A Life's Morning

by George Gissing

  Wilfrid named the hotel.

  ‘It shall be fetched. And now I’ll ask my niece to come and pour out tea for us.’

  With the entrance of Beatrice the conversation naturally took a different turn. She heard with becoming interest of Wilfrid’s establishment as a guest, and, after a little talk of Mrs. Rossall and the twins, led to the subject of certain ‘revivalist’ meetings then being held in Dunfield, an occasion of welcome excitement to such of the inhabitants as could not absorb themselves in politics. Mrs. Baxendale seemed to regard the religious movement dispassionately, and related a story she had from her husband of a certain prominent townsman driven to such a pass by his wife’s perpetual absence from home on revivalist expeditions, that he at length fairly turned the key on her in her bedroom, and through the keyhole bade her stay there till she had remembered her domestic duties. He was that night publicly prayed for at a great meeting in the Corn Exchange as one who, not content with losing his own soul, did his best to hold back others from the way of grace.

  Beatrice affected to pay no heed to this anecdote.

  ‘What is your side in politics?’ she asked Wilfrid. ‘Here we are all either Blues or Yellows.’

  ‘What do they represent?’ Wilfrid inquired.

  ‘Oh, you shouldn’t ask that,’ said Mrs. Baxendale. ‘Yellow is yellow, and Blue, blue; nothing else in the world. I think it an excellent idea to use colours. Liberal and Conservative suggest ideas; names, therefore, quite out of place in Dunfield politics—or any other politics, I dare say, if the truth were known. My husband is a Yellow. It pleases him to call himself a Liberal, or else a Radical. He may have been a few months ago; now he’s a mere Yellow. I tell him he’s in serious danger of depriving himself of two joys; in another month a cloudless sky and the open sea will he detestable to him.’

  ‘But what are you, Mr. Athel?’ Beatrice asked. ‘A Liberal or a Conservative? I should really find it hard to guess.’

  ‘In a Yellow house,’ he replied, ‘I am certainly Yellow.’

  ‘Beatrice is far from being so complaisant,’ said Mrs. Baxendale. ‘She detests our advanced views.’

  ‘Rather, I know nothing of them,’ the girl replied. The quiet air with which she expressed her indifference evinced a measure of spiritual pride rather in excess of that she was wont to show. Indeed, her manner throughout the conversation was a little distant to both her companions. If she jested with Wilfrid it was with the idleness of one condescending to subjects below the plane of her interests. To her aunt she was rather courteous than affectionate.

  Whilst they still sat over tea, Mr. Baxendale came in. Like his wife, he was of liberal proportions, and he had a face full of practical sagacity; if anything, he looked too wide awake, a fault of shrewd men, constitutionally active, whose imagination plays little part in their lives. He wore an open frock-coat, with much expanse of shirt-front. The fore part of his head was bald, and the hair on each side was brushed forward over his ears in a manner which gave him a singular appearance. His bearing was lacking in self-possession; each of his remarks was followed by a short laugh, deprecatory, apologetic. It seemed impossible to him to remain in a state of bodily repose, even with a cup of tea in his hand he paced the room. Constantly he consulted his watch—not that he had any special concern with the hour, but from a mere habit of nervousness.

  He welcomed the visitor with warmth, at the same time obviously suppressing a smile of other than merely polite significance: then he began at once to speak of electioneering matters, and did so, pacing the carpet, for the next half hour. Wilfrid listened with such show of interest as he could command; his thoughts were elsewhere, and weariness was beginning to oppress him.

  Shortly after dinner fatigue passed the point at which it could be struggled against. Long waking, the harassment of fears at length consoled, and the exhaustion consequent upon his journey, besieged him with invincible drowsiness. Mrs. Baxendale, observing it, begged him to discard ceremony and go to rest. Gladly he suffered himself to be led to his room; once there, he could not note the objects about him; the very effort of taking off his clothes was almost beyond his strength. Sleep was binding his brows with oblivion, and relaxing every joint. His dearest concerns were nothing to him; with a wave of the hand he would have resigned an eternity of love; cry to him blood-chilling horrors, and his eyelids would make no sign. The feather-softness moulded itself to his limbs; the pillows pressed a yielding coolness to his cheek; his senses failed amid faint fresh odours. Blessed state! How enviable above all waking joys the impotence which makes us lords of darkness, the silence which suffers not to reach our ears so much as an echo of the farce of life.

