For a second, he locked his eyes with hers. Did he think about the past as much she did? She suppressed the questions, the many words left unsaid still lodged in her throat.
He finally brushed past her, his shoulder barely grazing hers. She swallowed as his scent swept by her. He’d barely acknowledged her presence each time they saw each other around the house. It was harder to sleep at night knowing he was only a few doors down, with an unlocked door and years of history between them.
Not that she hadn’t tried to speak to him. He rebuffed her every time, just like he’d done at the door. The more he drew away, the more she was determined to speak to him about their past. She wasn’t just falling for Jesse; she was stumbling toward him.
Evelyn had nearly reached the end of the porch when an envelope caught her eye. The missive was tucked just between two posts that held up the porch, the bright white paper contrasting with the dark wooden slats of the floorboards and the light blue tones of the porch columns. Her name was written on the outside of the envelope.
She rubbed her eyes. Surely she was seeing things. Who would leave an envelope on her porch? But when her vision cleared, the envelope remained. She kneeled down to pick it up. After tearing open the seal, she lifted out the note.
Dearest love,
I see you and all I can think is, “What would we be like together?” Every time your glance crosses mine, my heart can’t help but hope that there could be a future for us. You don’t seem to mind me, though. Give me a sign. Give a man hope.
Could it be him? Her heart dared to wish. The letter wasn’t signed, but the words sounded like his. The penmanship was harried, as if the words were written in a hurry. Maybe this was his way of admitting his feelings for her. She tucked the note back into the envelope and placed it in her pocket. If the letter really was from Jesse, she would be sure to write back.
“Miss Evelyn Lancaster.”
The voice from above caught her attention. John Cooper’s low drawl called to her from atop his horse. He had an annoying habit of remaining on his mount, as if trying to make the person he was addressing feel smaller. Or to prevent his prized boots from touching dirt. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes against the sun’s rays.
“What brings you here, John?” Evelyn placed her hands on her hips and squinted at the judge’s son. This was nearly the fifteenth time he’d come by this month.
“Just passing through the neighborhood, that’s all.” John inspected his nails and then looked back at Evelyn. “Thought I might see how you’re getting along since the last time we talked.”
She managed a tight smile for his sake. “We just spoke two days ago. And Breighton’s a bit out of the way from Hamilton. You cannot really ‘pass by it’ without meaning to.”
John threw back his shoulders, his glossy hair catching the light. He was handsome. If she hadn’t already known, Annie would have reminded her till the sun didn’t shine anymore. She gushed about him as all the girls in Breighton did, gossiping about his family wealth and his eloquent words. His cropped black hair and fair skin made him look as close as she had ever seen to a white knight. Riding a horse and wearing boots without a speck of dust only seemed to complete the image.
Evelyn, however, had never been one for fairytales.
“My offer to court you still stands, Miss Lancaster.” John looked around the farm, his hand brushing past the pistol she knew he had tucked away beneath his coat. “I can protect you from anyone who tries to harm you, I’m sure of it. I am a crack shot with a pistol, you must know.”
Oh, she knew. She knew after the fiftieth time he told her; she didn’t need to know again. “I appreciate your offer, Mr. Cooper. But my current answer is still no.”
“I beg you to reconsider.”
“I am always reconsidering.” He came by so often that some of the ranch hands probably believed he was courting her. She sighed. “You know I welcome your presence as a friend any time you want. But I am in no mind to marry right now.”
John sighed. His hand fell from where his pistol lay, ending his play of bravery. The show was over.
“Evelyn, I have no cruel intentions. You know that as plain as anyone. My father likes you. Your father likes me. What, I ask with all due respect, is the problem?”
She had wondered the same question herself. The answer was probably the same as all the other reasons she’d rejected every suitor. Over the years, all the suitors learned to take no for an answer. But not John. He seemed to double his persistence when the others backed out. There was nothing particularly wrong with John, but there was nothing right with him either. He was just another man to her.
“I appreciate you coming by, I really do. Would you like to come inside for a bit?” She gestured to the porch door out of politeness, all the while hoping he’d decline her offer. “Irene made some lemonade this morning.”
“No, I think I am fine out here. Remember my offer, Miss Lancaster.” He grinned at her, flashing the winning smile that sent so many feminine hearts in Hamilton racing. Just not her own. “I shall be back again.”
She couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief as she watched his horse ride away. She and John had gotten along great as acquaintances who knew each other from church—up until he’d decided he wanted to pursue her as a wife. Her attention turned back to the envelope in her pocket. She scanned over it again, each line echoing inside her head as she read it in Jesse’s voice. After the second read, she opened the porch door and went back inside the house.
Once she’d reached her room, she pulled out a small scrap of paper from inside her reticule. Evelyn set the purse down, grabbed a nearby pen, and sat behind the oak desk. She paused after she had spread the note onto the table, unfolding the paper’s creases.
Where would she even start? There was so much she wanted to tell Jesse. Whether or not the letters really came from him, she would have an outlet to express her feelings. If she’d been unable to tell him in the past about how his disappearance to California had affected her, she would be able to tell him now. She dipped her pen into the inkwell and began to write.
