by Robin Janney
“I want to put in a small area down in the southern acres for an equine based therapy center, mostly for teens and young adults who’ve experienced trauma. It would be quiet and secluded, but…but just around the corner in a lot of ways in case of emergencies. It w-would keep the patients away from our cattle, and my own horses. I’ve talked with Toni about this and she agrees it should be separate like that, because it’s something I need. Everyone, horse and human, needs their own space. I’d only take a few cases at a time, or rather Toni and her partner would. I’m still looking for a licensed doctor and psychiatrist to be part of this.”
“I see.” Craig gave her a teasing smile. “You’ve been watching Heartland again, haven’t you?”
“Well, yes, but that’s not where this is coming from. Toni and Belle helped me out a lot. And I want to be able to help others in the same way. I don’t…” She made a frustrated sound, and her cheeks colored with a light blush. “I know it bothers you that I’ve never returned to school to get my degree, but it’s something I can’t handle right now. I-I don’t…don’t remember a lot of what I learned. And this is something I know I can do.”
“If it’s something that will make you happy, then I have no problem with it,” Craig said honestly. He looked at the plans she had outlined on the computer before her. She’d put in a lot of work into this, and from the little he could see, she had a decent plan. “May I?”
His wife handed the computer to him, and he began to scroll through her plans. There were a few areas that needed help, but all in all it was a good plan. “Not bad, Angel. You have a good start here. A really good start.”
Angela bit her lip. “I’m embarrassed to admit this Craig. I mean, we’ve been married for four, almost five years now. But I have no idea what your, our finances are like. I’ve never asked just how wealthy you are.”
“Don’t let the money worry you, Angela.” Craig was suddenly in an area he wasn’t sure how to handle. How to tell his wife about the generous trust fund his father had set up for her and how it would pass to her on their fifth anniversary? And how upon Les’ death, part of his estate would pass to her as well? And how could he tell her that some of Veronica’s malice was because of those little facts? “I know you’ve always been a little uncomfortable with it, so I’ve never pressed it. I’d love to show you what you have at your disposal.”
“I-I…” She pounded her knee with a fist in frustration. “I was wondering if you’d mind if I asked Everett for the trust fund he set up for me years ago?”
Craig looked at her quizzically. Now that was something new to him. In all their talks, Everett had never mentioned this. But it gave him the perfect opening to discuss what his father had done for her. “Really? I didn’t know that. In that case, it might interest you to know that my father has something similar set up for you as well.”
Angela looked stunned. “What? Why? He barely knows me!”
“A fact which bothers him to no end,” Craig admitted. “Dad was not happy I’d left you home. But, regardless you’re my wife and he set this up soon after our second wedding. It will be yours to use after our fifth anniversary.”
“Oh.” Angela had no words.
Craig leaned over and lightly kissed his wife’s lips. She leaned into him, and he let the kiss deepen, but kept it gentle. There was a wounded vulnerability to her, and he ached over the fact that he had caused so much of it. “You see Pat tomorrow, right?”
She nodded. “At two. Were you…do you want to come?”
“Not this time, Angel. I have something I want to do for you that can’t wait any longer.” He held her eyes with his, hoping she wouldn’t misunderstand him. If he wasn’t mistaken, he thought he saw hope kindle in her eyes.
She smiled and kissed him while he was close to her. A light kiss, with no pressure. “Okay.”
Craig pulled away, returning his attention to his wife’s proposal. Soon, the two were discussing ideas and making plans. He teased her about her sketches, which she seemed relieved to receive. They were so deep in discussion that they didn’t hear Nan knock on the door until she cleared her throat and spoke.
“Excuse me, but dinner is ready.”
“Thank you, Nan. We’ll be right there.” Craig handed the laptop back to Angela. “Work on the areas I pointed out and come back to me with it. In the meantime, I’ll start working on those sketches for the cabins you want.”
