by Lark Lane
“Brad says Stacey is great.”
“Brad, huh.” Frank finished a cinnamon roll. “He’s one of Stacey’s favorites, ever since he showed her where the Easter eggs were on a couple of her videogames.”
“Sounds like Brad.” I detected a sliver of resentment in Frank’s tone, but he had no cause for jealousy. Lisa had made her choice. Frank won. He should be gracious about it. Like Brad.
My best friend was wrong. The best man didn’t win. Nora agreed with me, I realized. But Lisa’s opinion was the only one that counted. I hoisted the bike over my shoulder and opened the back door.
“Taking off then?” Frank said.
“Yeah, gotta go,” I said. “Things to do. Tell Nora and Lisa I said bye.”
It was shitty of me, as Nora might say, to run off without saying goodbye. Yeah, there was some self-loathing at the pit of my stomach. It was better this way, I told myself.
All the way down the driveway, I fantasized Nora running out of the house onto the front lawn to ask me to stay just a little longer. Long past the last of the lilacs, and even half a mile on, I heard her voice saying my name on the morning breeze.
Chapter 10
“You’re wrong,” I said. “We do need the money that bad.”
I’d followed Lisa into her bathroom in the hall. With Frank and J.D. both in the house, it was my best chance to get her alone for a few minutes to explain why I was taking Dr. Barton’s internship. After last night, I had to tell her about Steve’s offer. It was the only way to make her understand.
“It’s too dangerous, Nora,” she said.
“Yesterday you were all for it,” I said. “You practically shoved the dig packet on me when we found out the internship was paid.”
“That was before either of us knew where it was,” Lisa said. She squeezed toothpaste on her toothbrush. “You can’t stir all that up again. And three weeks? After last night, do you honestly think you’d last up there three hours?”
“Last night was an anomaly,” I said. “I wasn’t prepared.”
“Nor, I'm scared for you. I can’t stand to see you open these old scars.” She stuck the toothbrush in her mouth. “Snau wuh it. Nau eve foe sih thou dau.”
I caught her eye in the mirror and dropped my voice behind her, “How about $150,000?”
“Wuh?” She swung around, her eyes huge.
I grabbed her arm and put my finger to my lips, warning her to be quiet. When Steve said to keep it secret, he said it was a corporate thing. I rationalized that I could tell my roommate, but he surely meant not to tell anyone who worked for a big company. Someone like Brad—or even a low-level new-hire at BlueMagick like J.D. who was in the house right that minute.
“The guy’s company will pay off my student loans.”
I left out the part about the bonus. I didn’t really believe that myself.
Lisa rinsed her mouth out and spit like she didn’t believe any of it. “He must want you to do something illegal.”
“That’s what I thought, but he swears no. He’s going to explain the whole thing to me this Wednesday before I give my final answer.”
I still didn’t know where we were meeting. Steve was supposed to text me and let me know, but I hadn’t heard from him yet.
“But Foresthill, Nor.” Lisa looked at me like she was pleading. “I feel terrible about last night. I never should have pushed you into having a party. You’ve been so strong the last couple of years. I guess I thought you had a handle on…things.”
“I want to do this. I have to get out from under these loans. Did you know Stacey got 2310 on her SAT?”
“Shit. No,” Lisa said. “I guess that private high school paid off.”
“She didn’t tell me either. I was putting laundry away in her room a few months ago, and her score was lying on her dresser. She could go to college anywhere, but she’s settling for Sierra for her first two years to save money. It makes me sick.”
“What’s wrong with community college?” Lisa said. “You and I went to Sierra our first two years. It was fine.”
“We didn’t want to be doctors. We didn’t have 2300 on our SATs.”
I didn’t mention that I had 2270. My parents were always big on school. My brother Danny had carried on the tradition with his daughter Stacey, and then I pushed her after he was gone.
“Stacey didn’t even apply anywhere else,” I said.
“She probably knew you’d take on more debt to help her pay for it.” Lisa said. “I don’t understand you. You paid your way. She should too.”