Every thought she ever wanted to communicate to him in person, all the regrets she faced after turning him down, she vented in the letter. The emotions she bottled inside her released in a sudden flood of words, rushing out to be expressed through pen and paper.
The blacksmith could wait for a few hours. She had a letter to reply to.
CHAPTER FOUR
Supper was Jesse’s favorite and least favorite time of the day.
As a new, though temporary, partner at his ranch, Mr. Lancaster insisted that if Jesse was going to live in the big house, he would eat there, too. Jesse refused at first, but Evelyn told him Mr. Lancaster had taken one look at the amount of money Jesse decided to invest in Breighton and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Besides, he didn’t have a reason for the refusal. The food inside the house tasted much better than what the ranch hands had.
Afternoon meals were easy enough—whatever the cook made, he’d take in a knapsack and eat on the trail with the other ranch hands. But supper couldn’t be avoided. Mr. Lancaster still wasn’t well enough to leave his bed, so Jesse took his spot at the table.
While the other men ate in the bunkhouse, he dined alone with Evelyn.
The first few dinners had been, at best, awkward, and at worst, terrifying. The last meal he’d shared with her was before she left for the seminary. Instead of picnics ending with promises and steamy lip-locking sessions, now meals were just thick silence and distant memories hanging above their heads.
Yet their old friendship couldn’t stay hidden forever. It took a few weeks for him to no longer go out of his way to avoid her around the ranch, and she to no longer let their conversations lapse into silence. They both had the ranch to talk about, and that topic of discussion brought ease back into their encounters.
“Does Denny slack off? I keep reminding him to put fresh hay in the barn, and he never does. Yesterday he ref
used to milk the cows until I threatened him.” Evelyn regularly asked him how the ranch workers were responding to certain duties or changes in wages.
“He just wants to get out to herding the cattle with the other cowboys, that’s all,” Jesse replied. “I’ll keep an eye on him for you.”
“Thank you.” Evelyn glanced down at her plate. She pushed the carrots and peas to one side of her ceramic plate, and then back to the other side. “I worry that they are not listening to me now that my father is ill. Do they even see me as their boss?”
“They do.” He was always amazed when she admitted her insecurities to him as head of the ranch. Strange, how a woman who seemed so confident could possess so much doubt. “I think they have more trouble listening to me.”
“Why would they? They have every reason to listen to you. You are a partner in this ranch now.”
“I don’t want them to know. I’ve got no more to my name than the rest of them.”
“Now, that is not true.” Evelyn shook her head. “You have managed a hotel, you are an investor in this ranch—”
“Still just a ranch hand. Once a cowboy, always a cowboy.” He threaded his fingers through his hair. “Wouldn’t make a lick of difference to them.”
She pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow. Jesse couldn’t stand seeing her so worried, especially over him. She has enough stress already.
He cleared his throat. “How are the bank payments coming along?”
She beamed. After setting her fork down, she placed both hands on the edge of the table. “Almost paid back, thanks to you.”
Fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits lay forgotten after one glance at Evelyn. There she sat, brazenly wearing trousers like a man, yet she’d tucked one slim leg behind the other like a lady. He smirked.
“What is it?”
“Some things are still so ladylike about you, even while you’re sitting there wearing britches.” He pointed to the evidence.
She shrugged. “Dresses do not hold up well when repairing barns and feeding pigs.”
“I’d reckon not.” Jesse tried not to grin further. “I’d like to see that, you trying to do the day’s chores in a dress.”
“Is that a challenge, Mr. Greenwood?” Evelyn lifted her chin in that cute way of hers, showing off the expanse of creamy skin along her neck. “I have done so before, you know. I doubt you could do the same.”
“I’ve never seen another woman wearing trousers.”
“Sounds like you are avoiding the question. Would you or would you not be able to?” Her full lips curved upward, strawberry-red lips waiting to be kissed.
He swallowed hard and went back to work on his peas. Green peas didn’t taunt him with a glimpse of what he’d never have, unlike Evelyn. “’Course I could.” His tone came out gruffer than intended.
She didn’t seem to notice, though, and leaned only closer toward him. “I sure would like to see you try.” He glanced over at her and blinked as her breasts pushed against the starched material of her shirt. The top buttons of the cotton shirt were undone, and her curves teased him. “I bet you three days of ranch chores that you could not.”
“And what do you lose if I win the bet?” Suddenly he wished he hadn’t asked that. She just seemed to lean further, naïve to how the fabric constrained her bosom. He tried to look away. But the soft flesh called out to him, preventing his eyes from averting.
“You decide.” She laughed, a melodic sound that reminded him of running streams and chirping birds. “I have full faith you can come up with a punishment much more creative than mine.”
Jesse stood up suddenly. “Think I’ll get back to work now.”
“Now?”
“Why not?”
Evelyn looked out the window. The dark dusk showed no cowboys along the horizon. She sounded confused, even startled. “Why would you work now? Everything has been done for today. The sun is nearly down.”
