The last few days were tense and full of mixed emotions. I told Kallie I loved her when I finally got her back home. It surprised us both to hear the words come out of my mouth. I rarely said them, and never to a girl that wasn't my sister. Up until that moment, I had refused to even admit them.
Hearing her sweet voice say them back undid me inside. The stone that I was made of cracked and crumbled for her. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but I owed her that. I broke her heart before she even had mine. The least I could do was love her, heal her, and hope with all that I have that I am good enough for her.
Every night, I would wake up, feeling the guilt and panic washing over me. Immediately, her hands would be on me. She would comfort me, tell me she loved me, and we would make it through this storm. I hoped she was right.
I felt the guilt before I knew. Every time I saw Logan and what he was going through, I hated myself for being the reason for it. Every time he was questioned, and every meeting with lawyers he had to avoid charges, I died inside. When I found out the hurt I caused others that knew the driver, I didn't think I could handle that.
Now, standing here watching Kallie and Scarlett dance around the bedroom like no one was watching, I could smile. I saw the tears in Kallie's eyes now, but they were from laughing and not from heartbreak. Her smile was genuine and her blue eyes sparkled with life. The girls jumped on the bed and sang at the tops of their lungs like fools, thinking I was still at work.
Kallie stopped mid-twirl, finally spotting me. "Oh, um, hey," she said embarrassed. Scarlett halted her ridiculous moves as well.
"Ladies," I greeted them, raising an eyebrow.
They both busted up laughing and I couldn't help but join in. Their laughter was contagious and the apartment was missing the sound for far too long. Scarlett flopped on the bed and rolled around, holding her sides and laughing. Kallie knelt over, her body shaking while trying to catch her breath.
I took a few large steps to her, put both of my hands on the sides of her face, and kissed her. Her face was lit up with happiness and I couldn't hold back from her lips another second. She stopped laughing and shoved her fingers into my hair, pulling me closer to her. I pulled away and smiled down at her.
"Hey," she smiled. "How was work? Hungry? I was going to entertain you guys with a pathetic attempt at cooking tonight."
"Well, that sounds scary," I joked. She shoved my shoulder and we went out into the living room.
I grabbed her hand and let her lead me to the couch, where I pulled her into my arms. The room was a little bare after having to get rid of so much that I broke in my rage. We no longer had a coffee table, and the few decorations that Scarlett had up were gone. I promised Scarlett I would go shopping and replace everything.
"I thought she needed to learn sometime," Scarlett suggested as she sat in the recliner.
"Or I could live off my discount at the diner and eat there forever," Kallie joked.
A knock at the door sounded and Scarlett hopped up to answer it. "Can I help you?"
I stood when I heard a man's voice say Kallie's name. Scarlett pulled the door open more. She turned and gave me a confused and worried look.
"Josh?" Kallie asked, surprised behind me.
His eyes darted from her to me a few times, and his face hardened. His jaw tensed and his fists clenched at his sides. I stood taller and stepped slightly in front of Kallie as a shield.
"What are you doing here?" she asked hesitantly.
"You should really answer your phone once a month or so," he answered. "Since I'm the only one who knows where you are, I came to tell you."
"Tell me what? How did you find me?" Kallie asked quickly, her voice shaking slightly. I grabbed her arm as she started to walk toward him.
"It's a small town. All I had to do is ask the first person I saw," he said with a hollow laugh. "Kallie, your father had a heart attack."
"Oh!" Her hands came to cover her mouth and her eyes went wide. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms while I glared at Josh for upsetting her. "Is he... what...?"
"He's in the hospital for now. He's okay, but he's not in the clear yet. You should go home. Your mother and the business need you."
I looked down into Kallie's face. She looked up at me with watery eyes. I could see the fear and questions in them. Fear, sadness, anger, and hurt washed over her pretty features. Her whole body vibrated in my hands and her breath was coming in little, short bursts.
"You should go," I growled, not looking at him when I said it.
"Not without her," he argued.
I turned and glared at him with warning. Scarlett came over and took Kallie by the shoulders, allowing me to remove this guy. He slowly backed away from the doorway and I stalked towards him.
"She needs to go home. You need to let her," he demanded.
"She will do whatever the fuck she wants. You are not going to come in here and take her away if she doesn't want to go," I told him in a low and threatening voice. "Now leave. I'll take care of her."
He turned and walked down the stairs, and I followed to make sure he left. "You don't even know her. You're not right for her. You are just the first thing to come along when she was looking for something to fill in a hole," he said without turning around.
"Fuck you," I yelled. "You don't know anything about her, or me, so shut the fuck up and leave."
With that, he got into his expensive car and pulled out of the parking lot. I stood watching the car drive away with rage flowing through me. I clenched my fists and my chest rose and fell quickly. He was wrong. He knew nothing. I took a deep breath to calm myself before going back to Kallie.
I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time. I shoved through the door and saw Kallie sitting on the couch, holding my sister's hand. She gave me a weak smile when she saw me, and I could tell she had cried while I was gone.
"You okay, baby?" I asked as I knelt in front of her.
