorry. I want this to happen... It’s just that I’m so nervous! Can we stop for a minute?”
I pulled out, anticipating a massive bout of blue balls, determined to talk my way through it. I wasn’t happy about the recent turn of events but what could I do? If a girl tells you to stop, you stop. Besides, Layla looked mortified. She obviously needed me to put her mind at ease about the whole thing.
“Lay, it’s okay. I mean, truth be told, I’m nervous too. Was I rushing it?”
She hid her face behind her arm to respond, “God, no. You’re doing everything right. Promise. I guess I’m just freaked out because it’s my first time, you know?”
Wait. What?
I bolted upright and motioned between us. “Wait. You mean our first time, right? As in you and I have never done this together, right?” Oh God please tell me that’s what she meant.
She looked at me as if I’d grown a second head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Cooper Benedict, Layla. Didn’t you two...” Oh holy shit I’m an idiot. “Wait. You’re telling me that this is... that you never...”
“Yeah,” she said, embarrassed. “I thought you knew.”
I ran a hand through my hair, absorbing the information, feeling like a total asshole. I lay back down and pulled her toward me, having no idea what I could do to make the situation better. “Jesus, Layla, I should have known. I’m sorry! I just assumed... I wouldn’t have just... Shit! I really didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
She started to tear up, and I swear, it almost killed me. I thought I couldn’t feel any worse.
Wrong.
“Don’t be sorry,” she said. “You were great, really. I’m sorry for not saying anything. I guess I just thought you knew.”
I fucking just stole this girl’s virginity like a goddamn animal and she was apologizing to me? As if that wasn’t bad enough, I looked down at her only to see tears leaking from her eyes. “You’re crying.”
“I’m not.”
I almost laughed, but she broke into a full-on sobbing fit. Definitely not funny.
“Oh God,” I pleaded. “Please don’t cry. Please. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I swiped the tears from her cheeks, whispering a mantra of apologies, kissing her salty lips. There she was, bawling her eyes out because of me. I felt like the biggest dick on the planet.
“Did I hurt you?” I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Even with the tears streaming down her face and the fact that I felt like a total scumbag, I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the fact that I was in love with this girl. “You know I’m crazy about you, right?”
Maybe I’m crazy about you wasn’t exactly I love you but I didn’t have the right to ask her to indulge me while I spilled my guts after what I’d just done to her.
I searched her eyes for an answer. For penance. For benediction. For absolution.
And my God did she deliver.
The way she looked at me—Christ. No one had ever looked at me like that before. Like I was a fucking king. It wasn’t until that very moment that I realized what a complete idiot I’d been.
She loves me.
She didn’t need to say the words that time. She said it when her mouth clashed to mine, sealing our unspoken vow as she crashed our lips together.
A possessiveness overtook me as I cupped her behind her head and opened my mouth over hers.
I love you.
Everything I had inside screamed it to her. Everything I ever wanted was within my grasp. My arm clamped around her so hard, I wondered if she’d be able to breathe. Her fingernails scraped along my back; my hands knotted into her hair.
I love you.
If I couldn’t say the words, I could use my mouth to show her how I felt. I wanted to taste every inch of her. My lips trailed down to the bare skin of her collarbone as my tongue darted out to taste her delicate skin, moved down to lick the soft swell of her breasts, swirled around their tips.
She writhed underneath me, responded to my every touch, the sexy, eager Layla I knew and loved. Nice to see you again, Layla Warren.
“Ah. There’s my girl,” I said through a snicker.
Her eyes lit up as she melted against me. Mine.
I licked her neck while sliding a hand between her thighs and slipping a finger inside. The way I should have done before instead of just ramming my dick inside her. She rode my finger, her hips moving in time with my hand, and when I felt her grinding herself against my open palm, I almost came.
I dropped my head and shook it. “Jesus, you gotta stop moving or I’m gonna lose it. You’re killing me.”
She accepted the challenge, rubbing a palm against my hardened length, nudging my hip to position my body over hers again. Her hand wrapped around the base of my hard cock, situating the tip against her slick opening, and I was so ready, so ready. But goddammit, I was determined to hold out. The last thing I wanted to do was rush us again.
Layla, however, was intent on furthering the torture. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled us tighter together, and when I heard a giggle escape from her throat, I realized she was screwing with me. “Oh my God,” she laughed out. “Just do it already!”
“You sure?”
Her beautiful brown eyes met mine, trusting and faithful. “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
Christ.
I almost died as I slid into her—slowly this time—checking her reaction every step of the way. She bit her lip and lowered her eyes, letting me know she was good to go. With that encouragement, I started in with a slow rhythm, nothing too demanding, trying to hold it together.
But Jesus. I was fucking Layla Warren! Most beautiful girl I’ve ever known. She felt so hot around me, her gorgeous naked body underneath me, her soft moans pure torture.
And she’s in love with me.
I couldn’t hold out any longer. “Fuck Lay, I have to...”