“All the better, then. Need to test how some of the horses react to the new horseshoes.” He ignored her sound of protest as he headed toward the stables.
The girl was going to get the better of him. Evelyn Lancaster didn’t seem to know her effect on him, and he doubted she ever would. The only way he could manage to express himself didn’t involve a conversation. Fear gathered in the pit of his stomach. One wrong move and she’d send him packing from the ranch all over again.
As he neared the first stall, he could see Preston talking to a girl who was leaning against one of the walls, Preston’s arm on one side of her. He looked at first like he was pinning her against her will, but the girl was laughing at something he’d said. Funny, Jesse was pretty sure he recognized that girl—blonde, tall, and—
“Loretta!” He stormed to the side of the barn. After drawing to a halt before the frightened couple, he gritted his teeth. His sister would never stop disobeying him.
His sister’s head turned at the sound of his voice. Her eyes widened and she ducked behind Preston before Jesse reached them. Preston shielded Loretta behind his body, meeting Jesse’s glare with a challenging look.
“Let my sister go.” His voice could cut steel. “She’s engaged to someone else.”
“She don’t want to be! You’re forcing her to do something she doesn’t want.” Preston scowled at Jesse. “You know she wants to be with me. She wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t true.”
“It is true! I love him, Jesse.” Loretta called out from behind Preston’s shoulder and then hid behind him again. Preston’s chest puffed out at Loretta’s affirmation, as if someone just declared him governor of Texas.
He groaned. “Come out this instant.”
“You’re just jealous,” she said. Her voice shook, and he thought he heard her sniffling through tears. “This is just because of Evelyn.”
He set his jaw. “That’s enough.”
“Just because you couldn’t be with the girl you loved doesn’t mean I can’t be with the man I love.”
“I said that’s enough.”
Even Preston seemed to know his girl had gone too far. His wide-eyed glance drifted from the girl behind him to her brother in front. “Hey, baby, you don’t need to bring that up now.”
“No, Preston, I will.” Loretta stepped into view, wiping away the tears streaming down her cheeks. “You’re taking out your past on me. Just because you’re unhappy at losing love in your life doesn’t mean I have to be.”
“I said, that’s enough, Loretta!” His booming shout echoed through the night air. The sound rolled through the far-reaching pastures below them. The setting sun caused darkness to creep over Jesse’s heart as well as his vision. “You are never to speak to Preston again, you hear me? Tonight is the last time you are ever going to see him. Preston, take her back to her house. If you’re not back here in fifteen minutes, I’m taking her with me to California.”
Preston nodded and hurried the sobbing girl away from her brother.
Jesse winced at the sound of her tears. Why couldn’t she see his way? He rubbed a hand over his chin, his fingers grazing the stubble he’d forgotten to shave that morning. His shoulders slumped. He just wanted her to have the best life possible.
His sister’s words echoed inside his head. He wasn’t taking out his situation on her. But Preston would never amount to anything more than a cowboy in his life. Didn’t Loretta want more for herself than being the wife of a ranch hand?
• • •
After dinner, Evelyn hurried back to her room and opened one of her drawers. Inside were the letters. After the first one, the author told her he would leave the letters in a tree knothole by her house. Dutifully, she checked the spot daily for the newest missive. The letters were exchanged daily, sometimes with her putting a letter in the knothole in the morning and already finding one in the evening.
Evelyn’s fingers traced over the ends of her desk. She lifted each letter out from the drawer, her fingertips brushing over the writing of the latest letter.
D
earest love,
It’s harder and harder every day to ignore my feelings for you. I want nothing more than to admit how I feel to you, but you make it difficult for me to express myself without fear of rejection. I shut my eyes and all I can think of is your beautiful green ones, challenging me with that fierce jade gaze of yours, your playful laugh as you find the most random pieces of conversation hilarious, and the hard work etched on the weathered planes of your face. I’d do anything to take away some of that work from you.
The words sent a thrill up her spine. She didn’t just love the romance behind each letter; she loved the honesty. There was something sincere about each note. Unlike all the other suitors she’d had, this one actually admired her personality.
Evelyn pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper.
To the unnamed,
I wish you would tell me who you really are. I admit I have certain suspicions, but I cannot be sure. You asked me to give you a sign of hope, to show at least a sign that there may be a future between us. If you may be the person I dare hope, I have tried to extend as much friendship as I possibly can. What else can I do? I admire you from afar as well. Perhaps we have known each other for so long that we have no idea how to start afresh for ourselves.
Second chances are easier wished for than granted. Maybe, though, there is no need to run from the past. We can embrace what happened together, and deal with the future together as well.
Evelyn pulled open her drawer and removed a small envelope. After placing the note inside, she sealed the letter and headed toward the tree. The fireplace in the parlor cast a soft glow over the house and through the hallway.
The porch was dark, and shadows fell across the wooden slats as she approached the steps. One of the ranch hands had left a lantern on the table next to the oak rocker. After placing the envelope in the familiar knothole, Evelyn picked up the lantern on the porch.
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