"Yes. I should call my mom, though," she said solemnly. She sighed as she got up, went to the counter, and grabbed her phone. She held the button and the light from the screen lit up her face as she slipped out the door and down the steps.
"Shit," my sister and I said at the same time.
"She should go see him," she told me gently.
"I know," I agreed reluctantly. I ran my fingers through my hair and anxiously waited for the phone call to end.
After a while, Kallie came back in and came back to the couch. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned into me. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer. I wanted to take away the scared and miserable look written all over her face. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.
"Come on," I said as I unwrapped myself from her.
"Where?" she asked.
"Hank's."
She stared at me for a second before nodding slowly. I pulled her up from the couch and kissed her gently on the lips. Scarlett snuck away, mumbling about meeting us there later. Kallie gave me a small smile and we headed out of the apartment. I passed up my truck, not even wanting to think about driving home from the bar.
We walked in comfortable silence to Hank's. I let Kallie be alone in her head for a while. I knew she was running through every possible scenario and option, looking for the best outcome. I opened the door for her and sat her at a small table by the dartboard. I walked to the bar and ordered myself a beer, her a mojito, and each a burger.
When I placed the glass in front of Kallie, she grinned up at me. "These are now my favorite. I have you to thank for that," she said. Her smile was real now, and I could see the tension ease out of her muscles a little more.
"What were you thinking by ordering Scotch anyway?" I scoffed.
"I don't know," she laughed. "I had never really been at a bar and that's what popped out of my mouth."
"Well, that explains your skills at darts. You were terrible." She laughed fully now and Hank set down our baskets with burgers and fries. "So, how did your call go with your m
om?"
"My father had a mild heart attack about a month ago, then had another one about two weeks ago. They are keeping him for a while, worried about clotting and chances of a stroke."
We sat quietly and ate our burgers. Kallie watched the guys playing pool in the corner. I doubted that Scarlett would actually be meeting us. I think she knew we needed some time.
"You should go see him," I told her. I hated saying the words, but I had to. For her.
"I know, I should," she said, sounding defeated. "I don't want to leave though."
"Kallie, I have a terrible relationship with my parents. There are times I wish I didn't. I don't want you to stay and one day end up feeling like that. There is absolutely nothing worse than feeling like you could change the past and knowing you never could."
"What happened with you and your parents?" she asked me. I wanted to tell her nothing. I wanted to lie and talk about something else. I knew if I wanted her to understand, I had to tell her the truth.
"When we were kids, Scarlett stayed after school for a cheerleading tryout," I started. Kallie's eyes went wide and I laughed. "I know, right? She was a little more preppy in middle school. Anyway, my dad was supposed to pick me up from school. He was late, and I waited forever for him. It probably wasn't that long, but it felt like it."
I stopped and took a sip of my beer before continuing. "So, I started to walk home. I was going through the back parking lot and I saw his car parked. I was so relieved and thought he must have been waiting for me back there all along rather than out front. I started running to the car and that's when I saw why he was really late."
"What?" Kallie asked softly.
"He was in the backseat with another woman. I later found out it was one of the science teachers at our school. I turned away from the car and ran home. I was so upset, seeing my father betraying our family like that. I ran straight to my mother and told her. She flipped out, understandably. They got in the biggest fight when he finally came home. I will never forget that. Scarlett and I huddled in her closet, listening to them scream and throw things. My dad left that day and never came back. My mom hated me for it."
"Oh, Ryder. I'm sure she didn't hate you," Kallie said, taking my hand from across the table.
"She did," I confirmed. "I became the focus of all her anger from that day on. At first, I didn't mind. I thought if it was helping her feel better, then I could deal with getting yelled at all the time. She was always so angry, snapping for the stupidest things. Then I realized she blamed me."
"It wasn't your fault."
"The affair wasn't," I agreed. "But if I never told her, she wouldn't have had to leave him. I think she would rather stick her head in the sand and pretend it wasn't happening. I made her acknowledge it and do something about it. So, I spent everyday tiptoeing around her, trying not to set her off. I tried to make her happy again."
Kallie was silent for a while as she picked at her fries. I never told anyone about that. Scarlett knew because she lived it with me. I just needed Kallie to understand that burning her bridges would hurt later in life. I couldn't handle the blame of breaking up another relationship. She believed I didn't destroy everything I touched, so I was going to try to live up to that. For her.
"Will you come with me?" she asked, looking at me with hopeful eyes.
"Baby, I would love to," I told her. "But you should do this on your own. My presence would only complicate things more. You know that." My heart broke telling her no.
Her shoulders sunk with defeat. I didn't know if Josh told her family where she was or that she was with the man responsible for killing their golden boy. If he did, I would never be welcome. If he didn't, I probably still wouldn't be welcome. I would be the stranger, covered in leather and tattoos, that stole their little girl and turned her into a rebel.
"I don't want to leave you, Ryder," she forced out.
"Hey," I said, grabbing her seat and sliding it over to me. "I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I will wait for you while you go and do what you need to do." She nodded and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know you want to, Princess. You're too good to say no and not go help them when they need you."