“No,” I said. Lisa was right. Why shouldn’t Stacey load up with student debt like everyone else in our generation? If she did become a doctor, she could pay them back. But dammit to hell! I hated the idea. Were we put on this earth to be wage slaves for the banks?
Lisa put away her toothbrush, and I saw her frown in the mirror.
“What?” I said. It was the face she wore when she had an opinion she knew I wasn’t going to like. “Say it.”
She turned around and faced me. “You could sell this house.”
“No.”
“I know it has sentimental value,” she said. “I understand that, Nor, better than anybody.”
“No.” I turned to go, but she grabbed my arm.
“Even with the real estate crash, you could still get seven or eight hundred thousand for it. You could pay off your loans and buy a smaller place, free and clear.” She spoke gently, and it was all common sense advice. But each word drove a dagger into my heart.
I barely squeaked out a “no” as I opened the door and headed down the hall back to my bedroom.
How could I sell Grandma’s house? My mom grew up here. There was Mom’s wisteria by the kitchen window and Indian Rock. Danny named that rock. As long as we had this house, Stacey and I still had some part of our family. I could never sell it. I’d rather face Foresthill.
I hit my bedroom door handle with a clenched fist. The muscles in my shoulders were tight as hell, and the spasms in the back of my neck burned like hot crawling worms. I forced my hands open and pressed my palms flat against the door to stretch them.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I opened the door and my heart dropped. J.D. wasn’t in the bedroom and his clothes were gone. A wave of sadness washed over me. I wanted to see him alone one more time before he left. Touch him. Kiss him. I’d find him in the kitchen and suggest we take our coffee out to the flower garden.
I changed from my pajamas to a pair of shorts and a tank top and ran the brush through my hair. After a few more relaxing breaths I went out to the kitchen, but Frank was the only one there.
“Hey, Nora. J.D. said to tell you goodbye. You just missed him.” Frank held up a plate of cinnamon rolls. “Want one?”
“In a minute.”
I ran to the front of the house to the big picture window in the living room in time to see J.D. in the driveway, riding away on that funky bike of his. I wanted to race out the front door and tear across the front lawn after him, but I stayed at the window and watched him go.
Stop. I can’t. His words from last night rang in my ears.
I shouldn’t be surprised, not after my big freakout. But I was confused. Last night he was wonderful. He brought me out of my flashback. I’m here, he’d said. His calm deep voice had reached into the chaos in my mind and pulled me back to sanity like a lifeline.
It was a blur to me now, but I would swear he kissed me first. I could still taste him, still feel his mouth on mine, his longing. I could feel his arms around me, holding me so close to his hard muscular chest.
And later, he called me beautiful. You’re an American Beauty. Was I remembering that wrong?
I wasn’t remembering us tearing off our clothes wrong, or the desperate need in me that he answered so well. Or his perfect body, lean, hard, and muscular. Or his confident handling of me, strong but gentle. I’d held him and stroked him, naked beneath me. I swelled between my legs thinking about it now. He wanted me.
I know he did—and then he didn’t. He pulled away, and to protect myself I did too.
Then in bed this morning it felt so friendly and comfortable and safe, joking about his shoes and guessing his name. I thought he liked me. But he was just being nice until he could get away.
He turned his bike onto the road, and the roses climbing the fence at the front of the yard blocked him from my sight. He was gone.
I turned away from the window. I would never see him again. For the few hours we’d spent together, it had felt good to be alive in the world. I hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time.
In a way, I was glad we didn’t have sex. I didn’t want him mixed in with my hazy memory of the one-night stands of my rage binge, as I called it. My year of living dangerously.
I wandered back to the kitchen. Frank and Lisa were locked in a passionate embrace. Frank saw me come in and broke it off, grinning. “A guy can kiss his fiancée before he goes to work in the morning.”
He was dressed for work in his white vet coat. He always seemed more than two years older than us, and the coat made him look like a frigging adult.