Angela kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
Craig watched her bounce by Nan, who was smiling. He never understood how his wife managed to bounce like that, but how he loved to watch it. He was glad it was back.
56
A fter having generous helpings of tacos, Angela disappeared upstairs saying she wanted to work on her project. Craig let her go, sensing her need to be alone. He was not surprised to see her take a large piece of cake and a glass of milk upstairs with her. Princess paused on the steps behind her, taking a moment to look at him. Was the dog approving of him again?
Returning to his office to wait for his web chat with Kevin, Craig pulled his colored pencils out and sketched while he waited. For some reason, he chose the moment when he had stood in the doorway of Belle’s stable watching his wife hunched over on the bale of hay weeping, their sand-colored dog curled protectively at her feet.
For the first time in months, he lost himself in the pure emotion of the moment and almost missed the signal that Kevin was waiting for him to connect their computers. Pulling away from the sketch, Craig acknowledged the request for the webcam chat and in a moment, his friend was on the screen of the laptop looking back at him.
“I was a little worried there for a moment,” Kevin said, leaning back in his chair. When they had moved these meetings to the evening, both men had agreed to have these chats from their respective offices in their homes, to help keep the focus on the reason why they were ‘chatting’.
“Sorry, I was lost in a sketch. Here, it’s done enough. I’ll scan it and send it to you.” Craig rolled away from the desk to use the all-in-one printer on the stand behind the desk. Thank God his wife had only focused on the desk during her episode; she could have damaged so much more, including herself. He continued to speak while he scanned the sketch. “Did Angela ever tell you what her idea was?”
“No,” answered Kevin. There was a small smile on his face. “She was panicking pretty badly; a lot of it was jumbled. I was lucky to be able to make out what I did. How did that turn out? I’ll admit I’ve been watching the clock intently while waiting for this chat to find out. One of our gray areas, you understand.”
“I do. I found her in Belle’s stable. Like in the sketch.” Sketch scanned, Craig rolled back to the desk with the paper back in hand. A few mouse clicks later it was on its way to his friend. He leaned back and looked at it as if seeing it for the first time. Which was always an odd experience since he was the one who’d sketched it. “I just sat next to her and put my arm around her. We talked. She puts me in my place pretty good. Usually she says what you’ve already said, but differently.”
“I imagine so,” Kevin replied with a smile. Craig watched as his friend ran his finger across the mouse on his own laptop, no doubt minimizing or reducing the screen to receive the sketch. Concern flickered across his face, quickly disguised. “May I ask what you did with your sketches of Katie? And if you’re going to keep sketching her?”
“Probably not. Because when I stood in that doorway, I had to ask myself why I was letting my grief hurt my wife. Why was I letting any of it continue to hurt her? I didn’t have a good answer. I still don’t. So, when we came back inside, I burned them in the fireplace.”
“Good, good.” Kevin reached to the side and pulled a piece of paper out of his printer. “What was Angela’s idea?”
“She wants to make a corner of our ranch into an equine based therapy section for traumatized youth. My wife claims she’s not a business-woman, but she has a pretty good plan already worked out.”
“Well, y
ou’re probably not the only one who underestimates her,” Kevin said as he looked intently at the paper before him. “And don’t forget, her biological father is a successful businessman as well, no matter how shady some of it might be. Are you going with her to her appointment tomorrow?”
“No,” Craig answered. He glanced back down at his sketch, wondering what it was Kevin was seeing that had him so concerned. “I plan on setting up a date with my wife while she’s gone. Sunday afternoons aren’t enough anymore.”
“Good, good.” Kevin smiled and looked back at him. “Knowing your romantic bent, I’m sure it’ll be something special.”
“I hope so,” Craig replied with a sigh. “What’s wrong with the sketch?”
“Nothing, it’s some of your best work. I’m not sure whose pain comes across the strongest, the one being sketched or the one doing the sketching. It’s very powerful, Craig. I’m just wondering how closely you’ve looked at it since you’ve finished.”