"You're right," she relented. "I just feel like someone different here. I'm twenty-two years old. I should be going out to bars, dancing, going to bonfires, and falling in love. I don't want to think about school or running a business yet."
"You don't have to change," I told her.
"I know, but certain things are expected of me at home. I never knew any better before I came here. You screwed me up," she joked, lightning the mood slightly.
"Baby, I'm happy to screw you anytime," I whispered into her ear, and I felt her shiver.
She laughed and looked up at me. Her eyes were glazed over with unshed tears, but her smile was genuine. I kissed her softly, running my tongue across her lips. She moaned and pushed into me, opening her mouth for me. I tasted inside her mouth quickly before pulling away. She glared back at me.
I stood, holding my hand out for her. "Come on, darling. You can't start that here. Darts?"
She agreed and we played darts like we did the first night we met. Hank kept us supplied with the alcohol and gave me knowing smiles each time he visited the table. When she disappeared to go the bathroom, Hank came back and put a hand on my shoulder.
"You've been tamed." It wasn't a question, it was an observation. "Be good to her," he warned me before heading back to the bar.
Kallie came bouncing back to me with Scarlett attached to her arm. My sister eyed me with question, and I nodded, telling her it was okay. She smiled and I knew she was proud of me for doing the right thing. It's times like these I love being able to read her like a book. We barely need to speak about the hard stuff; we talk without words.
"Okay!" Kallie slurred. "It's my turn." She closed one eye and threw the dart straight ahead. We all laughed as it bounced off the wall below and fell to the ground. "I suck."
I watched as she tried again and again. She laughed with us as we made fun of her pitiful attempts. I remembered watching her the first night I met her. The look of determination on her face intrigued me. She wanted so badly to get it right. I never wanted anything that badly, and I was fascinated watching her.
She cheered spun around quickly after a dart stuck into the board. I caught her right before she fell over. I saw Scarlett holding back a laugh as she stood directly behind where Kallie was standing. She put her fingers to her lips and I noticed the darts in her hands. She threw the dart, not Kallie.
I winked at her and realized it was time to get home. I wrapped my arms around both my girls and escorted them out of Hank's. I looked back once more as we walked home, looking back at the place where it all began.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Kallie
"You have everything?" Ryder asked me, eyeing the duffle bag I borrowed from Scarlett.
"I think so," I answered with a strange sense of deja vu washing over me. I swallowed and tried to force down the dread.
"Hey," Ryder said softly as he tilted my chin so I would look up at him. "Don't be sad."
"I'll miss you," I choked out.
His chocolate eyes softened and he smiled. "Well, you have this really fancy invention. It's called a phone. You see, I have your number, and you have mine. We can do this really cool thing called texting and calling," he said with fake enthusiasm, and I laughed at him. He shoved my phone in my hands and closed my fingers around it.
"You're right. I'll text you all the time. And as soon as my dad is up and ready, I'm coming back," I told him.
"Moment?" Scarlett asked from behind me.
"Of course," I said, rushing to her and wrapping my arms around her. "I'll miss you more," I whispered in her ear.
"Sure you will," she laughed as she pulled away and went into her bedroom. "I wanted you to have this."
She handed me a large, black wooden frame. I looked at the framed canvas and saw her painting that inspired my tattoo
. The watercolor feather meant so much to me. It meant everything to me. I teared up and held the picture against my chest. "I really hate this," I whimpered.
"I know, babe," she said with a sad smile. "You need this, though. Go home, regroup, and help your dad. We aren't going anywhere. Plus, you need to find out who you are and what you want from life."
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"You lost yourself when your boyfriend died, Kallie. You need to learn your way by yourself. I love my brother, and I love him with you. I really do. But, I think that you should stand on your own without him, too. Don't make the same mistake."
I nodded, barely taking in what she was saying. All I knew now was how bad it hurt to leave him. I hugged her again and went back out to the living room. Ryder was waiting by the door for me, holding my bag. He walked me down to my car and tossed the bag into the backseat before pulling me into a hug. I ran my hands along the muscles in his back and inhaled his scent, committing it to memory. I fought back the tears and pulled away. He grabbed my face and kissed me.
The kiss was full of promise, love, and fear. It was a torturous mixture of the feelings raging around inside both of us. I kissed him back with conviction. We would make it through this. We could stay in touch, and soon I would be back in his arms. When I tasted my silent tears in the kiss, I broke away.
"This sucks," I sniffled.
He wiped the tears off my cheeks. "I know, Princess. This is something you need to do. You can't abandon your family. Not for me. I would never forgive myself, and I have enough of that to do already." He kissed my forehead. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I made sure your tires have plenty of air and gave it an oil change. Drive carefully," he insisted.
"Yes, sir. Thank you," I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him one last time before climbing behind the wheel and starting the car.
I was slightly disappointed when it started right up. I was secretly hoping it would die and I would be stuck here. I pulled out my phone and shot out a quick text to my mother that I was on the way. Her anger started to subside when I finally called her. She was just relieved to finally hear from me and knowing that I was going to come home.
Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) Page 24
