“That was a long time ago.” He cleared his throat. He felt at war between inhaling that sweet honeysuckle scent and pushing her away. She’d chosen another man over him. She was off limits, he reminded himself. “We were just kids.”
“At the time we thought we were so grown up.” Her voice sounded thoughtful as she considered the past. Not thoughtful; she sounded dangerous. Remembering the past led to nothing but heartbreak. “Reckon I was a lot poorer and a lot more foolish.”
She spun to face him. The corners of her eyes were soft, as if she didn’t want to be misunderstood. “No, that is not what I mean at all. We just acted like we had nothing to lose. Nothing could get in our way.”
“Don’t know why I acted that way.” He turned his head and clasped his hands over the railing. “It doesn’t matter what you mean. That’s in the past now.”
“It still matters.” He’d never heard a voice more firm and stubborn than Evelyn Lancaster’s. “And why do you call me Evelyn? What happened to calling me ‘Eve’ again?”
He swallowed hard. He hadn’t even dared to use her nickname, afraid of being consumed by the absoluteness of the word. He’d only used it out of affection. He’d only used it when there was a hope of a future together.
“We are friends, Jesse.” Evelyn pressed her hand against his arm. The dreaded word rose once more. He tensed, and then she let go. “Friends confide in each other. I miss talking to you openly. I feel like you are hiding some matter from me.” She paused. “Is there something you wish to tell me?”
He mumbled something under his breath.
“What?” She narrowed her eyes, leaning closer to him to hear what he said.
“Imisswhenyouweremine.” He looked down at the dirt. Had he really just said it out loud?
Evelyn stepped back. Her eyes were wide. Clearly she’d heard him. He steeled himself for her refusal, for her rejection of him again. He’d suffered it once. He thought he could do it again.
“I miss you, too.”
His heart beat fast. Fear gripped his heart at the first sign of hope. Dangerous hope, that’s what it was.
Jesse lifted his head to catch her gaze. She stood there, her hands still draped over the railing, staring right back at him with those soft green orbs of hers, which clean took his breath away.
“I have missed you since I told you we could not be together. That day when I went to the bunkhouse to see you . . .” The corner of her strawberry-red lips quirked upward. “I think I went there so soon after I returned because I was terrified. I worried otherwise I would give in to my own emotions and not have the courage to turn you away.”
It blew him away how much tenderness could exist in Evelyn’s gaze. The feeling inside Jesse was nearly more than he could take. He wanted to spend all his time with this girl. He wanted her by his side forever. The desire terrified him.
She still waited for his reply. “Is there anything else you want to say, Jesse?”
Suddenly irritation flared inside him. She couldn’t keep him in a constant state of confusion. Here she was, grabbing his hand and jawing love confessions, but her actions proved otherwise. She was on the fast track to a marriage with the judge’s son, for Christ’s sake. “Why are you courting that John Cooper fella?”
“He is a good man. I have never met anyone quite so honest.” She blushed. “He asked to court me. You never asked.”
What if I’d asked, his lips itched to say. What if I’d stepped in before he did? But he kept quiet. There was no point in arguing. As far as he knew, Cooper could be as honest as scripture and never told a lie in his life. “Doesn’t seem like enough to agree to court him, if you ask me.”
Evelyn bit her lip. “He is from a good family. The Cooper family has provided a long line of judges to this county for as long as anyone can remember.”
“Rich folks, born and bred.” Jesse’s heart clenched, and his voice came out gruffer than intended. “Never figured you to choose a husband based on social standing.”
She gasped. “I did not!”
“Upper class, one of the Coopers. Oldest family in Hamilton. He’s as blue-blooded as they get.”
“No, I told him he could court me. I chose based on his character . . .”
“You chose based on status.”
“You must be joking!”
“Security. You marry him, then you’ll be one of the Coopers and gain all that social standing, too.” He watched her gulp as his voice grew louder. “But he’s not enough. You wouldn’t be here talking with me if he were enough.”
“I do not know what you are referring to.”
“You’re letting him court you so you can marry and dine with upper-class society, and then you think you can come back to me and forget all about him.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m predicting your future. It’s as you said. You marry someone else, then you just sneak around with me.” Jesse spit at the ground. Women had no right to lead on men they had no intention of marrying. Her behavior wasn’t just offensive; it was harmful.
“I’ll have nothing to do with this.” She stuttered, searching for words. “My life . . . my life has nothing to do with you!”
He grew bolder, closing the distance between them. “If he means so much to you, why do you always approach me, hmm? If you say we just existed in the past, why do you keep holding me back in the present?”
Her brows furrowed. “Holding? Is that what you believe I am doing? Am I holding you back from living your life now?” She gritted her teeth. “I was extending friendship to you, and all you do is either ignore me or fight with me. John would never do that.”
“Admit it. You don’t care a continental for Cooper.”
“I do!”
“All you care about is keeping your line in the upper class.”
“He loves me. He tells me so whenever he comes to the house. He does not insult me.” Her chin lifted upward in that proud way of hers. “Unlike others.”
“Oh, and I insult you?”
“I never said that.”
“You barely know him.”