“Why?”
“Look in the corner beyond the hay bale. Tell me what you see.”
Craig did as his therapist told him and felt a cold chill grip his heart. There in the corner, shrouded in shadows and hidden in the wood grain of the stable wall, was the Little Beast. “What the fu…”
Kevin cut him off. “Tell me again about the dream you had before you went to New York.”
Craig nodded and retold the dream. The beetles, the mountain, the conversation with the Little Beast…falling from the cliff as he attempted to get back to the Oasis and being consumed by fire from the sky. It was months ago, but nothing new of the Dragon Dream had been dreamt. Nothing he remembered. “I told you all this before, Kevin. I didn’t leave anything out.”
“I believe you. I just didn’t want to pull my notes out to look at it right now. I wanted to hear it. You weren’t even aware you put him in the sketch, were you?”
“No.”
“It makes me wonder how much of recent events have had their root in the spiritual realm. And to be honest, I wonder what his role is. In your last dream, he was trying to warn you…an oddity to say the least as previously he tormented you. Both of you.” Casually Kevin tossed the paper on his desk, though Craig was certain it would end up going in his file. “And now, he finds his way into your sketch. His expression is one of pain as well.”
“He did make a comment how everything he tried to do to bring Angela comfort only brought her more pain.” Craig shrugged, more than a little uncomfortable. He couldn’t help but look around his office, wondering what the shadows held. Although nothing had changed, it felt darker than it had moments ago. “If demons can have crushes on humans, I think he has one on her.”
“An uncomfortable notion,” Kevin agreed. “Craig, you’ve never shared that part of the Dream with your wife, have you?”
“Are you crazy?” Craig asked. “No. And I don’t think I can show her this sketch either.”
“I agree. Burn this one too.” Kevin glanced at his paper again but didn’t pick it up. “It’s a powerful sketch Craig, but I fear what Angela’s reaction would be. I’m not even sure what her therapist would make of this. Pat has been hard pressed dealing with Angela’s abduction and the events connected to it. Please do not misunderstand me when I say this, but I wonder what exactly their fascination with Angela is.”
“He said she was afraid of her power,” Craig muttered, wadding the heavy sketch paper into a ball. “I don’t understand it either. Pat, I’m not sure about. Because she admitted to me he’s been in her dreams too.”
“Really?” asked Kevin, sounding intrigued. “She’s never mentioned that in any of our consultations.”
“Yeah. She’s an agnostic at best, but a good enough doctor. Unfortunately, in her dreams, she got the full beast. But she remembered what he said and passed it along to me.”
“And what was that?”
“To not treat Angela like she was crazy. And that the reason why…” Craig trailed off.
“The reason?” Kevin prompted.
Craig swore under his breath. “That the reason why ‘they’ try so hard to separate Angela and me, is because we’re stronger together than we are apart.”
“I’m tempted to use some of Angela’s strong language.” Kevin leaned forward over his desk. “I don’t have a lot of answers for this, Craig. One thing I’ve learned in my years is that there is a huge gray area when it comes to mental health and the spiritual realm. The best I can tell you right now without more research, is guard your wife. In your dreams, you defend each other, right?”
“Yeah,” answered Craig, chilled. “She rescued me from the Dragon Queen and I…I take that back. I was going to say I rescued her from the Beast, but really, she did that herself. Her character did, I mean; she pushed him off the roof. All I ever did was free her from her chains or unbury her from beneath the trash he’d covered her with.”
“I remember one dream right around the time she was hospitalized for pneumonia. In that dream, she was restored to full health afterwards, right?”