Lisa stood up on her toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’d better kiss yours anytime she wants it.” She poured out two cups of coffee, and as she put one in front of me on the counter her engagement ring sparkled.
I grabbed her hand and held it up in the morning sunlight. “Very nice.” I hugged her. I could tell my face was red. I hadn’t said anything about it in the bathroom. “Things were so crazy last night. I didn’t get a chance to tell you guys congratulations.”
“Thanks, Nor,” Lisa said.
Frank rinsed out his coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher with a shudder. “That’s it. I’m getting you your own espresso machine. I should have done it ages ago.” He put an arm around Lisa’s neck and pulled her close for a kiss. “The Saturday shift calls, baby doll. I’ve got to go.”
I looked at Lisa and mouthed baby doll? Eww. She shrugged and rolled her eyes. I guess she really loved him. He was different this morning. Possessive. I wasn’t sure I liked it, but I wasn’t the one marrying him.
“By the way.” Frank stopped at the back door. “J.D. looked at your precious Perns. He had one out and was reading all over it.” He flashed a smile and was gone.
“That’s all right.” Lisa looked at me with a worried expression. “How would J.D. know?”
I went to the bookcase and ran my hand over the top of the books. My mom’s set of Dragonriders of Pern looked undisturbed. I mentally crabbed at myself. My precious Perns, as Frank called them, were off limits to everyone. I hadn’t thought to put them somewhere safe before the party.
When the sheriff’s deputy brought me home from Foresthill, I had found The White Dragon lying open on my little brother’s bed. Nick and I had been reading the books at the same time. Just that week we’d both started The White Dragon. We’d steal it back and forth, neither of us willing to wait until the other finished.
I never opened The White Dragon again. When I came to live with Grandma, I put it here in the bookcase with the others and snapped at anyone who opened any of them—including, once, poor Frank.
For years I’d imagined a protective charm surrounded these books, keeping them safe, repelling all outsiders. But I didn’t mind J.D. touching them. His mom named him for a character in these stories. Jaxom, a dragonrider. And they were my mom’s favorites too. I liked sharing something special with him.
I ran my hand over the spines. I had to go to Foresthill. I’d face my demons and get well—well enough to stop using sex as an escape mechanism. I’d lost my chance with J.D., but the next time life offered me the possibility of a real relationship, I’d be ready to ride the dragon.
At that moment I felt a lingering wound inside me heal, and one small emotional scar dissolved.
Chapter 11
J.D.’s house in Princeton Reach.
“Dammit!” Brad drove his empty beer bottle into the tub of ice on the coffee table. He muted the TV as the basketball game went to commercial. “Fucking refs.”
“What do you care?” I said. “You hate the Kings.”
“Not when they’re playing the Mavs, dude.”
I hadn’t heard from the guy since he drove away from the party on Friday, then just before the game he showed up at my place with a six-pack of Pale Ale.
Sacramento was losing to Dallas in a crappy game perfect for my crappy mood. My resolution to put Nora Deven out of my mind was not going well.
I rode away from her house yesterday morning, but I never really left. I kept picturing her sitting at the end of her bed with her legs crossed, wearing those green piranha pajamas. I kept thinking about crawling over to her and burying my face in the rosemary and mint perfume of her hair, running my tongue over the skin on her neck. I wanted to slide those pajama bottoms off over her smooth hips and plunge inside her.
I wanted to feel her swallow me whole.
Friday night I could have sworn she was into me. On the other hand, Friday night she was whacked out. Yesterday morning, when she was herself again, she pulled back. She was polite, cheerful, and distant. A wall had gone up between us. Hell, maybe I put it there.
All yesterday and today I wondered what she was doing. I had the bike out three times to go for a ride in the direction of Carolinda Estates. Three times I talked myself out of it. The fourth time I was strapping on my helmet when Brad showed up and saved me from myself.
I unmuted the game. They were still in the timeout after the ref’s call. The Kings’ announcers were discussing the latest rumors about the team moving to Seattle.