My body moved on its own as I pounded into her, my brain a frenzy of scattered thought and near-hallucination. I breathed hard against her ear and inhaled that summer scent of her, all fresh and fruity and delicious, holding onto her so tight, my hand at the small of her back lifting her to me, crashing against her relentlessly, her moans driving me over the edge.
“God you feel so good,” my mouth scratched out without permission from my brain.
She arched toward me, this beautiful girl giving me everything everything everything, and I was sweating and panting and groaning and nothing ever felt so right. She let out with a few soft breaths against my ear, and the sound reverberated along every nerve ending of my electrified skin.
I dropped my head and cursed, trying to hold out, trying to make it good for her too, and I wanted to do this forever but I was losing control, dying, and my entire body clenched and “Oh God, I can’t...” And my world exploded as I came on a violent roar, slamming inside her for one final thrust as the planets aligned and stars swam behind my eyes.
And then I collapsed. My arms just... gave out and I crumpled on top of her, elated, out of breath, sweaty. I didn’t want to smother her, so I found the strength to roll over onto my back, a wasted arm across my forehead. “Holy shit!”
She laughed. Thank God.
“Real nice, Chester. I always dreamed my first time would end with a sweaty guy yelling obscenities.”
That set us off into a fit of uncontrollable chuckling. I snuggled into her, pulling her close. “Sorry, but Christ! That was...” I shook my head, unable to find the right adjective. Amazing. Incredible. Absolutely fucking mind-blowing. There were no words big enough to cover it. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“Hmm well let’s see. I let you get me drunk and deflower me out here in the wilderness
. How ‘bout thank you, you ingrate?”
I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. “You’re right. Thank you.”
I slid my hand under the blanket to ditch the condom, but when I pulled it out, I noticed it was covered in blood, and immediately peeked below my waist to see the murder scene surrounding my dick. For a quick terrifying second, I thought it was coming from me, but then I realized what had happened.
“Uh, Lay?” I started in cautiously. “There’s a little bit of blood...”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Layla went wide-eyed and grabbed for her purse. She handed me some foil packets that I thought were condoms until I realized they were those little wet towels you get at Chinese restaurants after ordering spare ribs. Why did she have those in her purse? A woman’s pocketbook was a bottomless pit of mystery, I swear.
I figured she’d want a little privacy, so I slipped into my boxers and left her alone in the tent so we could both clean off.
And that’s how I found myself half-naked in the middle of the woods wiping down my junk.
I dug a hole with my toe and buried the evidence before planting my ass on a nearby rock. I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened between us, still couldn’t get over that look on her face. She really did love me. Sure, she had said it before, but I was so damn convinced she didn’t mean it. But Jesus, I was wrong, so wrong. Layla didn’t even have to say the words this time for me to realize it was true.
Lay emerged from the tent fully dressed, an uncomfortable expression on her beautiful face. “Well, that was pretty horrifying.”
There was nothing to do to break the tension except bust her chops. “Oh, sex with me is horrifying? Nice, Lay.”
Her lips twitched on a repressed grin. “Did you just call me a nice lay, you perv?”
I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear as I lunged for her, threw her over my shoulder, and smacked her butt.
“Trip! Put me down!”
“Say uncle.”
“Never!”
I spun us around as she screamed, but then I felt her grab the waistband of my boxers and tug. Hard.
I had to put her down to adjust the underwear out of my ass. “A wedgie? Really? How old are you?”
We’d both been cracking up, but suddenly, Lay’s eyelids lowered as she said in the most serious tone imaginable, “Old enough to rock your world, apparently.”
“Can’t deny that.” I pulled her to me in a dancer’s pose and planted a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth before dipping her backwards and playfully biting the top of her boob. She laughed and smacked my arm as I straightened us back upright, but I didn’t let her go. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Our eyes met meaningfully as we acknowledged the deafening silence between us. Neither one of us wanted to say it. We’d put off even thinking about it, knowing that this was it. Our last night together.
We packed up the tent and hauled everything back through the woods to her car. Not a word was spoken as we loaded everything up. Methodically. Deliberately. She slammed the trunk but didn’t make a move to leave, and instead stood there awkwardly staring down at her feet. I stepped closer and she finally met my eyes. Hers were glistening with unshed tears, that mesmerizing dark brown abyss staring right through my soul.
I was used to being the one who left. But now everyone was leaving me, one by one.
And tomorrow, I’d have to say goodbye to Layla.
I gathered her in my arms and held on tight. “We’re not doing this now, okay? I’ll come by in the morning, but we are not saying goodbye tonight. Got it?” I clenched my teeth in an attempt to keep from crying like a total wuss.
I love you and you’re leaving. How am I supposed to let you go?
Lay pulled back to say something, but stopped when she saw the look on my face. Good. I wanted her to see I was in agony. I didn’t try to hide it but I was too much of a wimp to say anything out loud. Not that I could even if I wanted to.