  CHAPTER XV

  MRS. BAXENDALE’S QUESTS

  A servant went to Banbrigg each morning for tidings; Emily, so the report said, moved steadily towards recovery. On the second day after Wilfrid’s arrival Mrs. Baxendale took him with her in the brougham, and let him wait for her whilst she made a call upon Mrs. Hood; Wilfrid saw an upper window of which the blind was down against the sun, and would gladly have lingered within sight of it. Beatrice had excused herself from accompanying the two.

  ‘I believe,’ Mrs. Baxendale said on the way, ‘she has gone to some special service at St. Luke’s.’ She was mistaken, though Beatrice had in truth been diligent at such services of late. ‘Now there,’ she added, ‘is a kind of infatuation I find it difficult even to understand. How can a girl of her sense and education waste her time in that way? Don’t think I have no religious belief, Mr. Athel; I’m not strong-minded enough for that. But this deliberate working of oneself into a state of nervous excitement seems to me, to speak plainly, indecent. Dr. Wardle, with whom I chat rather wickedly now and then, tells me the revivals are quite a windfall, subsequently, to him and his brethren. And, do you know, I begin to see bad results even in my niece. I certainly wouldn’t have had her down just at this time if I had suspected her leanings that way. Didn’t you notice how absent she was last night, and again at breakfast this morning? All revival, I assure you.’

  ‘It’s the want of a serious interest in life,’ remarked Wilfrid, remembering, with a smile, a certain conversation between Beatrice and himself.

  ‘Then it’s so inconsistent,’ continued the lady, ‘for—you won’t abuse my confidence—a more worldly girl I never knew. In her heart I am convinced she thinks nothing so important as the doings of fashionable society. She asked me, the first day she was here, how I lived without—what was it? I quite forget, but some paper or other which is full of what they call fashionable intelligence. “My dear,” I said, “I know none of those people, and care not one grain of salt about their flutterings hither and thither, their marryings and givings ill marriage, their dresses and their—never mind what.” And what do you think she answered? “But you will care when my name begins to be mentioned.” And she went off with—just so much—toss of the head; you know how Beatrice does it. Well, I suppose she really does to me an honour by coming down to my poor dull house; no doubt she’s very brilliant in the world I know nothing about. I suppose you have seen her at her best? She won’t waste her graces upon me, wise girl; only the—you know the movement—when I’ve shown my ignorance now and then. Did you ever dance with her?’

  ‘Oh, yes; frequently.’

  ‘I should like to see her in a ball-room. Certainly there are few girls more handsome; I suppose that is admitted?’

  ‘Certainly; she queens it everywhere.’

  ‘And her singing is lovely! Do you know a thought I often have? When I hear her singing it seems to me as if she were not quite the same person as at other times; she affects me, I can’t quite tell you how; it’s a sort of disenchantment to talk to her immediately afterwards.’

  Wilfrid liked Mrs. Baxendale the more, the more he talked with her; in a day or two the confidence between them was as complete as if their acquaintance had been lifelong. With her husband, too, he came to be on an excellent footing. Mr. Baxendale got him into the lib
rary when the ladies retired for the night, and expatiated for hours on the details of his electoral campaign. At first Wilfrid found the subject tedious, but the energy and bright intelligence of the man ended by stirring his interest in a remarkable way. It was new to Wilfrid to be in converse with such a strenuously practical mind; the element of ambition in him, of less noble ambition which had had its share in urging him to academic triumphs, was moved by sympathetic touches; he came to understand the enthusiasm which possessed the Liberal candidate, began to be concerned for his success, to feel the stirrings of party spirit. He aided Baxendale in drawing up certain addresses for circulation, and learned the difference between literary elegance and the tact which gets at the ear of the multitude. A vulgar man could not have moved him in this way, and Baxendale was in truth anything but vulgar. Through his life he had been, on a small scale, a ruler of men, and had ruled with conspicuous success, yet he had preserved a native sincerity and wrought under the guidance of an ideal. Like all men who are worth anything, either in public or private, he possessed a keen sense of humour, and was too awake to the ludicrous aspects of charlatanry to fall into the pits it offered on every band. His misfortune was the difficulty with which he uttered himself; even when he got over his nervousness, words came to him only in a rough-and-tumble fashion; he sputtered and fumed and beat his forehead for phrases, then ended with a hearty laugh at his own inarticulateness, Something like this was his talk in the library of nights:

  ‘There’s a man called Rapley, an old-clothes dealer—fellow I can’t get hold of. He’s hanging midway—what do you call it?—trimming, with an eye to the best bargain. Invaluable, if only I could get him, but a scoundrel. Wants pay, you know; do anything for pay; win the election for me without a doubt, if only I pay him; every blackguard in Dunfield hand and glove with him. Now pay I won’t, yet I’m bound to get that man. Talked to him yesterday for two hours and thirty-five minutes by the parish church clock, just over his shop—I mean the clock is. The fellow hasn’t a conviction, yet he can talk you blue; if I had his powers of speech—there it is I fail, you see. I have to address a meeting tomorrow; Rapley ‘ll be up at me, and turn me inside out. He’d do as much for the other man, if only I’d pay him. That isn’t my idea; I’m going to win the election clean-handed; satisfaction in looking back on an honest piece of work; what? I’ll have another talk with him tomorrow. Now look at this map of the town; I’ve coloured it with much care. There you see the stronghold of the Blues. I’m working that district street by street—a sort of moral invasion. No humbug; I set my face against humbug. If a man’s a rogue, or a sot, or a dirty rascal, I won’t shake hands with him and pretend—you know—respect, friendship, how are your wife and children, so on. He’s a vote, and I’ve only to deal with him as a vote. Can he see that two and two make four? Good; I’m at him by that side. There are my principles; what have you to urge against them? He urges damned absurdities. Good; I prove to him that they are damned absurdities.’

  At times Wilfrid managed to lead the talk to other subjects, such as were suggested by the books around the room. Baxendale had read not a little, and entirely in the spheres of fact and speculation. Political economy and all that appertained to it was his speciality, but he was remarkably strong in metaphysics. Wilfrid had flattered himself that he was tolerably familiar with the highways of philosophy, but Baxendale made him feel his ignorance. The man had, for instance, read Kant with extraordinary thoroughness, and discussed him precisely as he did his electioneering difficulties; the problems of consciousness he attacked with hard-headed, methodical patience, with intelligence, moreover, which was seldom at fault. Everything that bore the appearance of a knot to be unravelled had for him an immense attraction. In mere mental calculation his power was amazing. He took Wilfrid over his manufactory one day, and explained to him certain complicated pieces of machinery; the description was not so lucid as it might have been, owing to lack of words, but it manifested the completest understanding of things which to his companion were as hard as the riddle of the universe. His modesty, withal, was excessive; to Wilfrid’s humane culture he deferred at all times; for all the learning which lay outside his own sphere he had boundless reverence. Wilfrid’s gain by him was not only of a pleasant personal acquaintance; the intercourse extended his views, and in particular gave direction to much that had hitherto been vague potentiality in his character. In more than one sense this visit to Dunfield was to prove a turning point in his life.

  Beatrice, in the meantime, held herself apart; Wilfrid had never before felt himself so little at ease in her presence. It was as though the short time which had elapsed since their last meeting had effected a permanent change in their mutual relations. Previously their intercourse had gone as far in familiarity as was possible if it were not to take quite a new colour; now all at once this past seemed to go for nothing. Beatrice was the active source of change. She was deliberately—he could not doubt it—extending the distance between them, annulling bygone intimacy, shifting into ineffective remoteness all manner of common associations. Things she would formerly have understood at a half-word she now affected to need to have explained to her. He was ‘Mr. Athel’ to an extent he had never been before; and even of his relatives she spoke with a diminished familiarity. She emphasised at every moment the characteristics which were alien to his sympathies, talked of the ‘revival’ ad nauseam, or changed with alarming suddenness from that to topics of excessive frivolousness. Wilfrid little by little ceased to converse with her, in the real sense of the word; he even felt uncomfortable in her presence. And Mrs. Baxendale had clear eyes for at all events the outward features of the situation.

  On the fifth day of Wilfrid’s presence in the house, Beatrice took the opportunity of being alone with her aunt to observe that she must go southwards by a certain train next morning.