“I know he has never done anything to disprove his character. His respectable breeding came before him, but he has lived up to it as an honest man.”
He scowled. “You think I don’t know I still belong with the ranch hands?” He reached out to place his hands on the railing, spaced on either side of Evelyn’s head. She stood there, pinned underneath him, as still as a train track. “New money’s never been accepted in this traditional town. It doesn’t matter how much wealth I earned in California. I’ll never reach the social standing of an old family like Cooper’s.”
His breath came out in hard puffs of air. Her honeysuckle scent overwhelmed him now.
She overwhelmed him.
She prodded his chest, her index finger jabbing out her anger against him. “You do not insult Breighton and the entire town of Hamilton. You have no right. Just because someone is from an established family does not mean they discriminate.”
“Reckon you’re lying.” He leaned closer, his lips gravitating toward hers.
“I am not!” She stamped her foot. “I do not discriminate!” But as soon as the words left her mouth, the color drained from her face and all the fire faded out.
“Yes, you did.” He leaned closer still, until a simple turn of his head would have landed her lips on his. “The reason you rejected me the first time was because I wasn’t from your social class.”
Her voice became quiet. “I thought I could pursue a career. But then the ranch needed help, and I thought . . .”
“You thought marrying someone wealthy was your only choice.”
Evelyn nibbled her lower lip. “I . . . I was so young . . . I was not thinking straight,” she managed finally. Her shoulders slumped in a sign of defeat.
He remained silent, his breath mingling with hers as the warm air circulated between their lips. The cold darkness after sunset meant he could see her breath in puffs
of air. The cloud of warm breath mixed with the unspoken words floating between them.
“You say you miss me. You say you made a mistake.” His voice lowered, barely above a whisper.
“I did miss you.”
“But just reckon—just reckon if you could go back to that moment before you ended us, if I’d told you to run away with me to California . . .”
“We cannot repeat the past, Jesse.”
“I’m not asking for a repeat. I’m asking for an answer. Would you have gone with me?”
Silence hung over them like a veil. Her eyes clouded over, making her expression unreadable. Seconds ticked by. With each moment, his anger gave way to acceptance.
Finally, Evelyn tore her eyes away from his and stared down at the laces of her shoes. “I need to go back to the house.” She pushed against him to get out of his hold, and he stepped back, dropping his arms at the unexpected contact.
He watched her run back to the house, as far away from him as she could. Her black high-top shoes pattered against the wooden floorboards of her porch as she hurried away.
He started to walk after her, but paused when he passed by the tree. An envelope lay in the tree’s knothole, but not his own. The letter he’d written to her was gone, replaced by a new one. He swallowed hard. Probably a letter informing her secret admirer that he had to stop writing to her.
He picked it up, nevertheless, and brought it to his room. He paused in the hallway when he passed by her door, dying to knock and talk to her again. He ignored the urge instead, and picked up his pace to reach the end of the hallway.
As soon as he’d entered his room, he tore open the envelope and set the letter down on the desk. He lit a nearby candle, and read the letter.
Dearest,
I must admit, I still love receiving your letters. You are very bad, indeed, for I am already courting a man named John Cooper. You may know him? Tall, well-spoken, extremely persistent. Of course you know him. You cannot argue with the persistence part I added in there. I think even you would find the description accurate. You, my admirer, seem to look past all my flaws, and for that I am grateful. I am grateful you have started writing to me again. How one would ever think of marrying me, I’ll never understand. But I have given you my permission to court me and my permission still stands.
Love,
Evelyn
Jesse furrowed his brow. Permission? She has to be joking, of course.
He dropped the letter on the desk. It didn’t matter. The contents of the letter were as he’d feared. She wanted him to stop writing to her. She’d only penned the letter to inform her admirer that she was in love with John Cooper.
His mind drifted back to the image of her slamming the porch door shut behind her. She’d shut the door on him, as well.
CHAPTER TEN
Annie powdered her nose for the fifteenth time that hour. She scrutinized herself in her vanity, admiring her work. “I swear, the moment Jesse Greenwood walked through that general store door and into my life, I knew it was love.”
Evelyn smoothed out her dress, creasing away the wrinkles. Annie would never stop talking about him. “Do not be too hasty to label your feelings as love.”
Her friend whirled around and clasped her hands below her chin. She could practically see the stars shining in her eyes.
“I know you two used to carry on a relationship, but that was more than seven years ago, Evelyn. It is all right, isn’t it? I know he has not asked to court me for certain, but he did suddenly invite me to the wedding as if emotion had seized his throat and his wonderful lips burst out the words his beating heart was dying to express!” Annie flung her arms out, nearly hitting the vanity mirror and causing Evelyn to flinch.
She thought back to his words from the other night. When he’d cornered her against the corral, pinning her beneath him—
Evelyn flushed, and stamped out the inner yearning she felt inside. “We were together so long ago. I’m with John now. If Jesse spends time with you, it is none of my business anymore.”
But Annie paid no attention to Evelyn’s words. She carried on, preoccupied with her future life. “It’s only a hope that he’ll court me, of course. But I believe he will. No, I know he will!” Annie’s eyes were alight with excitement. “I think he invited me to the wedding today as a precursor of what’s to come.”