My throat was too choked up to say anything.
Chapter 36
THE HARD WAY
I made a decision.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night, allowing my brain to formulate the perfect plan.
You ready to hear it? Okay. Here it is:
I was going to move to New York to be with Layla.
The idea came to me just as I was drifting off to sleep. I was staring up at my ceiling, replaying the details of our incredible night together in my mind, wishing we could relive every moment, when boom, the most obvious thought suddenly occurred to me: We don’t have to say goodbye.
Once The Thought entered my brain, there was no getting rid of it. I mean, it’s not like I never considered the idea before. But only in passing, only as a fantasy. However, once I allowed myself to really mull it over, the more I realized it wasn’t such a crazy plan. I didn’t need to wait for her invitation. I could make this happen. We could do this. Now that I knew she loved me, I knew there was nothing to stop us. There was nothing we couldn’t do.
I spent the next sleepless hours figuring out the logistics, mentally rehearsing an airtight case that would convince her to let me come with her. But whenever I’d try to devise some elaborate speech, some impassioned argument, the only words that came to me were:
Come live with me and be my love.
That should’ve been enough, right? I mean, I was nowhere near ready to say goodbye. She wasn’t the kind of girl a guy could stand to lose.
So what now? Stand in her driveway with a boombox over my head?
No. That would be stupid. All I’d need to do was ask her. Tell her I love her and ask her. That’s it.
It was more than just wanting to get out of here. I wasn’t running away. I was running toward my future. Chasing after the rest of my life at top speed.
Come live with me and be my love.
After countless hours running the scenario through my mind, I finally launched out of bed, a bucket of anxious energy. I’d been able to distract myself from my nerves by concentrating on my packing. Middle of the night, I’d loaded the cargo bed of my truck with a duffel bag full of clothes and a few boxes of my favorite stuff.
Who knew when I’d ever be back to get the rest of it.
I wasn’t planning on saying anything to my parents, but my mother knew me too well. Maybe it was the longer-than-usual hug I gave her before walking out the door this morning. I don’t know. But once I pulled back and met her eyes, my plan must have been written all over my face.
I felt guilty for the tears in her eyes as she ran a hand over my hair, kissed me on the forehead, and asked, “You’ll be careful, yes?”
She knew I had to get out of here. But I could at least set her mind at ease.
“I’ll be okay, Mom.”
Her mouth dipped open to say something before she thought better of it.
I was pretty sure she knew I wasn’t coming back.
I could call her in a few hours just so she wouldn’t worry, but as far as my father... fuck him.
* * *
My truck idled in the driveway as I tried to get my thoughts together. Just because I’d finally made a decision in regards to my future didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous about it.
And trust me, I was nervous about it.
Even if I presented a perfect argument, told Layla what she meant to me, sold her on the adventure, even if I laid it all on the line... there was no guarantee that she’d say yes.
On the one hand, I was practically giddy as I envisioned our life together. I could make her breakfast before sending her off to school. Maybe I’d audition for some 99-seat theater productions during the day. I could be waiting for her when she got home, and then we could spend our nights making love with the sounds of the city to lull us to sleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.
On the other, we were just two kids, for godsakes. How many teenagers lived happily ever after?
Then again, Lisa and Pick were taking the
chance. Why couldn’t we?
Come live with me and be my love.
And that was it. That was the only thing that mattered. Layla and I loved each other. Just that realization was enough to transform my apprehension into excitement. I knew I was making the right choice.
The thing is, when you meet the right girl, you just know.
Finally, I took a deep breath, put the truck in gear, and headed down the hill to meet Layla.
I spotted her when I was still half a block away from her house. She was out in the driveway, peeking in the windows of her father’s Volvo. As I pulled in behind it, I could see that the car was stuffed to the gills, everything she was bringing with her to school.
I could also see the enthusiasm written all over her face as she checked out all her stuff.
All those hours trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing, and in that moment, I realized it was merely the least painful thing.
And that’s when I knew.
I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. God knows I didn’t. But it was the only thing I could do. It was the only right thing to do. She had this big life to lead, and she needed to outgrow me in order to live it.
If I loved her as much as I thought I did...
I had to let her go.
The revelation hit me hard, draining every ounce of hope from my soul. I probably looked like a beaten man as I got out of my truck and made my way toward her.
I stopped a few paces away, afraid to get too close. If I kissed her hello, I might have caved. And I couldn’t cave. I had to stay strong enough for the both of us. Strong enough to say goodbye.
So I didn’t even attempt to kiss her, and simply jammed my hands in my pockets as I offered her an awkward hello. “’Morning.”
“’Morning,” she said back. Cheerlessly. Guarded. She was already gnawing at that luscious bottom lip of hers, and it was enough to make me want to take it between my own teeth.
“So,” I started in, not quite sure what to say. “You, uh, you okay?” Last time I’d seen her, we were dealing with a bit of a bodily fluid issue.