Craig nodded. “And then again in our shared vision. She defeated him again, in ‘reality’ I guess you could say. It was terrifying and beautiful all at once. Light streamed from her, radiant beams. Something made her angry, I’m not sure what. She claimed the demon was ignoring her, and she was no longer afraid because she was a child of God and filled with the light of the world. That’s when the light started. So much light. It washed out everything, Kevin. I couldn’t see Randy or her mother anymore, could barely see the Beast. He was cowering. All I could see was my wife, and that’s when I stepped forward and put my hand on her back. All I can say is – it was like a power surge. The light was blinding, she and the light were all I could see. And when it faded, the fearful Beast was gone. He was the little thing you see in the sketch.”
“Guard her,” Kevin repeated. “I’m not saying to smother her but do whatever you can to keep her safe. Yourself as well. You have always been included in the attacks against her. I’m sure you can tell from recent events what it would do to her to lose you.”
Craig nodded. Had he ever shared the sketches he’d done of that vision with his friend? He didn’t think so. Maybe it was time. “Kevin, what do you think is going on?”
“I don’t know,” the other admitted with a shake of his head. “I’ll try to talk to Pat tomorrow after Angela’s visit instead of relying on an email. Hopefully I’ll have some more research done by then. I hate to think that I’m going to sound as delusional as she thinks…”
“As she thinks my wife is?” asked Craig.
Kevin nodded. “Has Angela said anything to you about changing her doctor?”
“No. But it was something I was considering right before I left for New York. I’m not sure what was discussed in that session, but our after-session conversation disturbed me. I don’t think my wife is delusional. Paranoid, maybe, but I think she has good cause.”
The other man nodded again. “If Pat can’t work the spiritual aspect into her treatment, we may have to change her therapist despite the terrible timing. Because I agree with you, I don’t think Angela’s delusional. Neither are you.”
“It’s always nice to hear your shrink say he doesn’t think you’re crazy,” quipped Craig.
Kevin chuckled. “I guess it is.”
Craig threw the ball of paper across the room, as much to get it away from him as to change the subject. “Kevin, I need to ask you something and I don’t know how. I’m not even sure if I’m asking my doctor or my friend.”
“Go ahead.” A small smile played at the corners of his friend’s lips.
“I know this is something we share, so I think you’ll understand. Both of our wives have had miscarriages.”
“Yes,” Kevin said as his friend hesitated. “What is it you want to ask?”
“How…” Craig shifted in discomfort. “This isn’t an easy question for me.”
“Sexual issues have never been easy for you.”
&
nbsp; Craig’s surprise was clear, as was his relief. “How could you guess?”
Kevin chuckled somberly. “I know you, Craig. It’s the one subject that makes you the most uncomfortable. In the beginning you feared your desire, what you felt would be inadequacy, and a fear of Angela’s desire for you. This is something different, obviously, but four years of marriage haven’t completely undone your fears, especially with everything that’s happened to both of you. And it’s a common issue after a miscarriage, but I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up yourself.”
Craig found himself nodding in agreement. He gave his friend a crooked grin. “And you’re going to make me say it outright anyway, aren’t you?”
Kevin smiled in confirmation and nodded his head once. “I am. You’re talking to your doctor at the moment, and he won’t let you do anything else.”
Craig shook his head in amusement. “Alright. How do I make love to my wife again? I’m afraid of so many things. I’m afraid of hurting her, of her getting pregnant again, of her not getting pregnant again…”
“Fear is often unfounded. Some of yours are not. Follow her lead and don’t be afraid to communicate with her. It would be best if you could tell her about your assault in New York. But if Angela’s received permission from her doctor allowing sex again, she’ll let you know when she’s ready.”
Craig flinched.
“You should also discuss the pregnancy issue beforehand, to make sure you’re both on the same page. If she’s been cleared by the doctor, then it’s safe to say a new pregnancy wouldn’t hurt her physically. It could mess with her emotions, yours as well. My advice would be the same as Pat’s right now, and that would be to hold off on trying for another baby. Waiting anywhere from two to three months is the standard advice.”
“We weren’t exactly ‘trying’ in the first place,” Craig said softly. Of course, they hadn’t been using any form of protection so they hadn’t been trying to prevent it either.