  ‘Oh, surely not!’ protested Mrs. Baxendale. ‘I can’t spare you yet. And your mother is still in Berkshire.’

  ‘Yes, but that makes no difference to me, you know,’ said Beatrice. ‘I’m often at home by myself. Indeed I must go tomorrow.’

  ‘Won’t you stay if I beg you? It’s four years since you were here, and who knows how long it will be before I entrap you again. You’ve already threatened me, you know, with the peerage, and I’m very sure you won’t deign to honour me when that day comes. Now, there’s a good girl—to the end of the week at least.’

  It seemed as though Beatrice would persist.

  ‘Now, if it were not such an unlikely thing,’ said her aunt, ‘I should be disposed to think it was Mr. Athel who is driving you away.’

  ‘Mr. Athel!’ the girl exclaimed, almost haughtily, and with a flush which disappeared as rapidly as it came, leaving the lovely face with a touch of exquisite paleness.

  ‘I mean,’ said Mrs. Baxendale quickly, averting her honest eyes, ‘that I fear he has offended you.’

  ‘How can Mr. Athel have offended me?’ Beatrice asked, with a certain severity.

  ‘I thought perhaps—a remark he made last night on the revival.’

  Mrs. Baxendale felt ill at ease. Her first sentence had been inconsiderate; she knew it as soon as it was uttered, and indeed did not quite see what could have induced her to make such a remark. She had not the habit of nice conversation which endows with complete command of the tongue. But her wits had, as you see, come to her rescue.

  ‘Mr. Athel’s opinions on that subject are not likely to offend me,’ Beatrice replied, with the shadow of a smile.

  ‘I am so afraid lest he should suspect anything of the kind. I am sure it would grieve him dreadfully.’

  The girl laughed outright, though not with much joyousness.

  ‘Mr. Athel be grieved for such a cause! My dear aunt, you don’t know him. He’s as little sensitive as any man could be. Why, he holds it a duty to abuse people who do things he counts foolish.’

  ‘You exaggerate,’ returned her aunt, with a smile.

  Beatrice continued, vivaciously.


  ‘Oh, you don’t know him as well as I do. We used to be always wrangling—in the days of my simplicity. I have been marvelling at his forbearance; it would have been nothing wonderful if he had called me an idiot. Frankness of that kind is the mark of his friendship—haven’t you found that out? Hasn’t he taken occasion yet to inform you that your life is conducted on an utterly mistaken principle, that you are shallow and inefficient, that you are worse than useless in the world, and ought, if properly constituted, to be a torment to yourself? None of these things he has said? Oh, then you are not admitted to Mr. Athel’s intimacy; you are not of the inner circle.’

  She spoke with a kind of reckless gaiety, a mocking merriment which her rich voice and command of facial expression made very effective. It startled her hearer, who, when the girl ceased, took one of her hands and patted it kindly.

  ‘Why then,’ she said, ‘I have been altogether mistaken; for I did really think he had offended you. But now I’m sure you’ll stay—won’t you?’

  ‘Rather than you should think I run away from Mr. Athel’s high censure—certainly.’

  Then she became silent, and shortly left the room. Mrs. Baxendale sat by herself musing.

  She was a woman given to thoughtfulness, for all that she used her tongue freely when with those she liked. She did not greatly seek such society as Dunfield had to offer, and partly on that account, partly owing to alarms excited by her caustic comments on matters of popular interest, the ladies of the town left her abundance of leisure. She used it well. Though not a highly-educated woman, she read constantly, and books of a solid kind. Society in Dunfield had its book club, and Mrs. Baxendale enjoyed the advantage of choosing literature which her fellow-members were very willing to let her keep as long as she liked. Beatrice derived much amusement from her aunt’s method of reading. Beatrice, with the run of Mr. Mudie’s catalogues, would have half-a-dozen volumes in her lap at the same time, and as often as not get through them—_tant bien que mal_—in the same day. But to the provincial lady a book was a solid and serious affair. To read a chapter was to have provided matter for a day’s reflection; the marker was put at the place where reading had ceased, and the book was not re-opened till previous matter had been thoroughly digested and assimilated. It was a slow method, but not without its advantages, I assure you.