“A pox on them,” Brad said. “If they were going anywhere else I’d say hasta la good riddance, but the Kings can’t go fucking up my home town.”
“We liked them when we were kids and they had Jason Williams and Chris Webber,” I reminded him. “They could never replace the Sonics though.”
I wondered if Nora liked NBA basketball. I had a feeling the crowds would annoy her, but we could watch a home game from BlueMagick’s skybox. I could tell her I won some random contest at work to get access to the box.
“You had to bring up the Sonics.” Brad pushed his glasses up and took his phone from the pocket of his fresh pressed cotton shirt. The dude dressed like an accountant even on weekends. “Siri, remind me never to give my heart to anything. It only ends up getting stomped on.” He put the phone down on the coffee table and grabbed another beer.
“Sorry about Lisa, dude,” I said. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, well,” he said. “Apparently my Brad-fu has picked up a virus. I was sure she’d choose me over Fabulous Frank.” He pointed his beer at me. “And I’m still positive you and her friend Nora are undiscovered soul mates. You’re both so broody.”
“I’m the opposite of broody,” I said. “I’m stoic.” I ignored his look of skepticism. “Actually, I ended up spending the night.” I couldn’t tell him what I’d learned about MolyMo without admitting I’d stayed at Nora’s place Friday.
“Alrighty then, the plot thickens.” He muted the TV again as it went to the Mavs’ halftime show. “Did you learn anything?”
“I overheard Nora and Lisa talking about Heron, but you’re going to hate this.” I grinned. “They think he funded the internships.”
“Aw, stop it, man. That’s cold!”
I laughed, relieved. Brad might have a broken heart, but he wasn’t going to let it kill him.
“Did you hear anything useful?” he said.
“Nothing specific, but MolyMo’s sniffing around the dig,” I said. “It could be as simple as wanting someone to bring out samples.”
“Someone,” Brad said. “Meaning Nora.”
“At least we know Barton’s an equal opportunity denier,” I said. “He isn’t letting anyone come onto the dig and test.”
I reached for the remote, but Brad stopped me. “Come on, what else?” he said. “How was Nora? Did the earth move? Did she put Nico
le out of the fuck buddy business?”
“Don’t be crude.”
“Ah-ha.” He tapped his forehead. “That good, huh? The old Brad-fu isn’t completely kaput.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Nothing happened. You tell me you spent the night with that hot girl and nothing happened.”
“Nothing happened.”
He shook his head. “Hm. So she doesn’t fall into the Nicole category. This gives my soul mate theory more weight. Could it be fragile little Nora has indeed found a way into your heart, that lonely organ unoccupied since Holly moved out and took all the furniture?”
“Holly.” The word turned to chalk in my mouth. Neither of us had said the name in years, and now twice in three seconds.
“J.D.,” Brad said. “Nora is no Holly.”
“True.” Three times in six seconds. “I’ll be back.”
I went to get more beers for the ice tub. Hearing Holly’s name was irritating, but it wasn’t just that. I’d been restless since yesterday. After Nora’s place, this place felt sterile. It was over four thousand square feet of perfection, all tile and hardwood floors and Persian carpets. Thanks to Mom and Scarlett, art occupied most of the walls. But something was missing. I wasn’t at home in my own house.
I was suddenly homesick for the island. I never lived there, but from the start my mom had kept a room for me. It was the one place I could forget about the world and be myself. No expectations. No obligations.
I took the second six-pack of Pale Ale out of the refrigerator and opened a bottle. The appliances in my kitchen would turn a celebrity chef green. The windows looked out on a greenbelt. I’d bought the house for that view. I would have preferred a place looking over Folsom Lake, but I wanted to be close enough to ride my bike to work.
Holly. Brad had to go and say her name. I downed half the beer, but the cold liquid didn’t do a thing for me. It flowed right past the knot of resentment in my chest. Shit, I thought that was long dead and buried.