“What’s to come?”
“Why, the wedding between Jesse and me, of course! This is a prediction of our own impending marriage.”
The years had changed Evelyn, but not Annie Inglewood. She was just as much of a hopeless romantic as she was at sixteen. “I know we do not usually agree on matters, but you should be practical.”
“But I am a woman in love! How could I possibly be practical?”
Evelyn smiled in spite of herself. “Wedding, hmm? You never spoke of him like this before he left for California.”
“Oh, but haven’t you noticed how incredibly handsome he’s become?” Annie’s lips parted, and Evelyn was afraid she would start drooling. “I always thought he was good-looking, but you were with him at the time.” Annie unclasped her hands to place them on her cheeks. “I will never flirt with him if you want him. Just say the word, and I will drop all feelings for him without so much as a second glance.”
Then it is not love, Evelyn wanted to add. You should not be able to let him go so easily. “I did not know you were soft on him, even then.”
Annie batted her lashes. “I didn’t know either. Maybe that’s the nature of love. It just emerges all of a sudden and takes you by surprise when you least expect it. You think your life is going one way, you think you’re going to settle with someone, and then suddenly love turns your life in a different direction.”
Seeing her friend so happy once more gave her joy, even if the cause didn’t.
Jesse’s words had repeated themselves in her head since he’d said them: Reckon if you could go back, go back to that moment . . .
She’d replayed the scenario like a guitarist who only knew one song. What would she have chosen? Would she have left her home behind?
“Though I must say, I can’t imagine Loretta not being with Preston.” Annie huffed. “The two are inseparable, always have been. If I were her and being forced to marry someone I didn’t love, I’d clean run away!”
“Would you?” She raised a brow in Annie’s direction. “You could give up your family and your friends and your home?”
Annie gave her a condescending look, as if Evelyn was an idiot. When she spoke, however, her voice was gentle, emphasizing each word. “No place can be a home without love.”
There was a sharp rap from the front door. Annie looked into the vanity one last time before opening the door and smiling at the men on the other side. “Why, Mr. Cooper!” Her voice lowered. “And hello, Mr. Greenwood.”
Evelyn rose from the bed, feeling so plain next to Annie. Her friend was decked out in the latest fashion she’d whipped up for herself.
Evelyn nearly stopped at the sight before her. She’d never seen Jesse in a suit before. His white shirt didn’t have a speck of dirt; she’d never seen his clothes without some dust on them. Even his coat looked new, and the fancy dress shoes beneath his dress pants were shined to perfection.
Suddenly she wished more than anything that she had spent more time fixing herself up in front of the vanity mirror.
She felt a hand link with hers. “You look beautiful, Evelyn.” John gave her an appreciative look up and down. She felt more violated than flattered.
“You look lovely, Annie.” Evelyn turned her head at Jesse’s compliment to her best friend. Her jaw clenched. Why should she care what he thought of Annie?
Annie fanned herself with her hand and began batting her lashes as if she was competing with someone for most blinks in a second. “Why, thank you, Jesse Greenwood. You look dashing as well, if I dare say so myself.”
Oh, she dared all right. Evelyn felt the back of her eyes sting as she watched him offer h
is arm to Annie and lead them outside to his buggy. He held out his hand as a balance before she climbed inside, and she placed her palm in his to take a seat. She noticed the smug smile on Annie’s face as she sat inside the buggy.
“Evelyn, is something the matter?” John’s forehead creased as he studied her expression, all the while tugging her forward, out the door and to his own horse and buggy.
She managed a weak smile. “Oh, nothing. Just thinking of the wedding, that is all.” She followed John outside, her arm still wrapped around his. When had Jesse ever offered his hand to her? She’d always been the one reaching for his hand, making an effort to close the distance between them. All Annie had to do was bat her eyes and suddenly he was slipping his arm around her?
The ride to the church was the longest of Evelyn’s life. The entire time, she watched Annie lean her head against Jesse’s shoulder, her arm tucked around his. Evelyn had never seen her so suddenly enamored with a man. None of her previous infatuations had been this strong.
Jesse did nothing to push her off. Her head just rested there, nestled in the crevice between his shoulder and neck. The two looked like a classic couple from a novel, the beautiful romantic redhead and the rough cowboy. A novel that Evelyn had no place in.
She pursed her lips. “Annie’s and Jesse’s behavior is hardly proper. They are not even formally courting.”
John ignored her comment, his hands gripped on the reins. She had dropped her arm from his at this point.
“Out in the open like that,” she continued. She lifted her chin. “They should be ashamed of themselves, really. If Annie’s mother could see her—”
“Why do you care about Annie and Jesse?” John turned to Evelyn again. He tried to pat her hand, but she instead drew her arms tighter against herself. He sighed. “I do not know what is making you upset today. We should enjoy the wedding, should we not? We will be the groom and bride soon enough.”
Evelyn felt fear stir inside her. He hinted too much at marriage. No, they weren’t even hints. He basically declared their marriage as an inevitable occurrence when he hadn’t even properly asked. She swallowed hard. “We should talk about something else.”
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